


Punch Drunk Love

by LeatherandStripes



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-06-16
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:33:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 108,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeatherandStripes/pseuds/LeatherandStripes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is a grave mental disease. -Plato. Past Rodeo Drive and Sunset Boulevard, on the outskirts of LA, he'll find a bar. And in that bar, he'll find a smile. It always starts with a smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**xxx**

A smile.

The simple upward turn of the lips.

It always starts with a smile, whether anyone is aware of it or not.

Before long, there's a laugh. A laugh and a smile. Then a blush.

The blush is what gets you.

And before you know it, you're fucked.

Because love is a tricky beast.

Love likes to bash you over the head with a tire iron when you least expect it. Love wants nothing more than to pistol whip you into oblivion and leave you bleeding in the gutter, wanting more.

Because love is a sick, twisted bitch.

And you wouldn't have her any other way.

Fuck love.

But it always starts with a smile.

**xxx**


	2. Mr. Spy and Mr. Trouble

**xxx**

It was another slow night. Several regulars sat along the bar, chatting about nothing at all interesting. At least, not to Mello.

The blond washed the same glass for the fifth time, leaning back against the counter. He checked the clock on the wall, a frown spreading across this face. Several hours to go, and he was already over it. He sighed, rolling the cuffs of his black dress shirt up to his elbows.

And then it happened.

Slamming the door open, a red haired man stepped through the threshold, his jacket soaked through all the way to the plain black shirt underneath. He wore strikingly bright orange lensed goggles over his eyes, but he removed them the moment he walked in, dropping them to hang around his neck.

It was clear the young man wasn't in a chatting mood, his face scrunched in a very unpleasant expression. He strolled toward the bar, not even giving the bartender a second glance. His voice was low yet carried a strong urge behind the tone. "Rum and coke."

Mello turned to the man, quirking an eyebrow. "Rough night?" He poured the drink, sliding it across the counter to the other. "No offense, but you look like shit."

Green eyes narrowed toward the blond bartender, resentment and anguish shining behind them. Instead of answering, the boy lifted the glass and took a long drink from it. Reaching inside of his pocket, he pulled out a crushed phone and let it fall onto the bar. A small sneer erupted from his lips, "Do I really? Well," he paused, "you should see the other guy."

"Is he in the same condition?" the blond nodded toward the phone on the counter. "You don't seem like a big fighter."

The redhead took another drink from his glass, placing it gently back on the bar, half finished. "I'm not, that's why he didn't realize I was about to tackle him into the river." He laughed; it was dry and full of pain. "Surprised myself, too."

The blond eyebrow quirked again. "And how, exactly, did that happen?"

Sitting back a little, he shifted his jacket off, placing it on a nearby chair. It dripped a little, and he made a mental note to get some napkins later. Resting on an elbow, he traced a sad circle around the rim of the glass. "Bastard slept with my girlfriend, then she called me to get a ride home. I, being a trusting boyfriend, thought she was simply there to study for an exam. However, they didn't realize how close to the library I was." A bitter laugh left his lips, "They didn't even have time to pull his dick out of her mouth before I walked in."

He ran a hand through his wet hair before finishing, "She followed me down the road, and when the asshole opened his mouth to call me a pussy for not fighting him, well..." teeth flashed as he looked up at the bartender, "he didn't realize I had lead him straight into a situation where I'd have the upper hand. I turned on him before he could move, and tackled him over the railing, down the hill, and into the river."

He laughed again, taking the last bit of liquid between his lips. It wasn't refreshing in the least bit, but he needed it. "Once we hit the water, I shifted out of reach and kicked him in the jaw. The asshole left me alone, and I walked off with my ex screaming at how crazy I was." Another brief pause. "I don't think logic is crazy."

A small smirk spread across the blond's lips. "I agree with you there. Nothing wrong with shifting circumstances so that you're in a position to win," he poured another drink. "I can appreciate that. Just," he glanced over the man's soaking clothes, "make sure you take a shower as soon as possible. The river's filthy. Staph infections are terrible."

It was as if the redhead hadn't calculated that factor, his face distorting into disgust. "Oh crap.. you're right." He let his forehead hit the bar, "Just what I need, to have my butt cut off because of that bitch."

Mello paused, watching the other. He let a small laugh echo in the back of his throat, shaking his head. "How far away do you live?"

A muttered sound lifted from the bar, it wasn't very loud at first, but then the boy repeated himself. "I actually live outside town, so not far." He sat up and reached in to his pocket, pulling out a wet wallet and giving the blond a cheeky grin, though not entirely a happy one.

"Do you take debit? All of my money's wet, and I should really go home and shower."

The smirk widened. "Yeah, we take debit, credit, cash, you name it," Mello shrugged, running a hand towel along the counter. "Debit, huh? Poor college student?"

"Close enough to one, but alas, just a cubical jockey." He reached into his wallet and handed the blond his card. "My name's Matt, by the way. The card says Mail, but no one calls me that."

"Mail, huh?" he looked at the card, swiping it on the register. "I think Matt suits you. I'm Mello." The blond handed the card back with a receipt, still curious about the other. "I really could have pegged you for a college student. Maybe an ICS major or something, who knows."

"Does it?" Matt asked, taking his card back. "Mello's a pretty unusual name, I don't think I've heard it around anywhere. A nickname?" It would have been rude of him to simply ask that, so he decided to offer a little more information on himself. Why leave questions unanswered? Not like he'd see this man again.

"Nope, never actually went to college. I was scouted straight out of high school. Guess my skills are special or something."

"It's a nickname, yeah." The blond leaned forward on the counter, "Skills, huh? What are you, exactly?"

On a normal day, Matt would have been more playful, more comical, but today he wasn't feeling too great. He tried to muster an ounce of civility; this bartender named Mello had listened to his story after all. He cracked a smile, "I'm James Bond."

"A spy? Interesting," he laughed. "Maybe you should steer clear of me, though."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"And why is that?"

A sly grin spread across Mello's lips, "I'm trouble."

Stepping back from his seat, Matt placed his wallet back in his wet pocket, both hands up turned. "That would be my note to leave. Thank you for the drink, Mr. Trouble."

"And thank you, Mr. Spy," Mello's lips quirked up at the corners. "You can get home okay, right?"

He thought about it for a moment before offering a salute to the blond. "I'll be alright, no worries." With that, he took a turn and headed for the door.

The blond smiled then, shaking his head and picking the glass up from the counter top.

The spy would return.

**xxx**


	3. Here to Save the Day

**xxx**

A few weeks had passed since Matt had found his way into the lone pub on the corner, hidden away from most places of the city. Though he drove past it several times on his way to work, he hadn't taken the time to visit again.

But today was different. He didn't drive by this time. Instead, he parked and pushed the black door open. He absently wondered if the effeminate bartender (What was his name? Mello?) was working or not. Would he even remember the redhead? Did it matter? The office worker found himself anxious for no reason, looking around the half empty bar. He sat down, his tie loose around his neck, his suit a stark change from the last time he had walked in, glasses perched on his nose.

"You very much look like a corporate lackie," Mello laughed, catching sight of the redhead as he walked from the back room. "Nice glasses."

Matt wrinkled his nose briefly, sitting at the bar. It wasn't hard to recognize he was actually relieved that Mello remembered who he was. Puffing his chest a bit, he smiled, "Che. I'm a spy, I have to look spiffy." Adjusting his glasses, which were slipping down his nose just slightly, he continued. "I'm more like Clark Kent with my specs on."

"You hardly seem like a superman, but," he shrugged, smiling, "perhaps that's for the best. Otherwise evil guys will be all over your ass."

The redhead feigned a hurt look, gasping under his breath. "Well then, I know who I won't be saving next time Lex Luther tries to take over the world." He laughed before looking around, "Um, rum and coke? You guys don't seem very busy, is that normal?"

"We have a dedicated clientele, I suppose," Mello prepared the drink, expression bored. "Some nights are more...chaotic than others."

"Chaotic? Like bar fights?"

"Sometimes."

Leaning on his elbow, Matt placed his cheek in his palm. "Do you have to break it up?"

A smirk spread across Mello's lips, "Sometimes."

"You like that word, huh?" Quickly though, his eyes widened, "You don't seem like you could, yanno, break some big guys up."

"And why do you say that?" he set the drink on the counter.

He made a few faces in an attempt to formulate the right words to use. Instead, he used his drink as a sort of Twix commercial moment. Then he shrugged.

The smirk turned into a sly grin. "So, Matt, what brings you here tonight? Other than to insinuate that I'm small and incapable of fucking someone up."

Another Twix moment was severally needed, but it seemed that in his rush to shove something in his mouth to quiet himself, he was out of drink. Matt paused, looking back up at the blond with a sheepish smile. "I didn't have anything better to do."

"So, in other words, you came to ogle me."

"Wow," Matt gasped, "you're not conceited at all!" A grin spreading back over his face.

"Nope, I'm incredibly modest. I'm glad you could tell," he shook his head, nodding to the empty glass. "You seem to be lacking liquid there."

"I agree, I should order another with the incredibly modest bartender. But," He looked around, hand to his forehead, "I can't seem to find one!"

"Good Lord, Matt, how on Earth did you get so _hilarious_?" the blond laughed, "Well, then I guess you don't get anything, now do you."

His lip pushed out in what could have only been a pout, "I thought it was funny. Can I please get another?"

Mello paused, eyes narrowing. "I guess. Since you said please."

"Score." Matt straightened back up, his mood improving drastically,

Passing the redhead the drink, Mello shook his head, laughing softly. "You're ruining my image, Matt."

"Am I?" Matt looked around the bar and motioned Mello to come closer. He put his hand to his mouth and whispered, "Between you and me…I don't think anyone's paying attention."

"You'd be surprised," a smile spread across his lips. "The walls have ears and all that."

"What? Are we bugged?" The redhead asked as he grabbed his drink and took a sip. "Not like I have anything to hide, just that I'm Superman." He made an 'oops' face at that, "Shit, there goes my alter ego."

"Again, hilarious," Mello glanced down the bar at a man with his hand up. Holding up a finger to Matt, the blond walked to the man, the two speaking quietly while he prepared the drink.

His eyes drifted off toward the TV on the wall, watching whatever random sport they had on. He drank his rum and coke and checked his text messages. A few of his friends were asking if he wanted to go out, and he gently turned them down. "I'm already out," he muttered, not wanting to spend time with more people. God, he really was becoming anti-social.

In a minute, Mello returned to the redhead, tucking a small piece of paper into his back pocket. "Miss me?"

"And how," Matt replied in a cheeky manner, putting his phone away. He eyed the paper with a grin, "A tip, or a number?"

A blond eyebrow quirked upward, "What do you think?"

A mirrored eyebrow quirked as he looked at the bloke at the end of the bar. He measured him up for a moment before laughing, "Number."

A smirk split Mello's face, "If you want to think that, alright. Go ahead."

"You won't call though." Matt added, "I bet you'll throw it away as soon as he isn't looking."

He watched the redhead carefully, shaking his head and pouring a shot. "You think you have me pegged."

"Not at all, Mello. Not at all." He waved a finger before taking another drink, "But I know your type, I've dated far too many girls just like you to not know your type."

After a short pause, Mello replied, "So I'm a girl now?"

"No, but men and women aren't so different. Everyone has a type, everyone IS a type. You just so happen to be the type I know best."

"Bitches?"

"Ding, ding!"

"And, let me guess, they keep breaking your little heart because you're a sweet guy who lets them walk all over you because you think that maybe," Mello leaned forward on the bar, "just maybe, if you're sweet enough you'll melt that vicious ice queen heart and save the beautiful princess she really is from vial men who want them for nothing other than their bodies." The smirk reappeared, "Am I in the ballpark?"

"You're so off, Mello." Matt grinned broadly and leaned in closer to the blond, very close. "I just like bitches."

The smirk morphed into a grin, "Of course you do. Well, as a word of warning, you should keep your distance. You might just fall for me."

"Ha, trouble with that, seeing as I don't swing that way." He offered a wink toward the blond before drinking more of his coke. "So I think you're rather safe, none of my saving the princess shenanigans for you to have to deal with."

"Pity," Mello shrugged, walking down the bar to another customer, "I'm the biggest bitch of all."

"Oooohh tempting." He laughed loudly shaking his head, his red hair shifting in different directions. "You're such a temptress, I bet you say that to all the men!"

"Oh, baby, I say it to everyone," he handed the customer his drink, walking back toward the ginger, "And they fucking love it."

"Oh you're a feisty one." For once, Matt realized, he was actually having a pretty fun conversation with someone. He didn't bore of their topics and wander off to play a game or do something more interesting. Someone was actually holding his interest.

"You must get so many tips."

"Depends on the night. Speaking of which," Mello leaned forward on the bar, holding out his hand to Matt.

"Cheeky." Matt pulled out some cash and handed it to the blond.

"Thank you very much, Matt. I greatly appreciate your patronage," he smirked, passing Matt the shot he had poured earlier.

"Oh, for me? How special, I feel like a regular already." He winked at the blond and took the shot.

"You should come back. We have cheaper booze than most places in town."

"What, would you miss my conversation if I didn't come back?" A little laugh left his lips as a text message popped up on his phone. "Because if you answer yes, I just might come back again, lie or not."

"I'd be lying if I didn't say yes. As you've so critically observed, we are not always extremely busy," Mello stretched, tucking his hands into his back pockets, "and I don't exactly have a shit-ton to do when we're not busy."

"I'm flattered. I've become a shit-ton to do." He stood then, placing the rest of his money on the bar to pay for his drinks. "I hate to drink and leave, but that was work. They need me."

"Run along, Matty. Lois needs to be saved."

He paused for a moment, looking up at the blond from his phone. His head tilted slightly, "I like that. You have full permission to call me that if you want to." A smile spread across his face; he'd never been called by a nickname on top of a nickname before.

A mirrored smile tugged at Mello's lips. "Will do."

At that the redhead took his leave, pausing briefly to give the blond a little wave before exiting the bar.

Mello smiled, sliding a hand into his pocket and fishing out the small slip of paper. He nodded to the man at the end of the bar, getting a nod in return, before he slipped into the back room, locking the door behind him.

**xxx**


	4. Two Weeks Notice

**xxx**

Mello leaned gently against the brick wall outside the back door. He brought a bar of chocolate to his lips, snapping off a piece and rolling the sweet across his tongue. Glancing at his phone, he made an annoyed noise, seeing the time. The blond stowed the bar in his jacket pocket, eyes dropping to his hand. He flexed it, wincing slightly and stretching out his fingers. At least the swelling had gone done.

When Mello eventually found himself back inside the bar, he noticed a difference in the number of patrons. A lump, so to speak, lay cross-armed, head on top, at the bar. The head was covered in a bright red mop of hair, a pair of orange goggles sitting on top.

It was one of those days. It had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Not more than two months after his first visit to the bar, and so much had changed. A new girl entered Matt's life, and already he was thrown asunder.

In short, he needed a laugh and a drink.

"You really should consider something we call a shower," Mello chimed, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on a small hook on the back wall. "You look like shit."

"I feel like shit." Matt groaned, recognizing the voice instantly. He glanced up at the blond from his position, puppy dog green eyes wide and full of the same emotion Mello had most likely gotten used to seeing. "I met another girl."

"Didn't you just break up with that other one like two weeks ago or something?"

"That is the miserable problem!" He let his head drop on to the bar again, "Can I order a drink?" Matt asked before continuing, "She's…God, she's hot. She's hot and sassy and God, I shouldn't be moving on so fast."

"How fast are you talking?"

"Two weeks."

"Yes, I know that, but I mean are you and her an item, have you even spoken to her?"

"We've done a lot more than speaking." Matt muffled between his arms.

Mello paused, shaking his head and setting the other's drink in front of him, "And how long have you known her?"

"Three days."

"And how long have you been fucking her?"

"Two days"

A somewhat strangled, disapproving sound escaped Mello's mouth. He sighed before turning to the redhead, "Hey Matt, come here," he gestured him closer.

The redhead glanced up and moved closer, "Yeah?" Was he going to impart knowledge of the universe on him?

"A little closer."

Matt obliged, moving closer.

And Mello slapped him across the face, then pointed at his nose, "This is why you're getting fucked with. If you didn't amuse me so much, I wouldn't give a shit, but for the sake of your sanity and mine, learn to keep it in your pants!"

Matt put his hand to his cheek. "You hit me!" He didn't seem hurt so much as surprised. Hanging his head a little he shrugged, "I can't help it. I love forceful blonds."

And Mello slapped the other side of Matt's face, "No! Good Lord, Matt, don't pull that shit! I don't care what excuse you have, don't shove your dick in every bitch with blond hair!"

Then Matt gave the blond his very best puppy dog pout.

"That face might work on other people, but it's not gonna work on me. Christ," Mello looked away, massaging the bridge of his nose, "just...Matt, if you don't want to get fucked with, stop fucking the people who fuck you over."

"Uh, see that's the conundrum now isn't it? I can't date normal people! God, just talking to a normal person bores the shit out of me to the point that I rather lick a light socket than talk to them."

"I'm the same way, and you don't see me crying in the back every night, cradling a bottle of vodka!"

"Well you would be if you were me, seriously. I love it for a while, then the thrill wears off and I get bored with the situation, and she breaks up with me. Sometimes, she breaks up with me BEFORE I get bored. I only have myself to blame, really." He sighed, "I keep thinking maybe the next one won't be so bad and she'll keep my attention, and not suck my best friend off in the bathroom of Costco."

"Matt, if I wouldn't get fired, I'd take you out back and beat the shit out of you right now."

Matt frowned a little before taking another sip, "Sorry, I'm complicated."

"There's nothing wrong with being complicated, but there is something wrong with being a complete dumbass and letting bitches walk all over you," the blond frowned.

"But I'm not attracted to normal girls," he muttered, "they bore me."

A sigh left Mello's lips, "But exciting girls don't have to be bitches. Or..." he paused, furrowing his eyebrows, "blond, for that matter."

"I don't know. I've tried dating other girls, but I get so bored or distracted by some new game, and we don't work out."

"And maybe this one will?"

"Maybe. It's always worth a try, right?"

He shrugged, "I don't see why not. Just make sure she doesn't eat your heart like everyone else."

"I'll try to put my heart in a cage."

"Good boy," Mello poured a shot, sliding it carefully to Matt, "So, how'd you meet her?"

Downing the shot in one clean drink, the redhead smirked sideways. "A party."

"Oh, classy."

"An office party, smart ass."

"My my my, does she wear pantyhose and everything?" Mello grinned with mock excitement.

He glanced up at the blond, his eyebrow quirking. "And heels, ooooh la la!"

"And puts out pretty quickly, apparently. What a catch."

"Hey, don't act like you don't like to get laid."

"Not after a day of knowing someone."

"...Are you sure you're male?"

Crystal blue eyes narrowed. "Again, should I take you out back?"

"Oh baby, don't talk dirty." Matt joked, putting his hands up as if apologizing.

"Why, does it turn you on?" A sly grin spread over Mello's face.

Matt gave the blond a strange look before shaking his head, "You wish."

"Do I?"

"No, dude. You're missing a vagina."

"Again, classy," Mello laughed a little. "But seriously...not after one day. Trust issues."

"I never said I trust her."

"I meant me. But you're a different breed of man."

"Why do you have trust issues, if you don't mind me asking?"

Mello paused for a moment, "I suppose I'm paranoid. I'm not exactly in a trusting line of work. It's always better to be..." he paused again, as if searching for the word, "distant."

"Like you are with me?" Matt joked, offering a smile.

A small smile appeared, "Yup."

"I was being sarcastic."

"Yes, I realize that, Matt."

"So, Mello, why would a bartender need to be distant?"

Mello's fingers tapped on the counter for a moment, the smile growing, "You know, lots of different customers. It's best to stay impartial."

Matt had a witty retort to toss at Mello, but he was cut off by his phone. Glancing at his text message, he shifted to pull money out and pay Mello. "Duty calls."

"Do you like it?"

"What?"

"Your job."

"My duties? Sure, nothing like a good paying job to pay for things with." The tone he used insinuated that Matt, in fact, did not like his job.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Mello scooped up the cash from the countertop and nodded to the redhead, "Run along then, Clark."

"To save the day!" He smiled, heading for the door. He held up his hand in a short wave, "'Til later."

"Bye," the blond waved. Realizing his hand was still in the air after Matt had walked out the door, Mello dropped it instantly, frowning and grabbing his jacket off the hook.

"Aw, don't worry Mello, I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow," a man sitting down the bar laughed, holding up his glass as if to toast to the blond.

"Shut the fuck up, Ratt," Mello glared over his shoulder as he pushed open the back door, returning to his wall in the alley.

**xxx**


	5. Friday Night Lights

**xxx**

It was Friday, and Friday in Matt world meant two things: his paycheck and pizza. Normally, Friday would consist of two B-rated horror movies from Blockbuster, a medium, thin crust Philly cheesesteak pizza from Domino's, and his TV. It was a lonely act, but one he'd grown accustom to. It was more a ritual than habit at this point, one he normally did not share with others. However, as he passed the oh-so familiar bar on his way to the movie store, an idea formed in his mind.

Maybe he would invite Mello to join in his ritual, perhaps something to help their almost friendship grow? Though, he wasn't sure the blond would go for meeting at his messy apartment. They had never seen each other outside of the safety of his workplace, and the sight of Matt's apartment might be a bit much for a first encounter outside of the bar. Thus, the redhead relied on the notion that perhaps the bar had a DVD player, and perhaps Mello liked horror movies and pizza.

It was early, earlier than Matt had ever showed up at the bar. He wasn't even sure they were open. Though he wagered everything on the idea Mello was inside as he knocked, pizza and movies in the opposite hand.

"Knock, knock, special delivery." He joked loudly, wondering if this was a good idea or not.

The sound of several locks sounded from behind the door before it creaked open, a blue eye peering through the small crack that the still-chained door allowed. "Who's there?" There was a slight pause, then the eye squinted. "Matt?"

"No, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die," the gamer's grin widened more as he flashed his teeth at the blond. "All joking aside, I come baring gifts of Frankincense and Mir," while he was talking he held up both the pizza and movies. "Are you busy?"

The door shut for a moment as the blond unchained it. He opened it then, revealing a very amused and confused Mello. "How many different references from completely unrelated things are you going to make today?" Mello smirked, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms over his bare chest, a red-beaded rosary hanging around his neck, "So what brings you here so early? We don't open for about four hours, you know."

It took the shorter man a moment to remember what it was he was going to say, what with this being the first occurrence he could remember of seeing the blond without a shirt on. Now, Matt was not the fashion police, hell, he was wearing a long black shirt with a red shirt over top with one of the Pac Man ghosts on it that read 'Eat me'. But something about it caught him off guard, so he chose to mention it.

"Normally run around work with no shirt on?" He inquired before remembering exactly what it was he was going to say. "I might make at least ten more before the day is over, but the point of me being here was to share the feast and movies with you. If you're, you know, into B horror movies and pizza." He made a puppy eyed look, "You are, right?"

"I am, very much, actually," he laughed again, standing aside so Matt could enter the room, "And I'm crashing in the loft upstairs. I'm having a problem with my apartment, so Rod's letting me stay here."

"Rod, is that the name of your boss?" He asked, walking in past him and turning to walk backwards, so not to take his eyes off his new friend. "My boss would tell me to rent a motel and stop bitching."

"Yeah, he owns the bar. Sort of took me in a while ago, and I've done a few favors for him here and there so it's no big deal," Mello closed the door, engaging the numerous locks and gesturing Matt to following him through a door at the back wall. "Plus, then I have no excuse to not be at work. It's a pain in the ass."

Matt laughed, a small smile plastered on his lips. He allowed his eyes to wander just a bit, curiosity taking over as he spotted what looked like a knife wound, a burn mark, and a …was that a gunshot wound? "So, bar tending's a pretty dangerous line of work, is it?"

"Not really. Just the occasional bar fight or drunken guy following you home to deal with," the blond started up the narrow flight up steps to the loft, "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know could be the fact that you bear a striking resemblance to a voodoo doll I saw in this one movie." He paused, "The girl really didn't like the guy." Snickering under his breath, he followed Mello up the stairs.

Yup, defiantly a gunshot wound. There was an exit wound on his back and everything.

"You know, Matt, the first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club," Mello turned to look at the other, eyes narrowing.

The redhead stopped in his tracks, "Now who's making movie references?" He then narrowed his eyes, mirroring the blond. "His name is Robert Paulson."

"Maybe after the movie, we can make soap," the blond smiled, continuing up the steps and pushing open the door to the small loft. "Well, here it is."

Matt peered over the other man's shoulder making a low whistle sound, "Looks cozy. Where should I put this?" He gestured to the pizza as he stepped in, taking his shoes off.

"You can just put it on the coffee table," Mello called over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I don't exactly have company up here, so pardon the mess or complete lack of space. Want anything to drink?"

"I feel so special." Matt joked, putting the pizza down and slumping on to Mello's couch. He glanced back into the kitchen and nodded, "Sure, I'll drink just about anything."

Holding up the two movies, he asked the most important question of all, "Zombies or Freddie Kruger?"

"Does that mean soda or something harder?" he chuckled, rummaging through the fridge. "I have water, Mountain Dew, beer, Coke, ice tea, vodka in the freezer…and zombies."

"Vodka in the freezer? What are you, Russian?" Matt pondered this for a moment and opted for a regular soda, "Mountain Dew please, and zombies it is. You and me, we're on the same wave length!" He jumped up and headed toward the TV, looking around for a moment he found the DVD player was built into said TV. With that accomplished, he plopped back down and glanced around for the remote.

"I rented Dawn of the Dead, hope that's cool with you. If not, feel free to hide like a pansy."

"That's fine. Fast zombies provide better entertainment," handing Matt the soda can, Mello settled down on the couch. He tapped his tumbler to Matt's soda in cheers, "And I am Russian."

An eyebrow quirked at his statement, "Really, well I'm British, look we're learning new things about each other." He laughed as the glass and can tapped each other. "And I thoroughly agree about the zombies. Nothing's better than a fast zombie chasing a fat guy." He tilted his glasses down with a serious look, "Nothing."

"Ah, yes. The age old struggle of survival of the fittest played out with fat guys and zombies," a grin spread across Mello's face. "And I guess we are. From England?"

"Indeed. From the Motherland?"

"Of course. But, Matt, I'm afraid you lack an accent."

"And you don't?"

"Touché."

"Well," Matt rubbed his hands together, "that's enough learning today. ON TO THE CARNAGE!" With that, Matt turned on the DVD and settled back. He curled his legs under himself and held a pillow on his lap, leaning against the side of the sofa.

The pizza slowly disappeared as glorious sounds of bloodshed boomed out of the television, Matt sinking progressively further into the couch, and Mello trying not to laugh as the redhead cowered behind his pillow. For someone who enjoyed zombies so damn much, Matt sure was being a pansy ass and jumping every five seconds. The blond turned his attention back to the TV, smirking at the small yelp Matt emitted. How cute.

Mello's eyes widened at the thought, nails digging into the palm of his hand. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. No, it was just an observation; it had nothing to do with Matt. It was just something he'd noticed. That was it.

Shit.

Matt barely realized anyone else was even in the room, let alone the change in Mello's expression. He was too busy trying to find his mouth without taking his eyes off the TV, pizza dangling at a weird angle. Right as he finally reached his lips, grease and cheese ready for consumption, something darted out from the shadows on the TV, promptly scaring the preverbal shit out of the redhead.

"Ah, shit!" Matt grumbled, pizza on his face and chin. He tried to pull the cheese off, putting in his mouth as he licked at the sauce he wiped off his face with his fingers. Sucking on one of his fingers he tried to yell at the random girl on the screen to move, but of course, it came out jumbled.

She didn't listen.

They never listened.

Good Lord, Matt needed to stop that. If he knew what was good for him, he should really stop licking his fingers. He was cute. Fine, Mello could handle Matt being cute. There were tons of cute people, and noticing that someone was cute certainly didn't mean that you were in love with them. But fuck, Matt really needed to stop licking at his fingers, carefully sliding his tongue over each digit and sucking them into his mouth. Mello chewed on his bottom lip.

Shit.

He stood up carefully, slipping into the kitchen and opening the fridge. He was just deprived, and it'd been a while. Christ, it'd been a long while. But this was Matt. He barely knew Matt. He'd never actually encountered the man outside of the bar and was just starting to establish some semblance of friendship. As much as Mello didn't want to admit it, he enjoyed the idea of keeping Matt as a friend.

This was just a simple case of lust. It wasn't even lust. It was just…something. But it certainly wasn't anything serious. Just a nagging feeling in the pit of Mello's stomach that forced him to look away from Matt's tongue slipping slowly along each of his fingers and over the back of his hand.

Sweet Jesus, he needed to get laid.

Mello grabbed a bar of chocolate from the refrigerator and snapped off a piece before returning to the couch. He curled up in his corner, keeping his eyes on the screen and trying to ignore the small whimpers coming from the redhead.

Unfortunately, Matt did not stop. In fact, he continued his pizza sauce molestation through the remainder of the movie and through the next, getting sauce all over himself whenever a particularly frightening moment occurred.

As the night went on, Mello had his crucifix firmly (and possibly permanently) indented on his palm.

When all was said and done, both movies finished, pizza long gone, Matt stood up. "Well, I suppose you've got work, I'll get out of your hair." He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "And, uh, sorry I'm such a baby. Normally watch these movies alone and refuse to subject people to it, but it just seemed like a fun idea." He offered Mello an honest glance before heading toward the door with his DVDs, "I mean, I had fun."

"I did too," Mello smirked, "and, hey, no one's perfect. Who would have thought your only flaw was that you're a wimp during horror movies. Your secret's safe with me."

"Here I thought my flaw was being attracted to she-demons! Ha!"

"Nah, they just give you character."

"You're far too kind." Matt waved off the compliment before opening the door. "I know you have to get ready for work and what-not, so I'll let myself out." He paused, "We should hang out some other time, if you want to. It was cool." With that he shot him another grin and headed down the stairs.

"Yeah, totally," Mello walked out to the top of the stairs, watching Matt carefully. He let out a long sigh, gripping at the banister, "Hey, Matt?"

Matt stopped, "Yeah?"

"Gimme a call if you want to hang out or something. I'm almost always here, so…" Mello smiled, his brain screaming at him to shut up.

A smile so bright the entire hallway lit up appeared on Matt's features. "Awesome!" Pulling out his cell phone he typed in the name 'Mello' before speaking. "Can I get your number?"

Matt entered the digits as he told him, the blond casually tucking a hand into his pocket as he watched. "Just send me a text and I'll have yours."

"Okay, I will!" the redhead waved as he unlocked the door and slipped outside, leaving Mello alone at the top of the stairs.

"Shit," he mumbled, retrieving his phone from his pocket and checking the time. He had over an hour before work. Easily enough time.

Numbly scrolling through his contacts, Mello sighed deeply, selecting a number from the list and holding the device to his head.

"Hey, Claudia," he closed the door of his loft, sliding the deadbolt into place and leaning back against the cool wood. "Are you busy?" Mello paused to listen, smiling, "Yeah, I've got some time before work, if you're interested. How fast can you get over here?"

God, he was sick.

"I know I haven't called in a while…hm? Yeah. Something like that," he hit his head back against the door, voice coming out much snappier than he had anticipated, "Can you come or not?" After a moment, he nodded to himself, "Alright, call me when you're outside."

Hanging up the phone, he groaned, sliding down the door. Dear Lord, he was desperate. If that stupid redhead hadn't-

Mello's thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating to life, a text message appearing on his screen. He didn't recognize the number. Matt. It had to be Matt. Opening the message, he held back a laugh, throwing the phone onto the couch and heading into his bedroom.

_"The force is strong with this one, lol."_

**xxx**


	6. Tea with Erika

**xxx  
**

Rolling up his sleeves, Mello saw the door swing open. As he looked up, his eyes narrowed slightly, trying exactly to comprehend how such an unfitting woman would stumble into this particular bar.

A handkerchief covered the young blond woman's hair, her eyes blocked by giant Gucci sunglasses. She was long, slender, and looked as if she belonged on Park Avenue, not in Mello's bar. Her bedazzled nails glittered against the low lighting, her heels clinking loudly against the floor as she closed the door.

She instantly reached into her over sized Coach bag, pulling out hand sanitizer. If anyone had looked at that moment, they might have sworn a rat jumped into her bag. The woman cooed at the rat, making it clear it was, in fact, a small dog. Her puffy pink lips shushed the pooch as she walked toward the bar, a cloud of what could be perfume drifting with her.

Placing the bag down, she slid her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose and addressed Mello by snapping her fingers. "Server, yes. You. I need some information about a boyfriend snatching hoe-bag. I hear this is her favorite dump to slum in." She pressed one of her finely manicured fingernails over her temple. "I'm going to bitch slap that blond brat into the next century."

It took Mello a moment to formulate a coherent reply that didn't include the words 'go fuck yourself'. "Excuse me, but could you repeat that with a little less bitch?"

The woman allowed a slight moment of confusion to pass over her perfect features before she snapped back. "It's your job to do two things, sir," she raised her hand and counted on her fingers dramatically. "Serve me drinks, and answer my questions. Anything else is simply uncalled for. Do your job and watch your mouth before I report you to your boss." She looked for his name tag or…whatever the lower class had to identify themselves, "Whatever your name is."

Oh Good Lord, what a bitch. "I hate to inform you that I am entitled to refused service to any customer," the blond cocked his head to the side, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "So, as your humble servant, I suggest that either you change your tone so that I may help you, or you better get the fuck out of my bar."

Again, the blond looked confused for a split second before she smiled. Her perfect white teeth almost looked fake as she started to laugh. "I like you," she chirped before sitting at the stool. "Maybe I started off wrong," her voice seemed to change, now taking on a smooth tone. "My name is Erika, and I'm trying to find the blond bimbo that's been fooling around with my man." She sighed dramatically, waving herself with her hand, "I don't blame him. Men are so easy, you know? Anything pretty enough can distract them."

As much as her sudden change in demeanor startled him, Mello replied somewhat courteously, even through an odd, foreboding pang in his stomach, "And so you came here in search of answers as to who this blond is. How do you even know she's stealing your boyfriend?"

"Oh darling, how does any woman know? The distracted conversations, being out every night, blond hair on his clothes! Not only that, but he's actually mentioned her a few times," she looked scandalized as she tapped her nails on the counter. "He mentioned meeting the bitch RIGHT here!"

Blond eyebrows furrowed underneath equally blond bangs. The pang returned. "Who is your boyfriend? If he's a regular here, I might have a way to help you, or I might be able to tell you who I've seen him with."

Erika brushed wisps of blond hair out of her bright blue eyes, her angled face shifted closer, her hand cupped the side of her face as she spoke low. "He's 5'9, shaggy reddish brown hair, boyishly handsome, perhaps still in his work clothes. He tells a lot of geeky jokes that just go right over my head." She muttered before sitting back, "But God, for a geek, my Matty sure knows what he's doing in bed." She giggled slightly before her bitch face came back. "I'm going to claw that biotch's eyes out. No one steals T-Erika's man, I don't wear tiara's for nothing. I'm the Queen of bitches, and no low class, box-blond is touching my man!" When she mentioned a tiara, Erika had motioned to under her handkerchief; a tiny diamond encrusted tiara sat on top of a nest of blond hair.

Sweet Jesus, she was not serious. "Fuck, Matt," Mello mumbled under his breath before killing the laugh that was threatening to escape his throat. "Matt is your boyfriend."

Erika seemed overjoyed that the blond bartender knew which person she had referred to. "Oh yes, Matty. His real name is Mail, but that's _way_ too dorky. To tell you the truth, I think he's ashamed of it or some junk. He doesn't like it when I call him Matty either, but I do anyway. It's so much cuter." She shrugged, "Whatever though, righty?" She leaned forward on her elbows, eager to ask him the question burning on her lips, "Have you seen my Matt with a blond hooker?"

"No hookers, no," Mello eyed the girl at the bar, unsure whether to laugh or punch her. "Do you know a name? Anything other than the fact that she's blond? Because, to be honest, I haven't seen him meet anyone the entire time he's been coming here."

"Duh, of course I know her name!" She slammed her fist so hard on the counter that her rat-dog jumped a little in her bag. "He calls her Mel, I can only assume it's short for Melody! I swear to God, he won't shut up about her. It's like I'm not even there anymore. Doesn't he realize it isn't right to talk about another girl so much around your girlfriend? OH GOD, I'm going to kill this bitch!" She huffed, pushing her blond locks back in place. "Sorry…I just want her to go away, so he'll pay due attention to me again."

There was a pause. "Mel?"

"Yeah, the bitch's name is Mel."

The faintest glimmer of a grin quirked the corners of Mello's lips. "Well, what does he say about...her?"

Erika stared at the blond for a moment, her crystal blue eyes narrowing slightly before she spoke. "Do you expect me to regale his tales of this one-trick pony? Bitch isn't staying around, why would it even matter?"

The smile faded instantly. This girl was really starting to make him sick. "Then why are you even here if she doesn't matter? Honestly, if you didn't think you had anything to worry about, you wouldn't have pranced in, asking me about what your boyfriend does here."

"Clearly, so I could locate her. What he says doesn't matter. What _I'm_ going to do to _her_ does." She clicked her tongue, staring at the bartender. For a moment she wondered if perhaps this man was friends with the floozy.

"Well, I haven't seen your little Matty snuggling up with any girls, so you're shit outta luck," his eyes narrowed slightly, "so why don't you and your fake tits get out of my bar."

A loud gasp erupted from her lips, " _Excuse_ YOU?" she howled looking at her chest. "These are all real!"

"If by real you mean 'really' made out of silicon, then yes, they're very real."

In a split second, the blond leaned over the counter, snatched his hand, and placed it on one of her breasts. "Feel fake to you?" She snapped, a triumphant smirk on her lips.

For all his verbose tendencies, Mello was left silent, brows furrowing, staring somewhat baffled at the other blond.

"You have my apologies, those are very real."

"Damn straight! God blessed me with what other women only wish they had." With that she sat back down on the stool and pet the small dog in her purse. "I just can't understand what Matt sees in this _Mel_. He said they…click, like I assume chemistry or whatever. He enjoys being around her, like they feel connected." She scoffed, "I'm connected! I have the box X."

Crossing his arms casually, the blond raised an eyebrow, "You mean an Xbox?"

Looking confused, she tilted her head, "What?"

"Never mind," Mello brushed her off, shaking his head. "So, he said they click?"

"Yeah, in so many words. Like he's known her forever or some bullshit. Please, she has nothing on me. She must have thrown herself at him, men are so easily lead astray." She seemed distracted for a moment as a man walked in the bar, but glared evenly at Mello when she looked back. "I'm better."

He laughed at that, fighting yet another urge to punch her. "I'm sure you are."

"Hey, Mel, when you're done I need you to help me move something, okay?" the man asked, slipping behind the counter and heading into the back room.

Erika watched the man as he walked away, confusion riddled on her face. It took her a good five minutes before she spoke, "Mel?" it was another minute before her beautiful features contorted into laughter. First it was a small snort, then a giggle, then a full-on laugh filled the bar. Her hand slapped the counter, and after a while she was gasping for air. "You...? Hahaha, Mel? Matt? HA!"

Finally when her laughter died down, she looked up at him, a few strands of her hair misplaced, and smirked. "Now I feel better. He only meant those things as a friend. Matt would never leave me for a man. God, this makes so much sense! He must have been here talking to you! You're blond, it explains the hair on his jacket."

She gave him a once over before slipping her glasses back over her eyes and stood. "Nothing to worry about here."

The color drained from Mello's face. "Excuse me?"

"You know, darling, nothing to worry about. The idea of my Matty leaving me for you is about as plausible as my little Capitan Snooki-boo becoming a Gucci model." She pet her dog when she mentioned him, smiling brightly. "I mean, Matt isn't gay." She shrugged and laughed, "Sorry, I didn't realize he had simply made a new friend. A girl is one thing, a boy is another."

After gathering her things, she started toward the door, blowing a kiss over her shoulder and flashing one last smile. "Tell Matty hi when you see him. Kisses! Bye, Mel!" With that, the incognito blond was gone.

He stood frozen, barely registering that she'd already departed. He sighed then, trying to get a grip on the anger he felt swelling in his chest, and trying to force down the bile rising in his throat.

He felt cold, and frustrated, and...wait.

Wait, he shouldn't be feeling much of anything right now, other than annoyance at the disgusting display of female stupidity that had paraded around his bar minutes earlier.

Fucking Matt. That stupid redhead with his horrible taste in women and...he shouldn't care. This shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter that Mello knew that Matt could do better and wanted to see him have someone with at least an ounce of wit to keep up with that stupid gamer and-

"Mel, you coming, or are you going to be an ass and stare off into space while I move shit?"

The blond snapped out of his reverie, turning to the other man. "Yeah, sorry, Jose."

"Shit, what's with you? Some bitch lets you grab her boob and you lose it?" he laughed, walking back into the room. "I saw that shit, don't deny it. Lucky bastard."

"Fuck you," Mello managed a laugh, casting another glance at the entrance.

Fucking Matt.

**xxx**


	7. Easy Come, Easy Go

**xxx  
**

It had been far too long since Matt had taken the time to visit his favorite bar. A combination of work, his girlfriend, and World of Warcraft kept him from one of his favorite vices. As he pulled up to the bar, he checked his phone; Erika had been texting him since he had arrived at work today. For a while, she had seemed distant, but now she was clinger than ever. Sure, it was a weird change, but Matt decided she had just been on her period.

When all else failed to make sense, he tended to chock up any sort of irregular behavior to menstrual cycles.

Seeing the mop of red hair come through the bar doors made his lips shift into a smile. Mello was also rather relieved to see Matt alone and not with that horrid she-leach sucking out his soul and any money he had to his name. "Fancy seeing you here, Casanova."

Matt's eyebrows narrowed in a confused manner, "What a queer nickname, are you making fun of my bad past?" He laughed, taking a seat at the bar, nodding slightly at another regular several seats down.

"Perhaps," the smile grew. "So...how are things?"

"Pretty good I guess, as to be expected." He shot the blond a cheeky smile, leaning on his palm. "Can I get a drink, bartender?"

"The usual?" Mello grabbed a glass, cocking his head to the side. "You sure seem like you're in a good mood."

"What? I can't be happy to see my friend? It's been a while, that's all." He laughed a bit, flashing a smile. "But yeah, same old same old, nothing bad though, which is a breather."

"No, no, just wondering," the blond prepared the drink, glancing up for a moment. "So...how's Erika?"

Matt opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. "...How do you know her name?" He asked, shocked. Had he ever told him?

"Oh, I dunno," Mello set the glass in front of the other, a grin spreading across his face.

The redhead tossed his drink back, most of the liquid gone as soon as it hit his lips. When he looked back at the blond, his eyebrows were furrowed. "What aren't you telling me, Mello?"

"Me? Oh, Matt, why on Earth would you think that I was keeping something from you?"

"I don't know, that shit-eating grin?"

Mello stood up straight, shrugging and picking up a glass to clean. "Maybe she came in the other day. I'm still a bit fuzzy on the whole...scenario."

"She... came in?" Matt asked, his drink slowly making its way back to his lips. "How did that go?"

"Well, she came looking for the girl you're cheating on her with."

Matt's eyes went huge. "What?"

"She was under the impression that there was some blond bitch you were meeting here every night," he shrugged offhandedly.

Matt just sat there, unable to find the right words to speak. Hell, he couldn't even think right now. Why would she think he was cheating? And with a blond girl? Erika was blond…what led her to believe..?

"She said you talk about her all the time, you know. Said you called her.." he paused for a moment, resting his elbows on the counter top and staring at Matt, "…Mel."

Green eyes narrowed behind glasses, "You?" Shock and confusion morphed into anger, "Wait. Did she come in here and yell at you?"

"I think she wanted to, but once she actually found out it was me, she laughed and left. But when she first got here, she was pretty determined to rip 'Mel's' hair out and beat the living shit out of her."

It dawned on Matt suddenly: THIS is why Erika had been acting strange lately. Why she was so distant, why she questioned everything he did. She thought he was cheating, and instead of confronting him, simply took it upon herself to investigate. Then after she found out that Mello was the reason he hadn't been catering to her every whim, she switched to innocent, clingy mode.

Something about this stirred a deep anger within the redhead.

Mello watched him carefully, "Something wrong? It's not like she cussed me out or pulled my hair."

"It's the fact that she came here, questioning my loyalty." He gulped down the rest of his drink, putting the glass back on the bar. "She had no right to assume, she should have come to me."

He nodded solemnly, gesturing to the empty glass, "Want another?"

"Yes."

After a moment, Mello passed the drink to the other. "I'm sorry, Matt."

The redhead downed the next drink in one swoosh, then stood up. He pushed his stool in before shaking his head and placing a wad of cash on the counter, "I can't have her harassing my friends for no good reason."

"Matt, it's really not a big deal. She was just...concerned, I guess..."

"She should have come to me and talked to me, then. What she did…How do I know she hasn't gone behind my back and stalked other friends of mine? I didn't sign up for this type of thing, and I'm certainly not going to pretend it didn't happen."

Mello paused, a sinking feeling rising in his chest at Matt's sadness. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not a hundred percent sure right now." With that, he raised his hand with a short wave, leaving the bar.

**xxx**

Mello burst out the backdoor of the bar, the sound of yelling following him. He quickly shut the door, blocking the chaos of inside and taking a few steps into the alley. As he looked out into the small parking lot, he noticed a cherry red car, paint worn with age. Cautiously, the blond rounded the corner, catching sight of a familiar redhead leaning against the wall, cigarette perched between his lips. Mello's tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, feeling a lump in his throat that he didn't think would emerge from seeing something as insignificant as the other man smoking. He honestly hadn't expected the other to have such a stupid vice.

But maybe he could get used to the smell of cigarettes.

He feigned a small smile, walking up to the other, "Hey Matt."

The smoker said nothing at first, completely unaware that another human being was talking to him, let alone in the same area as him. When he finally took notice, his slightly stressed expression lessened. "Oh, hey Mello." He took another puff of his cigarette, blowing smoke off to the side.

"Those things will kill you, you know," the blond smirked, leaning against the wall and pulling a chocolate bar from his pocket.

"So I've been told." He muttered, leaning against the wall, his sneaker pressed firmly against the brick. Matt tilted his head up toward the skyline, smoke drifting off the end of his cigarette as well as the corner of his lips. His eyes seemed slightly distant, "But I could care less. It's something about control, I think."

"Understandable," he mused softly, watching the redhead out of the corner of his eye. "I've never much had the stomach for it, personally," Mello snapped off a piece of chocolate, "same with alcohol."

"Which is ironic, seeing as how you just so happen to be a bartender." Matt smirked briefly, tapping the ash off his cigarette.

"Yeah," he laughed a little at that. "I don't like not being in control of myself. Don't get me wrong, I drink. I drink a lot, it's just with certain company. But...cigarettes are an entirely different animal." The blond sighed deeply, laughing again, "I'm a shitty bartender."

At that comment Matt took a long, hard drag of his cigarette, tilting his head more he blew his smoke toward the sky. "It calms me down, I guess. I think too much. Games and cigarettes, with the occasional drink, are my vices. Well, that and bitchy girls." Letting the butt of his cigarette hit the ground, he stomped it out.

"Speaking of bitchy girls, you won't have to deal with Erika ever again."

A deep pang made itself known in the pit of Mello's stomach. "What happened?"

He shrugged, a very over dramatic type of shrug, at that. Rolling his eyes he readjusted his glasses before pocketing his hands in his jeans. "After our talk the other day, I did some thinking. She's a bitch, she had no right to assume I was cheating. She also was starting to get on my nerves, anyway."

"So you just...?"

"Dumped her."

Mello made a soft noise against his chocolate bar, eyes darting to Matt again. "How'd that go?"

"Oh, she exploded, of course. She didn't have any nice things to say. Colorful words, names were tossed around." He shrugged, "It just wasn't pleasant at all. But what would you expect from T-Erika?"

"I'd kind of wanted to ask about how exactly you two hit it off. She doesn't seem like the office-party type, Matt."

"She ..." The redhead made a pained expression, trying his best to formulate why it was he had been dating her. "Gave me something I don't have, I guess."

He didn't want to pry. He needed to, but was having trouble doing much of anything with the redhead looking so...

"Care to divulge?"

"I'm boring." Matt offered, but quickly attempted to explain. "Not me as a person, but my life. Well yes, me as a person in a sense. I'm not really the party guy, I'm not a bad boy, and I don't toss money around like it's going out of style." He kicked a rock and lifted one shoulder, "I'm ordinary by my own standards. I play video games, and to me, that's fun. Otherwise? I just get bored of everything." He looked at Mello and frowned, "I don't think I have ADD, but I can't pay attention to something long enough to be interested. Including people. Unless they're off the wall, crazy, bitchy, entertaining, it's hard for me to care enough to connect." Reaching into his pocket, Matt pulled out another cigarette, quickly lighting it and calming his nerves.

"I code, write programs, listen to techno while I mix a few tracks, send emails, play W.O.W, and read a book at the same damn time. My brain doesn't work the same way everyone else's does I guess, so people have to be something I'm not. She was a character, entertaining. I liked that about her."

Mello nodded, tongue touching his sweet briefly. "I actually know what you mean," he sighed again, looking at the other man, "I'm sorry, Matt."

Matt actually laughed at him. "You? You don't have a boring bone in your body."

"I've got boring everything everywhere in, on, and around anything remotely having to do with my body," Mello cracked a smile, resting his head back against the wall. "I'm single, I'm lonely, I'm a rabid chocoholic working as a bartender, and slave to my boss to the point where I'm actually living at my place of work because my apartment is being fumigated," as he said it out loud, he started laughing harder.

"God, when you say it, it sounds pathetic." Matt joined him in laughing, he soon found himself laughing so hard he began coughing. "It's weird, images we have of other people. Because I don't see that when I see you. Not at all."

"And I don't see a boring cubical jockey," Mello grinned as he bit off another piece of chocolate.

"Maybe we're both delusional, or have delusions of grandeur for each other."

"Nah, we just see each other for what we really are." The thought made him smile, staring off into the starless night. "Well, except you. You're completely delusional about me."

"Oh please, you're a badass and you know it. Don't try to tell me you don't have a motorcycle, you didn't graduate from college with frickin' high marks, and you don't have bitches lined up outside your house. Let me pretend these things are facts. A man needs to believe in his bro." Matt laughed, sucking in more smoke from his cigarette.

"Just because I have a motorcycle doesn't make the rest of that true."

The redhead stared at the other. "NO WAY!"

Mello nodded toward a bike chained up in the far corner of the parking lot. "I shit you not."

"You are officially the coolest guy I've ever known." Matt gaped at the bike where he pointed. "Can I touch it?"

Oh good Lord, he'd let Matt do anything he wanted to it.

"If you feel so inclined," Mello replied, thankful that the night air cooled his burning cheeks.

"Oh I'm going to touch all over it, shit. Is it a Honda?" Trotting up to the bike Matt crotched down, his fingers tracing over the frame work of the bike gently. His eyes were wide with excitement, like a kid in a candy shop. "I always said to myself, after I finished repairing my car I'd get a bike. You're so lucky." He examined the rest of the frame work slowly before standing.

"Can I sit on it?"

"Wow, fanboy," he laughed, nails digging into the palm of his hand. "It's a Kawasaki," the blond shrugged, wrapping his chocolate bar and tucking both hands into his jacket pockets, "and go for it, if you want. I will kill you, though, if anything happens to it."

"I'll be extra careful, Boss." Matt joked, giving Mello the tiniest of a salute before climbing on to the motorcycle. He closed his eyes for a moment, cigarette held between his lips, and imagined what it would feel like to drive down the road on this puppy.

"Yeah. You can never again say your life is as boring as mine."

Mello's teeth clamped down on the inside of his bottom lip, threatening to draw blood. He envied the bliss plastered all over Matt's face, and for a split second thought of joining the other on the back of his bike. And then he instantly bit down harder, pushing any thought of ruining the gamer's bliss from his mind.

"Like it?"

"Hell yeah I do." With a short sigh, he removed himself from the bike. Standing back, he tapped some ash from his cigarette and observed the beauty from a distance. "This motorcycle's so nice, I almost forgot I dumped my girlfriend half an hour ago."

He couldn't help his grin. "That's what I'm here for, Matty," Mello licked at the inside of his bottom lip, faintly tasting blood. As the metallic flavor rolled over his tongue, he felt the now familiar lurch in his stomach, a realization he had been avoiding making itself known.

He watched Matt smile, eyes drifting over his bike with something akin to lust, and knew in the back of his mind that he wanted those eyes on him, raking over him with that same sultry stare. He saw the blush on Matt's cheeks from the chilly night air and wished he'd caused it. And as the redhead took another drag on his cigarette, Mello wanted to taste the nicotine on his lips.

He was fucked.

**xxx**


	8. White Knuckles

**xxx  
**

Things were disjointed and frazzled in his mind. They had been recently, and he felt as though it was only getting worse. He'd be thinking, and suddenly realize he had been at work for several hours. He'd be on his bike and would find himself in an entirely different part of town. It was like he was going through a dream.

An extremely frustrating dream that wouldn't allow him to wake up or even process anything properly.

He felt drunk, and he'd been sober for weeks. That fear alone kept him away from any alcohol he owned, knowing that a drunken stupor upon a mental drunken stupor would not bode well for him.

Mello found himself frowning at a glass he didn't remember placing on the counter. How was the redhead doing this to him? He barely knew the man, and yet everything he came into contact with somehow reminded him of Matt or something he had maybe said offhandedly one time. At this point, he wasn't sure whether he was making these things up or if he had really memorized the many conversations the two of them had had. He was fairly certain that either answer could be correct at this point.

In truth, he did know Matt fairly well. The redhead had been consistent in how frequently he stumbled into the bar after a long day of work, or showed up unannounced at Mello's doorstep. He also was willing to share little details about himself without Mello having to ask, or even wonder. From their many conversations over the past four months, the blond knew more about Matt than he did about most people, and he liked that. He, however, was unsure of how he felt about Matt knowing very little about him. From their conversation in the parking lot, he realized exactly _how_ little Matt knew about him. Sure, there were things that they each knew about each other. Facts, personal experiences, but what he was most impressed with was how well they knew the other in terms of wits. Mental capacity. He understood how Matt thought, and he was pretty sure Matt had figured him out, as well. They could go back and forth for hours, just bouncing lines off of each other, and it never got old. He liked that he had a link to an actual person who may or may not give a damn about him instead of just another low life off the street, looking for booze and the prospect of a good time. Matt was different. Matt was…

"Hey, Mello!"

The blond nearly jumped. If he hadn't been so used to completely losing himself in his thoughts, he would have been alarmed to find the bar closed, Jose locking the front door, and an amused Rod standing in front of him. The larger man had a small smirk lifting the corners of his lips, arms crossed over his chest.

"Third time's a charm, right?" he laughed to Jose, who returned the smile. "I've been callin' for you."

"Yeah, sorry," he pushed any thought of the gamer from his mind, "What can I do for you?"

"You feelin' alright, Mel? You seem…distracted recently."

"I'm fine," Mello lied through his teeth.

"Good, because I wouldn't want anything messing up your focus or nothing." Rod took a step closer, lowering his voice, "Have you taken care of everything I asked you to?"

A sneer spread across Mello's face. "When have I not, Rod?"

"That's what I like to hear," he laughed again. Mello hated his laugh. It was stiff and loud and completely devoid of anything resembling humor.

"And that's why you keep me around," Mello allowed his own humorless laugh to ring in the empty bar.

"It is, Mello. It is." The larger man inclined his head slightly, heading toward the back room. Mello let out a silent sigh of relief, knowing he had finished everything he needed to. Now he could just head upstairs, lie down and forget about the world. Maybe he'd crack open a bottle of-

"Oh, Mello," Rod reappeared, still looking thoroughly amused.

"Yeah, Rod?"

"You did pick up the dry cleaning too, right?"

Shit.

Out of all of the things for him to forget on that lengthy list of tasks, how on God's green Earth did he forget the dry cleaning.

"They weren't open when I went to pick it up. I'll go over first thing in the morn-"

"Well, I just called Gino, and he said he's still there. You can go pick it up right now and bring it back here so I can grab it when I come in tomorrow," that heinous laugh echoed again, and Mello felt like stakes were being driven into his temples. The bastard _knew_ Mello wasn't operating at full performance and was using this small lapse in the blond's brain function to fuck with him. At any other time, Rod could not match wits with him, but now…

"Rod, I-"

"Glad to hear it, Mello," the bald man made his way to the door, taking out his keys. "And one last thing."

"Anything for you, Rod," Mello hissed through gritted teeth.

"Make sure to leave them a tip, Mihael."

Mello watched, hands forming fists at his sides as the large man exited the bar, a vicious grin on his lips. And in the back of his mind, he knew that Rod somehow _knew_. But how could he?

As the blond stalked toward his bike, tucking the dry cleaning tag firmly in his pocket and slipping his helmet over his head, he wondered exactly what Rod might know. Honestly, it was none of the man's business who Mello fraternized with, although he would like to think that he had a firm grip over the blond and his acquaintances. Thinking this probably helped the man sleep at night, but…

No, he couldn't know. Any former pang Mello had felt in relation to another individual was painfully lost on them. He was proud of his measure of self control, and he took pride in knowing that he had an impeccable poker face. However, he couldn't help but feel that he was somehow slipping. And that thought worried him. Any sign of weakness on his part might somehow prove to Rod that Mello was not worth his time and was easily disposable.

Fat chance.

But…Matt was making things difficult. Mello wished that he had an easy way out of this. That he could just get his release somehow and put everything behind him, continue on his monotonous trek through the rest of his life, perfectly content to be alone. Again, Matt was proving to be a bit of a problem.

It was lust. Surely it was nothing but lust. Matt was able to match his wit, they had things in common, and the redhead appeared to actually give two shits about the blond's wellbeing. And that was before he thought of anything in the way of physicality…

It had to be lust. And there were ways to deal with lust.

And as Mello rounded the corner to the dry cleaner's, an echoing thought in the back of his mind told him to stop kidding himself. He chained up his bike in the old parking lot across the street, pulling his helmet from his head and placing it under his arm before crossing the deserted street.

If it were lust, he could do something about it. If it were something else, then…

Mello relished the sound of his boots on the empty sidewalk, the distinct and commanding sound of the heel meeting cement helping to dull his over-working mind for a moment. At the front door of the small shop, the blond dug for the slip in his pocket, knocking on the door with the toe of his boot.

He listened as each of the five locks on the other side of the door disengaged, snorting to himself about how ludicrous it was to have so many locks on the door of a dry cleaners. To his knowledge, clothing that was prone to shrinkage was not exactly a hot ticket item.

"Hey there, Mello."

"Hey, Gino," the blond allowed a small smile, handing the portly man the small ticket.

Taking the slip of paper, Gino shook his head, "You know, if this weren't for Rod, I wouldn'ta been so willing to stick around 'til 2 in the morning."

"I didn't have anything to do with it?" Mello raised an eyebrow, slipping a hand in his pocket.

"You're a good kid, Mello," the man laughed, heading back into the building, "but not that good."

He rolled his eyes, leaning against the outside wall as Gino went to retrieve the order, closing the door behind him. The October air was crisp, and he sighed deeply, enjoying his moment alone. For the first time today, he didn't have to deal with other people or with his own nagging thoughts. He was able to, at least for a minute, let go of-

"Mello?"

Bright blue eyes focused sharply on the lamp post across the street, recognition dawning on him.

Out of all the people Matt had seen that night, Mello was not expected. After work, he found himself drug away by a few of his co-workers to celebrate some achievement his friend from accounting, Matsuda, has accomplished. Six beers, two Midori sours, two Malibu's, and gin and tonic later, he found himself drifting down the street with his half singing, half passing out co-workers. They had all agreed to call a cab once they decided they'd drank too much, but apparently the party wasn't over until Scott from payroll found a Twinkie.

Some where along their epic journey, Matt had stumbled across a familiar face. "Mello?" asked again, his voice a little sore from karaoke and alcohol. He suddenly became aware that he was still in his work suit, hair messed slightly, tie askew.

The blond turned slowly in the direction of the voice, already knowing who he'd see walking toward him, grin spread across his tipsy features.

That ache was back.

Matt raised his hand in an awkward wave. His motor skills lacking the finesse they usually held. Matt opened his mouth, believing the words coming out of them were, "Mel, it is you! What are you doing out so late? I'd imagine if you were drinking you'd be in your own bar... or do bartenders go to other bars?" In all actuality, his words were short and a bit slurred, making it harder to understand what he was saying. Sadly, to him, everything sounded perfectly fine as he walked toward the blond.

"I had to run an errand," Mello smiled, finding himself incapable of doing anything else with the redhead, who had been torturing his mind, standing right in front of him. It occurred to him as he stared at the other that he had never actually seen Matt drunk before, and that pang only got worse.

The gamer stopped walking a little closer to Mello than he meant to, peering up at the dry cleaning sign looming over their heads. "You're picking up dry cleaning at ...what time is it?"

"2:38."

"Wow, really? HEY MATSUDA, IT'S 2 AM!" Matt hollered back toward the ambling drunkards. One of the younger men looked extremely surprised before looking at his wrist where he noticed the time. He grabbed his head and frowned, "Oh God…I have work tomorrow!" With that the men started to ramble to themselves about going home and calling a taxi.

The redhead brushed his hand through his hair as he turned back to Mello. "Kinda lose track of the time when you're celebrating, I guess. Matsuda has like, two jobs or something. He's a real pencil pusher." Matt chuckled at that before pocketing his hands.

Mello couldn't help the small smile tugging at his lips, trying to ignore the drunken flush on Matt's cheeks. "Why are you and the A-Team out and about?"

"Matsuda did something or another, I can't even remember at this point." He laughed at his own comment before deciding he needed to lean on the nearest thing for support, that thing being Mello.

The red mop of hair was suddenly on his shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, and Mello was unable to move. He bit the inside of his lip, glancing down at the other man, "You okay there, Matty?"

"You smell like chocolate, that's kind of different," Matt muttered before he moved, stumbling a little. Something seemed to linger in his addled brain, he licked his lips attempting to place the weird feeling. It was a warm comfortable feeling he only seemed to get when he was talking to Mello. But the feeling was much deeper this time, a little more intense. Was it because he leaned on him for support, or was it just the alcohol amplifying human contact?

Shaking his head, as if trying to clear his mind, he looked a tiny bit confused. "Me? I'm fine. I didn't have that much to drunk…er…drink," Matt paused, wondering about that. "Maybe I have..."

"As an experienced professional, I'd have to say that you had quite a bit to drink, actually," the blond laughed, willing the tugging in his chest to go away.

The door of the dry cleaner opened again, Gino glancing back and forth between the two and the other drunken suits stumbling around in front of his shop. Raising an eyebrow at Mello, the portly man handed over the garment. "Give Rod my best."

"Will do," he handed over several bills, gingerly placing them in the other man's hand.

"See you next week, Mello," Gino shook his head, a laugh on his lips, as he shut and locked his door once more.

After a moment, Mello looked at the redhead again, watching him sway on the spot.

Matt looked between where the massive beast of a man had been and Mello, silently wondering what was going on. If he hadn't been consuming alcohol that night, he would have clearly recognized Mello was paying him for the dry cleaning. However, the question formed on his lips before the poor boy could stop himself, "What the hell was that?" It came out a little stronger than he meant, putting his hands up as if to say 'rewind'. "I mean, why were you giving him money? Who's Rod?"

An odd expression passed over Mello's features. "Well, Matt, we in the adult world are sometimes asked to do mundane tasks for other people, such as picking up dry cleaning," the blond raised the hanger. "And, those of us who appreciate the work others do, leave a tip." He wasn't sure whether he should be frustrated with the redhead or...flattered...

He pushed the thought out of his mind quickly. "Rod's my boss, Matt. Big bald guy. You've met him."

A realization dawned on the redhead then, "Oh yeah..." He smiled and reached his hand toward the blond, patting him on the shoulder. His hand stayed as he talked, half balancing himself, "You, are a good employee. I…I would not have done that." He paused to look back at his co-workers, surprised to see that... they we're gone.

"They.. left me? Friggin' ass-cakes!" Matt mumbled something about 'reaming them when he had brain cells again' before moving his hand off of Mello's shoulder to attempt to remove his phone from his pocket.

Those were probably the quickest drunks Mello had ever seen. "Who are you calling?"

"I have no idea."

The blond let out a sigh, watching Matt stare blankly at his phone, before the snatched the small device out of his hand. He looked down at the screen, "Well, so far you're calling the number 4."

Matt sounded as if he giggled, "Four is a good number, I prefer three though. Four's a little whorish."

"I agree, three is much better," Mello slipped the phone into Matt's jacket pocket with another sigh. "Do you need a ride home?"

"Two is better though, two is brilliant." Matt stared at absolutely nothing for a moment before his green eyes drifted back to Mello. "You'd give me a ride?"

Everything in his very core was screaming no. This was a bad idea. A very bad, very stupid idea.

"Yeah, sure. I'm not leaving you out here like this."

"You're a true friend, Mello. You're too good for me," Matt slurred a bit. As he took a few steps closer he tripped over his own foot, falling halfway in to a nearby bush. Laughter sounded from the shrubbery as he realized what just happened. "Oh God, I fell."

Yes. This was an extremely bad idea.

Pulling the other from the bush, Mello took a leaf out of Matt's hair. "Where do you live?"

The redhead's arm shifted at a weird angle as he pointed no-where in particular. "To the left?" His glasses were positioned oddly on his face from the fall, but his eyes followed Mello's hand as he pulled the leaf out. "You can have that, it's a gift."

"I'll treasure it always," Mello placed the leaf in his pocket, trying very hard to keep his composure. "But Matt, I need you to tell me where you live. Shit, this is why you don't drink this much..."

Matt's lips pursed as he tried to formulate directions to his house. Suddenly, he shrugged. "I live to the left," he paused for a moment before a goofy grin spread across his face, words coming out in an out of tune, sing-song manner, "to the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the leeeft."

"That's not at all helpful, Beyoncé."

"I mean…down the street to the left. It's a big building with a fat man with a mustache at the door. I call him Mario." Shifting from foot to foot Matt sighed, "I'm sorry Mel, can I just crash on your couch?"

"Yeah."

He'd agreed to it before he even realized what Matt had asked. He didn't realize was also leading a very drunk Matt across the street and to his bike until the redhead giggled something about how he was going to enjoy this ride more than any other.

The ache was starting to get to him again.

"Do you think you can hold on?"

Matt pondered this question long and hard, his body swayed left and right as he attempted to stand upright on his own. His face looked pained, "I'm not so sure. How do you mean?"

"Well, I need to drive us back to the bar, and you're going to need to sit on that bike. With me. And hold on."

The redhead seemed to absorb this information very slowly. As it dawned on him, he made a loud 'ohhh' sound. Peaking around Mello, his face brightened up. "I get to ride your bike?"

There was silence for a moment. "Matt, you just said you were going to enjoy the ride," Mello narrowed his eyes, cheeks flushing against his will, "What fucking ride were you talking about?"

Green eyes focused on the blond in front of him, his lips moving to soundless words. It took Matt a few minutes but he was finally able to answer, his voice altered by laughter. "I forgot!"

"Oh, Good Lord," Mello mumbled under his breath, massaging the bridge of his nose. "Okay, Matt, can you hold on to me so I can drive us home?" As he said it, the prospect of what taking the redhead home entailed started to fully sink in. Shit, what the hell was he doing...

"You want me to wrap my arms around you?" Matt asked with a fairly drunken innocence.

This was a bad idea. Sweet Jesus, what the fuck was he doing.

"Yeah, and hold on so you don't become close, personal friends with the pavement."

"I don't like the pavement, he's a jerk, owes me five bucks." Matt shrugged, the idea of holding on to Mello didn't seem to phase him much. He wandered over to Mello's bike, patting the seat a little too hard with a cheery grin. "I can do that! Maybe. I'm not so stable right now, I've noticed."

"Not quite, yeah." The blond let a breath slip between his lips, handing his helmet to the other, "Put this on." He unchained his bike, and gauged exactly how well he thought Matt could hold on.

The redhead glanced at the helmet, then at Mello. "You're such a good guy." He wasn't fully sure exactly what else he was going to say after that, because the moment he pushed the helmet on he started laughing again. "I'm pretty hot in a helmet."

"Yup, no one has to see that ugly, drunken mug of yours," Mello laughed, swinging a leg over his bike and settling in. He gently folded the dry cleaning bag, placing a portion of it under his leg to keep it secure, "You ready?"

"Please, I'm a stud." Matt joked, trying to make a sexy face under the helmet. For a moment Matt just stared at the scene in front of him, perplexed as to how he was going to mount the bike, hold on, and not be too close to his friend in the mean time. The mechanics of this endeavor were way over his head.

"Alright, I have to say this ahead of time, I apologize for the clinging for dear life I'm about to do." With that, he swung a leg over the bike- not so gracefully, and sat down. He tried to sit as far back as he could, but realized he would most likely become friends with the pavement that way and scooted as far forward as he could without hitting Mello.

Lifting his arms, he hesitated. Should he put his hands on the blond's shoulders? Or wrap them around his waist? Was that too gay? Not that he cared, even under normal circumstances when his mind wasn't riddled with alcohol. But he didn't want to offend his friend, so he simply asked. "How should I..?"

"Just grab on," Mello almost whispered, trying desperately to ignore how close Matt was to him. "You can try for the shoulders, but it's harder to hold on that way..."

Something in Matt hesitated again, his hands almost refusing to move where they needed to go. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the idea of holding on to another person, or if it was Mello, but something made his face flush. Contact, that had to be what it was. The fact that he had barely made any contact with his friend, with any of his friends, made this awkward. Hell, even his girlfriends complained about lack of contact some times. It hadn't occurred to his drunken mind that he would have to touch someone else during this ride.

Sure, Mello was his friend and sure, he was just another guy. But something about the situation had him embarrassed. Was he ashamed of himself for getting in to this situation? Or was it the fact that he would now need to be hugging one of his closer friends?

Matt bit his lip under the helmet, he felt the heat coming off of his face and neck. His hands shaking, the momentum of what was happening that moment came crashing through his hazed state of mind. He willed himself to calm down, it wasn't a big deal. Mello was just helping him home, and he wouldn't think lowly of him, or differently of him for holding on to him.

Would he? Of course not! It was a bike, and this is how people rode them. Taking in a short breath, he wrapped his arms around the blond and locked his fingers together.

Oddly enough, it wasn't as bad as he assumed. Mello was pretty lean, but not like a girl. He didn't have to worry about where his hands were either, unlike a chick, Mello didn't have breasts. His shoulders were broader as well, which gave a little more stability. It felt…safer.

Alright, he was drunk. He had to admit that most of the inner workings of his mind at this moment were because he was drunk. But it was as if he was really seeing Mello for the first time. He'd never thought about wrapping his arms around his friend, because who did think about those things? But now he found himself thinking about it, that it just…wasn't a bad thing. It wasn't an awkward contact, it felt kinda…nice.

Matt's eyes felt a little heavy as he let them slip shut slightly. He muttered something under his breath as he let his head rest on Mello's shoulder. His muttering might have sounded like a low, 'Thanks.'

Mello's cheeks instantly flared up, stomach almost lurching at Matt's arms wrapping so easily around his waist. It took every ounce of focus he had to start his bike and roll slowly out of the parking lot, inwardly relishing the feeling of the gamer pressed up against his back.

"Don't fall asleep, Matt. I don't want to lose you, back there."

Oh, there was no way Matt was falling asleep. His heart beat had amplified to a mile a minute. He couldn't tell if it was the fact that he was finally riding on a bike, or his night of drinking come back to haunt him. He squeezed his arms tighter around the blond when he accelerated, a bit afraid of falling off. His face buried in to Mello's shoulder, at that moment he realized Mello really did smell like chocolate.

Chocolate, and honey. It occurred to him that perhaps he was smelling some sort of body wash or shampoo, because no person should smell this good. The gamer recalled one girl he dated for a month or two, who basically bathed in perfume. Her scent was powerful and harsh, nothing like the soft undertone he smelled now.

...These thoughts were odd. Matt realized this shortly after pondering what type of chocolate he was smelling, changing his thought pattern to something else. "I'm fine, am I holding on too tight?" Matt asked, shifting so he could say it closer to Mello's ear, so the blond could hear him over the wind.

The blond shook his head slightly, taking a turn a bit faster than he should have as Matt pressed against his back, muffled voice sounding in his ear. Fuck, this was a terrible idea.

"It's not too tight, don't worry," he called over his shoulder, silently thanking God that there was no one on the road to bear witness to his erratic driving. He was four blocks away, all he had to do was focus for these last four blocks, and everything would be fine.

"Ah, shit." Matt yelped as Mello took the turn hard, squeezing a little harder than he meant to. He wanted to ask Mello to slow down, but at the same time the speed had his adrenalin pumping. The vibration of the machine, the adrenalin coupled with the alcohol and being way too close to another person- all of these things were building to a feeling Matt was certain he didn't need to experience at this moment in time.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Matt tried to recall last night's basketball game. The scores, who won, what player scored the most points. Anything to take away from the wrongness of his current emotions. He just silently cursed being a man, and willed himself to behave long enough to get off the bike. He'd be embarrassed beyond words if anything happened while pressed against his friend. How could you explain something like that to someone?

'Sorry about my body reacting to stimuli! You know, it happens to the best of us!'

Yeah, no. Time to imagine Kobe dunking.

"Sorry," the blond decelerated, mentally counting the remaining street lights until he could turn into the parking lot. His teeth clamped down on the inside of his bottom lip, feeling Matt shift behind him. "Almost there."

Ironic phrasing is ironic, Matt grumbled in his head. But as long as they were almost to the bar, he could hold it back. Just be like Luke Skywalker and use the force, he told himself. Force it away!

He actually laughed out loud at his thoughts, feeling stupid the moment the laughter escaped. "Oh, okay, awesome."

Fuck, that laugh. That laugh was a real laugh. A genuine laugh, ringing in his head despite the wind whipping his hair in every direction and the sound of the engine.

He pulled into the parking lot, both thankful and pissed that it was over. Mello killed the engine, boots rolling his bike toward the back alley before finally stopping. He sat there for a moment, trying to take in what he could of Matt's grip, nudging the kickstand into place with his boot.

When they stopped, Matt stayed where he was, unsure of how he should step off of the bike. He didn't want to throw off Mello's balance, and he didn't want to fall over again like before. He was sure it seemed clingy and weird, but he simply smiled, let go, and leaned back on the bike. He tugged his helmet off and laughed again, "Well that was an experience. I only wish the world would stop spinning so I could have enjoyed it right!"

"We'll have to do it again sometime then, won't we?" Mello laughed, glancing at the redhead over his shoulder.

"If you're willing to let me hold on to you like a crazy thing, sure! Are you sure it didn't bother you? It wasn't weird or anything?" Matt seemed concerned for a moment, his cheeks still flushed, his hair messed up from the helmet. Without realizing it, he had his bottom lip pushed out in a slight pout. He really didn't want his friend to think he was weird..

"No, it's kind of the only way to...have two people on a bike," he nearly stammered, trying to keep his eyes from focusing on Matt. "Come on, let's get inside."

"Okay." The redhead lifted his leg to get off the bike, but did the very thing he was scared would happen. He lost his balance and went tumbling forward toward the ground with a yelp.

A hand reached out, grabbing the gamer before he met the asphalt, and helping him to right himself. Mello rose off his bike, clambering over it to steady Matt, "You okay?"

Matt blinked, he was fully sure he was about to hit the ground. But instead he felt an iron grip on him instead. Turning, he looked at Mello with surprise, all he could respond with was, "Wow, you're strong."

The blond laughed a little at that, letting go of Matt to see if he could make the walk to the loft without support, "Eh, not really."

"No, you are. You're like, stupid strong for how you look." He paused, "Not that you don't look strong." Matt flashed him apologetic smile before stumbling toward the door.

Taking a set of keys from his jacket pocket, Mello shook his head, "You really need to work on your flattery skills, Matt." He carefully chained up his bike before following the other to the door and unlocking it, helping Matt inside. "They're not exactly your forte."

"So sue me." Matt stuck out his tongue as he leaned against the wall, waiting for Mello to unlock the door. "I've been told by girls I suck, I don't need my best friend telling me that."

Those two little words stopped Mello in his tracks. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but coming from Matt, with all of his friends and acquaintances, having him consider Mello, random-stranger-bartender Mello, his best friend...

He couldn't help the blush creeping over his face, feeling all too human at this moment and nothing like the strong man he'd been moments earlier. "You need better friends then, Matt," he smirked, locking the door behind them and shuffling the redhead toward the staircase. "Just take it slow. I don't know how many drinks you've had..."

"Why do you say that? You're the only person who really cares what I have to say, and you don't want anything from me. Everyone else has a motive behind being nice to me, it makes me sick." Matt hadn't realized he was talking while he walked up the stairs, his hands holding on to the railing. The words just fell out of his lips, "Don't sell yourself short. I rather spend my time with you than with them, even if our friendship were one sided." When he finished he frowned, his smile fading away at the thought of being nothing but another customer. "...I like us being friends. It feels real."

Hearing Matt say that made that ever present pang rear its ugly head. He wasn't sure how exactly he felt, knowing that the redhead really didn't know much about him, but still valuing him over all those other friends he had.

"I do too, Matt," Mello smiled, sliding the small key into the lock at the top of the stairs.

The redhead's frown slowly melted in to a small smile as he walked through the door. He passed Mello and walked toward the couch, slipping his suit jacket off, placing it over a chair. He unknotted his tie, pulling it off as well. He spoke as he started unbuttoning his shirt. It was a sloppy motion, motor skills not at their best.

"Thanks for letting me crash, I'll pay you back somehow."

Mello forced himself to look away, seeing the flash of skin out of the corner of his eye. "Don't worry about it, it's fine," he watched the ground for a moment, tossing his keys onto the small table by the door. "You know where everything is, so help yourself."

"Alright, I don't need much, just a pillow and a blanket. I'm pretty easy." Matt laughed as he struggled with the last button, pealing his white dress shirt off and placing it near the suit jacket. Reaching up he took his glasses off and placed them on the coffee table. "I might open a window though, it's kinda hot in here." He chuckled, "Or maybe that's me, I really shouldn't have drank so much tonight."

Matt crossed the room with a little effort, pulling the single window up. As the breeze blew over his skin and hair, he felt pretty comfortable. Soon he'd be asleep, and he'd sleep the alcohol off, then he'd be able to apologize for putting Mello out of his way.

The gamer stretched, lean, toned muscles shifting under his skin. Walking back to the couch, he flopped down and began to unbutton his pants, his Super Mario Bros. boxers peaking through the zipper as he wiggled out of the black suit bottoms. "Man, it must suck to be a chick when it's hot out. They got the short end of the stick having to be fully clothed all the time."

"They sure did," Mello muttered, eyes drifting over the other stretching out on his couch, pants sliding down thin legs, and...

Fuck, he needed to leave.

"Let me grab you a pillow or something," the blond nearly rushed to the small closet across from the bathroom, taking out some sheets and a pillow, using this moment to collect himself.

He had self control. There was nothing at all awkward about this situation. Matt was drunk out of his mind, half naked on his couch. No big deal. He was his friend. Friends let friends crash on their couches when they needed to.

Friends, however, did not typically want to ravish their drunken, couch-crashing friends.

No, he would not allow himself to slip, or even mentally go there. He could survive this. He'd be through worse, and this certainly would not be the thing that finally broke him.

Wandering back toward the couch, Mello held out the pile of sheets. "I brought a few in case one wasn't enough. The pillow's pretty good too, so it should be fine. Plus, you're drunk, and the second you close your eyes, it's not gonna matter what I just handed you," the blond smirked, eyes not daring to look anywhere other than the freckles dusted over Matt's cheeks.

"Thanks, boss." Matt joked, Mello's words sounding sort of like an order to go to bed. He sat up and reached for the pillow and sheets, taking them from the blond. Matt laid the pillow behind him and snuggled in with two of the blankets, yawning hard. His eyes were heavy, Mello had been right. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he smiled and felt himself drifting off.

The sheets smelled familiar, something about them... like fabric softener and chocolate. It felt comfortable and warm, even if he himself was already far warmer than he needed to be. He wrapped his arms around part of the second blanket and began to try to thank Mello before he passed out, his words slurred. "You..re a ..Mello, thank ...ou again.. smells ...cho..late.."

Without making any sense at all, the redhead passed out.

The blond couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips. He watched Matt for a moment, finally allowing himself to look, eyes taking in all that they could before retreating to the doorway of his room, turning out the dim light in the living room.

The sleeping redhead was going to be the death of him.

**xxx**


	9. Warmth

**xxx  
**

Shifting under the covers, the blond let out a deep sigh, burying his head in his pillow. It had taken far too long for him to get to sleep, and now he was plagued with moments of wakefulness. With another deep breath, he settled down into his bed, finally allowing himself to relax.

There was a soft creak, a warm breath ghosting over his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. The shiver woke him up.

Mello's eyes shot open, twisting to face the intruder in his bed.

A mess of red hair and a goofy smile beamed at the blond through the dark.

"M-Matt?"

"Hey Mel," he whispered back.

A violent blush flared up on Mello's cheeks. "Not to be rude or anything, but what the hell are you doing in my bed?"

The gamer grinned, pulling the covers up around his shoulders. "I was cold out on the couch. I figured it'd be warmer in here, you know?"

Shit, Mello needed to move away from the still-drunk redhead invading his personal space. "Matt, I-"

"Y'don't mind, do you?" Matt positively purred, moving closer to the blond.

Oh, fuck. No. No, Matt needed to move away right now. Mello needed to stand up and get out of his room, get out of his apartment and drive as far away from the tipsy redhead as he possibly could. He needed to get away from the intense warmth radiating from Matt, away from the other's feet brushing against his own and the fingers resting lightly on his hip. He definitely didn't need to be shifting closer himself, feeling Matt arch forward with a cocky smirk, his hand snaking around Mello's thin frame and his nails dragging over his lower back.

No. Lord, no, this was bad.

"Matt-"

"You're so warm," the smirk grew, Matt's nose only an inch away from Mello's.

"You're still drunk…"

"So?"

"So-"

"Mel…" Matt's hand pressed the blond's hips forward, and there was little Mello could do to suppress the moan threatening to escape his throat. "You talk too much."

The blush deepened, Mello finding that any way he moved caused unnecessary friction between himself and the gamer. Matt's nails were back at his hip, scratching at the soft skin and slipping just under the waistband of the blond's cotton pants. He could feel his heart beating faster, his breath catching in his throat as Matt's fingers wandered, brushing lightly down the front of Mello's thigh and dragging languidly back up, drawing oh-so close to something vital.

"Fucking hell," he murmured, gritting his teeth as the redhead applied just enough pressure to send his mind reeling. In a moment, lips were against his own. They were light and soft, just enough to make their presence known, and the fact that they were there at all left Mello completely floored. He let a strangled sound pass between his lips before pressing them hard against Matt's, his hands reaching out and pulling the gamer flush against him.

He smirked at Mello's sudden attack, rolling the blond onto his back and continuing the assault on his mouth with new fervor. Matt easily moved himself between the other's legs, feeling him arch up, arms wrapping around him and scratching lightly at his back.

Shit, this was not happening. This was not real. Matt was not really over him, lips moving to latch onto his neck, hand never ceasing to tease him ruthlessly through his pants. As Mello felt a deep lurch in the pit of his stomach, he decided he didn't care and that the only thing that mattered was Matt. His redhead bringing the muffled sounds from his lips, pushing the waist of those accursed cotton pants from his thin hips, leaving almost nothing in the way of-

"M-Matt…" he allowed himself to moan, reaching to slide the gamer's boxers out of the way.

"Oh, Good Lord, Matt…"

"Mello…" Matt found himself mumbling, opening his eyes dreamily to stare at the ceiling. As he hazily blinked himself back into consciousness, the redhead noticed an odd ache echoing through his body. He swung his legs over the edge of the couch, fumbling for his glasses for a moment before giving up and rising to go to the bathroom. Something was bugging him. He couldn't remember what it was, but something in the back of his mind was tugging at him, trying to get him to think. Did he have a bad dream? No, when he did it usually involved being chased by a horde of zombies and lacking any ammo. This just felt…weird. Like he was missing something. Heading back to the couch, he passed Mello's door, smiling at it drunkenly. He almost had to drag himself away and back to his temporary bed. As he pulled the covers back over himself, snuggling down against the cushions, he vaguely wondered why he suddenly felt so inclined to go get into bed with Mello. When his eyes closed, he smiled, thinking how much warmer it must be in that bed. The cozy thought carried him to sleep almost immediately.

**xxx**


	10. Office Space

**xxx**

The sun was rising from the wrong side of the room. That was the first clue that Matt wasn't home. His bed felt stiffer than normal, and he had three less pillows than normal; his second and third clues. The last clue was the smell of the apartment. It smelled like honey and chocolate with a hint of mint and moth balls.

Green eyes opened slowly, and he instantly regretted it when the light bore in to his retinas. Matt moaned loudly, covering his face with his arm. What happened last night? And where the hell had he ended up..?

"Morning, Princess," a voice sounded from somewhere nearby, the hint of a laugh echoing through Matt's head.

That voice sounded familiar, but it still jolted him enough to brave the light again. "...Wha?"

"I let you sleep in. Figured I'd let you sleep it off instead of waking up drunk. That's never fun," the laugh was back, getting closer.

Matt tried to see through the haze, his eyes tired and heavy, the light far too bright. That's right…he went out drinking with co-workers last night, and after he ran into...

"Mello?"

The distinct sound of curtains swishing shut echoed in Matt's head a bit too loudly before he opened his eyes a fraction, the smirking blond taking a seat on the coffee table, "I can't imagine who else would put up with you like that."

The redhead's face flushed, in the pit of his stomach something told him even though Mello was joking it was tinged with truth. He sighed, running a hand thickly through his hair. "I'm sorry..."

"Whatever, no big deal." There was a pause, then the laugh was back, "I got you coffee."

"Thank you," he managed, sitting up fully. Matt shifted the sheet to the side, a hand reaching up to rub at his head.

"How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad, to be honest. I don't even remember how I got here," he let out a sad laugh.

"I gave you a ride home," Mello smiled, handing over a mug of coffee.

Matt took it graciously, holding the warm ceramic in both hands. The steam billowed upward toward his face, it smelled like Starbucks…but better. Maybe Mello was the type who preferred name brand coffee to off brand? Suddenly he wanted to know; it was a stupid thing to want to know, but he did.

"Is this Starbucks?"

The blond quirked a slender eyebrow, "Dunkin' Donuts, actually. It's one of their bolder roasts or some shit. I figured it might help." He then offered another smile, a hand darting to the rosary around his neck absently, fingers lightly brushing the crucifix.

Lifting the mug to his lips, Matt took a tiny sip. The hot liquid scalded his tongue, but at the same time the strong flavor felt really nice as it went down. Mello was right, and of course he would know these things, being a bartender. He knew exactly how to mend a hangover.

Matt felt himself smiling just slightly. It was a weird sight, Mello with a crucifix. But something about the way the blond looked while held it made his stomach clench. Like he had done something wrong. Was it him? Matt shook the feeling away, blaming it on the hangover. The last thing he wanted to do was throw up on Mello's floor.

"I guess I never realized you we're a coffee aficionado, or the religious type."

"Me neither," he chuckled deep in his chest, dropping his hand as he stood up. Mello picked up his own mug, long forgotten at the far end of the coffee table and started back toward the kitchen, slipping a hand into his pocket. "Coffee and chocolate always seem to keep me going, though."

"That reminds me," Matt started, taking a sip of his coffee. "Why does your apartment smell like chocolate?"

The blond stopped his trek to the kitchen to turn and give Matt a somewhat amused look. "You do realize that I eat a lot of chocolate, right?" he laughed, shrugging and setting his mug down on the counter, "that, and I make a lot of hot chocolate and have soap and candles and other crap that I got for my birthday a few years ago."

Matt stood then, stretching out his sore muscles. Lifting his wrist he checked the time. He had a few hours before he needed to pick up his check from work, but he wasn't sure if he should leave now…or hangout? He didn't want to be more of a burden than he had already been.

"I guess gag gifts are a good choice for your birthday? Maybe I'll have to get you some candy hand cuffs or something," Matt laughed, walking toward the kitchen with his mug. He absently wondered if he should throw his suit back on. And if he should stop making kinky references while sporting only a pair of boxers.

"They never work out as well as you'd hope. Get everything way too sticky," the smirk grew, a laugh on Mello's lips. "It's in December, by the way."

Matt leaned his elbows on the counter, propping his cheek on his palm, smile playing across his pained features. "I'm not going to even ask. But I will ask if you have any pain medication? I'm afraid I've discovered a down to drinking."

"Ah ha, what an unfortunate discovery," the blond opened the corner cabinet in the kitchen, pushing several boxes of bandaids and gauze out of the way, finally grabbing the bottle he was looking for.

"I know, right? I feel like Edison."

He laughed at that, handing over a few pills to the redhead, "Truly brilliant, I've gotta say. I can't imagine how you're only a cubicle jockey."

"Someone's gotta ride those damn cubicles, after all." Matt tossed them back, dry swallowing the two pills. His head pounded with every beat of his heart, and he cursed the organ for pumping blood through his body so often.

Mello watched Matt for a moment. "Hey, what exactly do you do at your job?"

The redhead lifted an eyebrow before looking in the opposite direction of Mello, "I do computer junk."

"Wow, Matt, that was just about as vague as that other thing."

"Come on, my jobs not very entertaining. Why does it matter? I play games, I code and just.. do computer stuff." He shrugged, trying to avoid the subject.

"Okay, fine. I won't pry," he leaned back against the counter, eyes still scanning Matt's features.

The other caught Mello's eyes, cracking a grin. "Come on, Mel, I told you I was a spy, didn't I? Can't go blabbing all my super secret secrets, right?"

**xxx**

The sunshine was too much to handle, even sunglasses weren't shading the redhead's green eyes from the searing rays of that big ball of fire in the sky. Matt swore under his breath, hangovers were never fun, but this one was particularly bad. He knew the moment he laid one foot out of Mello's apartment he would regret it. Instead of being courteous and excusing himself, he knew damned well he should have taken the blond's offer to stay and sleep the self-induced pain away. But no. No, no, Matt needed to pick up his paycheck. At least, that's the excuse he used. He was way past embarrassed over his actions of the night before. He couldn't believe that his drunken partying had led him to his friend's flat. He'd purposely never allowed himself to be fully intoxicated in front of Mello, he didn't want him to see that side of him.

Moving his bangs out of his eyes, Matt frowned. He never wanted to disappoint the blond. Sure, he'd shown him a pretty pathetic side of him whenever he walked in, tail between his legs, and complained about his girl troubles. But drunken shenanigans were a whole different animal. Who knows what he said or did. What if Mello decided he never wanted to be around him again? Was he far too embarrassed by his pal's actions?

Matt glared up at the sky before pushing through the front door of his office building. Lifting his hand he barely registered the receptionist as she smiled at him. What would he do if he lost the only genuine friend in his life? Someone who didn't want anything but...him. Who just wanted a friend. The redhead stopped by the elevator taking his glasses off before pushing the button for his floor. God, what was he thinking? It wasn't like Mello was so shallow that he would stop being friends with a guy because he got drunk around him, right? Matt could still taste the coffee in his mouth, the morning's awkward affair still fresh in his mind. Mello seemed normal. He didn't seem in much of a rush to see Matt go, either. Maybe that was a good sign? A little smile edged its way onto his features. Yeah, he just needed to think more positively.

"Matty!"

Suddenly Matt was jarred from his internal dialog by a rather loud and high pitched voice. Rolling his eyes, he spotted the source.

"Erika, please don't address me as 'Matty' at work," he managed to mutter without slurring. Her voice was more obnoxious than normal, every syllable felt like nails on a chalk board. How had he not noticed how increasingly annoying she was before?

The blond sat perfectly perched on her office chair, one leg crossed at the ankle over the other. She wore some ridiculously expensive name brand outfit that Matt wasn't even going to attempt to identify. Her nails were painted with the British flag on them, when she noticed him looking, her smile widened. "Oh Matty! Don't be so coy. Anywho, yeah, like them?" She asked before flashing her hand back and forth in the air. "I got them done up all special. I'm being more culturally sensitive to like, your ways. Because you're British, right?" She leaned forward on her elbow and as she did the sunlight from a nearby window caught on the tiara sitting atop her nest of blond hair. Matt jerked away, shielding his eyes. It felt like a James Bond lazer being beamed right in to his retinas.

"Ah, shit! Why the hell do you wear those things?" He asked, trying not to even think about the previous statement about her nails. That girl...

Erika clicked her tongue loudly, "Excuse me? I'm the one, and only, Miss Princess Diva of our company. You know full well I was crowned when I won the pageant." She scoffed then, "I would be insulting our bosses if I didn't. God, Matty. You're so ridic."

"Erika, please come back to reality. Your dog misses the deep conversations you two share," he tried to step past her, his way easily blocked as she stood her ground with an annoyed glare.

"Is that why you broke up with me? Because we didn't talk enough?"

He couldn't help it when his eyes nearly rolled back into his head. "That's exactly it. You really need to get out more, yak it up, and definitely be more social. You're really lacking there."

"I'm social, I'm connected, I'm with it! I have a facebook!"

"Yeah, and you put Myspace pictures on it."

A hurt look crossed her features. "Matt, you know I don't know what that means! That's before my time!"

"Erika, you're older than me!"

"Well, le gasp! That's not what my driver's license says."

"I think you've celebrated your 21st birthday three times already."

"You're as young as you feel, Matt!"

Something about the scene just felt so surreal. Was this really his life? He had to find a life boat, something that he could cling to for a little bit of normalcy. With a curl of his lip, Matt stumbled past her desk and down the hallway toward his cubical. He had to find Matsuda, he'd be able to at least distract the harpy long enough for him to get his paycheck and escape the lion's den.

From the cubical at the end of the row, a messy head of black hair appeared, eyes widening as its owner took in the flurry of sound storming down the aisle. Instantly the head disappeared and the man reappeared a moment later in a seemingly mad-dash away from his desk.

As Matt saw Matsuda attempting to escape, even in his hungover state he knew he could take the smaller man. In a few quicken strides he closed the gap between the two. His hand shot out and latched on to Matsuda's shoulder, a huge grin plastered on Matt's face.

"Where ya' goin' buddy?" The tone of his voice was light, but there was an underlining threat hidden in there somewhere. "You're in such a hurry, you'd think the building was on fire."

At that moment a blond head bobbed up next to Matt, Erika placed both hands on her hips, jutting one out. "Why did you just leave in the middle of our conversation? How rude!" Her blue eyes glanced to Matsuda for a second, her head tilting. "Oh. Hi Matsuda. MATTY! You know you can't just leave while I'm talking, I like, can't stand that. I hate bad manners."

Matsuda, it could be said, was a patient man. While he may not have been the brightest or most confident, he was a good listener, always brought a cheery mood to the room, and would make time for his friends.

Except for this. Matt's little escapades with the receptionist had gone on a lot longer than he would have liked, and somehow he always managed to get roped into any squabbles that erupted in the office. He'd go to get some coffee and suddenly he was a human shield or a verbal punching bag. And he was getting sick of it.

As Matt spun him around to face Ekira, creating a human blockade, he decided to put his foot down. He wouldn't come between them anymore, no matter how much Matt liked to abuse that puppy-dog pout of his.

Twisting his face into what he hoped was an intimidating glare, he opened his mouth, words already forming on his tongue. "I really think it's time tha-"

"That you get to know Erika a little better? Cheers mate, I couldn't agree more!" Matt cut the dark haired man off straight. He knew what Matsuda was about to do by the look on his face. The redhead's quick wit wouldn't allow it. No way, no how. Matsuda was the perfect scapegoat, and nothing he tried would ever change that. A shit eating grin erupted on to Matt's face as he side stepped, pushing Matsuda even closer to the blond.

The blond in question opened her mouth and closed it a few times, looking a bit like a fish out of water. Suddenly it appeared as cogs began to move in her brain. A terrible scheme was brewing, Matt just knew it. He needed to eighty-six it before she could open her lips and-

"Oh…Matsuda."

Too late. He knew that tone. It was her flirting-get-them-hooked-then-eat-them-alive voice. He'd seen her use it a few times before they started dating. His eyebrows narrowed only slightly in pity; this wouldn't be pretty.

Erika's perfectly painted fingernails met with the sleeve of Matsuda's suit jacket. She stood and inch too close, her powerful lashes batting as she spoke. "You know, Matty's right. We should get to know each other a little better." She leaned closer, licking her bottom lip. Her eyes never left Matt as she spoke into Matsuda's ear in a husky tone. "Maybe I could get to the center of your Oreo? Yanno, really get personal."

A sound that was just on the wrong side of masculine leap from Mastuda's mouth, a vicious blush creeping over his face and down his neck. He shook his head, balling his hands into fists as his sides.

So much for putting his foot down.

Even Matt's face blushed a tad. That Erika would say just about anything to get under his skin, wouldn't she?

"Right, the two of you enjoy your snack time. Us big kids need to collect our lunch money and get back to important things like video games. Cheerio!" Matt decided it was time to exit stage right, accidently bumping into his co-worker Scott.

"Ah, Scott!" Matt took a step back, Scott had apparently heard the exchange between Erika and Matsuda. His head was shaking, before Matt could say anything else he smiled.

"Ya'll are a hoot. I swear, it's like I'm watching trashy reality TV at home. I never get bored at this job." He fixed his eyes on the pouting Erika. Her tacit clearly hadn't worked on Matt and as soon as he had turned around she stepped away from the confused dark haired man.

"Erika, darh'lin, who's man'in yer phones?" He cocked his eyebrow, the older man clearly in charge of the situation. Erika shrunk under his gaze, slinking backwards.

"I'm going, I'm going. Jeesh." She pouted once more before attempting to say goodbye to Matt. Matt, however, was pondering how much a box of Twinkies cost at Costco. He owed Scott hardcore.

It took nearly a minute for Matsuda to return to reality. The reality he was comfortable with that certainly didn't involve being sexually harassed. He meant to frown at Matt, but as soon as he saw Scott, his face split in a grin. "Ohhhhhh paycheck time?"

"Hold your horses, light weight, I ain't got yours on me." Scott chuckled under his breath as he watched Matsuda deflate. "Haha, just kiddin', here ya' go." Reaching over he slipped the paper in to the man's hand and turned to the bemused redhead.

"You know, I really wish you'd stop datin' people around the office. That girl's as stuck on you as a fly to shit, and I mean that as nicely as I can. You got some bad luck with the female populus."

Scott's slight lecture knocked Matt right out of his daze. Frowning he held out his hand for his paycheck. "I know, I know. I can't help it, I like em' exciting, you know?" He offered Scott a weak smile, "But…I don't think I'll be chasing any tail for a while. I've had the wind knocked out of my sails."

Scott shrugged, "Pity, I know this one philly I was lookin' to hook you up with. Real nice girl, down to earth, nothin' like the tramps you attract. It's the whole reason I gave her your phone number. Look Matt, you need a right nice girl in your life. I figured, I got my girl and I've done right by her all these years. I can pick 'em, so I picked one for you."

Matt made a strange face. He wasn't really sure what just came out of his co-workers mouth. Had he…set him up with a girl? "You mean me?" He asked, pointing at himself dramatically.

"I ain't talkin' about Daffy Duck over there," The older man nodded toward Matsuda, the goofy look on his face backing up his statement. That boy sure loved getting paid. With that thought, Scott pulled out Matt's check and scribbled her number on it. "Her name's Hall. Look, I'm hostin' this little shindig for Halloween. How's about you come, meet her, and see if you like her. If you don't, no harm, no foul."

Matt took his paycheck and sheepishly shrugged. "I mean…I suppose it wouldn't hurt right?" He was still shell shocked. Maybe it was the hangover, or maybe it was the fact that Scott was trying to hook him up, but he felt that weird, surreal feeling again.

"Right. See ya later, pal." Scott patted him on the back before shuffling off.

Turning on his heels, Matt looked down at the check in his hand. The digits scrawled on the page seemed to jump out at him. Maybe he should ask Mello for advice?

He paused in his thoughts. No. He'd burdened him enough last night. This time, he'd go it alone. Sink or swim.

Halloween party, here he came. He'd need a seriously epic outfit.

**xxx**


	11. I Do Not Hook Up

**xxx  
**

He felt a soft breath at his ear, her nails gliding playfully down his chest. He could feel her smile, lips pressing into his neck, and knew the exact expression plastered across her face.

"Damn…" she laughed, breath still coming in heavy puffs.

He made an off-handed noise at that, staring at the ceiling.

"Why don't we do this more?"

He shrugged, licking at his bottom lip absently. She was looking at him. He _knew_ she was looking at him.

"I mean, you've been calling a lot recently and…I'm not gonna lie, I missed it," her hand slipped a bit lower, fingers sliding just under the sheets at his waist.

"Claudia…"

"I'm serious, Mello. It's nice having you around again," she smirked, fingers trailing lower, "No one fucks like you do."

The blond frowned, swatting away her hand and sitting up. He ignored her sounds of protest, running a hand through his hair.

"What's wrong, babe?" the brunette smiled, crawling over to Mello as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Can't take a compliment?"

"I can't take you thinking that this is anything personal."

Claudia pouted, sliding her arms around the blond's shoulders, "Are you so sure? You've been calling me an awful lot, Mel."

He knew he had. In the past however-many years Mello had known Claudia, he had only required her…services off and on. It was out of need more than anything. He'd never been a fan of the term 'booty call', but knew it was exactly what this was. And she did too. "I'm not in the mood for your shit, Claudia."

"Mmm, but you were an hour ago when you called. And the day before that…"

Mello shoved her off then, throwing the brunette back against the sheets, "Fuck off."

"But you sounded so deliciously desperate, Mello. I just couldn't help myself," a wicked grin spread across her face, a hand reaching to scratch up the blond's thigh.

Claudia's smile disappeared, her eyes widening as Mello's hand closed around her throat. He pinned her there, eyes narrowing and breath coming quicker. "I thought I told you to fuck off."

A hand reached out, clutching at Mello's forearm and trying to push his hand away. Claudia blinked furiously, gasping for air as the hand at her neck tightened slightly, a vicious sneer spreading over Mello's features. She struggled against his grip, sputtering breaths escaping her lips. After a moment, he released her, moving to the edge of the bed and standing, slipping on a pair of cotton pants.

The brunette stared at the ceiling, air flooding back into her lungs. She placed a hand on her throat, sitting up slowly and watching the blond pad toward the kitchen. "Mello," Claudia muttered, coughing slightly at the use of her voice.

She heard a small rumble, a glass making contact with a countertop, but no reply.

"Hey, Mello," she called, pulling the sheet up to cover her chest.

The blond reappeared in the doorway, a tumbler in hand. "What is it?"

Claudia smirked, still massaging her throat, "What's his name?"

Mello paused, glass raised to his lips. He lowered it, leaning against the door frame. "What?"

"You heard me," the smirk grew, "tell me his name."

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Mello, I'm not stupid. Why else would you be calling me constantly after months of hearing nothing from you, huh?" Claudia crawled forward, sitting back on her ankles. "Who are you trying to get out of your big, bad brain?"

The blond downed the contents of his tumbler. "No one."

"Bullshit."

Mello watched her carefully, eyes narrowing.

"You don't need to do that tough-guy shit with me, Mello. I know you better than most people do," Claudia smiled. "And I know that there's someone driving you crazy."

He opened his mouth to reply, a hard knock on the door cutting him off. Mello stared at Claudia for a moment, a knowing look spreading over her lips before he turned to answer the door. Only two people had the audacity to show up to see him unannounced. And he'd be lying if he said he wished it wasn't Matt.

As he slid back the deadbolt, he could tell from the rough shuffling on the other side of the door that any hope of the redhead being there was gone.

However, as Mello cracked the door, the smell of cigarettes hit him hard.

Shit.

The familiar redhead stood on the other side of the door, grinning slightly, his cigarette perched between his lips. "Hey Mel, can we talk a minute? I'd understand if you're too busy."

Mello used every ounce of self control he had to quell the blush threatening to stain his cheeks. "Uh, yeah…what's wrong?" he opened the door a bit more, glancing back at his room.

A hand shot up, running fingers through red locks in a nervous manner. Matt readjusted his glasses before actually speaking, "You see, I went to this party the other day, a Halloween one. I fully wasn't expecting to meet anyone, you know, after the whole Erika thing I really, really didn't want to go there again. But there was this girl…" He paused, looking through the door slightly, "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Oh, yeah," Mello moved out of the doorway. "So, there was a girl…?" He cast another glance in the direction of his room before gesturing Matt over to the couch and shutting the door.

Matt followed, kicking his shoes off at the door before walking in and sitting on the couch. He gestured to Mello's appearance, all shirt-less and flushed. "Did I interrupt anything?"

The blond raised an eyebrow, answering perhaps a bit too quickly. "No. Why?"

He shrugged, "Whatever. Okay, so I was at this party, I made my costume and everything. I went as Mario, you know, from Super Mario Brothers?" He puffed out his chest a bit, smiling broadly, "I look damn good with a mustache. Anyway, one of my friends at work gave this girl he knows my number and said she was going to be at the party. Turns out, she totally came as Princess Peach! What are the odds, right? So we got introduced, and just started talking and…" He shifted on the couch, rubbing his shoulder, "She was so pretty, so nice, so different from the other girls I've dated, what's worse? She was flirting with me! Openly!" The gamer sat back, his eyes looking straight into Mello's. "What was I supposed to do? This perfect girl presents herself, so I did what any guy would do…I asked her out."

Mello felt his stomach twist into a knot, resting a hand on the back of a chair. "You have balls, Matt. After all that crap with all those…" he trailed off, knowing he was sounding like a whiny little bitch, and licked at his bottom lip absently. "Have you guys gone out yet?"

"Che, no. I'm too chicken shit of messing things up before it even starts. Anytime a normal girl goes out with me, I fuck it up. I'm not sure what to do. We're supposed to go out to eat in a few days." Matt stared openly at Mello, his eyes pleading for assistance, "What should I do?"

"Don't fuck her the moment you meet up with her."

His mouth fell slightly ajar, his eyes widening before he started to laugh loudly. "Yeah well, trust me; I wasn't planning on doing that." He paused, looking around once more before turning back to Mello. He could have sworn he heard something coming from what he could only assume was Mello's bedroom. "So what's up with the bed head and this?" He swished his hand a bit to motion Mello's flushed cheeks. "I'm starting to think I did interrupt something." Matt grinned, "You should really hang a hat on your door so no one bothers you." He laughed even harder at the idea he was about to present, "Did you have a good time with your friends lotion and Kleenex?" Matt doubled over on his knees, his chest racked with soft laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm kidding, it's no big deal. Now I just feel like a jackass for bothering you in the middle of your private time."

A splash of pink spread over Mello's cheeks. "You better be lucky that I find you mildly hilarious, Matt," he smirked, stretching in an attempt to draw attention away from his face. "It's my day off, so I figured I'd just…lie around."

Matt jerked his hand in an up and down motion laughing, "Laying around, sure, if that's what we're calling it now-a-days."

That oh-so annoying pang reared its ugly head, Mello forcing his eyes away from Matt's hand. He licked at his lips again, now seriously regretting letting the redhead into the loft. Mello enjoyed his company, but didn't enjoy constantly having the gamer dangling in front of him, just out of reach.

"Pff, whatever, Matt. I'm better friends with Hershey and Godiva anyway, regardless of how you think I spend my days off," he allowed a smile, "I believe you're the one with close, meaningful relationships with lotion and Kleenex."

"That's really kinky, Mello." Matt chuckled a little more before attempting to get serious again. "But really, what do you think I should do? I really don't want to mess this one up, she's super nice and I don't know how to handle nice."

"Just…be yourself," the blond shrugged. "And don't rush into your sexcapades as quickly as you normally do. You barely know a girl, and then, suddenly, you've got her on her back, and then there's no relationship, just fucking sex."

"Oh, I like the sound of that."

Any blush that had existed on Mello's features was instantly washed away as soon as he heard that voice.

Claudia came up from behind Mello, wrapping an arm around his waist, pressing against his back. "You left me all alone, Mello, what gives?" A grin spread across her face as her eyes found Matt sitting on the couch, "And who's your friend?"

Bright green eyes widened to the size of golf balls as a half naked woman entered the living room behind Mello. His face instantly flushed three shades of red. Had she been here the whole time? Did she hear his embarrassing jokes, or his girl issues? He sputtered a little, standing up, "Uh, shit Mel, I didn't know you had…company."

Blue eyes narrowed as Mello looked down at the brunette, her grin growing by the second. "I don't."

It took Claudia a moment to look back and forth between the two, recognition dawning on her features. "Oh, he's just a sourpuss when he doesn't get any chocolate after a good fuck, right baby?"

Good Lord, he could murder her right now. "Claudia…"

"You never introduced us," she beamed, walking over to the redhead and extending a hand, her tight camisole and panties leaving nothing to the imagination, "I'm Claudia."

Matt's stomach clenched for a moment. This all seemed odd to him, like he was stuck in a Van Gogh painting. It shouldn't have surprised him that Mello had women he went out with, just like Matt did. But it was different, wondering about it, and actually experiencing it. He knew he should feel proud for his friend, all the normal emotions when your buddy gets laid. Instead he just felt sick.

"Uh, I'm Matt." The redhead kept his eyes off of the woman's body the best he could, out of respect for Mello, of course. He wiped his sweaty palm off on his pants before shaking her hand. It occurred to him at this very moment, he rather be anywhere but in his friend's living room. "I think… I should be going."

"Nonsense!" she walked around the coffee table, plopping down on the couch next to Matt. "I couldn't help overhearing, and, I was thinking, if you want, Mello and I could double with you and your date. That way we can keep tabs on you. Help you out, you know?"

"Claudia, I don't think Matt wants us to-"

"Like," she paused, as if trying to find the best way to word what she was about to say, "well, if you were to fuck anything up, I can swoop in and she and I can girl-talk, and Mel can stomp on your foot if you do anything really stupid. It'd be like having two wingmen."

He considered this option carefully, while cringing every time this strange woman called Mello by his nickname. He curiously wondered how many other people called him Mel. For a moment, he didn't feel like using that name anymore. Taking a deep breath, he knocked himself out of his thoughts and smiled. "Sure, that sounds like a good idea. I mean, I'd rather have Mello there making sure I don't mess up than doing it alone." Matt took his glasses off, cleaning them on his shirt before he spoke again.

"So… how long have you two known each other?" He wondered out loud, offering that smile again.

"A while," Mello mused from behind his chair, hand darting up to massage the bridge of his nose.

"About four years now, actually," the brunette nodded, smiling at Matt.

"Wow. Okay, cool? So are you two… together or something?" Matt seemed a little hurt, his voice wavering. Why wouldn't his friend tell him he was dating someone? Unless… he didn't consider him a friend?

The blond watched Matt between his fingers, slowly dropping his hand.

That God-awful pang was back.

"Not really. We have an…odd sort of relationship. Years ago we got set up, and have stayed pretty close since then," Claudia stood then, heading back to the bedroom. "I should, uh…get dressed."

"Yeah, probably," Mello muttered after her, eyes never leaving his friend on the couch. "It's nothing serious." Nothing at all serious. If Matt had any idea of exactly how not serious it was, he wouldn't be sitting there, shoulders hunched, looking like a kicked puppy.

"That's cool; you're entitled to have a life outside of our friendship. I guess we're not close enough for me to have known, that's not a big deal." Matt reached his hand back, rubbing the back of his neck with a fake laugh. "I should be going; you have _things_ to finish anyway. Sorry I bothered you with my problem, I'll figure out if we should do that double date or not and text you later."

Mello let a sigh pass between his lips, grip tightening on the back of the chair. "Matt, it…it really just happened recently. You were…upset with Erika, and it's really not anything serious so I didn't want to bug you with it. Hell, if anything remotely important happens, you'll be the first to know," he added, with a small smile. The only thing that would matter seemed to be rather upset, slumped on Mello's couch. "Seriously, you're a good friend. I didn't think you'd want to deal with my shit when yours is, well…a lot more substantial."

Matt considered Mello's answer, it seemed honest. Finally, he looked up with a bright smile, "Man, you know you can come to me with anything right? You should have told me! She's hot, so I'll forgive you.." He narrowed his eyes playfully, "This time."

"Careful there, Matt," Mello smirked, walking to lean in the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

The brunette appeared again, fully clothed. "Alright, well, _honey_ , I'm gonna get going so you boys can chat," Claudia allowed a sly grin, slinking into the doorframe with Mello. Slipping an arm around his neck, she gave him a quick kiss before whispering in his ear, "He's cute, Mel."

He let a small growl echo in his throat, replying in a hushed voice, "Don't you-"

"I can see why you're so…" she licked at his earlobe, nails dragging across his hip, "…distracted."

From his place on the couch, Matt cleared his throat, glancing awkwardly to the side when Claudia and Mello looked in his direction.

"Sorry," she laughed, walking to the coffee table and picked up her purse. "It was great meeting you, Matt," Claudia beamed, walking to the door.

"Uh huh, likewise."

"Gimme a call, Mello, and I'll see you boys later," she waved before closing the door behind her.

Mello let his eyes drift from the door to the gamer sitting on the couch.

"That was some hot lotion you had there, Mel." An awkward smile lifted Matt's lips as he shifted a bit on the couch, his joke not having as much power behind it as it did in his mind. "I mean, she's hot. Yeah."

"Yeah, well…" Mello shrugged, walking back to his chair and sitting down. "We'll just pretend like that wasn't awkward."

"Awkward? Really? Not at all!" Matt laughed, lying through his teeth.

"Fuck you, don't lie. You would have bolted the first chance you got."

"Yeah, I was thinking about how high up your apartment was to be honest. Would I break my leg, or just get maimed?"

"Depends how you landed. It's just the second story, so unless you decided to fall directly on your head or neck, it wouldn't be fatal," he laughed, letting out a soft sigh. "So, uh…when's your date?"

Matt fiddled with the knee of his jeans, "A couple of days from now, she picked the place and everything. I pretty much just need to show up." He looked up, frowning a little, "she's way different than I'm used to."

"We can…" Mello paused, gulping at the word he was about to say, "double…if you want. For moral support on your first date with a…real woman." The faintest glimmer of a sneer flashed across his face before he smiled, "I'll bail you out if you mess up."

"Really?" Matt brightened up quickly, his teeth flashed in a bright smile. The idea that Mello would be there to help him out, it made the date seem less stressful. "You're a life saver! I'll owe you big time! Thanks, Mel!"

"It's not a problem." Lie. "It'll be fun." Lie. Mello couldn't help his smile growing, though, as he looked at Matt's grin. "Just tell me when and where."

"Of course, I'll shoot you a text with all the info, but I guess I should be leaving. I mean, I already scared your half naked girlfriend away." He sheepishly smiled, standing and slipping his shoes back on.

"Alright, and…don't worry about that," the blond stood, following Matt to the door and opening it for him. "She probably found this whole thing much more amusing than she should have," he added softly, teeth grinding together for a moment.

"You two seem to click, I'm glad you have someone you can spend time with. I must look kinda foolish with all my bad luck, to someone who's been in a relationship for four years." He laughed awkwardly, his own words bothering him more than he thought they would. "I can't even keep a relationship longer than a few months, if I'm lucky." He shrugged, walking out the door turning back to face Mello. "What's your secret?"

An odd feeling tugged at Mello's chest. "It's…it's not exactly a relationship, Matt," he paused, trying to figure out exactly what to call meeting up and sleeping with the same person off and on for several years. "The thing with Claudia is that she knows a lot about me. I've never had any need to lie, so there's never been anything awkward there. Nothing to hide." The blond frowned inwardly at his own statement, shaking his head, and continuing, "I guess just be honest. You're a catch, Matt. Anyone stupid enough to not see that isn't worth your time."

The redhead shrugged, not really wanting to vocalize some of the things he rather respond with. He'd like to think Mello could trust him, or he'd like to ask him what he was lying about, but these things never left the contents of his mind. Instead he smiled and nodded. "Okay, thanks for the advice Mello." He lifted his hand and turned to walk off, something nagging at the back of his mind. Wasn't it normal to want to be trusted by your friends, to have them tell you everything? But were they friends? Sure, he considered them friends. Matt liked Mello's company, they talked, well… Matt talked, and Mello seemed to get him. But was it all one sided? How much did Matt actually know about Mello?

He decided then, at that moment, that the next time they hung out, he'd be the one listening instead of talking.

**xxx**


	12. Twenty Questions

**xxx**

_"Hey Mel, I'm hurting bad for some Chinese food. Feel like an epic adventure?"_

As Mello started at the tiny, pixilated message on his phone, he felt something between a smirk and a frown pull at his lips.

On one hand, he was elated that Matt wanted to actually go do something outside of the bar. The little butterflies who liked to flutter around his stomach at the very mention of the gamer were swarming, making their existence harder to deny. The idea of just hanging out already had Mello far more excited than he had any right being.

However...wait, what the hell was he thinking?

He couldn't just _go hang_ with Matt. To Matt, sure, this was a completely innocent trip to some shitty restaurant, they'd talk about nothing important, and that'd be it. To Matt. But this little excursion would mean the exact opposite to Mello. Somehow, he felt bad thinking that, for him, this was something even remotely important when it wasn't. Like he was defiling Matt's pure intentions.

The more he thought about it, the more the idea of defiling the redhead seemed to grow on him. And the more he thought about even thinking of fucking up what he already _didn't_ have, the more he wanted to bash his own head in.

_"Mel? I will only accept the excuse that abominable snowmen abducted you as the reason you're not answering me."_

Shit, what was he going to do. His phone made another obnoxious sound, a new message flashing up on the screen.

_"The hunger. She rages."_

His thumb hesitated over the keys, a deep breath seeping past his lips as he mentally willed himself to acquire the pair he knew he had.

It was just Matt, which he reminded himself was part of the problem. It was a completely innocent get together: the other part of the problem.

"The damage's already been done," Mello mused, thumb finally pressing a few keys quickly before he lost his nerve. "I'm already knee deep."

" _What_ _time are you picking me up?"_

**xxx**

Reclined on his sofa, the redhead's phone suddenly went off on the nearby table. Green eyes locked on to his phone, and noticing it was from Mello, he scrambled to reach it. His hand shot out a little too fast, sending Matt face first onto his carpet. A long string of curse words left his lips before he texted back.

_"I can leave as soon as I find the teeth I just knocked out."_

Pushing off the carpet, the gamer stood and grabbed his jacket. As he shrugged into the jacket, he swiped his keys off his Master Chief statue.

" _Leaving now, they were under the couch. lol I hope hot glue will hold."_

**xxx**

The blond tugged his coat tighter around himself when the red car pulled into the parking lot. He rolled his eyes at Matt's eager grin from the driver's seat, frantically waving him over to the car.

"Nice death trap you've got here," Mello chuckled as he opened the door, stepping into the vehicle.

"He didn't mean it baby, he's just a bitch," Matt cooed as he pet the frame of his car before shooting a smirk at the blond. "Don't be jealous of my hot wheels, Mel. She might not look like much now, but when I finish restoring her, she's gonna be a beaut."

"Right, Matt," he rolled his eyes, shutting the door and settling back into the seat. "So where are you and this lovely lady taking me today? Will I need to be rushed to the hospital for the inevitable explosion and food poisoning, or just the explosion?"

"I can feel the sarcasm oozing from you, Mello." Matt laughed before putting his car in to the right gear. "We're going on a quest. One every man should journey at least once in his life. The quest for good Chinese food. We must follow the way of the noodle, and absorb its goodness to live." The redhead bowed his head solemnly, an air of a classic kung fu movie tone in his voice.

A slender blond eyebrow quirked up. "You have gotta be the whitest white boy I've ever seen," Mello smirked, head rolling back, "but drive away, Sifu. I eagerly await your teaching."

"Hey, I do believe Vanilla Ice is still whiter than me!" Matt protested softly, his fingers glided over his MP3 player. "Is it cool with you if I pump up the jams?" Clearly aware that that had to be one of the dorkiest things he had ever said around the blond, he offered a smile. "And yes, I said 'pump up the jams.'"

"Whatever, it's your car," he replied, eyes watching the world blur just slightly as they pulled out of the parking lot. Shit, what was he thinking.

Shrugging, the redhead turned the music on. The last thing Matt had been listening to was 'Party Rock Anthem', the loudest part of the song now blaring out of his speakers. The redhead swayed in his seat, his hands patting against the steering wheel as he drove. When he went to shift gears, he did a little dance move with a laugh, singing the words along with the song. He secretly hoped Mello would join in, just so he knew he wasn't embarrassing himself too much.

"EVERYDAY I'M SHUFFLIN~"

"Oh, good Lord."

The redhead turned to the other, a dejected pout spreading across his face. "But Me-"

Until he realized Mello was grinning, covering his eyes with his hand. "Please stop the dancing, it's burning my eyes."

"Hey! My sweet moves break ALLLL kinds of hearts. I don't know what you're talking about." Matt laughed again. Mello wasn't embarrassed by him, and that was definitely a good sign. Matt would have hated not being able to be himself. It made him feel good to know Mello was a true friend.

Just to make Mello laugh during the bridge of the song, Matt threw his arms out in a wild dance craze in his seat.

"You're going to break my face if you keep flailing like that," Mello laughed again, shoving Matt's shoulder when the light turned green. "So what prompted this little outing, Matty?"

A broader smile lifted the corners of Matt's lips, he liked it when Mello called him 'Matty'. It just never sounded right come out of Erika's mouth. It always sounded too fake and forced. But when Mello said it, it felt right, natural. It occurred to him that this was a very strange thought, so he did what he always did and simply shook it off.

"I'm not sure if it was the primal urge to eat, or the thirst for discovery and adventure." He paused before adding, "Translation: I was bored, hungry, and wanted to hangout. Is that alright?" For a moment Matt wasn't sure Mello liked the idea of hanging out for no reason; it never occurred to him that it wouldn't be fine. They were friends. Friends hung out, right?

Mello nodded, leaning against his arm propped up on the door, "Yeah, it's fine. I wasn't doing anything, and well, food is always good."

After a few minutes of driving in complete silence from the two boys in the car, minus the background music, Matt decided to take the initiative to get to know his blond pal better. Matt never could stand keeping his mouth shut for too long.

"Okay," he started, lifting his hands off the wheel before clamping them back down. "I say we play twenty questions." He glanced at the blond encouragingly, "I mean, we've hit traffic and it'll take a while to get to Golden Dragon, so why not? There's a lot of junk we don't know about each other, and I'm a curious dude."

A bright blue eye opened underneath a mess of blond hair, eyeing Matt warily, "Alright, I guess so. You start, you suggested it."

"Is that rule kinda like, 'who ever smelt it dealt it'?" The gamer tapped his fingers to the current song as he thought. "Alright, I don't remember if I've asked you or not, but when's your birthday? And how old are you?" He was surprised by the fact that he actually didn't know. That was weird.

"God, so nosy," Mello laughed softly before straightening a bit in his seat. "December 13th, and I'm 22. It's very exciting, I know."

"Oh snap, we're the same age for another month or so!" Matt exclaimed as he soaked in the new information. "I'm 22, and dude, tell me you weren't going to let your birthday go by without telling me?"

"I mentioned that it was in December, don't get your panties in a twist," the smirk on Mello's face continued to grow.

"I must have either forgot…or was drunk, because you work at a bar and that's where I'm sure you mentioned it." He narrowed his eyes, "Sneaky. You told me when I wouldn't remember, you did that on purpose. I'm on to your games, Blondie."

"You only get twenty questions, chatterbox."

"Fine, fine. Did you go to college?" Matt focused on driving for a moment while he waited for the answer. What kind of things did he want to ask? What did he really need to know? It was odd, he had a million things to ask when the blond wasn't sitting next to him, but as soon as he was there, he drew a blank.

"Eh, sort of."

"Sort of? What the heck does that mean?"

"I went to school early, so I feel like it doesn't count."

"Like you went to college early and graduated, or something?"

"Yeah, I guess," Mello raised a shoulder in a shrug, "I started taking college classes when I was 14, I think. But, seriously, I don't think it counts unless you have the whole experience to go along with it."

"Wow, and I thought I was smart." Matt was a bit shocked; just how smart had the blond been all this time? Did he ever look down on Matt during his un-clever moments? Or was it because Matt could keep up with him that their friendship worked so well? Pushing the negative thought out of his mind, he kept talking. "Okay brainchild, where were you born? You told me once that you're Russian?"

"That's two questions, Matt." The laugh was evident in Mello's voice.

Green eyes rolled so hard you could almost see the nothing but white in his eyes. "Oh just answer the questions, smartass."

"I was born in a hospital. But," the blond quirked his lips upward at Matt, "that hospital was in Moscow."

"Hot damn, that means neither one of us were born in America." For some reason, that made Matt chuckle. "What brought you to the US of A?"

Mello tried to ignore the little flip his stomach decided to do at that question. "That's kinda touchy, actually."

"Really?" Matt stopped at a red light before turning to the blond, "Hey, I'm sorry, didn't know. If it helps, I came because my adopted parents were originally American. They wanted to move back after a while, thought I'd really like it here." His smile was small but didn't reach his eyes, "Figured maybe I'd fit in a bit better than the school I was already in. Turns out, I didn't quite fit in anywhere. A bit socially retarded I guess; my idea of a good time was Mountain Dew and a computer game."

"You're not, you just have your priorities straight," he tried to offer a smile, feeling his chest constrict. "It's fine though, and...I'm sorry, Matt. It's not fun having to grow up when you're still a kid." Mello stared out the window, eyes drawn to the cracked cement of the curb, caked with oil and dirt.

"Naw, I think I turned out pretty well." He thought about this for a moment, "or maybe not. Who knows? At least I'm not an ax murderer!" He laughed softly before pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it quickly. This had swiftly turned out to be an awkward topic for him, "So anyway, why do you like chocolate so much?" He asked, changing the subject and taking a drag of his cigarette.

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about his adoptive parents, or his move. It was the fact that it brought up so many bad memories of his childhood. Maybe that was the reason Mello didn't want to talk about why he had arrived in America? Did he have a bad past too? Was that why they got along so well?

The blond paused, watching Matt struggle through his thoughts, smoke curling from his cigarette. "I feel like it reminds me of something, but I probably just have an oral fixation."

The redhead drove in silence for a while, simply smoking his cigarette. He didn't try to ask any more questions, nor did he crack any jokes. In his attempt to cheer up Mello, he had, in turn, dredged up some painful memories. The sweet nicotine tried it's best to calm his agitated nerves as his fingers tapped the steering wheel. Life had dealt Matt a bad hand from the get go and years later, even after so many attempts to fix it, it was still a shamble of a life.

Once his cigarette was finished, he pulled another one out and started on it. Chain smoking was never a good answer to a problem, but damn did it help. Looking around for the turn he swore he missed five minutes ago, Matt finally spoke. "That's pretty kinky, Mel."

"Oh, baby, you never talk dirty to me anymore."

"I thought you told me to chill on the dirty and try to be more romantic? Ah shit, maybe I confused the two. I'm not so bright you know." This made Matt quirk a small smile.

"No, I want it dirty. You must be thinking about that hot date you've got next week. You know," eyes fluttered at Matt through blond lashes, "the one that isn't with me."

"I'm such a two timer." Matt joked, "In all seriousness though, I am nervous about that. What if she doesn't like me? Or worse, what if she does and something's wrong with her? You know my luck." A heavy sigh lifted smoke through the air. Eyeing the turn he had been looking for, Matt turned and pulled up to the Chinese restaurant. Parking the car, he put out his cigarette and opened his door. "No one could live up to you Mel, don't worry." He winked, clearly playing off Mello's date joke.

As he got out of the car, Mello could feel a vicious frown trying to rip through the smile plastered on his face. "She's gonna love you, Matt, and then the world is going to weep because you'll be happy and with someone who is perfect for you. You'll never grace the doorway of my bar, and I'll hate you for it, but hey, we'll always have Paris."

The redhead stopped at those words, a hurt expression marring his features. "Mello, even if it does work out, I would never stop spending time with you. I mean, we're friends. I'd hate to say 'Bros before hoes,' but seriously? That's a tad insulting." The other offered him a gentle smile, "Ah Paris, full of cheese and ninjas. I remember it well."

Those butterflies were back, fire erupting through his chest wherever their little demon wings fluttered. And Matt smiling at him like he gave a damn sure wasn't helping. Mello leaned back against the car door, eyes never leaving Matt as he rounded the car to stand in front of him. "You know, Matt, we could have had a real moment there. The sun's setting and everything. We could have stared deep into each others' eyes, everything laid bare. But you had to mention the fucking ninjas."

"I'm so sorry Mello, but the ninjas were a very important part of Paris. The daring escapes and epic battles only made us closer. I feel.." He put his hand on Mello's shoulder, holding back fake tears, "I feel like it made us stronger. The ninjas, Mello. The ninjas are why we're here now. Together, about to consume copiousness amounts of Chinese food."

God was mocking him. God was laughing His ass off right now, knowing that wonderful bit of dramatic irony that Matt was blissfully unaware of.

Matt was touching him. And it was completely innocent and in jest, but the weight of Matt's hand on Mello's shoulder was twisting his insides in ways that pornography should, not a fucking touch on the shoulder. The warmth radiating from his hand brought the blond back to the other man, drunk and clinging for dear life on the back of his bike, the engine purring beneath them in the same low tone that Matt whispered in his ear with boyish delight...

His hands formed into fists at his sides.

**xxx**

"God Mello, did you have to punch me in the shoulder? I mean, I know you wanted Kung Pow chicken, but did you have to Kung Pow MY chicken?" Matt pouted, rubbing his arm sourly. He wasn't sure exactly what he had done. One minute they were joking around, the next Mello had hit him in the shoulder and briskly walked inside. Now they were standing in line waiting to be seated.

"Mel. Mello, dude. What did I do? Please don't be mad, I know I can get carried away with my jokes. I thought you thought it was funny, I didn't mean to offend you or something." Another puppy dog pout directed at Mello, Matt desperately wanted to know what he did so he wouldn't do it again. Mello had a killer swing, OW!

"I knew you were going to make a horrible Chinese food joke, and I felt the need to preempt it. Even though you ended up making the joke anyway," Mello muttered through his teeth, willing the blush away. He'd probably gone too far with the punch. Probably.

"You didn't do anything, Matty, don't worry."

A long drawn out and overly dramatic sigh came from the redhead as if he was deflating. "Honestly? You hit me because of a corny joke? I think you bruised me." Matt gave him a cheeky smile, adjusting his glasses. "I guess I can't say you hit like a girl ever." Matt followed the small waitress to their table, pausing before Mello sat down out of courtesy before taking his seat.

"You should kiss it, make it better." Make jested, raising his arm.

If Mello hadn't been carefully measuring his self control, his cheeks would have instantly flared. "Put your arm down before I bite it."

Matt rolled his eyes before putting his arm down. "Fine, don't kiss it. My mom would be very disappointed in you, Mel."

"She should be more disappointed in your bad jokes, you know." He let a smirk linger on his lips, reaching for a menu, "So what's good? Since you're the one who took me out."

"No idea!" Matt exclaimed proudly as he grabbed his menu. "Never been here, heard it was good though." His shit eating grin had been hidden behind the menu as he spoke, "You love my bad jokes, it's what gets you out of bed in the morning."

"You have no idea."

"What was that?" Matt asked, his glasses barely appearing over the top of the menu.

"You have no idea what's good?" Mello leaned forward slightly, eyes narrowing, "I swear to God, Matt, if I get food poisoning and die, I'm going to come back and haunt you."

"If you come haunt me can we reenact a scene from Ghost Busters?" As the waiter sauntered over, Matt put his menu down. He ordered beef and broccoli with shrimp fried rice and a set of egg rolls. Offering a shrug to Mello, "I go with my favorites no matter where I go, then compare them to each other. Where can you go wrong with that? I'm sure it's good, Scott said so."

"Twinkie Scott?" Mello raised an eyebrow at the redhead before turning to the waiter, "I'll have the same thing."

"Yeah, Scott from payroll. He's a pretty cool guy. From the deep south or something. He's the guy that's setting me up with Halle, said he's doing me a favor." The redhead smiled, "You like the same thing?"

"I do, yeah," his eyes focused intently on the plate in front of him, trying to ignore that pang of annoyance at Halle's name. "He's a good friend."

Matt frowned, Mello suddenly looked less happy. Did he think Matt liked Scott better? That he thought Scott was a better friend because he hooked him up? "Hey, you're a better friend. Don't think too much about it. How about I ask you some more stupid questions? Clearly you have excellent taste in Chinese food, but what's your favorite food?" He offered up a bright smile.

"No, Matt, I'm a shitty friend," Mello laughed, resting his elbow on the table. "We already covered chocolate, but I'm really fond of Greek food. Like lamb."

"Mmm...juicy baby meat. I prefer Italian food myself, a good pasta will do me right any day. Italian sausage? Forget about it." Matt grinned to himself as he took a bite of one of the egg rolls the waitress had brought them. "Why do you think you're a shitty friend? Honestly, you're my best friend."

"Ah, it's because I'm using you, Matty," the smile formed on the blond's lips with ease, "you're just so damn funny, I need to steal all of your witty dialogue to write a screenplay."

"Can it be called 'Tasty Cakes' and star Neil Patrick Harris and Daniel Radcliffe?"

"There's really something wrong with you, Matt. You're gonna kill it on that date."

**xxx**


	13. Nobody Knows But Me

**xxx  
**

" _Matt, let me up. It's cold out here."_

A loud buzz filled the air near Mello before the intercom clicked on. A familiar voice filled the air, "Mello? You there?" after a second the buzz sounded again, signaling that the door was unlocked.

Pulling the door open, Mello stepped into the lobby, instantly warmer. He looked around for the elevator, nodding to the doorman sitting behind the desk before hitting the button. A cheerful ding filled the lobby as the shiny doors slid open and the blond stepped inside elevator. Poking at little button with '42' embossed on it, Mello settled back against the mirrored wall. How the shit did Matt afford to live in this building?

The carpet in the hallway was ridiculously plush and Mello thought of walking on marshmallows as he strode up to the door as the end of the hall. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself as he knocked on the door.

A flash of red appeared as Matt opened the door, his teeth bright white in the biggest grin ever. "Mel! Come in, come in! I don't get guests often!" he cheered as he walked down the hallway away from the door, "Make sure to take your shoes off okay?" A large statue of Master Chief met Mello in the entryway, as well as a shoe rack and closet. Beyond the hallway, the carpet gave way to a beautiful cherry wood floor.

The living room wall-to-wall geekdom. A comfortable looking leather couch sat center of the room in front of a large coffee table, adjacent to a huge flat screen TV. The TV, part of a rather big entertainment system hooked up to every console ever created, sat between two large speakers. Around the room, other speakers hid among the paraphernalia on the walls. Star Trek to Buffy the Vampire slayer, to Star Wars and Iron Man decorated the room. Figures in boxes, an entire wall of games, posters of movies and anime. The only place not decorated was the entire wall of windows, a lush scene of LA's cityscape filling the side of the room.

Matt tromped back in to the room, his green eyes shining behind a pair of black glasses. He flashed another smile to the blond and walked in to the sea of silver and marble he called a kitchen. "Thirsty?"

"A little," Mello tried not to gawk at the apartment as he took off his shoes. "So, uh, Matt," he stepped into the carpet, toes wiggling in his socks, "You never mentioned you were Tony Stark." The ominous blue glow coming from a side room did nothing to change Mello's mind.

The geek raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a soda, sitting it on the counter for Mello. "What? I'm not Iron Man, I see myself more as a Captain America kinda guy." Matt leaned on his kitchen counter, popping one of the sodas open and taking a big drink. "Why'd you say that, anyway?"

"Oh, no reason, " the blond took the can, ignoring the several hundred thousand dollar kitchen he was standing in.

Slightly confused, Matt decided to just ignore the comment and smile. "So how do you like my Bat-cave?" Standing back up he strode over to another counter, opening what appeared to be a TARDIS, pulling out a cookie. "I've worked really hard on making it the most badass it possibly could be."

"It's very badass. It would make any geek jealous and proud," he smiled and took a sip of his soda. "What time do we need to leave?"

"I'm not really sure, five I think?" Matt looked at his phone nervously, a slight frown on his lips. He clearly wasn't ready for this.

"It'll be fine, don't worry. You should go get ready."

"I am ready..." Matt blinked.

Chucks. Suspenders. Bow tie. Mello let a little sigh pass between his lips, "No. No you aren't."

"What? Why not..? What's wrong with my outfit?" Matt looked generally confused as he straightened his bow tie. "Bow ties are cool."

"They were in the days of yore. Or at prom, complete with a powder blue tux," his lips quirked up slightly. "What else do you have to wear? So that you look like an adult and not a madman with a box."

Green eyes widened so Matt looked a bit like an owl. "Mello…I think I love you." He crooned before grinning so wide his face could split in half, "You got my reference! You watch Doctor who? I never would have guessed! We have to marathon together!" Matt then whizzed off in a flash, a second later coming back with something in his hand. He pointed it and pressed a button, a sound coming from the item. "My sonic screwdriver."

Mello was briefly dazed by that little four letter word in that little three word phrase directed at him. He carefully gripped the counter behind him, laughing a bit too loudly than the situation called for. "Where'd you get that? That's awesome."

As oblivious as ever, the redhead bounded over to the blond showing him his toy. He clicked it outward, scanning Mello before looking at the device. "Readings say: not British, but still good." He snickered and handed it to the blond. "I went back home for a little bit a couple of weeks ago. I picked it up at one of the local shops. I also grabbed a Dalek paper weight and the entire Nuwho series." Matt leaned against the counter next to Mello, his elbow touching the other's.

"Why didn't you tell me that you enjoyed quality British television? Do you watch Misfits, Sherlock Homes, or Being Human? Have you seen the new Torchwood?" Matt's mouth went off a mile a minute, overly excited like a small puppy when their master came home.

Looking down at their elbows, Mello tried to quell the shiver traveling up his arm. Shit. He tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the cheery sound of Matt's voice, and tried to completely ignore the fact that he was helping Matt to score with someone else. A girl. A lovely girl who, by the sound of it, was perfect for Matt. Fuck, he couldn't do it.

He pulled away, gripping Matt's biceps, eyes intense. "Matt."

"Hm?" Matt stopped mid-sentence and blinked, his green eyes meeting blue. "Yeah, Mel?" His cheeks, already a slight pink hue from the over excitement, darkened a bit more. He didn't realize they had been standing so close. Not that standing close to Mello should matter, he was his best friend. But the way he was looking at him, with his hand on his arm. It was a bit…different.

"Matt," the blond took a deep breath, as if he were trying to piece the words together. His eyes softened for a moment before narrowing, "Don't distract me with British TV. You are not wearing that bow tie." He gave a slight squeeze to Matt's arms before letting go and walking toward the living room. "Come on, you need to put on something decent."

The redhead stood there, the feeling on his arm lingering a moment longer than he would have liked it to. His cheeks burned and he felt a slight tug in his gut, like someone punched him. Clearing his head, he took a long drink of his soda and composed himself. He'd never seen Mello look at him like that before. It was strange, and it had a weird sort of pull to it. He needed to drop these thoughts right now. Bro code rule one, you do not have these thoughts about your close friends. That is not cool.

Sighing, he smiled and pointed down the other hallway past the blue lit room. "My room's this way Mel. Can you help me find something acceptable?" He offered a shrug of his shoulder in the direction before trotting that way. This was…just his nerves. He was nervous about his date with Halle, right? His heart was beating too fast because of the date. Not the look. The date. Right, check.

By the time Matt mentally checked back in, Mello was rifling through his closet, pulling several shirts out and laying them out on Matt's bed.

Matt leaned against the door frame leading to his room, his arms crossed. His head tilted slightly as he watched Mello shuffle through his clothing. It was an interesting thought, Mello dressing him. Did friends normally do these kinds of things? Then again, nothing about their friendship ever seemed very normal to him. And maybe, just maybe, that's why it worked so well. The geek had always been more of a lone wolf, more content on sitting alone in his cave playing games. The most social interaction he ever got were the times he was in a relationship. The girls he dated always entertained him and introduced him to people he'd later forget. Most people either bored the shit out of him, or couldn't keep up.

Watching the blond skitter back and forth, looking down at the pants and shirts trying to find the perfect outfit, Matt found himself frowning. When was the last time someone had been at his house? When was the last time he allowed ANYONE to touch his clothes, let alone be in his room? He had never allowed Erika in here. They had either watched movies in the living room, or went to her house. Before that, he found himself remembering, he never quite felt safe enough or close enough to someone to allow them something so intimate. Sex was one thing, being in a personal place like this was another.

So what was it that made him okay with Mello doing it? All his other friends he met outside of his house. Not one of them allowed to even know where he lived. Yet, this person he had only known for less than a year, was in his room…picking out an outfit for him. A soft expression crossed his features; had he ever known someone that he generally wanted to be closer to before? His parents kept him at arms length, his friends he kept at an arms length, and the girls? Why bother? They hurt him in the end anyway.

What was so…different?

"Okay, so try this," Mello tossed a pair of pants and shirt to Matt, ushering him into the room. "Show me when you're done. If you want to hit it off with this girl, the least I can do is make you look half presentable."

Matt glanced at the clothes on the bed as he untied his bow tie, taking it off and placing it on his dresser. His fingers found button after button as he glided down the shirt, sliding the suspenders away before shrugging the shirt off. "Are you sure this is going to look alright?" He asked, crinkling his nose as he reached for the shirt.

The moment Matt's hands dropped to the waist of his pants, Mello pointedly turned and took a step out the door, leaning against the wall. Matt really needed to give him some warning whenever he was going to start stripping.

"Yeah, it'll look fine."

God, he'd become so weak. Being in Matt's room alone was enough to stir things that really shouldn't be stirring. Everything was musky and there was a faint edge of cigarettes everywhere that made his chest feel tight for the opposite reason that cigarettes should. His head rested against the wall at his back, eyes shutting tightly, trying to pretend Matt wasn't half naked not more than five feet away.

It only took a minute for Matt to be fully dressed again, peaking his head out of the bedroom. He appeared right next to Mello's face, grinning. "Can I still wear the bow tie?"

To his credit, Mello only laughed. "No, you can't. Maybe at the wedding, but not tonight."

Matt gave him a strange look. "Wedding? Yeah right," he laughed before striding into his room to put the bow tie back and grab his cigarettes. When he appeared back beside Mello he had lit one, the cherry red of the slight flame burning in the dark hallway. "We still have a while'til we have to leave, what do you feel like doing?" he asked as he blew some smoke away from the blond.

Mello had a good eye for what would look good on the redhead, he had to give that to him. He wondered if Mello watched those girly TV shows like 'What not to wear'. A hilarious image of Mello in PJ's on his couch at night watching that show while eating ice cream made him suddenly laugh way too loud.

"I'm sure inhaling carcinogens isn't that funny," Mello raised an eyebrow at Matt's laughter-turned-coughing-fit.

"I just…this image..." Matt tried to get out before he started coughing so hard he had to double over. "Footy pajamas…oh God…footy pajamas!"

The blond stared at him for a moment before pushing away from the wall. "Right, okay. I'm not sure if you should be driving tonight, Matt."

He held one hand up as if to signal he'd be okay soon. He wiped a tear away from his face before standing back up. "Oh God. That was..." He stopped himself. What was he about to say? A cute image? An adorable image? His face paled suddenly.

What?

Blue eyes were staring at him, slightly amused. "Alright, Matty, now that you're back with us, what do you want to do?" Mello slipped his jacket from his shoulders, taking it and folding it over his arm.

Green eyes drifted to a spot on his wall and just stared at it, a puzzled look written all over his features. He smoked quietly as he attempted to understand why that thought had even happened. Why was that image 'cute'? Why did he think that? Mello wasn't a girl, but at the same time he had a sort of softness...like a girl. But, but he was clearly a boy, his shoulders were broader than a girl's, he was tall and lean, but at the same time he was rough and could certainly hold his own in a fight. He wasn't built the same way Matt was but nothing about him said _girl_. So what, about that, made him think cute?

Okay. He'd admit that Mello was a very attractive man. Sure, okay. Point to Mello. And okay, his eyes were the bluest blue he'd ever seen, they reminded him of the Tardis. And okay, sure...his hair was pretty. Even if it were shorter, it would be much nicer than Matt's scruff and puff of hair. It just…fell nicer. Two more points for him. But just because he was attractive AND they could talk about nothing at all for hours and not get bored of each other, did not mean he had the right to think a word like 'cute' about a friend of his.

The redhead's heart began to race, leaning against the wall to attempt to gain some sort of strength, his legs trying to give out from under him, he cigarette in his mouth long forgotten. This needed to stop. These weird thoughts could not be real. Matt knew he was fucked up, he knew he had a weird way of thinking, that he was wired differently than others. But what on God's green earth made these thoughts pop up?

Halle. It had to be all about Halle. He was nervous! He was projecting his feelings for her onto Mello; that had to be it. The tightness in his chest lifted finally. Halle had the same kind of hair, the same kind of eyes, the same kind of tall slender look about her. That was it. He was confusing himself, all because he was scared that Halle and him wouldn't get along like Mello and him did. He was projecting.

Running a hand through his hair he stood back up, shaking off the doubt and confusion.

He must really have liked Halle more than he thought.

"Feel like playing Dead Island?" Matt asked, a bright smile on his lips.

**xxx**

"-And then I told Matsuda, 'Listen! If you really wanted those chicken nuggets, you shouldn't have put your hand in there while Steve was milking the goat!"

The table erupted in laughter, Halle clasping a hand over her mouth and placing a hand on Matt's arm. "Oh God, Matt, you're too much!" She allowed her laughter to die down, glancing at Claudia across the table, "I think I need to freshen up. Probably cried all my eyeliner off during that story. Wanna come with me, Claudia?"

The brunette nodded, still holding back a few giggles, "Yeah, we'll let the gentlemen chat for a bit." The two stood, talking merrily on their way to the ladies room.

Mello smiled, lips quirking up a bit as the two disappeared.

As soon as the girls left Matt turned his attention to Mello. With his geekiest smile Matt gestured to get Mello's attention. He waved his hand over the candle on the table and snerked, "Look, I'm firebending."

Mello nearly spit his water across the table. "How long were you waiting to do that?"

"All night. Hey, hey..." He blew his hair out of his eyes and pointed up, "Airbending."

"Got that out of your system?"

"Yeah, sorry." Fidgeting, he looked at Mello, "Do you think I'm doing an okay job? I think I'm doing okay."

"You're doing a good job, Matt, don't worry," Mello adjusted his ponytail absently. "She likes you. A lot. And, for some insane reason, thinks you're hilarious."

"I am hilarious." Matt scoffed, picking up his soda and playing with the straw a bit before putting it in his mouth and taking a huge drink. "I'm just…I don't know, she's way out of my league.."

"Probably, but she likes you and seems to be having fun, so points there," Mello leaned on his elbow, propping his chin in his hand.

"I just know I'm going to fuck it up. I always do." Matt adjusted his glasses before taking them off and cleaning them on his shirt. "I mean, she's really awesome." He glanced back toward where the girls went, "I don't see why she's here."

"Clearly, she sees something in you," Mello shrugged, eyes catching the girls walking back to the table. He smiled, "Hey, Matt?"

"Yes?"

Mello flicked one of the little pebbles from the table's centerpiece toward Matt, "Earthbending."

Matt's eyes twinkled before he stifled a laugh. He mouthed 'Dude I love you' before the girls sat back down.

Halle beamed as she settled back into her seat. "So, Matt, what kind of stuff do you like to do when you're not crunching numbers at work?"

"Well, sometimes I marathon my favorite shows. Like Doctor Who and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, or I'll play a game 'til I can get all of the achievements unlocked. Sometimes I like to head over to Mello's bar and we talk and hangout while I drink. Oh! I went out with the guys a while back and fell into a bush." Matt preened.

Both Claudia and Mello's attention snapped to Matt, a sharp thud sounding under the table.

"Ow!" Matt jumped as a foot slammed in to his shin, tears welling up under his glasses. Shocked, he stared at Mello. "I mean…um…I like video games. I also rebuild computers..."

Halle glanced back and forth between the two grins and the pained smile creeping over Matt's face, "That's cool. I'm pretty terrible with computers. I just figured out how to really use my iPhone not that long ago. Maybe you can help me with set up my Mac sometime."

Mello's eyes narrowed just slightly. "Tch, maybe," he muttered before gripping the table harshly and throwing a glare at Claudia who sported a smirk.

The redhead nodded, looking to Mello who now shared his pained look. "Yeah, I know my way around Macs, I'd be able to show you how to use it." Matt noticed suddenly that people were dancing, he stood up and nodded toward the mass of people away from them and smiled. "Um…want to dance?"

A flush erupted across Halle's cheeks before she nodded and stood up, crossing to the dance floor with Matt.

"Oh how very sweet of him." Claudia added as she put her glass back on the table, "I wonder if he can dance?" Twisting a finger through her hair and placing it over her shoulder, she turned to give Mello a devious look. "I also wonder just how very jealous you are right now?"

The blond glared at her out of the corner of his eye, "You didn't have to kick so hard, you know."

"Darling, I'm wearing pointed heels." She paused before shrugging her shoulder gently. "I barely grazed you."

Sighing deeply, Mello leaned back in his chair and picked up his glass.

"You could just go gut punch her, throw Matt over your shoulder, and book it out of here. I could have the car running in five."

"And where would that get me? Arrested and charged with battery and attempted rape. You're such a bad influence, Claudia," he watched Matt and Halle dancing, laughing. "Don't put these ideas in my head, they're too tempting."

"If it were me, I'd have plucked his sweet little cherry heart and placed it in a cage long before that harpy showed up. This is your own making, now you have to wallow in it." She sighed, picking a tomato from her salad and eating it. "Too slow, Mihael, too slow. The reason my ideas are tempting is because the thoughts are already there."

He rolled his eyes at that, "It's much easier for you to pull something like that, you know. If I swapped out my dick for a few more feminine anatomical pieces, we'd be set."

"What does a cock have to do with the two of you?" She paused, "Well. A lot. Since if you jumped him, I'm very sure he'd want to be all about your cock."

"I somehow doubt that."

"And that's why he's dancing with her, and not you."

"And that's why I should give this shit up."

"You misunderstand me. I meant, if you told him, you'd be out there, not her."

Mello stared at her then, taking his wine glass in hand and swirling the liquid briefly, "Yeah, I think that's bullshit. He's very interested in the female populous."

"I see how he looks at you." Mimicking Mello's actions, she drank from her glass. "Denial looks terrible on you."

"I think you're reading too much into things. He's not into guys, let alone me."

"Good thing you look nothing like a man. You have a chance." She smirked.

"Hey Claudia?"

"Mm?"

"Go fuck yourself, baby."

"As long as you pay to watch, darling."

"Always," Mello held out his glass, tapping it to the brunette's with a sly grin.

**xxx**


	14. Take Me to the Riot

**xxx  
**

He laughed a bit too loudly, leaning back in the chair. "No, seriously, Matt, that's not how it works! You cannot _die_ of blue balls!"

"You can! I feel like I'm about to combust from overuse of tube sock," Matt whined as he leaned back on his couch, eyes slightly moist. "We've been dating for a month and she won't so much as let me get to first base."

"Maybe she heard about your shoddy dating history. You didn't divulge any of that to her, did you?" Mello raised a slender eyebrow, "I mean, really, that's a bit of a deterrent. She also seems a bit...straight laced, I suppose."

"Why in hell would I tell my current girlfriend about my ex-girlfriends? That's about as smart as Dean Winchester attempting to walk in to Mordor." Matt scoffed loudly before taking a huge swig of his beer. "No, I have no idea what's going on. We start making out, and then suddenly she's all, 'Too soon' or suddenly has somewhere to be." A pout appeared on Matt's lips, "Have I done something wrong..?"

The blond tried to hide the grimace creeping over his face, "No, I don't see how you could have. You're dating, spending every minute of forever together, and physicality is a factor. Maybe she's cautious, too. Had a bad break up, wronged by a total shithead."

"I guess that's a pretty good reason. I don't want to…rush her, but it's really starting to get bad." The redhead absently prodded the remote control while frowning, "And sorry I haven't been around much…just, spending time with Halle takes up a lot of my life." He offered the blond a smile and nudged his knee with his toe.

"Stop playing footsie with my knee," Mello smirked, pushing the sock-covered toe away from his pants. "It's fine, don't worry. You've got yourself a lovely girl who needs your time and never ending affections."

"But Mel, I'm so depriiiiiiived...your knee is keeping my foot from stabbing itself." Matt continued to nudge Mello's knee with his foot, pouting harder. "You're right. But we're hanging out so maybe we shouldn't keep talking about Halle?"

After a moment, Mello pushed Matt's foot away. "I won't allow your toes to get off on my knee. There's a lot wrong with that. You're right, though," he smiled, settling back against the chair, "you'll just get more frustrated talking about not getting any. Speaking of which, my birthday is in three days."

Matt allowed his jaw to drop in surprise. "It is?"

"Yeah, it is. There's gonna be a party. If you're not busy."

"Even if I were busy, I'd make time! How old are you turning? Do you want me to get you a cake? Oh, oh, what do you want?" Matt jumped off the couch, pacing. "I have to go to the store…not right now, of course. But soon."

He smirked, crossing his arms over his chest, "23. And I like cake. I really don't know what's going on exactly, but there's another bar Rod owns that he's throwing it at. Or something. I really don't have a fucking clue."

Scrunching up his face, Matt looked disappointed. "I should have thrown you a party. I'm sorry Mel, I'm a terrible best friend." Throwing his arms in the air, he let out a loud frustrated growl, "I FAIL AS A BOYFRIEND AND A BEST FRIEND; I AM NO MAN!"

"You're a man, albeit a rather immature one with too much money and too many toys. But a man, no less."

"A sexy man?" Matt suddenly struck a pose.

Mello's eyes widened momentarily. "Oh, Matt. Shut up."

**xxx**

It was a shady neighborhood. Far shadier than Matt was comfortable with, but it was for Mello, and he'd go anywhere Mello wanted him to. Putting out the cigarette left in his mouth, Matt turned his car off. As he stepped out on to the gravel he made a metal note to watch his back. Matt flicked his cigarette to the ground, reaching into his back seat and grabbing his gift.

As he walked toward the bar all he could think about was the scene in _From Dusk till Dawn_ when George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino walked in to the bar full of vampire strippers. The things he did for Mel.

The redhead pushed the door open to the bar, wishing he had brought some holy water with him.

There were too many people. Correction: there were too many big, scary-ass guys and under-dressed girls, and not enough Mello.

Matt felt his heart skip a beat. Why didn't he have a gun or something on him? A knife? Pepper spray? Oh lord...

The redhead bobbed in and out of muscles and boobs. Where was Mello? This definitively was not his scene.

"Matt! Matty, there you are!" a familiar voice sounded over the music, the blond weaving his way through the crowd toward Matt. He stopped just short of falling into the redhead, cheeks flushed, v-neck shirt hanging slightly off one shoulder, and hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. "I was starting to think you'd gotten lost."

It took Matt a few moments to recognize the blond blob in front of him. It was a shock to say the least, to see Mello drunk. He smelled heavily of vodka and God knows what else. And for once, Matt felt a tug of disappointment in his stomach. For some reason, he thought Mello was above alcohol. But it was his birthday, and he'd get over the sloppy mess his friend was in.

"Naw, I have a built in GPS in my brain." Bracing the other, he smiled. "Mel, are you drunk?" A small laugh left his lips before putting Mello's arm over his shoulders, wrapping one arm around his waist to get him to a chair. "You…uh, okay there?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, don't worry about me," Mello laughed softly, patting the top of Matt's head, "you're a true gentleman, Matt. But, really, I'm fine." He swayed slightly in his seat, smiling up at the other, "They told me that I had to have a drink on my birthday because that was all anyone was getting me. And here I am."

Matt shook his head with a bemused smile on his lips. Sitting next to him, he handed the blond a box. "Mel, seriously, how many fingers am I holding up?" Matt held three up and waved them around mischievously.

Mello grabbed Matt's wrist lightly, "Three once you stop waving them at the speed of light. What's this?" he looked at the box, holding it up to his ear with a smirk. "It's not a bomb, right?"

"If it was, I don't know if you're in any condition to disarm it." Matt made no attempt to move his arm away from Mello's grasp. It was good to know Mel wasn't as far gone as he assumed. It still bothered him to see him like that though. "It's your gift. Open it."

"You didn't need to get me anything. All the bastards here thought a stupid drink would be a good gift. Pretending that I drink all the time," he released Matt's wrist to run his hands smoothly over the gift, eyes meeting the gamer's with a smile. "Thank you, Matt."

Matt's cheek's turned bright red for a second before he waved it off. "You're my best friend. A drink is no gift, now come on! I need to know if I got the right thing or not, open iiiitttt!"

"Alright, alright, keep your panties on, Matty," Mello carefully unwrapped the gift, meticulously folding the wrapping paper and setting it next to him before he opened the box. His fingers lingered on the gift, smiling growing. "Is this a-?"

"Yeah…I thought it was something you'd like. I don't know, it just screamed Mello."

The blond pulled the vest out of the box, looking it over before turning to Matt, "This is perfect. Thank you."

"Perfect is a big word." Embarrassed Matt looked off to the side, staring at some guy chatting up some girl. "I hope it fits."

"Let's see," Mello stood quickly, steadying himself on the chair before pulling his shirt up over his head and picking up the vest.

Was there music? He recalled there was music a few seconds ago. Also people. A lot of people. But they seemed to have disappeared. Where did the people go? Matt also swore life wasn't in slow motion; that was a movie effect. All he noticed now was the fact that Mello was standing in front of him shirtless. Wasn't he wearing clothes two seconds ago? A familiar pang in his stomach followed by a skip of a heart beat informed him of the situation. This had happened once before, in Mello's apartment. That's right. The scars reminded him that this wasn't the first time he'd seen Mello shirtless- but it was the first time his face betrayed him.

Matt covered his eyes with one hand, waving with the other. His face was bright red, matching his hair. "M-Mel! Put your shirt back on, man!"

"I'm a man, it shouldn't fucking matter. Don't be such a pussy, Matt," Mello smirked and shrugged the vest on, fingers fumbling on the zipper.

"Ohdeargodwhat..." Matt muttered, peaking between his fingers. Technically, Mello was correct. It didn't matter if he was shirtless, being a man. But it did matter how it made Matt feel, and that mattered a lot. It shouldn't, and he needed to remind himself a few times it was most likely his neglect from Halle coupled with Mello's attractive qualities. But still.

"Here." Matt grumbled, swatting his hands away, face burning. His fingers shook just slightly as he helped zip the vest up for him.

"Thanks, Matty," the blond adjusted the collar, running his hands along the sides of the vest and down to his hips. "It looks okay? It's a little saucy, don't you think?"

Matt stared for a moment before managing a nod. "Suits you." He mentally cursed himself for thinking Mello looked very good in his new vest. So many curse words. So. many.

"Too much leather? It might be too much leather," Mello mumbled to himself, sitting back in his chair and facing Matt. "I love it. Thank you, seriously."

"Mel, you can never wear too much leather." Matt offered off handedly, after realizing what slipped out of his mouth, he laughed. "You always pull it off gracefully," he continued. Quick save, Jeevas.

Matt gave Mello a sweet smile, "You're welcome, Mel. I was walking past a store and saw it, and just…I don't know, thought you'd like it."

"Matt..."

Matt's words jumbled together as he blushed, waving his hands. "I know, I know. It's weird, right? Dudes don't really get other dudes clothes or whatever, but I mean…yeah. So I just…thought maybe you'd like it. It's totally okay if you hate it, it's stupid. I know."

"No, it's..." Mello ran his fingers gingerly over the leather, "it's...beautiful." He looked up at Matt, letting a little laugh pass between his lips, "That sounded pretty stupid, ignore me. I kinda lose my filter when I've had a few. Forgive me."

"Hey, no way, it's totally fine. I don't mind at all. I'm just glad you like it; it looks nice on you." He practically beamed at the other man. He'd never really put effort in to a birthday gift, or any gift, for someone before.

He gently squeezed Matt's hand before standing up and holding out his hand to Matt, "Come on, we need to get you a drink."

Matt laughed, taking his glasses off to clean them in attempt to hide the terrible blush on his face. Maybe if he took Mello up on his offer he'd have an excuse for the red permanently plastered on his cheeks? Matt stood up and stared at Mello's hand for a moment. Was he offering his hand to…hold it? Was it just a motion to get him up? His fingers twitched as he took Mello's hand, skin touching skin causing his stomach to twist.

"Ahaha…right. I could use a drink."

"You certainly could. You look incredibly uncomfortable and I know that if I pump you full of alcohol that you'll become that bumbling, giggling geek I adore so much," he pulled Matt through the crowd toward the bar.

Adore? Matt's eyebrows fixed to a point, his head throbbing as the word bounced around his mind like a sick techno beat. He needed to stop thinking too much in to things. He also needed to get laid, and soon. This crushing on your best friend (correction: male best friend) thing had to stop.

"Ah…yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm just nervous because of all these people. Not to mention all the girls. Halle might…get jealous?" Not likely, not that he'd tell Mello, but Halle never seemed to be jealous of anyone. She seemed to trust him more than any other woman in the world. Which, of course, made him feel worse when he looked down at Mello's pants and realized how nice his bottom looked in leather.

Bad. Bad Mail. Bad.

"Probably, yeah," handing Matt a glass, Mello took one of his own and held it up in a toast. "To...some shit I'll think up later!"

"To burying my perverse mind," Matt muttered under his breath and downed whatever it was.

The blond set his glass down on the counter, licking at his lips absently, looking across the room. "Hey, Matt?"

Lips. "Uh, yeah?" Lips.

The sly grin spreading across Mello's face bordered on psychotic. "How are you at pool?"

**xxx**

Matt smirked, standing straight as he watched the cue ball knock the 11-ball into the corner pocket. A groan of frustration erupted from the two opponents, the redhead offering a little bow to the two men across the table.

"You should let Mello take the last shot, it's his birthday."

"He's sloshed..."

"Exactly."

"Mello, take the shot!"

Matt leaned against the table, "Are you going to be okay taking the shot?" His eyes glanced at the glasses on the table.

Mello waved his hand, stepping forward and taking up his cue, "I'll be fine, Matty." He cast a look at the men across the table, "But these guys are real dicks for trying to take advantage of me." The men laughed, watching Mello round the table, lining up his shot. He bit his bottom lip absently before leaning over the table. "8-ball, side pocket."

"Don't show off, Mello. You've had too many to make that shot."

"Shut your whore mouth, Jose," he barked with a loud laugh, eyes squinting before he took the shot, cue ball smacking harshly into the 8-ball.

The 8-ball clunked easily into the side pocket.

Matt laughed loudly, throwing his arm in the air and hooting. "YEAH! Go Mel! In your face, SUCKAAAAAAAS!" It appeared that Matt had…perhaps, had one too many drinks.

Grinning maniacally, Mello offered a salute to the others across the table before walking over to Matt and holding out his hand. "Nice job, Matt."

"Diddo, boss. You really took charge and cleaned up shop." Matt snickered under his breath before shaking Mello's hand.

The blond beamed, stumbling forward a few steps as several people passed behind him, gripping Matt's forearms. "Sorry, sorry," he flushed slightly, straightening up, "popping space bubbles everywhere."

Matt's smile grew as his cheeks darkened. "Hey, hey, don't worry about it. There's no such thing with bros." A short laugh behind Matt spooked him slightly, making him take a step away from it and a step a bit closer to Mello. "I think there are too many people in here."

"Yeah, probably," Mello carefully released the gamer's arms, eyes catching the other's with a smile. "I think I might be ready to check out soon. I'm not really a big party guy."

"Then why is this party so big?" Matt asked, placing his hand on Mello's elbow to attempt to lead him out of the crowd.

"I didn't plan it or anything. I think they were using my birthday as an excuse to have a party," Mello nodded to several people who wished him a happy birthday as they passed.

Out of the corner of Matt's eye he spotted a space where no one seemed to be milling around. Leading the blond that way, he discovered a door to another room. "Let's go in here to talk, I'm feeling just a bit claustrophobic." He offered Mello a smile before opening the door and walking in. "I can see that. You…know a lot of people."

"Eh, I've bartended at several places, run around doing a lot of Rod's shit, not a big deal," Mello leaned in the doorway, resting his head against the frame. "You having fun?"

"I always have fun when I'm with you." Matt offered, inspecting the room he had walked into. It was a bit dusty and he hadn't found the light switch yet. "Popular guy, I'm kinda jealous."

"Of me?" Mello laughed, shaking his head, "No reason to be. You're the one with a million coworkers who all go out and have fun." He paused for a moment, turning his head to look down the hallway, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Mello, I need to-" the deep voice cut off as the imposing frame of Rod appeared in the doorway, catching sight of Matt fumbling in the dark room. "There's someone here to see you. Wants to wish you a happy birthday."

Blue eyes seemed to instantly clear of any drunken haze they may have had. "Does it have to be right now? I'm a little bu-"

"It's an old friend, and he has to leave," Rod glowered at Matt through the dark, "this can wait."

The geek stopped mulling around when his eyes caught sight of who he assumed was Rod. The man was built like a brick house! He decided to stand very still, and pretend to blend in with the darkness. Matt certainly did not like the way this monster of a man was looking at him. Had he offended him in some manner?

The blond looked back at Matt, lips parting in a sigh, "I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

"Um…alright?" Something seemed off about this situation, but Matt wasn't going to speak out about it in front of Frankenstein.

A sickening smirk spread across Rod's features as he gestured Mello out of the doorway. "Don't worry, I'll bring him back in one piece."

That…did not sound good. Matt's eyebrows furrowed, all signs of being intoxicated left without a trace, except of course the room moving slightly to the left. Something wasn't right. His spider senses were tingling. So what was a gamer to do? Go all Call of Duty on Mr. Goliath? No. It was James Bond time.

The redhead waited for Mello and Rod to leave, counted to ten, then slipped out of the room. He was a master of blending in with crowds, being invisible and a wall flower had its perks. He hid behind larger men, following the wall-o-man and Mello.

The two walked to the end of the hallway, turning to skirt around the edge of the main room, pulsing with music and way too many people. Rod placed a hand at the back of Mello's neck, who immediately tensed up, hands clenching into fists at his sides.

Matt's lips drew to a very fine line when he noticed the hand on Mello. Why was he touching him? His heart pounded against his rib cage, adrenaline pumping through his body. His eyes kept locked on that hand on Mello's neck, willing lasers to burn a hole through Monstroso's massive hand.

When they reached another door at the far side of the room, Mello shrugged away from Rod's touch and pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind him. The large man leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest, a cocky smile perched on his lips.

Boss battle.

That was the single thought crossing Matt's mind when he reached Rod at the closed door. This was the moment gamer's lived for. The big guy VS the little guy. Matt took in his options.

A) He could attempt to fight the beast  
Projected Outcome: Death; no do-overs.  
B) He could grab a weapon and THEN fight him.  
Projected Outcome: Get arrested and lose his job.  
C) Distract the Minotaur with something shiny  
Projected Outcome: Success.

Glancing around, a wicked smile stretched out over his freckled face. He took a few steps to his left, and reached in to his pocket.

"Hey there," Matt offered a smile, lifting his eyebrow in a coy manner. The woman he had singled out tilted her head at him, obviously intoxicated.

"Yesss?" She slurred.

"I'll give you ten dollars to go up to that man there, and make him dance with you. A pretty little thing like you? Shouldn't be hard." He gave her a charming wink, making sure to let his British accent slip out. Chicks dug the accent.

She blushed, eyes drifting up and down Matt for a second. "Do I get to party with you after?" Matt nearly laughed, but held it in. "Sure? We can LAN." She, of course, had no idea what he had just said to her, but she waved off the bill. She'd do it for free, extra points.

He then watched as the barely dressed woman sauntered over to the Big Boss, said something in his ear, and gracefully stumbled off.

KO.

It took approximately five seconds for Rod to leave his post at the door, eyes hungrily following after the scantily clad girl.

Objective met. Wall clear.

Red hair peaked through the doorway as he slipped it open, he cracked it only slightly. It was time to save the Princess, but he had to know what he was up against. Goombas or Koopa?

"-not what we agreed to," Mello's hushed voice echoed down the hallway, his glare evident in his tone.

A harsh laugh sounded from around the corner. "And what? What do I get as compensation?"

"Jack shit! That's not what we-"

"How about this," Mello's growl sounded over the other man's voice, "I get _this_ , and we'll drop the whole thing."

" _You fucking_ -!"

Sudden fear made Matt's entire body turn ice cold. What the hell was going on? The alcohol in his system still present, even if he attempted to wish it away, made things harder to comprehend. Someone was yelling at Mello. Someone sounded very, very angry. Mello sounded upset…really upset. Something in Matt told him to stay out of it. Fear almost crippled him, but something else drove him forward. He wasn't a coward. He wasn't going to let Mello fight alone, either. Friends helped friends, and since he had never had a friend in need before, this was a moment in history.

If a Matt falls in a forest, do games weep? Matt turned the corner in a brisk pace, his eyes narrowed in anger. His fists clenched just in case…did he get an extra life for courage..?

Matt's eyes narrowed in on Mello, face pressed against the concrete wall, a hand pulling roughly at his hair while the other man held both of Mello's wrists behind his back.

Oh God. Think fast. Think fast.

Matt surveyed the surrounding area. Nothing. Not a weapon in sight, no high ground to take, no clever way to outsmart him. It came down to him, and this guy. Allowing rage to fully take him over as a last ditch effort, Matt charged.

Plowing in to the larger man he knocked him off balance before drawing back, moving his foot in a position so as his fist connected, his entire body weight would go in to the punch. He was aware of words flying out of his mouth, he was aware of the pain in his knuckles as he knocked the man to the ground with a punch to his jaw. He was then aware of his knees pinning the man 's shoulders to the ground, and the continued pain in both his fists.

He however was not aware of the words he was saying, nor for how long this went on until Mello stepped in.

Bare arms wrapped around Matt's chest, Mello's voice soft in his ear, "We have to go. You got him, he's not moving, but now we have to _go_ , Matt."

Sounds were the first thing to come back, then the haze disappeared and all he could see was red. Red on his knuckles, red on the guys face. Just _red_. He heard Mello's voice and felt him pulling the redhead away. His glasses were askew, his hands hurt like a bitch, and embarrassingly enough there was a bit of spittle on his chin from the yelling. Matt hated fighting. He hated violence. It was always senseless and pathetic, all fists and bad words. He was shocked at what he had done, looking at the man on the ground as he stood up and backed away.

"Oh God." Matt let a groan slip out of his lips, staring at his hands. This was more real than he imaged it would be. Sure, he'd be in fights before. Generally he won because of clever actions and good planning. This was nothing like that. He had hurt someone, bad. When was the last time he lost himself like that?

"Mello…I…I didn't meant to…"

"He's not dead, it's fine." Mello pushed Matt against the wall, holding the sides of his face in his hands, "Are you okay to go? Can you walk, do you feel sick?" The blond was whispering frantically, eyes crystal blue and intense.

His head bobbed as he nodded, still clearly in shock. "Are you okay?" He asked, more worried about the blond. "I saw you. He had you against a wall…" His hand lifted, touching the side of Mello's face that had been against the wall. There was a cut there. The anger flared up inside him again, maybe he hadn't hit him enough. Should he hit him again?

"I'm perfect, no big deal," Mello put on a fake smile, hand dropping to take Matt's wrist. "We have to leave. Now. You ready?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Am…I going to jail?" Reality was crashing back to him. He had no idea who that man was. What was he capable of? What if this got back to his company? Oh shit, he'd be worse than fired…he wasn't supposed to draw attention to himself like this.

Matt squeezed Mello's hand, concern written all over his face. "I…just did something really stupid, didn't I?"

"No, not at all. You did something completely stupid and absolutely brilliant," the smile was real this time, Mello squeezing back gently, "And now we have to run."

In all the moments to joke, this was not one of them. But Matt did it anyway.

"There's always running." He offered a smile back, and followed Mello's lead.

**xxx**


	15. Let Go

**xxx  
**

Mello's feet had started to hurt by the tenth flight of stairs, but he kept running, eyes glancing back to make sure that Matt was still keeping up behind him. They had sprinted down several hallways and out the back door of the bar, jumping into Matt's car, who only objected briefly to Mello taking the wheel. The entire drive, Matt had stared out the window, gnawing on his bottom lip, too preoccupied to even light a cigarette. When they reached the building, Mello had made sure they used the back access door, climbing the 21 flights of stairs to his apartment.

"We're almost there," he called over his shoulder softly, catching sight of Matt's battered knuckles and quickly turning back. "Only 24 more stairs to go."

He was lost in his mind. What had he done? Why had he done it? Easy enough; his friend was in danger and there was no other option. But why had he kept going? One punch should have been enough, but he kept punching. That rage, the audacity of that man to even _think_ he could do such a thing to Mello. He wanted to keep punching until he could never lay another hand on the blond. Who did he think he was? Matt wasn't sure who he was actually, but the thought was rhetorical.

The stairs to this new place were taking forever, his breath labored with each step. The adrenaline had died down and the alcohol had started to give him a migraine. The only thing keeping him going was the leather clad blond ahead of him. He was taking him somewhere safe, somewhere he'd never been before. That nagging feeling in the back of his mind, the itching in his fingers, he needed nicotine bad. He didn't think he could handle smoking right now though; the damage he had already incurred on his lungs keeping sweet oxygen from flowing in during these stairs was enough.

"Mel..." he started, his voice a bit ragged. "Mel…where are we going?"

Mello looked back at Matt as he reached the landing, resting a hand on the door handle, "My apartment." He held out a hand for the other, helping him up the last few steps before he opened the door, peering out into the hallway. Gesturing to Matt, he started heading toward the door near the end of the hall, pulling a key out of his back pocket.

"Your real apartment?" He nearly gasped, feeling a little strange about the situation. Not that anything about this wasn't already strange.

"Yeah," Mello murmured, seemingly deep in thought as he reached the door, inserting the key and pushing the door open. "It should be fine now."

The redhead followed closely behind him, not sure exactly to expect. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory? His fingers were numb by now, his knuckles throbbing with a dull ache.

There was a click and a small light appeared overhead, casting a soft glow in the entryway, the bulb flickering with months of disuse. "Do you need anything or-?" Mello turned, eyes dropping again to Matt's hands. "Right...right, we need to wrap those up." Wandering out of the entryway, the blond flipped on another light. "Bathroom's over here," his silhouette appeared in the beam of light shining into the living room, "looks like only these two actually have working bulbs."

Matt wandered in, following Mello. His head hurt with every pump of blood his heart pushed through his body. He felt weak and tired, his hands hurting more with each step. Where was a couch? He needed to sit down. "Mel…I don't feel very good..."

A warm, sturdy arm wrapped around Matt's back, Mello pulling an arm over his shoulders to support the redhead. "I've got you," he replied quietly, pulling Matt carefully into the bathroom and sitting him down on the toilet lid. Mello opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out several bottles of pills followed by bandages and medical tape.

Two pills and a glass of water were placed in Matt's hands, Mello crouching down in front of him, "Take these. They'll help."

Matt struggled for a moment to move his fingers, they hurt way too much. He managed to toss the pills in his mouth, it was picking up the water that was the hard part. He tried to smile, but the room was moving. "Do you have a straw?"

"I don't...I can hold it though..." Mello took the glass, slowly bringing it up to Matt's lips.

"Thanks," Matt replied, no energy to make a joke. He took a gulp of water and coughed a bit, almost choking on the pills. Note to self, no more drinking for a while. Certainly no more fighting for a while.

"No problem," Mello offered a small smile, setting down the glass and picking up a roll of bandages, "Let me see your hands."

The room just wouldn't stop spinning, and he leaned his elbow on to the counter in an attempt to stop it. He lifted his hand to the blond, his eyes closing. "Please don't use alcohol...it'll burn."

"Okay, I won't..." he took a small antiseptic packet, ripping it open. "We have to clean it, though. It'll get infected otherwise. And then they'll have to cut off your hands," a smile quirked the corners of Mello's lips, "And then no wanking." Gently taking Matt's hand, he dabbed the pad to his skin, carefully cleaning the broken skin. "Sorry if this stings a little. It shouldn't be too bad, though."

"I shouldn't have to wank myself..." Matt whined, reminded of the Halle issue. "But yeah, infection equals bad." The redhead looked like he was going to be sick. Tilting his head back, he shifted so his other hand could be in front of him too. Mello was being so gentle…it was nice. "Thank you."

"I should be thanking you," Mello mumbled, eyes glued to treating the hands in front of him.

"All I did was cock everything up. I'm going to jail…I just know it. I don't even know what was going on." Matt sighed, the pain in his hands couldn't even compare to the pain in his head.

"You're not, don't worry." A small chuckle left his lips, "I really didn't think you had it in you, Matt. I'm impressed but, really, nothing'll happen to you. I'll make sure of that."

Matt's eyes locked with Mello's, a worried look locked on his features. "Are you sure? I…I didn't think, I just acted. He was hurting you…"

"And I'm thanking you. For..." he paused for a moment, wrapping the gamer's knuckles with the bandages, "...for saving me."

"You're welcome." The redhead sat in silence as Mello wrapped his hands. He wasn't going to be able to type for a while. It was a good thing he installed that voice translating software. After the blond finished, Matt let out a deep sigh. "Your birthday's ruined…"

"It's not my birthday anymore," Mello glanced up at Matt, "It's two in the morning, so we're in the clear." Carefully inspecting his work, the blond ran his fingers carefully over the bandages. "How does it feel?"

"They feel alright," Matt answered, wiggling his fingers. It wasn't until he attempted to stand up that he needed to brace himself on the blond. His hand stung when he placed it on Mello's shoulder, but it was better than falling down. "Mel…I think I need some help getting to the couch."

Mello grabbed Matt's hips as he stumbled forward, bracing the gamer and resting his head lightly against his stomach from his spot kneeling on the bathroom floor, "Okay. Do you think you're okay to walk at all or..?"

His cheeks flushed. Looking toward the doorway, Matt tried to forget how close Mello was. "I think I can. Maybe, possibly."

"Alright, here," Mello placed Matt's hand on the counter before standing up and draping one of the other's arms over his shoulders. "It's not too far. I can fold out the couch, too, if you want." The duo hobbled unsteadily across the room, Mello adding softly, "It's really the least I can do after..."

"Don't mention it. I mean, I'm sure you would have done the same for me? Right?" Matt gave him a hopeful look. "You're my best friend." The redhead glanced around the room as they walked; Mello had a nice place. "No more bugs?" He asked quietly, trying not to speak too loud so not to incur the wrath of the small angry man banging drums in his head.

"I certainly hope not," Mello sighed, leaning Matt against the couch as he kicked the coffee table out of the way and folded out the mattress. "I've got your back, Matt."

His muddled mind jumped back to how his company would react if they found out about this little fiasco. His eyebrows furrowed as he wobbled on his feet. "If I ever...just stop showing up one day, and not answering my phone, make sure to look for me, okay?" His voice wavered for a moment before he gathered himself again. Realizing what he said, Matt laughed, "Yanno, in case I get drunk and pass out somewhere."

The blond looked up at that, eyes narrowing for a moment, "Yeah...of course." Walking over to the hall closet, Mello pulled out a pillow and several mismatched sheets, fumbling his way back across the room in the dark. "It's not much. Haven't exactly been here for a while, but it should do." He shook out the sheets, neatly making the bed, eyes drifting to the redhead gripping the couch.

The gamer allowed himself to collapse on to the couch, trying hard to kick his shoes off and failing. "It's perfect, I feel safe here. It's like a safe house in one of those crazy movies I watch." He smiled toward Mello, noticing for the first time since the fight just how shook up he looked. "Hey, maybe you should sit down, too."

"No, no, I'm fine, don't worry about me. You're the one who got all..." he gestured absently, letting out a deep sigh. "I just need some sleep, I'll be fine. It's really not a big deal."

"Mello, you have a pretty nasty cut on your face." Matt frowned hard at him, he would have patted the bed, but that would have hurt.

Mello brought a hand up to his cheek, eye twitching as his fingers brushed over the gash, "Oh...right."

"If you get me a cloth and a band-aid I'll help you with it." Even though his head felt like it was going to explode, his hands felt useless, and his body wanted to fall over sideways and never move again, he still wanted to make sure Mello was alright.

"Really, Matt, it's fine."

Matt shouted suddenly, surprising himself. "It's not fine! I should have gotten there quicker, it's my fault you're hurt." Why was he so upset about this? Why was he blaming himself? Was it because he knew something was wrong when Rod walked in? "I'm your friend…" he paused, "I don't know, I feel like I should have helped more. I feel responsible somehow." If not Matt, who else was going to watch Mello's back?

Mello stopped, eyes widening slightly in the dark. "Matt...there's nothing more you could have done. The fact that you did anything at all is more than I could have ever asked for. You fucked up your hands, and I have a little scratch on my face. I've had worse. Much, _much_ worse, and..." his voice dropped, eyes darting down to the carpet, "...and I didn't even deserve to have you help me at all. It was stupid and I should have just taken care of things myself. You didn't need to get involved. But I'm sure as hell going to make sure that this doesn't get back to you."

"But...you can't do everything alone." Matt leaned back against the couch, his eyes locked on the blond. "Everyone needs someone, Mel. Like…I couldn't imagine life without you around anymore. I'm never bored around you. You get my stupid jokes, we go on epic adventures, I just feel like my life has more purpose now. I guess I've never had a friend like you." Green eyes closed, it made life so much easier to not have to keep them open. "I want to be the person you can count on. I never want to let you down."

He froze. Each beat of his heart wracked his head and his chest, and he forgot to breathe. Mello sunk to the mattress, staring blankly in front of him before his eyes slid over to the redhead next to him. "How on Earth can you say that? You don't even know me..."

"But .. I feel like I've always known you." His lips curved in to a smile, "Does that sound crazy? I'm sorry."

"It doesn't." He laughed. He wasn't sure why he was laughing, but there it was, lingering in the stale air of his apartment. "Never be sorry, Matt."

"You know, if you don't like me not knowing you, as you said, you could tell me more about who you are." Matt opened his eyes only a bit, the light burning his eyes. "I'm only sorry I wasn't with you when you went to talk to that guy."

"Stop apologizing," Mello shook his head, running his hands through his hair. He could feel Matt watching him, eyes half lidded and starting to glaze over with fatigue, but he was still watching. Looking up slowly, Mello caught his gaze. He shifted forward, gingerly placing a hand behind Matt's head, fingers weaving into his hair, and brought their foreheads together softly. "Remember, I've got you, Matt."

It felt…better than it should have. Maybe it was the alcohol or the recent neglect…but he was kidding himself, it wasn't either, really. He had no idea such a small gesture would feel so good, but it felt wonderful. His fingers pushing through his hair made Matt close his eyes again. He could fall asleep with Mello petting him. The feel of his skin against his made his face hot to the touch. It hurt his chest for an odd reason that he didn't want to think about too hard.

Matt's mind was in a haze, he wasn't entirely sure if he was dreaming this or not. He knew if he remembered this tomorrow, he'd feel guilty. Guilty for feeling this strongly for someone who wasn't Halle. Guilty for having this strange feeling for his best friend. Ashamed that he couldn't man up and label it for what he was afraid it meant. He was scared. Scared of why he beat that man so hard, scared for why he cared so much about another person.

It wasn't supposed to be this way, was it? "I'm really happy to hear that. I wouldn't trust anyone else..." His sentence stopped midway, not sure exactly what he was going to say.

Mello simply smiled, fingers tensing against Matt's scalp for a moment, "Go to sleep now, Matty." He pulled back just enough to press his lips to Matt's forehead, whispering softly against the skin, "And thank you." Pulling away and standing unsteadily, Mello walked to the bathroom and flipped the light switch, leaving only the dim entryway light on.

Sleep was beginning to take over the redhead against his will. His eyes were too heavy to keep open, his breath coming in slow, short puffs. He knew something in him had changed today, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself. If he would remember it or not tomorrow didn't matter, because he had felt those lips against his skin. He had heard the gentleness in Mello's voice, and it had made him hurt inside.

As the world of dreams took him, Matt felt reality leaving him. False and truth blended together, then nightmares took hold. He dreamed of things that could have been part of a movie; fire and explosions, guns and death. Surely he'd forget it in the morning, but for now, lost in the dream, he felt a mix of fear and the pang of something deeper.

**xxx**

He was exhausted. Everything ached, and the cut on his cheek had started swelling. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Mello closed his eyes, sighing deeply as he tried not to think about how shaken Matt had looked, bloodied and pale and terrified. He'd still looked scared the next morning, eyes betraying the front he'd put up. They'd somehow reached a mutual, silent agreement that they weren't going to talk about it, that the incident would never be mentioned again. But Mello couldn't forget how Matt had looked, clearly on the verge of tears…

Fuck. **  
**

He knew the large man was standing there, watching him from the doorway. Those dark eyes staring, hazy with alcohol and drowsiness, but still _staring_ , so intently, at the blond. It unnerved him, but served as a reminder of who, exactly, Mello was dealing with.

The blond threw a few towels into the washing machine, pretending he didn't see the other man. He continued with his work, fingers brushing the dial.

"Mihael."

Mello pulled the dial, the sharp click echoing in the small room. "Rod."

"How's the loft?" He took a step forward, "Everything's workin'?"

"Perfectly," the blond turned, facing Rod, "no complaints at all."

"Well, then I'm glad I could set you up there, seein' as your place is sorta..."

"Bugged?"

"Yeah, to be blunt," the large man allowed a grin, crossing his arms over this chest. "You know, that's one of the things I like about you, Mello. You don't fuck around. You're straight forward."

Mello chuckled in the back of his throat, resting back against the counter, "I try, Rod."

The larger man inclined his head slightly, eyes never straying from the bright blue ones across the room.

Black painted nails tapped against the cool linoleum counter top. "I take it you're not here to make small talk about my living arrangements, Rod."

"See? There's that straightforward shit I was talkin' about." Rob cracked what should have been a smile, but looked no more inviting than a metal barrel pressed against someone's temple. "Nah, I'm interested in who you've got in here when I'm not."

"It's only Cla-"

"Yeah, I know about her. I set the two of you up, don't forget that, Mello."

Shrugging offhandedly, Mello cocked his head to the side, "Then there isn't anyone-"

He watched the blond, shaking his head slightly, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Not at all."

"Then why, Mello," Rod stepped forward, a sneer staining his lips, " _Mihael_ , are you fucking that office junkie?"

Mello's eyes narrowed, teeth grinding behind his lips, "Excuse me?"

"I don't question your taste in fuck buddies. Hell, as long as you get your job done well, which you do, I could really give a shit." Rod uncrossed his arms, taking another step forward, "But this little geek is gettin' too close for comfort. I don't like not knowing people who know me, who know my business. They ain't got no right knowing anything unless I say so."

"And he doesn't know anything."

"Bullshit," Rod spat, advancing on the smaller man. "Jose said he's seen him around here at least once a week, and-"

"And you don't think I can keep my mouth shut?" Mello straightened against the counter, "I'm not an idiot, Rod."

"So what do you call what happened with Angelo?"

Mello bit the inside of his bottom lip, teeth nearly breaking the soft flesh. "What about him?"

"Why did my boys find him with a smashed face at your party?"

The blond laughed at that, eyes turning cold, "Because your little shit of an acquaintance tried to fuck with me. He wanted to change our arrangement."

Rod considered the other for a moment, eyebrows raising slightly. "Did he, now…"

"You might want to pick your friends more carefully, Rod," Mello hissed, tucking a hand into his pocket, "before they try to fuck me over in more ways than one."

Dark eyes widened at that.

Stepping away from the washing machine, Mello pulled a gaudy chain from his pocket, tossing it to Rod as he passed him, "Don't worry, I took care of it."

The large man caught the chain, holding it up to the light for a moment before a smirk crossed his lips, his voice cutting Mello off at the door. "Hey."

Mello glanced over his shoulder, "What?"

"That geek's got quite an arm, Mihael," Rod chuckled darkly, catching the way the blond's eyes held something that resembled fear.

"Have a good day, Rod," Mello muttered, slamming the door shut behind him.

**xxx**


	16. Jingle Bell Rock

**xxx  
**

Mello let his head rest against the wall at his back, watching the people laugh and chat merrily throughout the room. Bringing the glass to his lips, he tossed back the last bit of liquid. He was apprehensive and, really, he didn't have any reason to be. Matt's friends were the people littering the room, not the bastards who'd been at his birthday. He'd made sure to keep a distance from anything other than work and Matt (though he sometimes wished he'd avoid the latter) since the party but...it was Christmas, and Matt had a nasty little habit of sporting a puppy dog pout and getting his way. Especially when it came to Mello.

"You seem a bit put out for someone invited to his true love's party," Claudia remarked, walking back from a small cluster of people she had been conversing with. "What's wrong? Sad because your little puppy's off sniffing some other girl's hands for treats?" She winked, glancing over at the redhead standing with his girlfriend. "For shame. You should smack him with a rolled up newspaper."

"Oh, shut up," Mello couldn't help the small smile creeping over his face. "He really likes her," he watched Matt place a soft kiss on Halle's temple, much to her delight. "I'm happy he's happy. Plus," the blond poked Claudia's nose, "I've got you."

"Oh that's very reassuring, Mello." The brunette scrunched her nose at the open display of affection seething from the other side of the room. "Ung, he's in such denial." She then glanced to the blond next to her, huffing, "And you're stupid. I'm a friend, and not the person you wish was standing here. Though I'm honored you invited me. Was it a general invitation, or am I playing girlfriend again tonight?"

"You're playing whoever you want," he looked down at his empty glass, tapping his nails against the side. "Thanks for coming."

"No need to thank me, sweetie." Claudia shoved his shoulder with hers, "Buck up sunshine, things will get better." Stepping away from the wall she smiled, "Let's get something to drink and bust up the love-fest over there. Let's cause a little chaos, poor boy must be bored out of his mind." She snaked one arm through Mello's before tugging, "Let's go save your pup."

The Christmas party seemed to be going rather well. Everyone was having a good time and Halle hadn't stopped smiling once. Keeping himself busy, and around his girlfriend, kept Matt from thinking about the events of the last few weeks. His hands had healed up leaving only one or two small scars, and thankfully Mello hadn't brought the entire event back up. He was grateful for small miracles. All the poor boy could decipher from the night he passed out in Mello's real apartment was that something had happened, something he didn't want to think too hard about.

Being around Mello seemed just as normal as always, but every once in a while (like right now) he felt a tug in his stomach and a pain in his heart. Green eyes watched as the blond was tugged across the room by his guest, heading toward Matt and Halle. Mello looked a little deflated, and it appeared as if Claudia was attempting to cheer him up. Jealousy raged through him for a brief second, mind declaring that it should have been him helping the blond, not her. He quickly remembered where he was, and who he was with, smiling to hide the surge that bubbled up inside him.

_Your girlfriend is standing right next to you, idiot._

"Mel, hey." Matt smiled harder, "Having fun?"

"Yeah, tons." Mello smirked, casting a tiny glare down at Claudia before turning to Matt and Halle, "Thanks for inviting us. We brought you guys something. It's over on the table with the other gifts." He looked sheepishly at Claudia, "She insisted."

"Oh, thank you," Halle positively beamed, gripping Claudia's hand, "And it's wonderful that you were able to both make it. We should all go out again some time. Isn't that right, Matt?"

"You didn't need to bring anything." Matt smiled, glancing at the table. "But since you were coming, and I wasn't sure if I'd see you before Christmas!" Matt bounded off toward the table, coming back with a gift for Mello. "I got you something." He was all smiles and sunshine, holding the small box out to the blond.

Claudia felt as if Matt's smile was going to blind her. Jesus Christ, this guy was in deeper denial than anyone else she had ever met. She gave Mello one of her 'Really?' looks before smiling back to Halle. "No problem, and I'd love to go out with you two again. I really enjoy Mello's friends. They're always a special bunch." She laughed, hinting with her head that she was referring to Matt, not Halle. "You seem more level then that one."

Halle laughed, leaning against Matt's shoulder, "He's my wonderful little geek, that's for sure."

There was a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a horrible sob that broke through Mello's lips at Halle's comment, thumb rubbing harshly against the gift in his hands. He turned to the gamer, lips tight in a grin, "Thanks, Matt."

The redhead blushed ever so lightly at the comment, his smile looking a tad pained. He wasn't sure if that had been a compliment…or something else. He looked confused, which wasn't helped by the strange noise Mello had made. "Uh, but yeah…I hope you like it."

Claudia looked horrified as she turned to the blond, whispering, "Holy shit…are you okay? That sounded…like a death rattle."

He watched as Claudia whispered to Mello, his fingers clenching the fabric of his jeans. "So," trying to get his attention again, "want to open it now?"

"Um, sure," Mello shot a look at Claudia before turning back to the gift in his hands, ripping open the paper. "Feel a little awkward since I'm the only one with a gift, but that's fine. It's not a big deal." He was muttering too quietly, he knew, but the laugh Claudia was trying to hold back was really only making things worse for him.

The box opened easily, and as Mello folded up the red tissue paper, the color drained from his face.

"Mistletoe?"

Instantly Matt's face turned five shades darker than his hair. His eyes widened to the size of saucers and all he could do was sputter.

There came a rather loud laugh from beside the blond. Claudia almost howled when she saw the gift, her body collapsing in on itself as she held her knees and laughed. "Oh my GOD! _OH GOD!_ "

"A-accident!" Matt managed, shaking his head left and right, staring wide eyed between Halle and Mello. "That was my gift for you, Halle! I must have grabbed the wrong one!"

"Toooo late!" Claudia giggled, grabbing the mistletoe and holding it over the two gawking boys. "I call shenanigans. Kiss!" She looked to Halle with a mischievous grin on her features. If this girl freaked out, she'd get Mello's back and distract her.

"W...what?" Matt whimpered.

"No. No, no no, no, he got the wrong gift, it's just..." Mello trailed off awkwardly, willing his face to stop burning.

Halle stared at Claudia for a moment before her face split in a grin matching the brunette's. "Oh come on, Matt, it's an honest mistake. But Claudia's right. It's out in the open now. And you owe it to the Christmas spirit to kiss Mello. Right now."

Green eyes burned into Halle's, his head turned at an angle, mouth hanging open. No words came out, just…that stare. That wide eyed, I-cant-believe-you-are-agreeing-to-me-kissing-my-male-best-friend stare.

"Hop to it, nerd-a-tron!" Claudia joked, pushing Matt on the shoulder. "It's just a kiss. You're a man aren't you?" She grinned, poking him. "Don't be so coy."

"You need to consummate this epic bromance, Matt, seriously," Halle laughed, pulling both boys together by the wrists. "I swear, I won't get mad."

Matt couldn't believe this was happening. His girlfriend, who he had been trying so very hard to think only of in the last couple of weeks, was pressuring him to kiss the person he had been trying so very hard NOT to be thinking about. He was torn between running away and crying. And doing it. A hot fear burned inside him; what if this wasn't a normal, 'ha ha Christmas peck' type of thing? What if he _liked_ it? Matt swallowed, his throat suddenly very tight and his mouth dry.

Claudia placed a hand on the blond's shoulder and whispered in his ear. "Go for it Tiger."

"...Are you sure Halle?" Matt managed to say. This shouldn't have been such a big deal, but it felt like one. He turned to Mello with a crooked smile, face burning. "You won't hate me if I do it, will you?"

"No, I won't," Mello was glaring daggers at Claudia, who thought it appropriate to push him forward a bit right at that moment. He sighed, looking at Matt, who looked as though he was about to faint. He didn't think he looked much better. Probably.

Taking a small step forward, he placed a small peck on Matt's cheek, turning to the two girls, "There, happy?"

"Tch, no," Halle laughed, crossing her arms at the blond. "Seriously, Mello, do it like you mean it. Give us a little something, please."

It all happened in such a blur. One moment he was standing there, asking Mello if he'd get mad, next minute he felt lips on his cheek. His eyes, which he didn't think could get any wider, did. Had Mello just kissed him? This was all too much for him, he wasn't entirely sure what to do. It was like everyone was playing a cruel confusing joke on him, and wouldn't tell him the punch line. Halle was expecting him to kiss Mello. Halle, who refused to have sex with him, who only allowed small make out sessions, wanted him to kiss someone else. Not just someone else, his best friend.

Maybe he was looking too much into this? Maybe it was only him whose heart was racing a mile a minute. Maybe Mello saw this as a chore? As a joke like everyone else? It hurt him to think that, but it would be for the best if he never realized what was really going on inside of Matt's heart.

He forced himself to calm down, to allow a smile on his lips. "They won't stop till we give them something." He managed to say, looking around at the people in the room. Thankfully no one was really paying attention but Halle and Claudia. What was with girls and wanting to see boys kiss? Matt took a deep breath, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes, and leaned forward.

It was a bit like the world stopped. But not literally of course, he could still feel the people around him and hear the sounds in the room. It all just didn't matter for the few seconds his lips were on Mello's. It shouldn't be like this, it shouldn't feel so good, it shouldn't be taken so seriously. But it did, and it was. His heart felt heavy and his stomach twisted in a way it should never react to doing anything like this with a friend. He was going to need to excuse himself as soon as this moment was done.

His eyes were closed the whole time the kiss happened. He purposely didn't want to see Mello's face, the appalled look he most likely had. The laugh he knew was coming. It was all a joke to everyone but him, after all. But for one blissful moment, he felt something amazing. This was different. This wasn't how he felt when he kissed Erika, or Halle, or any of the other girls he had dated. There was something deep and primal and raw there, he wanted to grab the blond and push him against the wall. He wanted to rip his shirt to pieces and-

Matt opened his eyes. Stepping away, pale as a ghost as he looked at Mello. Jesus, what was he thinking? What did he just think? No, no. NO, these were the thoughts he had been attempting to quell for weeks. He needed Halle to give him something, just something, because her neglect was driving his mind to places it didn't need to be. He felt like ripping himself apart at that moment, but he knew he had to save face. He knew he had enjoyed that kiss too much, even for the briefest of moments that it lasted.

He smiled, offering an awkward laugh to the girls. "There?"

Claudia had watched with baited breath. There was something electric between the two of them, and she had seen it with her own eyes. She felt it in the air, and she was pretty damn sure Halle had felt it too. If Halle dared to say a negative word to them, she was prepared to rip her eyes out. Claudia put her hand on Mello's shoulder to steady him, smiling to cover whatever was about to happen. "Always hot when boys kiss, ay, Halle?" She laughed before whispering to Mello, "That looked…really serious. Are you alright? Do you want to leave?"

A small smile graced Mello's lips, his hand purposely brushing Claudia's. "Good show, Matty," he lifted up the mistletoe leaves, "mind if I keep these? I haven't had this much fun at a Christmas party and I'd like to cherish the fond memories."

Gracefully, Halle pushed the box and mistletoe to Mello's chest, grinning, "Good show indeed. Please, keep them. That made my night. I certainly don't need another Christmas gift." She giggled, Claudia joining in the laughter.

It was hard, keeping the smile on his face. He knew he needed to, but it was just so hard. Smiling, Matt walked back to the table and grabbed the real gift. He knew after he gave the gift to Mello he would need to excuse himself. Maybe he'd make up an excuse, say he was feeling sick. It wasn't far from the truth, his stomach was in knots.

Taking Mello's hand, he put the box in it before letting go. "This was your real gift." He felt so ashamed. He shouldn't feel this way toward his best friend. If he knew, he'd be disgusted with him. He'd never let him know. He wouldn't be able to handle it if he lost Mello over something like this.

"I hope you like it."

"Of course I will," Mello smiled, catching the way Matt's eyes dropped slightly when he handed over the gift.

Claudia had had her share of awkward moments in her life and she knew very well when it was time to exit stage left. With a clap of her hands she announced the obvious, "Well, it's been swell and I've had a lovely time, but I need Mello to take me home now."

Matt glanced at her, secretly thanking the very woman he was jealous of. "Yeah, I'm feeling like it's time to go home too." He attempted one of his sheepish grins, but it came off more of a sad half-smile. "I'm feeling really tired."

The brunette could sense it; she'd seen the look in his eyes a million times. Denial, guilt, lust- all her best friends were there. He practically smelled of hormones gone wild, and it was that moment that she actually felt a bit sorry for making them kiss. Matt seemed…something, and she couldn't place the exact feeling. "Yeah, it's been a long day and a good party. Well, it's been real! Nice to see you again, Halle, thank you for the lovely entertainment. Come along, Mello."

Halle gave the brunette a brief hug, mentioning a movie date next week, and Mello blocked it all out. Everything. Except the look Matt was giving him. Or the floor, actually. The gamer wouldn't meet his eyes, and the sickening tug in the pit of Mello's stomach was back in full force.

"Thanks, Matt. Give me a call when you want your ass whooped in Halo again." He was smiling so hard it hurt, hand gripping his gift and Claudia's hand for dear life.

Something normal, something he could cling to, had been handed to him. Mello knew him so well…even now, he knew. Games. He could talk about games and not feel anything. He looked up finally, "I'd like that. But you seem to be under the impression that you can win against me. Last time, wasn't it me who whooped your ass?" He laughed, a real smile slipping on his lips.

He could do this. If Mello was willing to give him games, he could ignore just how blue his eyes were. Just how soft his lips were.

Games, Halo.

"Bullshit," Mello called over his shoulder as Claudia pulled him toward the door, a laugh on his tongue. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas." Matt muttered, his hand up in a small wave.

As soon as the door closed behind them, the smile slid off Mello's face. He held to the small hand in his, mentally keeping his breathing in check.

"Breathe, Mihael, breathe."

"I'm trying, believe me," he swallowed thickly. Everything hurt. Everything ached and his lips _burned_. He had composure and he was capable of holding himself together, but, _fuck_ , even the tiniest of kisses from Matt had him breaking in all the wrong ways.

Claudia wasn't sure if she needed to help him walk. To steady him? To leave him alone..? All she could manage was a small, "I'm sorry we pushed it…" She felt bad, really bad.

"No...no," Mello laughed, shaking his head frantically, "is it bad to say that I'm glad you pushed it? Even though now I just..." he paused, shoulders shaking with humorless laughter, "...I feel everything breaking into perfect little fucked up pieces and it's perfect and horrible at the same time."

"That's love for you." She frowned, hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head, the laugh hurting his chest with each breath, "No, don't fucking say that. I can't...I-" Mello stopped, eyes dropping to the little box he was clutching in both hands.

"Open it." She whispered.

His fingers trembled against the wrapping paper, pulling it off after a long moment. The box was the same weight as the other one, the same red tissue paper covering the gift nestled away inside.

His breath hitched as he lifted the delicate gift from the box, holding it in his hand, the silver of the chain catching the dim light outside. The chain was short and intricate, and it somehow reminded him of chain maille. But the little cross hung on the fine silver broke the last barrier he'd been able to keep up.

Claudia covered her mouth with her hand. Mello held a beautiful silver bracelet with a cross on it. It was so simple, so elegant…so Mello. It was what she saw when she looked at Mello's face that broke her heart. Her eyes dampened, something caught in her throat as she pulled Mello to her in a hug. "Mihael…"

Resting his chin on the top of her head, Mello slowly wound his arms around her, fingers still playing over the silver in his hand. He bit his bottom lip hard, a heady sigh shaking his thin frame. "What the hell am I going to do?"

"You're going to be you." She said clearly, a tear running down her face. "You're going to be strong, be his friend, and hope. Because what I saw tonight gave me hope for you, even if you can't see it." The brunette rubbed his back, trying to sooth him. "Don't be such a girl, Mello." She offered a tiny laugh, "I know how hard it is to love someone you can't have. But the truth is, I think you can have him. So just…give him time."

"You're too much of an optimist," he bent down, placing a kiss on her cheek, "kinda makes me sick sometimes." Taking her hand in his, Mello closed his eyes for a moment before taking a step forward toward the car.

"Please. One of us has to be or we'd both be crying in a gutter somewhere." Claudia slipped an arm around his and leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked. "You'll get what you deserve, and if you don't- I'll kill him." She laughed, but wasn't entirely lying.

**xxx**


	17. Hiding in the Dark

**xxx  
**

"It's completely necessary. I can't believe that...here, take a left here."

"I still don't think it's that big of a deal..."

"Well, you're clearly uninformed because it _is_ a big deal."

"I'm pretty in the loop. Why haven't I heard about it before if it's this big a deal?"

Mello glanced at Matt with a smirk, "Because everyone you talk to sucks, apparently."

"Way to alienate my entire in-crowd in one fell swoop, Mel." The redhead turned a rather sharp corner, offering the blond a cocky grin.

"I don't want to die today, Matt, I just want ice cream."

"I'm living on the edge?"

Shaking his head, Mello leaned back in his seat. "No edges, just ice cream. Please."

"Well I don't see how ice cream is more interesting then dare devil driving."

Green eyes glazed over for a moment; all the redhead could think about was a cigarette. Mello had surprised him, showing up unannounced after a rather involved hour of arguing via text message. "Seriously, I don't see why me not ever tasting this flavor is call for an end of the world reaction." His lips quirked ever so slightly as he looked at the blond.

"Matt."

"No really!" Matt's voice cracked, "Cherry Garcia? Is it really that good?"

"Yes, it is that good. It's fantastic. It's probably the most well known Ben and Jerry's flavor and I cannot believe that you haven't even tried it!" The blond laughed under his breath, eyes closing with a sigh, "Seriously, it's good."

"I'll take your word for it, but if it's not good enough for me to want to stick my dick in it- I'm going to have to slap you, man. I mean…we had to drive half-way across town for it." Matt licked his lips, he really needed to smoke. "Do you mind?" He asked, pulling one out.

"Whatever, go ahead," Mello watched the tiny cancer stick rise to hang between Matt's lips as he fumbled for his lighter.

The moment he lit the end Matt felt the smoke enter his lungs, instantly feeling a lot better. "Man, I really need to stop. I'm so addicted it's not even funny." He sighed, smoke escaping between his lips. "Okay, so how…what's the etiquette with sharing ice cream?"

He needed to look away. Those stupid lips were too distracting. "If we get a pint we can either split it into bowls once we get someplace that's not the supermarket or we get two spoons."

"I vote two spooning it." The redhead nodded absently, "I enjoy eating it out of the carton, has a certain...je ne sais quoi."

Mello pulled absently at the cuff of his shirt, fingers brushing over the thin metal chain under the fabric. "Very classy. We can arrange two spoons, no problem."

"I'm a classy man, Mel." Matt wiggled the cigarette between his lips with a smirk. "You uh…sure you don't mind sharing with me?" His eyes darted to the road again, not sure if Mello felt odd around him still. It'd been a while since the Christmas party, the redhead still found he was nervous at moments, worried Mello would be uncomfortable. It made him seriously happy when Mello initiated their little adventure.

"Classy as those Jersey Housewives you love so much, and no, I don't mind," the blond made a conscious effort to look at the buildings rushing by outside as the car slowed to pull into the parking lot.

"Hey now, don't judge my housewives. I loves them bitches." Matt pouted as he put out his cigarette and got out of the car. The redhead waited for the blond to get out before he locked it, walking down the cross walk. "You know what else I love?" He asked, grabbing a mini black cart. "Safeway."

"You're a tiny-shopping-cart man, aren't you?" Mello eyed the cart with a small smile.

"Hell yeah I am, these guys are so cool." Matt pointed out the cup holder, "Look! I can pa-ruse the store while sipping on my gin and juice, and by gin and juice I mean my venti soy double shot caramel macchiato upside down…with mocha."

Mello paused for a moment before shaking his head, "I think you just lost two levels and 100 experience points."

The gamer's face fell. "It takes a real man to admit he drinks fruity drinks, Mel."

"If it _were_ fruity, yes it would. Unfortunately, it's all yuppie and no fruit."

"I have no qualms with this." The redhead stopped as they passed the fruit section, picking up melons. "I have melons."

"Oh Lord," the blond cracked a smile, trying to smother it with what he hoped was a disappointed frown. "We're here for ice cream, not sex changes, Matt."

"If I were a girl, I wonder if my boobs would be this big?" As Matt walked away from the melons he pondered a tad too loud. "Can you have boobs as big as your head, like in anime?" A man next to him snorted while his girlfriend smacked him.

It took every ounce of Mello's self control to not smack Matt upside the head. "You can, but it leads to back problems and unwanted advances from tentacle monsters, so I really think you're better off with what you've got."

Green eyes stared ahead blankly; Matt had become oddly silent as he walked down the cereal isle. Yes, he was pondering the ramifications of huge tits and tentacle monsters.

At least he did it silently, and to himself.

By the time Matt had checked back in, Mello was walking toward him with a pint of ice cream, holding it aloft with a coy grin.

"Oh hey, you found it. Look what I found." With a bright smile he held up boxes of Berry Captain Crunch and Trix.

"Matt, is that the kind of thing you eat? Don't you ever cook?"

"Yeah, of course I do! It just happens to be in Harvest Moon and Cooking Mama."

"What do you even eat?"

"Hot Pockets, Eggo waffles…"

"How are you not morbidly obese?"

"I throw in a few Lean Cuisines for variety. Once in a while I'll get creative and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and sometimes I'll even make some bacon to put in my mac and cheese. Well…actually, they make Easy Mac with bacon in it. Same thing."

"Not really," Mello pressed the carton against Matt's stomach and into his hands as he walked by, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Now let's get going."

"COLD!" Matt howled as he tossed the ice cream in to the cart. He stood there for a moment just rubbing his tummy, scowling at the back of Mello's head. "You're so mean sometimes." Matt muttered, pouting.

Blue eyes flashed over Mello's shoulder, "Me, mean? Now where on Earth would you get an idea like that, Matt? Come get in line, already."

Matt puttered up behind Mello, leaning heavily on the mini cart. His eyebrows were fixed to a point, "Jerk." He claimed playfully, "Just for that, you're buying me cereal."

Mello quickly snatched the ice cream and the box of cereal from Matt, placing them on the conveyer belt and pulling a thin black wallet from his back pocket. "Just this once, Matty."

"Why not always? You can be my sugar daddy." Matt laughed at that, rolling along with the cart as the line moved.

"I think you're more likely to be the sugar daddy."

"True facts." Matt glanced at the candy, eyes lighting up, "OH! I want this, this, this and this!"

"No. You're getting ice cream and cereal, and that's it," Mello smacked Matt's hand away from the Twix bar he was about to toss on the conveyer belt.

The biggest puppy eyes known to man met with Mello's blues, "But…I want it."

The blond closed his eyes for a moment before handing another bill to the cashier. "Fine, but just that one."

"Woot!" Matt tossed the candy bar on the belt, smiling so wide his cheeks threatened to break. "He got me one." The gamer proclaimed to the cashier, not even caring that the man did not give two shits. "You're the best ever, Mel."

"Yeah, yeah," Mello took his change, tucking it carefully into his wallet before dropping the coins into the little plastic container to the right of the register. "Grab your bag and let's go."

"You so good to me, Mel." Matt snatched the bags and trotted up next to the blond. "So hey, it's crazy o'clock." Matt started his sentence before getting distracted by a claw machine. Popping two coins in he started to play.

"No, no, Matt, no, stop it."

He couldn't help his hand meeting the back of Matt's head with a dull thwack.

The gamer made a strange face before turning and frowning at the blond. "What? Oh, sorry. I was going to ask..." He turned back around, tongue sticking out slightly as he maneuvered the crane. "If you just wanted to, I don't know, stay over or something?" His cheeks turned a slight shade of rose, using the game as a distraction. He hoped Mello wouldn't notice, "We could watch a movie and eat ice cream and veg out. Hey, we could make a fort!"

"...A fort?"

"Yanno.. like a pillow…fort?" Matt offered, his hand jiggling the joy stick. "I've never made one, I heard they're cracker jack though!"

No. No, Mello couldn't handle a night alone with Matt, not after the Christmas party. He was using everything he had to ignore how close they were, how pink Matt's cheeks were when he thought Mello wouldn't approve of something he said, how bright the other's smile was when it was shining at him...

A gallant, 'whoop!' filled the air as Matt achieved his goal. Bending down he pulled the stuffed skelton rabbit from the machine. "For you, for being awesome." He offered the blond a bright smile, "So…yeah, no? Fuck off Matt I don't want to spend a night on your stupid couch?"

He took the plush toy, fingers smoothing over the soft, synthetic fur. "I'll never hear the end of it if I say no, will I?" Mello smirked at the redhead, ignoring the grin spreading across his lips.

"I will pester you about it for all of your days, good sir."

"Fine."

The redhead threw his arms in the air with another loud 'Whoop' before running all the way to his car with his arms up.

This was a BAD idea.

**xxx**

"Okay, this ice cream is pretty fuckable.."

"I told you it was," Mello mumbled around his spoon, watching Matt carefully lick the ice cream off his own spoon.

Matt was trying very hard not to moan or make any inappropriate sounds. But the ice cream was delicious, so much so that he had to put his spoon down. "Jesus Christ, I'm going to need to stop for a while."

"Had enough already, Matty? I'm a little disappointed. I thought you'd last longer than that," the smirk was evident in Mello's voice.

The redhead laughed loudly at that, shaking his head. "A man can only take so much. It sucks being an ice cream virgin."

The blond bit the inside of his lip, nodding slightly, "Sure does."

The redhead leaned back on his couch, his head back, staring at the ceiling. "This is nice. I was a little afraid we wouldn't hang out anymore, to be honest. What with the whole…yanno…Christmas shenanigan."

Well, that was certainly one way to put it. "Why would you think that?"

"You seemed…upset? I don't blame you. If I had to kiss me, I'd be pretty upset." He made a strange face before shrugging, his eyes firmly glued to the ceiling. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to be around me anymore."

"It wasn't your fault that anything happened. Blame the ladies," Mello allowed a smile, trying not to watch Matt out of the corner of his eye. "Besides, you're my friend, even if you kiss like a seven-year-old."

"I do not!" He finally turned his glance to the blond for a second before looking away again. "Well…I don't know. I'm British, so this type of thing doesn't really phase me. But I know how most people are here, they don't really like that kind of stuff. Even if it's a clever joke devised by demon women." He let a smile slip over the corners of his lips. "So…we're okay?"

"Just dandy," he smiled, that little grin on Matt's lips breaking the wall he'd put up.

"Oh thank God." Matt sighed like the world had been on his shoulders. He smiled more, tossing a pillow at the blond. "I couldn't have my best friend hate me. I mean, it wasn't a terrible kiss." He laughed giving Mello a thumbs up.

The blond was thankful for the pillow blocking the blush on his face. "Of course it wasn't. I'm fucking fantastic."

"Claudia is one lucky lady." Matt plucked his soda from the coffee table and raised it in the air. He noticed a tad too late the tone of his voice; it clearly sounded sour. He laughed to cover it up, taking a big drink.

"She was, yes."

Green eyes peered beside him curiously, "What?"

"We're taking a bit of a break, I guess."

"But…why? You guys seemed, uh, good?" Matt's lips threatened to curve, but he hid them with his can. "Oh. What a shame." He didn't sound sad in the least bit.

"We are, but it was more of a...mutual thing," Mello shrugged, taking a spoonful of ice cream.

Matt offered one last shrug, for some reason, it didn't bother him at all that he wanted to smile or laugh at this information. The way she got close to Mello always irked him. The way she laughed with him, smiled with him, it all made his stomach clench. He wouldn't use the word jealous, but it didn't mean it was the incorrect word. He just wouldn't use it.

"Sucks man."

"A little," he admitted before sighing dramatically, "I don't know how I going to live with myself now that she's gone." Mello smirked and threw a hand across his forehead, "Woe is me."

Matt placed a hand on Mello's shoulder, his voice a mock stern. "It's okay man. We have ice cream, the healing can begin."

"It already has," he waved the spoon before going for another bite, "but it's a shame the healing is going straight to my ass."

"More like your hips, I don't think your ass can take it, man." Matt laughed loudly, he knew it was only seconds before Mello realized he just made a butt joke. He jumped up and strolled toward the kitchen before it was too late to escape.

There was a pause.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing, tra la la la..."

"No, that was something," the blond stood up, stalking toward the kitchen. "Are you making fun of my ass?"

Matt's hands were up in a defensive position. "I said nothing of the sort."

Blue eyes narrowed with a small smile, "Well, too bad for you and your lying face because I'm taking the ice cream and I'll be on my merry way."

"Aw come on, Mel! I was kidding. You have a nice, uh…posterior."

"...Ogling me again, Matt?"

"Always?" He offered him a smile.

"Oh, you sly boy," Mello raised an eyebrow before resting back against the counter.

"I know, I'm so clever."

Matt paused in his retort, smile softening. "Hey Mello, thanks a lot for coming. It means a lot to me. I wanted to have a really low key birthday, I intended on being alone...but I'm really glad you showed up. It's the first time in a long time I've spent it with someone else."

"...Excuse me? Did you just...it's your birthday?"

The redhead shrugged a shoulder, "Yeah?"

"Shit, Matt, why didn't you tell me?" Mello frowned a little, kicking Matt's foot lightly, "I would have let your ogling count as my gift to you."

"Does that mean I can ogle all I want without getting punched?" Matt wiggled his eyebrow and laughed. "I don't know...I didn't think it was very important. I normally spend it alone."

"It is important, and no. Your eyes don't get to wander that far from home," a smirk crossed the blond's lips. "I need to get you something other than ice cream and cereal."

"Not even for the birthday boy?" Matt pouted openly before allowing a smirk to grace his lips. "Pffft, I don't need anything. Just having you here is enough."

"Nope, I'm getting you something," Mello ignored the blush threatening to burn his cheeks. "And it will be the best gift you get this year."

"That sounds-" suddenly the theme song to the 90s Power Rangers sounded through the apartment. Matt's eyebrow rose as he plucked his phone from his pocket. His green eyes scanned the text message quickly, widening. Wetting his lips, he read it again.

And again.

"Uh..."

"'Uh?' How very articulate, Matt," Mello watched the redhead's cheeks flare up as he stared at his phone. "What's up?"

"Halle…uh..." Matt blinked, rubbing his eyes. He wasn't sure how to feel about what his girlfriend had just sent him. Sure, he should be overjoyed…was it strange he felt confused? Shouldn't he be half way to his car at this moment instead of staring dumbly at his phone and Mello?

"She wants…to ..." He gestured slightly.

"...Wants to...?"

"...You know…"

The blond frowned, "Build a giant robot, bake a fifteen layer cake, take up disco?"

The gamer made an incredulous face. "Mello." Looking back at his phone as it went off again, he swallowed.

Oh dear God, a picture attachment.

"Take a cold shower before you ruin your pants, sailor." Mello straightened, a small smile gracing his lips, "You're going to have a good night, finally getting what you want."

"I guess." He muttered head tilted at an angle. Was that a bath tub?

"I mean…I should go, right? Yeah. She's all…well, it looks like soap-sudded but…hey, I'm not an expert." Matt felt conflicted. On one hand, he had a feeling if he and Halle did finally consummate their relationship all his weird, lusty feelings might dissipate. All his crazy thoughts had to have accumulated from lack of intimacy, right? He was simply projecting his feelings for Halle onto someone else close to him; Mello was always there for him, that had to be why. Maybe his feelings would return to those of a normal friendship after he got laid?

Genius logic.

But on the other hand…he had invited Mello over. They had plans. He couldn't just ditch his best friend to go have sex... could he? It might fix everything. But simultaneously…he might offend him.

Shallow logic.

"My logic seems so flawed right now..." Matt muttered to himself.

Blue eyes watched the other man, brow furrowed and waging some epic internal battle. "Is she waiting?"

"Yeah..."

"Then go, seriously," he offered a smile, grabbing Matt his jacket off the back of the couch. "We can reschedule. This is a crowning moment in Matt history. The girl made you wait, and you actually did. She might be the one or whatever."

Matt brushed red hair out of his eyes, glancing around the room a bit nervously. Seriously, shouldn't he be more excited? Butterflies erupted in his stomach as his phone chimed again.

"Are you sure you aren't going to text me tomorrow telling me how shallow and uncool I am for canceling?" He took his jacket from the blond and slipped it on, looking for his keys. "You're way more understanding than I'd be."

"Yeah, yeah, go, it's fine. Not going would be the uncool thing, you dork," Mello opened the front door, ushering Matt out of his own apartment before following him. "I should probably go to work anyway. Silly thing, needing to pay for stuff. Always so bothersome."

"I feel like such a tool right now."

"Oh shut up and go fuck the girl, Matt. You've been dying to for months, so just do it already."

"Such crude language, Mel." Matt offered a smile and patted Mello on the shoulder. "Alright then, wish me luck."

"You don't need it," Mello paused for a moment before adding, "Well...that is unless you fuck like you kiss. In which case, hit puberty already and do it like a man."

Matt had a million different comebacks to Mello's statement, however every last one of them disappeared as his phone chimed again. "You win this round, Joker. But I'm the Goddamn Batman, I'll be back." As Matt walked away he said something about catching Cat Woman tonight.

He watched him go, rounding the corner at the end of the hallway, hearing the distant ding of the elevator. Mello needed to collect himself. Matt had a girlfriend, and he was going to go do intimate boyfriend-girlfriend things with said female. And that was fine. Mello certainly didn't have any right to tell him otherwise, especially with what he and Claudia had had...

He caught himself before he blindly dialed her number on his phone, slipping the small device back into his pocket. It'd be fine. This wasn't a big deal. Mello would just go home, relax, watch a movie...

Letting out a deep sigh, Mello focused on the hallway stretched out in front of him before he slammed his fist into the wall.

**xxx**

Matt could still feel the night air all around him, even after the elevator shut and the hum of music began. He had taken this ride a million times, the repeating motions of pushing the button for his floor, the tapping his foot as he waited for the climb to be over. The sliding of the doors, the walking down his hallway, and finally the unlocking of his door. He tossed his keys gingerly in to the decorative bowl he had next to the door and slipped his shoes off.

Though he was home and the door was shut behind him, he felt off. Matt stood silently in the entrance way of his apartment. Today had been his birthday. She said it was his birthday gift, that she had been waiting for this moment to make it their first time together, that she planned it and it was to be a special moment. And it was, it was perfect. Everything moved slow but fast at the same time, the music was there, the candles, her body was soft and warm. Everything it should have been. He had forgotten just how much he enjoyed having sex, and no, meaningless masturbation didn't cut it quite like sex with a willing, soft body. It was a beautiful moment that would stay with him forever.

And yet, there he was. Standing in his entrance way, feeling numb.

Something wasn't right. Something was missing. He couldn't place his finger on it, and he didn't want to linger on it too much. She had given him the ultimate gift a woman can give, and in a proper way as well. It was wonderful for sure, and he wondered if they'd do it again anytime soon...but still. Something lingered in the back of his mind, nagging at him, eating away at him.

What was it, exactly?

The redhead finally moved from the entrance way, walking slowly through his living room, he decided to sit on his couch instead of going to his bed room. He felt light headed, the adrenaline all but gone from his earlier excursion. His eyes finally focusing on something on the table.

An empty carton of ice cream.

His stomach lurched.

He was sure the moment he and Halle consummated their relationship that all of these thoughts, all of these confusions hazing his mind would clear. He was just distracted because of his lust...right? But he was having a harder time convincing himself after that, after the one excuse he had left was taken away from him. His feeling were mixed. He had both enjoyed and thrived in the moment with her, but at the same time he felt his heart wasn't fully in it, that it was more animalistic and heated. A deep need to be fulfilled more than anything.

"What am I doing..?" He said out loud to no one at all. What was he doing? There was a moment there, when they were having sex, that blond hair had been all he could see. His mind had drifted to another person then, and it had made everything that much more intense. He had felt the thing he had been lacking all along, for that split second, before he willed it away. The hunger gnawed at his insides. He knew exactly what it had been he thought. He felt shame and regret for spoiling his and Halle's moment together, and prayed she hadn't noticed any change.

Mello.

At that moment, he had thought about Mello.

Matt cupped his hands over his face. What was he going to do? Images flashed though his mind, his green eyes peering between his fingers. A hot flush of heat flooded over his body like hot water, his cheeks as crimson as his hair. He felt his pants grow tighter, shame. Shame again. It wasn't Halle that stimulated his body. Not at all, nothing about the images he pictured were her. In fact, he had just imagined their night together, but replaced it with another blond.

Matt bit his bottom lip; his pants were starting to hurt him. He'd regret what he was about to do the moment he saw Mello again, but he couldn't help it. Jumping up, he walked calmly to his bed room, closing the door behind him.

He was going to do something he would most likely regret in the morning, then he would lock it away forever and never think about it again.

**xxx**

His bright blue eyes, his silky blond hair. Matt could hear his voice in his mind's eye as he wrapped his fingers diligently around his manhood. Green eyes half lidded, he imagined Mello's hand instead of his, stroking the length. He panted softly as the heat in his chest spread to his lower body, his other fingers curling tightly on the bed sheets.

He imagined Mello watching him, licking his lips with lust. Imagined him saying how embarrassing it must be for Matt to be in such a position; Matt on his elbows and knees, stroking himself as if Mello were the one doing it. He laughed to himself, moaning loudly after, thinking about how very pathetic he was. He closed his eyes again, focusing on finishing so he'd never have to think about how fucking stupid he was again. How angry he was at himself. How could he objectify his best friend? His tall... slender... very attractive best friend. He let out another strangled sound, tightening his hold on himself.

His blue eyes. So striking, so full of things Matt couldn't even imagine, the things those eyes had seen, will see one day. He wanted them to watch, to see how hard he was, to see how his body pulsed with every thought of the blond. He pushed his face down in to his sheets, panting, breath more labored as he pushed his thumb over the tip.

Mello.

He wore tight clothes on purpose.

Mello.

He touched him and stood too close on purpose.

Mello.

He made him feel important, like someone on purpose.

Mello...he ...

"Shit .. _Mello_!" His eyebrows furrowed as he felt himself falling over the edge of oblivion, his mouth open in a wordless cry.

Matt lay there, staring at his bed side table. There sat the only picture he had of himself and the blond. He wasn't sure when they had taken the picture, but he didn't care right now. A tear slid down his cheek; he'd never be able to pretend this didn't happen. Mello would notice, surely. He'd have to avoid him for a while... just... just long enough to get himself sorted. He'd go see Halle again. They'd have sex and he'd be normal. He wouldn't think of Mello like this...

He'd let himself forget, and then they could hang out again.

With that resolution, Matt drifted off to restless sleep.

**xxx**


	18. Destroying Wonderland

**xxx  
**

_'I need you to come over. Now.'_

The elevator seemed to barely move, but Mello's stomach still lurched uncomfortably as he waited in the mirrored box. He impatiently prodded the glowing numbers repeatedly, a soft ding chiming after each jab.

Something was wrong. All of his calls to Matt went directly to voicemail and he hadn't gotten any texts back. Mello let out a harsh sigh, running a hand through his hair and massaging his temples. Pacing would be stupid. He was stuck in an eight-by-eight box, and the last thing he needed was to feel like a caged animal on top of overly concerned about the gamer. He and the redhead hadn't exactly seen a lot of each other in the last month, which fueled the shock of his current text even more. Or was he overly concerned? No, he was just overthinking, which really wasn't anything new because he did that every fucking day. No surprises there.

The mirrored doors slid open with a cheerful ding, and Mello was already half way down the hall before they started slipping shut again. As he approached the end of the hallway, he noticed sunlight filtering out of Matt's door, left wide open. His pace increased as he willed himself not to run to the end of the hallway. Because that would probably be completely pathetic.

"Matt?" Mello called out hesitantly as he neared the doorway.

Matt had been in the process of throwing one of his mugs across the room, satisfied with the loud smashing sound it made when it slammed into one of his walls. Clearly the redhead couldn't hear the blonde, large skull candy headphones plastered over his ears. He moved toward another glass in the cabinet, throwing it harder against the wall, not caring where it hit. "I'm such a blooming berk!" His voice howled over another crash, this time a dish. "Of course, why wouldn't she! I'm a complete cock-up! I can't do shit right, I can't even do _THAT_ RIGHT!" Another glass.

Mello flinched as the glass hit the wall, taking a few steps inside and grabbing Matt's hand as he reached for a rather expensive looking plate. "Matt, Matt, stop it, calm down!"

The redhead felt the hand on him, and if he hadn't looked before he swung, he would have hit Mello in the face with the plate. Jerking back at the last second he let it swing, hitting the floor loudly.

"Mello, bloody hell, you scared me...I thought you were..." Matt shook his head and pulled the ear phones off. "Saying I don't want to calm down? That trollop... you have no idea!"

"No, I don't, since you wouldn't tell me what's going on," he let go of Matt's wrist, glancing around at the completely trashed apartment. "Good Lord...Matt, were you robbed or did-?" Mello turned back to the redhead, eyes widening. " _You_ did this?"

"Does it matter who did it?" The gamer gave Mello a disinterested look before moving toward his bedroom to fetch something. Walking back out, he held a pillow in one hand and a rather sharp looking knife in the other. He then began to stab it and pull it apart, "I'm doing a bit of clean house. Getting rid of anything and everything _she_ ever had anything to do with." His eyes were cold as he tossed the pillow over his shoulder, looking around for something else to destroy.

"No you're not," Mello grabbed Matt's wrist again, wrenching him around and holding him by the shoulders. "Matt, I understand that you're upset, but I have no idea what's going on and I need you to explain it to me for the sake of my sanity," he said evenly, eyes meeting Matt's. "Please."

Matt leaned forward, close enough that the two men's noses almost touched. His voice was low and dangerous, his eyes full of hate and anger.

"She was having sex with some man in her bed. I went over to get my iPod; I must have left it there the night of my birthday... I know it's been a while. I completely forgot it was there... and I went to listen to it... it was gone; I didn't think I'd need to announce I was coming over. HAHA, I guess I should have! " Gritting his teeth he pulled back and glared to the side, "Doesn't matter. It was probably me again. Only factor that stays the same, ay? But you know the part that hurts the most?" His jaw clenched harder, "I heard her. She was telling him about us, saying she was sorry and that I didn't mean anything to her. It was…she said she loved the sodding git. She said something about her job, but I was already out the door...I heard enough."

It was like the air had been ripped out of his lungs. Mello had never seen anyone look that hurt and dejected and-

"Fuck, I-I'm sorry...Matt, I'm so sorry..."

"So am I." Matt ripped himself free of Mello, stalking toward the living room he ripped pictures off the wall.

"Us at the beach? Fuck her." He slammed the picture frame on the ground, stepping on it with a loud crunch.

"Christmas party? Eat shit." Another frame on the ground, another boot to the glass.

"If she had the bloody balls to have at least _told_ me she was over this, I would have gotten the picture, yanno? But no. Let's string the geek along. Make him care. Then, when I'm done with the berk, I'll drop him!" Another photo, this one ripped right off the wall. A poster she got him right after Halloween gone; Matt guessed she wasn't even really that in to Star Wars.

Liar.

"I…I'm so fucking ticked at myself. Myself, not her. Not her, because she never really cared. I let myself fall into it again. THE HELL IS _WRONG_ WITH ME!"

It was loud, loud and painful. Matt's fist went through a window, glass shattering all around the redhead, fragments littering the carpet.

"Nothing's wrong with you," Mello watched the pain overtake the adrenaline coursing through Matt's system, blood welling up on his knuckles. "Come here. I'm not going to stop you from trashing your place because I think you need to get this out of your system, but I'm not going to let you bleed everywhere."

The redhead glared at the blood on his knuckles, his frown becoming a tight line. Following Mello, he walked toward the bathroom. "Yeah right," Matt muttered, "I'm not even mad she left me." He felt hollow, the painful jolts screaming from his bloodied hand were the only feelings he could sense. "I'm mad she said she never cared. She must be a damn well-off actress or something..."

Rummaging through the medicine cabinet, Mello shook his head, "Girls have a funny way of saying exactly what a guy wants to hear, you know." He looked over his shoulder at Matt for a moment, "You have any gauze or anything?"

"It's under the sink." Matt flopped down on the toilet, his head hurt now that he was calming down. "But... why? Why go through all the trouble to make me think she liked me? I don't get it."

"She could be lying to him."

Matt scoffed, "You didn't hear her. You didn't _see_ what I saw. No. I was the fake one."

Mello tore open an antiseptic wipe, dabbing it on Matt's knuckles and wrist, a small laugh leaving his lips. "Here we are again. Me cleaning you up after you lose your cool."

"Seems like a pattern," Matt managed a small smile, but winced as the medication touched the open wound. "I'm... sorry you had to see that. I try to keep my temper under check, but...it's pretty bad." His green eyes stared intently out the window of his bathroom, attempting to ignore the familiar throbbing in his knuckles. "I didn't have anyone else to call." He paused before adding, "Actually, I didn't want to call anyone else."

"I'm flattered," he smiled, eyes jumping to Matt's face before starting to wrap his hand. "Though, I really should get paid for all this medical treatment. They'd charge you about two hundred bucks for this in the emergency room."

"I'd rather bleed to death than pay a doctor to fix a few cuts." Matt rolled his eyes, glaring out the window again. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you get mad; I've made a right fool out of myself plenty of times... but you? You stay calm no matter what. What's your deal? How in the world can you do it?" Green eyes slowly found blue, searching. "Am I really a bad guy?"

Blue eyes glinted in the sunlight, "No, you're not. I've had a lot of practice keeping things to myself. Or, actually," he taped up the gauze, "I've had practice not letting people read me."

"Have you ever felt the urge to just punch me in the face?" Matt asked randomly, head tilted a bit. "We've never had a fight; maybe you're just holding it in. I don't mind." He leaned back, "You can hit me if you want."

"I must be really pathetic. Girl troubles every other minute, whining about something or another, throwing temper tantrums. Hell, you've had to pick me up out of a bush, shit faced drunk, like, piss-artist drunk. I'm a complete nutter, I must annoy you. You can't be the only bleeding person in the world who isn't annoyed by me."

"Shut up, Matt, you're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" The redhead pushed off the seat and past Mello, "I don't think anyone can handle as much bullshit as I've put you through. Maybe you're pretending too, all just a lovely joke. Right? I bet you trounce off to Claudia and have a right laugh at the git with the ability to cock-up everything without even trying." The redhead raised both arms in the air and laughed, no traces of joy in it. "You ain't a saint, so you must be like her. No way. I've never known a one soddin' person who would do the things you do. None. Everyone has a motive."

He laughed at that, following Matt back into the living room, avoiding several shards of glass. "Everyone does? Really, Matt, because do I strike you as a conniving little bitch? Honestly, do I?"

"Yes. Yes you do." Matt turned on his heel and glared at the blond, "I never even so much as ASKED what was going on that night! Did you give me an explanation? No. But I didn't ask. I beat a man. I didn't kick his arse or have a fight with him, Mello, I _beat_ a man! And why? _Because he had you against the wall_. I didn't ask, and I should have. I know you, but I don't _know_ you!"

Matt could feel the anger welling up inside him, it was unjustified, there was no good reason to treat Mello this way. But he had held his tongue for so long about so many things. No. He wouldn't hold it anymore. The guilt that racked his body, the pain in his heart over this person, the way Mello made him feel. It was his entire fault. What if he was playing him like Halle did? What if he _knew_ what he was doing to the redhead?

"You know more about me, I'm always throwing my life problems around like it's nothing while you just listen. No one just listens! NO ONE!" Matt's voice slowly began to rise, he was almost yelling now. "You have a motive. You have to. Guys like you? They don't hang out with guys like me."

"What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean? What is a guy like me?" Mello took a step forward, willing his voice to be even.

"You bloody well know what type of guy you are, Mello." Matt's eyes narrowed, taking a step forward as well. "You're one of the in-crowd. The people everyone wants to be. Handsome, mysterious, can walk down a dark alley and NO ONE has the nuts to fuck with you! Everyone likes you and has no sodding idea WHY they like you! But they do. Everyone wants to be near you, you're the bell of the bleetin' ball!"

Matt's teeth clenched, anger surging through his body. "You walk in a room and all the heads turn, who's that bloke? No idea, but I want to talk to him!" His fist tightened at his side as he took another step, Mello knew damn well what he did to people. He had to; it wasn't fair how he affected him. It wasn't!

"Me? No way, mate. No one looks at me like that. I'm a ball of fuck. I'm one step close to anti-social and if I didn't know how to lie and act my way through social settings, I'd never have one person wanting to so much spit on me if I were on fire. But you? The whole lot would come to help you. So why would you," his hand rose, jabbing Mello in the chest with a finger, "want to pay any attention to a loser like me? I know what I am. I know. I try every day to ignore it, to play the game and win the points. Use what little looks I have and personality I can stammer up, grins and smiles. Give the crowd all of who you are and maybe they'll allow you in. But no, no one like you _really_ likes someone like me. You're just like her. She couldn't have liked me, and she didn't." _Just like you_ , Matt left unsaid, panting. _You can't_.

"Don't you dare compare me to that fucking bitch," Mello hissed, teeth grinding together as he took a step closer to the redhead. "You think I'm that low, that I don't give a shit about anyone other than myself? Think again, asshole. You're right, you know next to nothing about me, and all of your little presumptions about how fan-fucking-tastic my life must be? Shove them right up your ass. I'd rather be you, flying under the radar and have genuine friends instead of knowing hundreds of fuck ups who will blow you up the minute you aren't worth your salt."

He pushed the middle of Matt's chest, shoving him back against the wall, taking the last few steps to close the distance between them. "And me?" his voice was low and irate, each word punctuated by Matt's heartbeat, "I'm worse than anyone of those fuckers. But for you? This is real. This is real because I have nothing to gain or lose from you. So next time you want to start something with me and want to start questioning what I'm doing, why I'm here, and why on God's green Earth I haven't beaten the shit out of you already for comparing me to her, think about that."

Matt stumbled backwards as he was pushed, back hitting the wall he didn't realize he was so close to. It was as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over him. Shame flooded his emotions and features as openly as a kicked puppy. Why had he said those things? Why was he so hurt? Mello hadn't done anything to him, all of the things he felt, it was his own fault. Mello was his only real friend. Was he such a screw up that he'd push the last real thing in his life away because he couldn't sort himself out properly?

His eyes dropped to the floor as he tried to think of something to say, something to apologize for his ridiculous outburst. How could he even imply Mello was like her..? What was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry..." He whispered, eyes too ashamed to meet the blond. "Hit me. I deserve it, don't hold it back. I said the stupidest things... I'm sorry; I'm not fully sure what came over me." He picked at his fingers, wringing them together. His chest hurt, his stomach was turning loops. He hadn't meant to turn on the blond... it just... happened? It was because Mello was too good to be true, and when things were too good to be true, they often were. He knew it was a bad idea to call him, to see him again so soon. Too much confusion. But the moment he found out about Halle, there was only one person he wanted around.

"I just... don't deserve a friend like you. It's still hard to believe ..." He swallowed back whatever he was going to say, glancing at the blond for a second before he looked away again. Was it horribly inappropriate to think Mello looked extremely attractive angry? Yeah, it was. His cheeks flared at the thought, making the entire situation that much more uncomfortable. He could remember the way he felt that night, pretending Mello was there. The blond this close to him…he was afraid Mello could hear how hard his heart was beating.

"Are you sure I'm worth it?"

The blond paused for a moment, blue eyes meeting green. "Yes," he sighed, pushing away from the wall and taking a few steps away from Matt. "You're angry, it's fine. Just don't do that shit again. I came when you called. I came to help, not make things worse."

Matt's heart leapt in to his throat, spewing the words he was thinking before he had a chance to stop himself.

"Would it be really weird if I, uh…asked for a hug?"

"No."

"So," Matt rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Can I have a hug?" The question was muttered under his breath. It wasn't very manly to ask for a hug from your best friend, but shit. He _really_ needed it, really _wanted_ it.

Mello turned, cocking his head to the side. "Well? My bitches come to me," he held his arms open, rolling his eyes.

Matt laughed nervously, walking toward the blond. "I don't think I'm classified as a bitch, Mel." He offered the blond a weak smile before wrapping his arms around him, letting his face rest between his collar bone and shoulder. "Thank you for, you know, everything."

Awkwardly, Mello's arms found their way around Matt's shoulders, staring at the far wall vacantly. "You really like her, don't you?"

The redhead didn't want to answer that question; he wanted to enjoy the moment. Who knew when he would be able to trick Mello in to being this close to him again? He felt how hard it was for the blond to place his arms on the other man. He felt ashamed of what he was doing; he was the manipulative one, not Mello. Wounds still fresh from Halle, and he was already getting touchy-feely with Mello. He had his doubts and feelings the entire time he had been with her, but he had honestly tried to like her. He thought he did...

But being held like this, it made the anger melt away. It still hurt like hell that she never cared at all... but maybe, maybe if Mello cared just a bit, it would all be okay.

He really did like Mello. He had to stop denying it now.

Pulling away he smiled and pushed some of his red hair out of his eyes. "I think I'll live."

"I certainly hope so. I might have to beat the crap out of you otherwise."

"Be careful, I might like that." Matt chuckled under his breath, "I think I need to clean all this up."

"Probably," Mello kicked some pillow stuffing with the toe of his boot. "Want a hand with it?"

"Sure, I could use the company." Matt smiled, throwing some pillow fluff at Mello. "Seriously, I'm sorry I freaked out on you." Walking into the kitchen, he grabbed a trash bag, "I'll find a way to make it up to you." Making eye contact and smiling again, "I promise."

**xxx**

_'Hey Mel, my friend Matsuda is DJ-ing at a rave. I wanted you to go with me, I'll pay for your drinks and stuff. I said I'd make it up to you!'_

_'...you're not gonna slip something in my drink, are you?'_

_'Only if you want me to. ;)'_

_'Oh God. lol, fine. Tell me when and where.'_

_'I'll email you the address. I promise it'll be fun! TTYL'_

**xxx**


	19. Catching Fire

**xxx**

Cherry red tail lights flashed in the darkness as Matt pulled up to the destination Matsuda texted him. Green eyes scanned the area before putting out his cigarette. "This doesn't look so bad..." he muttered to himself before turning his car off. Sliding a pair of orange goggles over his eyes, he hopped out of the car. A brief glance to his phone proved he was much earlier than Mello and he had agreed on. "What am I doing?" he asked himself; after all, it had only been two weeks after the Halle debacle. Was it really a great idea to be attending a rave with anyone, let alone Mello? Matt's heart skipped a beat at the thought of the blond. He quickly swallowed down any emotions that threatened to come to a head, shoving his arms in the back seat to grab his vest. Black and white stripped sleeves slipped into a brown fur laced vest, quickly zipping it up.

It was much colder outside than he had anticipated when picking out his rave wear, his skinny jeans not really keeping his legs very warm. Of course, he'd thank himself later while on the dance floor. He fully intended to dance until his mind went numb and he didn't have to think anymore. Dancing and music, couple that with alcohol and Mello? This could end in a very dangerous manner.

A long breath left his lips, the chilled air cold enough to show the carbon dioxide leaving his body. Maybe he did need another cigarette. He reached in to his vest, plucking out another and lighting it up. Off in the distance he could see the lights of the rave, the warehouse lit up inside. He could faintly hear the bass of a song, foot tapping absently on the dusty ground. Drawing in smoke, he leaned back onto his car. His boots weren't exactly dancing shoes, he noted, staring down at them. "What was I thinking? Buckles..?" He shrugged, his hair flipping over his goggles.

His phone vibrated dully in his pocket, a loud chirp following shortly after. He reached into his pocket, fishing out the small device and looking at the pixilated text dancing across the screen.

_'Let me know when you get here.'_

Green eyes widened behind orange lenses. Did that mean Mello was already there? Fumbling with his phone for a moment, Matt texted him back.

_'Wait.. you're here already?'_

_'Yeah, I left early to make sure I could find the place. Which I did, evidently.'_

Red hair met with metal as Matt bopped his forehead against the frame of his car. He needed to be brave. He could do this. Taking a deep breath, he texted the blond back and locked up his car.

_'I'll be right there.'_

It wasn't really a very long walk from his car to the door, however the cold air made it feel a lot longer. By the time he reached the front, the gamer was already rubbing his arms with his leather gloved hands.

"Yo," he called to the guy at the entrance, offering the man a smile as he checked his name off the guest list, strolling inside. The entire warehouse was lit up with different lights, people dancing every which way with glow sticks attached to different body parts; loud colors and animal prints accompanied barely dressed people of both genders. The red head snickered softly to himself; a lot of these people weren't at the rave for the music, it seemed. It was a bit like mating season in the building, men and women alike plagued by different levels of inebriation. Pushing through the crowd wasn't as hard as he imagined it would have been, making his way to the DJ station to let Matsuda know he had arrived.

"Matsuda, have you seen my friend Mello?" He yelled at the raven haired man.

The other grinned and motioned for Matt to follow him to the side of his stage. He crouched down, holding a hand to his ear as Matt walked up, "Who and the what now?"

"Blond guy I always hang out with. Mello? I invited him and I have no bloody clue where he is." Matt gave a random dancing girl a cheeky grin when she smiled at him, turning back to Matsuda. "You met him at my Christmas party."

"Riiiight, right, longer hair. A bit too pretty, completely unfair," Matsuda said thoughtfully, a pout tugging at his lips. "I really have no idea, kinda been concentrating."

"Don't be jealous," Matt nudged his shoulder with a wink. "Right. I suppose I'll just let him know to come to the stage then. How goes it? The whole..." he waved, "This?" After a moment he flicked out his phone and sent a message.

"It's good, but what about you and...uh, you're...lack of-?"

"Girlfriend?" Matt finished for him, shaking his head and grinning at the pretty girl again. "I'm…dealing. Hey, turn that up." Matt gestured, pulling his gloves and vest off, leaving them with Matsuda's things. "I love this song." The red head didn't really want to talk about Halle; instead, he allowed the song to flow through his body. Following the beat he began to move along, singing the words under his breath.

He really did have the moves like Jagger.

"Of course you do," he laughed, trying to ignore the sad tone Matt had had a moment earlier. "Someone's getting dance-y, aren't they."

A blond head weaved between several people, sliding up to the front of the crowd and looking up at the stage. Mello let a small smirk play on his lips at Matt's dancing, reaching out to jab at the other's leg. "Easy there, tiger."

Matt had been in the process of laughing at Matsuda's comment when he felt the jab on his leg. Tilting his head his, lips spread into a wide smile.

"Mello!" Jumping off of the stage, he landed next to the blond and shook his head to the beat a bit. "Hey! Why in the world were you here so much earlier than me... are you wearing leather again?" Thoughts officially derailed when he gave himself a moment to actually look at the blond. His mouth went dry, pushing the goggles to the top of his head. Thank God for contacts; he would be cursing any higher powers if the scene in front of him had been altered or blurred in any way.

"Felt like it. Don't really have a very extensive non-work-clothes wardrobe so..." Mello trailed off, shrugging one shoulder offhandedly. "It's the vest you got me."

"I noticed..." Matt trailed off, words slipping out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them. "I mean, it looks good. I didn't mean to say it didn't... or... anything. Not to say leather is bad!" He found himself rambling, shifting his goggles back over his eyes. "Yeah...so...I think I need a drink."

To his credit, Mello only raised an eyebrow. "You probably do. Come on," Turning back to the rest of the crowd, the blond headed into the mass of bodies, glancing over his shoulder at Matt, "Try to keep up."

The entire room seemed like a blur; Matt needed to remind himself to stop staring at Mello's ass in those leather pants. It was very inappropriate, but it was hard not to. Even his shoulders looked really good without anything covering them, and he could swear he could see his shoulder blades against the fabric. Had he had any idea this vest would have looked this good on the blond, perhaps he would have bought something else. Aware of the other eyes watching the blond, a hot surge of possessiveness flashed through his body.

Pushing through the crowd, he managed to get ahead of Mello, snatching his hand to pull him through. It was both an innocent gesture and one to tell others to fuck off. "Hey, I think it's this way," He winked, leading Mello toward the bar. His cheeks were already flushed, his fingers trying not to squeeze the wrist in his grasp too hard.

Was Mello's skin always this… soft?

Mello let himself be pulled through the crowd, eyes trained on the back of Matt's head. Every few paces, the redhead would turn, eyes hidden behind his goggles, and Mello was afraid he was hoping too loudly that Matt was looking at him.

The outfit was probably too much. Probably.

After what seemed to be an eternity, they reached the bar. Matt ordered a rum and coke and turned to the blond, "What would you like?" He pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, which proved to be a bitch to get out. "I'll pay."

"I don't need..."

Matt's pants were awfully tight.

"Just...vodka. Or tequila. Or something. Anything."

"Right then." Matt turned again and handed the bartender some cash, grabbing a double tequila shot and handing it to Mello. Matt took a small sip of his drink before taking one more look at Mello in the vest and drinking it all in a few gulps. "Can I get another?"

"How are you holding up?" Mello mouthed around his glass before knocking it back.

It took Matt half of his new drink before he realized Mello was talking about Halle. His lips became a thin line for a moment as he thought about what he was going to say. "I'm..." his drink hit his mouth again, gone, "dealing with it."

The blond watched the other, eyes softening, "I'm sorry, man. You don't deserve that."

"It's the story of my life, I've grown quite accustomed to it." Matt shrugged one of his stripped shoulders before turning and asking for a Midori sour with sprite. "I think I'm done." Green eyes hidden behind orange lenses flashed with emotion that no one could see. "I don't think I can handle it again..." Matt let out a sigh before leaning against the bar, "I don't know if I can trust myself anymore. My judgments are always so..." his eyes glanced at Mello, from his boots to his tight leather pants, to the vest he'd bought himself, sticking to the blond as if he were painted onto him, "...wrong."

"Well, if you don't mind me saying, you deserve better than some bitch who is just gonna use you then drop you. I know we're young and are supposed to be fucking around and enjoying life, but I don't think that that means anything if you're constantly miserable and getting...I don't want to say getting your heart broken because that sounds tacky, but it works. Especially for you. You need someone who gives a shit. Again, if you don't mind me saying," Mello leaned back against the bar, watching the people in front of him, writhing and twisting in ignorance and bliss.

"What sucks is that every single time I think they care," Matt's lips pulled downward in a hard frown as he took another swig of his drink. "I can't trust my own judgment. My gut feelings always lead me down the wrong path. I'm not even sure if I know how to make good calls anymore." Matt resisted the urge to just throw the drink across the room, drinking the rest and setting it back on the bar. "What's the bloody point anyway? I'm never going to settle down and have a normal life. I'm not the sort. I don't want children, I can't stand staying in the same spot for too long, and my work is too…" catching himself, he laughed, "You know, not a spy or anything. Not exactly sex on legs over here." He laughed bitterly before tapping his foot to the beat and stepping away from the counter. "I don't even think I care anymore."

"Let's dance."

A shocked look crossed over his features, obvious even under his goggles. "What?"

Mello was watching him; blue eyes clear despite the two other shots Matt hadn't noticed Mello down. He sighed softly to himself after a moment, "Just dance with me."

"Are you sure? There are a ton of people around..." He meant, of course, a ton of girls around that Mello could choose from, but it didn't quite come out how he wanted it to. His eyes glanced over Mello's body again, mouth even drier after the drinks than it had been before. He licked his lips before putting his best charming smile on. "I apologize ahead of time if I embarrass you." He laughed shortly before holding his hand out.

"Not a chance," Mello took the hand, pulling Matt behind him gently.

The gamer followed willingly, reminding himself to dance normally, not like the total nerd he was. Each sway of Mello's hips as he walked drove Matt's nervousness deeper. Calm down, he demanded, Mello's your best friend. He's trying to help you out, and you most definitely don't want to give in to your stupid thoughts right now.

What was he talking about earlier? About bad judgments and having terrible gut instincts? What was it about Mello that threw him for such a loop? He never looked at other guys like he did Mello. It wasn't just Mello's looks, either, since he was most definitely a man both in his mannerisms and personality.

When had he even started looking at him differently? Matt couldn't recall the moment exactly, but he knew it was well before Halle. Sure, it hurt like hell what Halle did to him, but he was sure the way he felt about Mello had something to do with pushing her away. All those mixed feelings, all those obvious moments where he lost his composure around him.

Matt wasn't gay, but he often felt he could be if Mello asked.

Knocking himself out of that thought, he found himself beyond shocked. Was that how he really felt? Was he really not only lusting over him now, but ... emotionally attached? There was more to this then just physical attraction. As he watched the blond start to move to the music, he felt his pulse quicken and his heart attempt to fly out of his chest.

Oh God.

Oh shit.

...Was he in love with his best friend..?

Love... love was a strong word. Matt tried to hide the frown threatening to pull his entire face down. There was no way it was that bad, was it? Mello suddenly moved a little closer, his hip moving dangerously near Matt's body. His stomach felt like it dropped out of his body entirely and he knew maybe it wasn't too far off from how he was feeling after all.

"Stop thinking so hard, it's distracting," Mello called over the music with a sly grin, hand briefly knocking Matt's. "Just...let go. Dance. Anything, but stop thinking."

Mello frowned inwardly at himself, going against his own advice and feeling his heart sink at the dejected look plaguing Matt's features. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Matt just needed more time to himself to brood. She _had_ cheated, and he _had_ caught her cheating, and that never lead to any good thoughts about one's self.

Mello's voice caught him off guard, knocking him out of his own thoughts. "Oh, was it that obvious?" he asked with a chuckle, cheeks lighting up to a dark shade of crimson. Each time Mello accidently touched him, it felt like fire on his skin. He was suddenly hyper aware of their closeness. He needed to play it cool, dance, and just pretend he didn't care about who it was.

Just... dance.

But he did care, he cared a lot. Mello's blond hair seemed to glow under the lights; his pale skin looked flushed and heated. Matt bit his bottom lip, his eyes focusing somewhere else in the crowd. For the fifth time that night, he thanked God he wore his goggles.

"Yeah, it was." The blond took a step forward as a couple passed behind him. "Sorry, space bubbles," he muttered, cheeks glowing a bit redder under the pulsing lights.

They were close enough that Matt could feel the heat coming off his body. It felt suffocating; he found it was much harder to breathe this close. Trusting himself to not completely make a fool out of himself, he looked forward and made eye contact for the first time in a while. Mello's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were amplified by the lights. As striking as they had been before, the tint of his goggles playing off the light... it made them that much more...

"..Beautiful." The word he had spoken fell off of his tongue before he even realized it had.

Oh…. OH! Had he said that out loud? Maybe he hadn't heard him?

Matt laughed loudly to cover up his slip, "Uh, Matsuda's doing a beautiful job up there, don't you think?"

For fucks sake Matt, _what_?

"Sure is," the smile on Mello's lips grew slightly wider. "But if I didn't know any better I'd say you were ogling me again, Matty, and that just won't do." He moved a bit closer, hips momentarily brushing Matt's, "At least be a man about it." The blond laughed then, patting Matt on the arm, "No, no, I'm sorry, you just look so...so...yeah."

Matt shivered at both the closeness and the use of his overly familiar nickname. Had it always sounded so good on his lips? He only ever wanted Mello to call him that. His cheeks turned a permanent crimson to match his hair. Matt felt a slight dizziness, his mind going white for a brief moment as their hips met. A shuddered breath found its way out of his mouth with one of the fakest laughs he had ever heard.

"Me..? Wh...why would you say that?" It wasn't far off from the truth, the closer Mello got, the more he just wanted to touch him.

As Matt was thinking of a very clever retort, he felt a drunk shoulder slam in to his back, forcing him forward in to Mello. His hands reflexively reached out to grab something to steady himself. Turning his head to snap at the person who was undoubtedly gone already, he realized something very soft, but firm, under his hands.

Mello's breath brushed over Matt's neck, the sudden closeness catching him off guard. He watched as Matt's head whipped around to face him, the color oddly draining from his face before instantly flaring again. All of Mello's snide comments were gone, the color in his cheeks rising. It took him a moment to don another smirk, eyes darting to the side for a moment, "And here I thought I was the one with the space issues."

Matt groaned under his breath, both a sound of frustration and something else entirely, the words once again leaving his mouth before he had a chance to filter them.

"Are my hands on your hips? They are... aren't they?"

Hips. Hips in both of his hands, skin smooth and warm. His thumbs moved on their own brushing ever so slightly over what he could only assume were his hip bones.

 _Oh God_.

His chest seized, he was going to have some sort of aneurysm right here on the dance floor. The simple motion of moving one's hands and laughing, playing it off as a joke, seemed beyond him at this moment. Everything slowed down and became much too complicated. He noticed many things at once: his mouth seemed to suddenly find all of the moisture it had been missing the last hour; salivating, check. His cheeks seemed to pale and brighten all at once; hot flashes, check. His hands seemed to be on fire and refused to do anything but brush over Mello's hip bones again; making a total lust-driven ass out of one's self, check. Everything culminated in a play-by-play of how he would very much, at this second, love to throw the blond down onto his Transformer sheets and fuck him in to oblivion; the last shred of self respect and restraint lost, check.

Dear. God. Hips.

The blond was fighting back the warmth rising in his chest, willing it to stay buried away, hidden forever. "They are, yeah."

Mello looked at Matt then, eyes fuzzy and far away and trapped behind those stupid goggles. He reached out and pulled the plastic frames away from the redhead's eyes, hips shifting forward against his will, letting the goggles fall around the gamer's neck.

Their rhythm had slowed, their movements falling out of sync with the bass, and Mello had no idea if it was actually the bass or his heart beating wildly in his ears. He let a hand reach out hesitantly, fingers brushing over the striped fabric at Matt's side, fearful of overstepping any boundaries, and not caring if he did.

Was Mello aware of what he was doing to the gamer? Was he aware how many hit points he had just knocked off with one swift movement?

It was practically a TKO.

The world became a brighter place, a rush of cool air slamming against his eyes and face with vengeance. He could not only see better, but now he was in danger of being seen. His eyes were always a dead giveaway; too much emotion. He couldn't lie or hide anything without his glasses or something to cover them. This was one of the many reasons he had ruled out contacts. But tonight he needed them for his rave outfit. And now he was there, damning them, as his green eyes met blue.

Fear grabbed him. Could Mello read him now? Could he see the lust and want in his eyes? The struggle with the L word he was facing internally? Wetting his lips, he went to speak; nothing coming out, nothing but a sound he wasn't entirely familiar with. Had Mello just...touched him? He had. To be fair, his hands were still firmly planted on each of Mello's hips. He made a mental note to attempt to remove those soon.

He was still touching him. What Matt thought might have been a brief lucky touch had turned into Mello's hand on his side. Were they still dancing? He was pretty sure they were both moving, but he couldn't focus on that. The heat on his side from the blond's fingers felt both painful and wonderful. Matt's eyes searched Mello's for an answer, a cue, anything.

"Do you want me to move them?" He finally found his voice, though it came out low and held more to it than the question presented.

The fingers at Matt's waist tightened, and Mello's breath caught in his throat. He couldn't do this.

He needed to get away. He needed to be as far away from here as possible.

Fuck.

That was all it took. Every ounce of self control Mello had mustered since he met Matt was gone. Each and every calculated move he had made to get closer to the other man was fogged by the alcohol coursing through his system and was replaced with his desire to take what he needed.

A hand snaked around the back of Matt's head, pulling him forward forcefully, the blond's lips crashing into his. The hand at the redhead's waist tightened its grip, black painted nails digging into the fabric.

Matt wasn't sure what was happening. On one hand, he knew damn well what was happening, and on the other he felt like what was going on couldn't possibly be happening.

Is this real life or is this just fantasy?

No time for musical lyrics, there's a very attractive blond man's tongue in his mouth.

The redhead had no real time to figure out what his next move was. Thankfully, he let his body go on auto pilot so he could process what was happening.

His fingers on Mello's hips tightened their hold as he dipped to an angle he could kiss back harder. Hands pulled the soft flesh and leather as close to him as possible, crushing their hips together in a concoction of delicious sensations. A shiver up his spine caused a moan to fall out into the kiss, and he noted the taste of alcohol and blue-berries as he kissed back with all the confusing feelings and pent up emotions he had.

It was Mello.

It was Mello he was tasting, feeling, hearing, smelling, touching.

Mello.

Not some girl who would leave him on the fly for some rich boy. Not Halle or Melissa, who both cheated on him right in front of his eyes. It was his friend, his best friend. Mixed emotions flowed from that statement. He'd crossed a line that they could never come back from, and yet, he didn't want to. Flashes of things he wanted to do in bed and how they'd make Optimus Prime and Megatron blush surged through as he pushed his fingers under the vest.

He had already jumped down the rabbit hole, what harm could it be if he drank the potion?

He brushed his fingers over the sensitive skin, dragging his nails as he licked at Mello's tongue. His mind once again attempted to jump start and make sense of it all. He had asked if Mello wanted him to remove his hands, and in response... kiss.

Did that mean..?

Mello pressed harder, spurred forward by the heat radiating off the other, and the fact that he wasn't pulling away. At all. In fact, he was moving closer, if that was even possible. Everything ached, and Mello could do little to suppress his own moan as he caught Matt's whimper in his mouth. His hand had worked its way under Matt's shirt, nails dragging over the smooth skin at his lower back, and Mello had to pull away enough to take in a deep breath, lips and whole body shuddering against Matt.

Oh it meant something alright.

It all felt too good to be true, his fingers dancing over his skin setting fire to every place he grazed. His lips leaving scorch marks on his, and that moan... God, if Matt hadn't been painfully hard before- well he couldn't call himself a man if that hadn't driven him over the edge. As Mello pulled away, it gave Matt the moment he needed to breathe and think. He was sure Mello could feel his predicament. Was this going too far?

What was going too far at this point?

His eyes met Mello's, begging for answers. Would he kiss him again? Matt wanted to be the one to engage, but he knew how bad things turned out when he jumped head first without thinking. Still close enough for their breaths to intertwine, he leaned forward and brushed his lips softly against the side of Mello's throat. It was getting harder and harder to not give into everything, his senses over loaded.

"Mello..?" He questioned close to his ear, his voice husky and dripping with want.

His fingers slipped just under the waistband of Matt's jeans, barely teasing the soft flesh as Mello fought to regain his composure. The lips at his neck were too much and not nearly enough. And then he was pressing against Matt's lips, nails scratching gingerly at the nape of the gamer's neck.

Matt found himself moaning a bit louder than he would want. Mello's fingers under his waistband were just a school boy's fantasy come true. Sadly, they stopped short of where the pain really was, way short. But the feeling of him touching that part of him, the idea that he would want to slide his hand in to his jeans at all, it was enough to send shivers to all the right places.

While in the process of wondering if he could get away with pushing Mello against the bar and having him wrap his legs around his waist, he felt the blonde's lips on his again. Matt allowed his hand to travel away from the hip, running his fingers through Mello's blond hair. He had always wondered in the back of his mind how his hair would feel. Now that he could find out, he realized it felt nicer than he had ever imagined. His nails scratched over Mello's scalp as he pressed the blonds head closer to his, crushing his lips harder.

Pushing himself more into 'what he dreamed about doing' territory, he felt his hand slip behind the blond, gripping his ass in his palm.

It was about to reach a _no going back_ moment.

If it hadn't already.

Everything tensed as Matt's hand roamed, fingers spreading against the leather of Mello's pants. He was caught up in everything that Matt _was_ , lips, teeth, warmth, strong hands, and-

A hiss left Mello's lips as Matt's nails scratched over his scalp and down his neck, and he fought to regain some semblance of control over the situation. The hand under Matt's shirt smoothed over his skin, fingers lightly drawing goose bumps as they traveled up his spine and back down.

"Matt..."

Every single one of Matt's resolves and doubts broke down when Mello uttered his name. Matt's fingers left their leather discovery, the other hand softly removing itself from golden locks, both placed firmly on Mello's shoulders as he pulled away.

"My car is right outside."

His eyes weren't questioning anything; they were demanding the situation go exactly how he wanted.

Him, Mello, and his cherry red woman.

Right this second.

It was that, or he was about to do something very obscene in the middle of a couple hundred people.

He could see Matt's clear green eyes, feel his pulse leaping under his skin, keeping a beat that Mello was racing to catch up with. The blonde's lips ghosted over Matt's, hands eager to hold and _take_.

Pressing forward, Mello let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he was holding, eyes locked onto the question lingering in Matt's eyes. He needed this, they both did. Especially Matt, after all he'd been through with-

Halle.

Mello took a step back, eyes dropping before he raised them hesitantly, slipping easily from Matt's grip, "It's late. I should get going."

Before Matt had opened his mouth, Mello had disappeared into the crowd.

It was like dying, seeing Heaven, and being dropped back to earth in the middle of a bunch of loud, sweaty, smelly ravers.

What had just happened?

Back track. Mello kissed him, he kissed back, they got pretty hot and heavy on both sides, Matt suggested moving to his car... and Mello ran.

Literally.

Matt tried to push after him through the crowd; he made it outside just as he saw the lights of the blond's motorcycle speeding off into the distance. The cold air wasn't only symbolic to how his insides felt right now, cold and clenched, but also burned his heated skin.

What...had just happened?

"...Mello?"

**xxx**


	20. Grey's Anatomy

**xxx**

It was Saturday night, and all was right in the world. There was a gallon of Ben and Jerry's, Chinese takeout, Jasmine cherry tea, and her favorite television show. A soft, pure white cat curled up over a brown fleece blanket, its gentle purrs filling the air as she reached for her hair tie. Pulling back long brunette strands, Claudia smiled. A nice hot bubble bath with a glass of wine prior, and now the best that prime time could offer.

A content sigh left her lips, snuggling further into her favorite pair of pajamas; cotton of course. Nothing sexy. She didn't play sexy on her own time. Black with little cherries on it, her favorite colors and fruit, all in one neat comfortable package.

This was cutting out to be a perfect night. That was until her beautiful Himalayan started doing that creepy thing cats sometimes do, staring at nothing at all.

"D'Artagnan? What's...?" That was when Claudia noticed a flash of yellow and leather in the doorway. Her mouth dropped open. How the fuck did he...? Looking at the time, a frown creased her brow. Three AM.

A messy head of blond hair appeared in the kitchen doorway, the man setting his motorcycle helmet on the floor. As he stormed across the room, he slipped the jacket from his shoulders, tossing it to the side before entering the bedroom across the hallway.

"Hey, Mello, can I _help_ you?" She practically spat out, dripping with irritation.

He took a step back into the living room, unzipping his vest and shrugging out of it. "Yeah, actually, you can."

Claudia's eyebrows lifted in surprise before dropping into a hard line. "Oh, no you don't. The muffin shop is closed, buddy. I'm about to watch Grey's Anatomy, I don't have time for your late night shenanigans. And speaking of late night, Mello, it's three AM." The white puff ball, D'Artagnan, seemed to be glaring at the blond, unhappy with the feeling the room had taken on.

Blue eyes widened for a moment before he leaned against the door frame. He ran a hand through his hair, hitting his head against the wood at his back, muttering under his breath, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No that, my dear, is my question. We broke up," Claudia's hands clapping to punctuate her every word, "for. This. Reason." Shaking her head she scratched behind D'Artagnan's ears. "I took my key, how did you even get in? And again, why do you think this is happening? I don't even know what's going on, and boy you must have lost your damn mind. Ever heard of calling someone? Or texting?" Sighing, she laid her head back on her couch. "I will ask again, what the hell is going on? I wanna watch my show, so make it quick."

For the first time that night, Mello let the alcohol in his system take hold of his brain. With a low groan, he slid down the door frame, burying his head in his arms propped up on his knees. "I just need this, okay? I can't fucking handle this shit anymore!" Crystal blue eyes peered over his arms, glaring at the brunette, "This is all your fault. You got my fucking hopes up, and I shouldn't have even _listened_ to you at all because I _knew_ this was hopeless, but I wanted to think it wasn't and now I've...fuck!"

"Oh. Oh..." Claudia blinked, realization flooding her features. "Oh baby, this isn't about a booty call, this isn't even about us. Oh God... " taking a deep breath she pushed her cat off her lap and stood up, "Could have let me know you were coming, let a girl wear something nice and put on some make-up, jeez," she muttered under her breath as she walked over and knelt on the ground.

"What happened with Matt, sweetie?"

"I'm not fucking talking about it. I can't do it. I just...I can't..."

The brunette made a face, "You will, because you're disturbing my Saturday night, now fucking spill it or get out." Claudia knew the blond needed tough love, he just didn't respond to normality.

He was glaring at her again, head rising slowly from his arms. His eyes were shifting in and out of focus, mind trying to fight off the alcohol and give completely into it at the same time. "I don't even know how it happened. It shouldn't have. I just...I need to..."

"Mihael, what the hell did you do?"

"I was about five seconds away from showing a thousand people what it's like to be fucked in public."

That caught her off guard, "Oh... okay..." Claudia took that information and stood up, "I'm... going to get you some coffee. Please go sit on my love seat and enjoy my cat while I do." Her feet padded softly across the kitchen tile as she made coffee. Either Mello was over exaggerating because of how intoxicated she gathered he was, or something very drastic had happened tonight.

Walking back she touched his arm softly, handing the cup to him. She sat next to him and nodded, "Alright. So... you and Matt... did something? Because frankly sweetie, it does take two to tango. That is... unless you... did you force yourself on him?" Her face paled for a moment. He wouldn't, would he? No. Not Mello, not with how gently he talked about Matt. He loved him, he would never. She pushed hair behind her ear before picking her words carefully, "I misspoke, of course you didn't. Darling, talk to me?"

"I actually thought I had," he took a sip, contemplating the mug in his hands. "I mean, I started it. He was just...there and I…you know how I get," mumbling against the cup, he shook his head before drinking again. "But he was so close and I couldn't control it and I just _took_. And I felt like shit, and it was horrible, and then he wasn't pulling away and I didn't know what to do."

"Hold on. HOLD ON!" Claudia growled under her breath, fingers kneading her forehead. "Did you _JUST_ say to me that he...he wasn't pulling away? _Matt_? Like I _told_ you he wouldn't? What to do? Baby, you KEEP taking! It sounds like he _wanted_ it!" The frustration in her voice was so loud it even scared D'Artagnan.

Taking a deep breath, she waved her hand. "Continue."

The blond looked mildly horrified, eyes wide and unblinking. "T-that was...that was it..."

"What do you mean that was it?" The brunette fought everything in her to not jump off the couch and smack him.

"I...I left after that. He'd mentioned that...that his car was outside and there were a lot of hands. Everywhere. And then the car bit, and...I left."

Claudia sat back, her eyes wide and her mouth open. "He... mentioned his car? Mello... he mentioned his car?" Her breath didn't want to come. She couldn't believe just how stupid Mello could really be. "Mihael... he sounds like he really wanted to .. Um, how should I put this?" Running a hand through her hair she bit her lip and locked her eyes on him, "To further this relationship."

Keeping her gaze, Mello's voice dropped, "And I refuse to be a rebound. I'm a pretty despicable person, but I couldn't live with myself if he..."

She hadn't even taken that idea in to consideration. Would that guy really do something like that with Mello? She didn't know him well enough to make that assumption one way or another. An idea formed though, Mello _did_ know him like that. "Mello, do you really think he'd do something like that?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think that he wouldn't, but...he really liked her and...fuck, I've really screwed up, haven't I?" he laughed bitterly, setting his mug down on the coffee table and resting his elbows against the tops of his thighs. "I shouldn't have gone, shouldn't have worn this..."

"I have one question. I want you to think very, very, hard about it, okay?" Claudia placed her hand over one of his and smiled. "Would he kiss a man if he didn't like him? Rebounds are something easy, changing your whole point of view isn't. I got the distinct impression he liked you, even while dating her. I think...you're reading this wrong, sweetheart."

Mello turned to face her, eyes distant, "If I look like his typical type, I'm right there, and willing? He might. Hell, he did. He kissed me. Matt kissed me."

A shiver went down her spine; she'd never see Mello like this before. It took everything not to gather him in her arms and let him do whatever he wanted to her. But no. She was strong, and she wasn't what he really wanted. She could never be what he really wanted.

"Mihael, I think if Matt kissed you he would mean it. That boy..." She shook her head, stroking the place between his thumb and pointer finger gently. "I don't know him that well... I'm sorry. This is all guess work; he seemed... really in to you."

"Shh, I don't wanna hear it," the blond placed a hand over hers with a sad smile. "My brain can't take anymore, Laudie. I really just...can't."

"What are you going to do now?" Her eyes glazed over softly, she wanted to lean closer... Maybe just one kiss wouldn't hurt too much..?

No.

She stood, taking her hand away. "I need a glass of water." She needed to get a hold of herself. They were done. She wouldn't fall in to this trap again. He didn't love her, he was using her to escape. She was strong; she deserved a man who loved her for her. A gentle man who held doors open for her and treated her like a woman, not a thing to hide with.

"I think you need to talk to him." She stood in the doorway, her hip touching the frame.

"One day, not tonight, maybe never. Maybe I'll just go blow myself up, hm? That'd solve everything," Mello stood, walking over to the brunette and leaning an arm against the frame. "Would you miss me?" he chuckled to himself, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Probably not. I'll never be good enough for you to miss. Not good enough for you at all, and here you are." His eyes grew sad, fingers trailing softly over her cheek, "I'm...thank you. For putting up with me. I'm tired of hurting you and every time I turn around, I just make everything worse." He leaned in, pressing it lips softly to her forehead, hand warm against her cheek.

Her voice caught in her throat, all she wanted to do was push him away and scream in his face. Scream what an idiot he was, how much she knew he was in love with Matt, how stupid he was for not seeing that all she ever wanted was for him to give two real shits about her. She wanted to punch him in that beautiful face of his, scratch his gorgeous blue eyes out, burn him until he was scarred for life and only she could love him.

Being around Mello made her dark. Darker than she ever wanted to feel. Why did he make her feel this way? Why was he so good at twisting her up inside? She had resolve. She knew what she wanted out of life, and this wasn't it.

Tears welled up in her hazel eyes, "Why do you do this..?" Her voice came out horse at first, clearing her throat. "Why do you always do this? Can't you just stop?" Tears fell down her cheeks, one after another. She stepped away, "Stop it! Just stop it! You're not _good_ enough for me? Excuse me? Do you do this with him, too? Lord I hope not. You're so stupid. Just…so fucking stupid."

She felt ashamed for crying, but he broke her up inside. Why couldn't he leave her alone? She wanted to get over this, she wanted to forget his touch and forget how she felt about him. He loved Matt; he never in his life loved her. He couldn't. There was always a place in him she couldn't touch, always a distance. Why now? Why pretend like he cared now?

"I will always be there for you Mihael, but not on this level. Not this much. I love you, I will always love you. But you're a coward. Stop using me to hide, stop running to me to make yourself feel better. I can't. No, I won't be your shield anymore."

His hand dropped, the sad smile only faltering for a moment, "You're the only one with enough balls to tell me that." Mello took a step back and inclined his head slightly, "I am. I'm a total fuck up. And you deserve the best," he held out his hand to her, "I'm sorry."

Claudia shook her head; it took three long steps before she was wrapped up around him. Her arms pulled him as tight as possible, burying her face in his chest. "Mihael..." Her tears wouldn't stop, and as much as she tried to will them away, she couldn't.

"Please don't be like that. You know I'm not going anywhere and you're only as much of a fuck up as the rest of the human race!"

"I know, I know," he wrapped his arms around her, a hand gently rubbing between her shoulder blades. "I know I'm flawed, I'm not brooding about it, just pointing out a fact."

"Well, stop it." She sniffled, wiping her face off on Mello before pulling back to rub her face against her own sleeve. "Shit, this isn't hot in the least bit. I look like a Lady Gaga video gone wrong." She smiled, laughing. "Look. All I know is that you and me? We have something special. You will always be special to me. Okay? You're my closest friend. And as your close friend," she paused, "I'm giving you some advice." Backing up and away from him, she took his hand. "Follow your heart. Talk to him. If he isn't in to you, at least fix your friendship...okay? And if he hurts you, I'll cut his dick off and frame it."

"Now, now, Laudie, that's not good manners," he squeezed her hands, "and my heart is a horrible, ugly place with dim lighting and gaudy furniture. Much like most of downtown, but that's not important." The smile was back, but this time it was real. Mello pulled her forward gently, and resting his chin on the top of her head, "Is this supposed to be my cue to go or...?"

"You can stay if you want to watch Grey's Anatomy with me?" She smiled, flicking his nose.

"And by that I hope you mean pass out on your couch while you watch that stupid show," Mello walked over to the couch, flopping down and patting the cushion next to him. "The mediocrity can't begin until you sit back down."

"You are just the worst type of person, sweetie." She rolled her eyes and settled in to finish her Saturday night ritual.

"I really am," he mumbled, resting his head on her lap and closing his eyes. "No matter how many times a day I pray, nothing's going to save me, and I know that."

Claudia allowed herself this much, running her fingers gently through his hair she shook her head. "Shut up. You're such a drama queen."

**xxx**

It had been three weeks. Three long, hideous, miserable weeks since the...incident, as Mello had come to refer to it in his mind. The incident had caused him to ignore every text and phone call the redhead had attempted, and there was little Mello could do to quell the ache in his stomach each time he attempted contact.

He sighed deeply, shoving his hands further into his pockets as he trudged down the street. At least the sun was hidden behind a mass of foreboding clouds. Thank God the universe was somehow matching his mood.

He wasn't following him, he wasn't spying, and lord forbid anyone try to tell Matt he was 'stalking' the blond. None of those statements could be farther from the truth. However, he found himself down the street in his rust bucket, a cigarette between his lips as he stared at Mello.

Was Matt really this much of a coward? He asked himself why he didn't simply walk up to the blond and try to talk about what happened. No. He figured after all his ignored attempts he'd give Mello some space.

Ironically, that was exactly the opposite of what he was doing right now. How many times had he tried to call? Tried to email? Tried to text? It was pathetic; as much as he knew the blond didn't want to talk to him right now, he couldn't help himself.

As he turned down another street, Mello took notice of the car that had been tailing him for several blocks. He didn't turn around, but instead changed his pace slightly, carefully slipping between several people passing him on the sidewalk and heading toward the alley at the end of the block.

Had Mello seen him? Why else would he have started weaving in and out between people? Matt felt like there was a rock on his chest, was it guilt? He wasn't sure, he just knew he couldn't lose track of him. It was stupid, but he wanted to at least see him for a little bit longer.

Carefully watching as Mello weaved, he drove at an appropriate speed.

Ducking into the alley, Mello took a few quick steps before pressing himself back against the wall, eyes darting to the street. His hand slipped further into his pocket, fingers brushing over cool metal and wrapping around the grip.

Damn. Leaning forward on his steering wheel, Matt came to the quick conclusion that following someone in a car was not as easy as the movies led him to believe. He sighed and looked around; the blond was nowhere in sight.

"Must have ducked into an alley..." Matt mumbled, feeling ridiculous. That was a great way to fix everything, stalking him.

The blond waited, tongue sliding over his bottom lip. With the grip easing into his hand he felt a rush of calm and control spread throughout his body.

And his heart almost stopped the moment he saw Matt's car pass in front of the alley.

With the taste of defeat in his mouth, Matt flicked his dead cigarette out the window and drove off. Maybe he'd go get something to eat and ponder to himself how next to not-stalk Mello.

Watching the car drive away, Mello's stomach lurched again as he let out an aggravated sigh and slid down the wall. The good Lord sure liked to fuck with him.

**xxx**

A new low, that's what this was. He sat parked outside of the bar staring at the tinted windows. Was Mello at work already? Matt felt bad enough about his earlier escapades, and what if Mello had noticed who it was? It would have been really embarrassing to try and explain what he was doing.

Slamming his head on the steering wheel, he frowned. "Blimey." What was he? A ten year old girl with a school yard crush? This was simply preposterous.

As if on cue, Mello exited out the side door, pulling his coat around himself and digging in his pocket for his chocolate bar. Resting his head back against the brick, he allowed a small smile, snapping of a piece of his sweet.

Matt freaked, jumping slightly and hiding down against his passenger seat. Had he seen him?

The blond bit off another piece, closing his eyes in an attempt to completely clear his mind. It was a losing battle, but a valiant attempt. His eyes opened, drifting lazily over the wall across from him and out to the small parking lot.

The redhead tried to recall if Mello would remember what his car looked like. Would it even matter if he ducked down or not? He pondered this for a moment as he lifted up enough to peak over the dashboard.

There was Mello, eating his chocolate. Matt's heart skipped a beat when he noticed where he was looking.

And in that moment, Mello's eyes focused on the car and the man in the driver's seat. Shit.

Oh crap, Mello had spotted him. Maybe he could play it off with a spy joke? Maybe he could attempt to explain better than he could think of at that moment. Excuses, he needed them. Matt ducked back down, his heart beating fearsomely against his chest, his lungs burning from intense hyperventilation. Calm down, he told himself over and over again. Why are you so worried?

Mello's the one who keeps running, not you.

Mello bit the inside of his bottom lip, finding himself unable to look away from the other. So Matt _had_ been following him. As much as the thought was somewhat comforting, it also made him uneasy.

And it occurred to him that, perhaps, those thoughts should have been in reverse, which only made him bite down harder.

Don't be such a coward Matt told himself, trying to will his courage to surface. Taking a few deep breaths, he opened his car door and stepped out. As he did, he noticed one of his black and white Converse were untied. On any other occasion he would stop to tie them, but he was sure if he did, like a deer, Mello would be spooked and run away.

Did he just compare him to a deer?

Matt tried to silence his nervous mind, raising his hand, and offering a shy smile; Matt called out to the blond.

"Hi, Mel."

The blond stared for a moment, still chewing on his lip before replacing his skin with the chocolate bar. Shit, Matt wasn't going to leave, was he? "Hello, Matt," he mumbled, turning his attention to the sweet in his hand, knowing that the redhead was cautiously stepping closer.

Matt watched as Mello molested the chocolate bar, it was hard to focus on anything else, but he managed. Clearing his throat, he turned his attention to his eyes instead.

"I've tried to call." Matt rubbed his arm a little, trying to think of a better way to put what he wanted to say. "I guess you've been busy?" He knew that wasn't why Mello never took his calls; it was clear he didn't want to talk to him. But even if he didn't want to talk about what happened, he still missed Mello as a friend. "Are you mad at me..?"

He sighed deeply, shaking his head, "No, Matt, I'm not." Bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose, he sighed again, shutting his eyes tightly. "Shit…just..." Mello dropped the hand, looking at Matt straight on, "why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Matt asked. Afraid to look Mello in the eyes, he turned to look somewhere else. "I missed you," he muttered, and then added, "Hanging out, I missed hanging out with you." Smooth move.

Mello laughed at that, sarcasm dripping from his words, "Of course, you did, Matt."

It hurt, the blatant sarcasm hurt. "That's not fair Mel, I did."

"Why?" Mello stared at the other, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Why on Earth would you miss me?"

"You're my best friend."

"Do you still think that now?" blue eyes caught green.

"That's a stupid question, why wouldn't I?" He was confused, but no matter what occurred, he was not going to give up on this friendship.

"Look, if it helps... we can pretend nothing happened?" Matt tried his best to hide the hurt in his eyes. The truth was, he didn't want to forget or pretend. But he would do anything to get Mello back in his life, "I don't want this to ruin our friendship, you're my best friend and you mean a lot to me. You...you get me, yanno? You understand who I am and what I'm about. And I'd like to think I give the same back to you. I don't know what really happened between us that night... but I don't think ignoring each other is the right way to go about fixing it." The redhead panted softly, having said everything he felt at once.

Christ, he couldn't look away from that, or help that his heart sank. "You're right," Mello heard himself say, pushing off the wall and pulling his coat tighter around himself. "And we can just…put it behind us. It's always going to be there though, whether you realize why it happened or not, it's always going to be there."

"I can live with that" Matt agreed, "It's fine, really. As long as you are, I am. Whatever you want."

"Fine, but..."

The side door of the bar flew open, Rod appearing suddenly and gesturing toward Mello. "Time's up. There's a big party here tonight, Mel, so get a move on!"

"I'll be right there," the blond sighed, turning back to the redhead as the door slammed shut. "You and I are fine. But, Matt…" Mello ran a hand through his hair, "when you figure out why, and you still consider me a friend...you know exactly why it happened." He took a step backwards toward the door, straightening his coat. "You're not stupid. I'll see you later," Mello creaked the door open, casting a small glance at the other before he disappeared into the bar.

Well, Matt thought to himself, that was a step in the right direction. As much as he wanted to talk things out, figure out why exactly it had happened, how Mello had really felt about it, he knew when to shut up and not. Just, not. He sighed; it hurt to think he'd have to lock everything back up. Right as he was finally allowing himself to really explore how he felt about the blond…one step forward, two steps back. But he wouldn't give up.

A small smile graced his lips. He had his friend back, and that's all that really mattered right now. He turned back toward his car, walking slowly as not to trip over his untied shoe laces.

As he reached for his keys, he recalled something Mello had said, something about why it happened?

Shaking his head, Matt adjusted his glasses and got into his car. What had he meant?

He needed to stop thinking too hard right now; they were fine again. His mind needed to shut up before he ruined it.

**xxx**


	21. Before Our Innocence Was Lost

**xxx**

He stared at his phone. He had been staring at the small screen for a good five minutes, still trying to figure out exactly what to make of the message and exactly what he should type back on the small keys.

" _Game night?"_

Shit. Since their encounter in the alley, Matt had been chipper as all hell, trying to act as normal as possible. Mello could tell that maybe there was something bugging the redhead, but the boy never divulged and continued to come into the bar each night, chatting merrily with the blond until closing or his boss called him away. Mello guessed it was the gamer's way of showing they were, indeed, friends. And he was fine with that.

But in the bar, they were around people. In the bar, Mello had to remain at least slightly professional. At home, on the other hand, he wasn't sure what he would do.

The blond had self control. He had held himself together for months without giving himself away, and even now he wasn't sure if Matt had figured out why their little impromptu make out session had occurred at all. However, this was different. Before the rave, Mello had simply craved. He had seen something he'd wanted, but he'd never dared to touch. And when he did touch, it had been impulse, desire. Lust. But now, now that Mello had actually had what he craved, tasted the sweet forbidden fruit, he could not let it go. Every detail of Matt's mouth and hands were ingrained in his mind, and he could only go so long before he needed another fix.

Mello was wary of this…play date. It could prove to be completely innocent. He could maintain what little self control he still obtained and they could shoot zombies or battle demons or some shit like they had before. Or it could go badly. He could be thrown out, lose his friend, slapped with a harassment lawsuit, or something equally terrible. Or it could be amazing. It could turn from killing zombies to a wild romp in the living room, ending in a tangled, sweaty heap of bodies on the floor.

Christ Almighty, this is why he didn't date.

His thumb hovered over the keys before tapping several, a small phrase appearing on the screen. _"What time?"_

Before he could chicken out, he sent the message, chucking his phone to the opposite end of the couch and letting out a long breath. He didn't smoke, but definitely could see the appeal of a cigarette at a time like this.

Fucking Matt.

**xxx**

Matt's apartment looked like a war zone, and it wasn't until Mello agreed to come over that he realized this. In panic mode, Matt tried his best to clean, his best consisting of hiding everything. His little adventure in cleaning house after Halle had left his apartment in shambles. He never really felt the need to fully clean up, even after Mello had helped. But now he was rushing around, attempting to do his best in the time he had.

Sighing, he closed the bedroom door; there was no way he was allowing Mello in that room. Not after what he had been doing in there before and after the rave. A flood of emotions washed over him, his face blood-red when he thought about it. _Will it away, Matt; pretend,_ _ **pretend**_. He took another deep breath and walked back to his couch. He had changed out of his work clothes, now donning jeans and a stripped hooded tee shirt. He had opted for contacts today, rustling his hair instead of brushing it.

As he took one more look around, he nodded. It was good enough. He walked into the kitchen, grabbing some chips and laying them on the table. Sitting down, he propped his stripped socks onto the coffee table and looked at his phone. Mello would be here any minute now.

As if on cue, Matt's phone buzzed, a text from the blond appearing on the screen.

' _In the hall.'_

Matt walked to his door, opening it and letting the blond in. "Hey."

"Hey, did you know its fucking cold out there?" Mello's voice cracked, followed by a small laugh.

"Yeah, well. It is that time of the year," he replied, stepping out of the way.

Mello chuckled, closing the door behind him and shrugging off his coat. "Still, it shouldn't be that cold out there." He let a smug smile play across his lips, adjusting his black long sleeved shirt, "At least it's toasty in here." A smile was tugging at his lips as he glanced around the room, "And I'm still baffled by the sheer amount of expensive shit in your apartment. You know, I've never really asked you what exactly you do for a living."

"Oh, you know…" Matt mumbled as he headed toward the entertainment system, "office stuff." He waved to get Mello's attention, holding out Left 4 Dead. "Do you want to co-op or go online and bust up some noobs?"

Mello kicked off his boots, completely ignoring the last part of Matt's statement. "No one who works in an office makes enough to afford this crap, plus a few drinks every night of the week. Unless you're the CEO, and I know you're not, you're full of shit, Matt." He shrugged and sat on the couch, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it looks like you're working for the mafia."

Matt laughed loudly giving Mello a ridiculous look, "Me? Yeah right. Sorry to disappoint you, but I really do work in an office, one of those lousy little cubicle jobs. I just happen to work for a large company is all. I guess I just do a really good job." He grinned and popped a game in the system, "I'm pretty good, rather skilled." Matt handed Mello the other controller, "I'm the computer guy."

"You probably deal with a bit more than just computers from the looks of it, Matty," the blond took the controller, shaking his head. "Where do you work?"

"Just a branch of a big Japanese company," He muttered, his cheeks flushing slightly, the nickname 'Matty' bringing back all sorts of memories and images. "Like I said, I just work with computers and programs all day."

"Alright, I'll take your word for it," Mello smirked, relishing the red dusted over Matt's cheeks. "Rod was trying to strike a deal with some Japanese company a while ago. They were thinking about investing, but backed out at the last minute. Big money in shitty bars."

The gamer turned then, giving Mello a slightly curious glance. "A bar owner wanted to strike a deal with a company? For what? Blimey, you're the one that sounds like he's in the mafia, Mr. Russian bartender." Matt stuck his tongue out for good measure, showing he was simply teasing the blond, a smile quirking one side of his mouth.

"Oh, Matt, I told you I was trouble, remember?" a sly grin spread over Mello's face before he let out a loud laugh. "Shit, I wish. I was staying in the loft above the bar while my apartment got fumigated, and I work six nights a week just so I can afford food. It's pathetic! You're the one with real money here," he smiled, settling back into the couch next to the gamer.

Boy, was he trouble.

"Oh please, I've seen your real apartment." Matt joked, pressing start on the game. "Remember that one time? It's way better than mine, and I don't believe for a second you have less money than me."

"Really? You mean because I have a fabulous array of priceless antiques in a vault and gaudy diamonds covering every square inch of my person?" He let a small sound somewhat resembling a laugh pass between his lips, keeping his eyes locked on the screen. "Ha, yeah, whatever."

"I mean seriously, I've never asked, but you must have a side job or something," Matt spoke as he killed zombies, one perfect head shot after another. "Or maybe I should shut up and just play my game?" he paused to laugh. "I wouldn't want a hit put out on me," he offered a grin again, completely joking.

It was nice, having the blond nearby again. Nothing too important, just the two of them playing video games, he could do this. He and Mello could go back to normal and just be there for each other. His eyes drifted back toward the blond every so often, costing him several important head shots. But it was worth it. The chilled air outside the apartment had flushed Mello's skin, his cheeks still pink from the exposure. It was…well, it was really adorable to say the least.

"You missed."

"I noticed." Matt frowned, turning his full concentration back to the screen.

"I somehow doubt that," the smirk was evident in Mello's voice. "If you were paying attention, your eyes wouldn't keep glazing over."

"Are you implying that I'm giving less than 110 percent to the game? Why good sir, I find myself in a position to be very offended." Matt pushed his bottom lip out, not so much pouting as much as just making a funny face at him.

"That's...that's special. Special in a really awkward, I-wish-I-could-unsee-that-face sort of way."

"Well, you know what, Mel? I try not to be an awkward turtle; I'd rather be a well-adjusted moose, with my antlers firmly in tune with society."

"Matt, are you secretly Diablo Cody, because nothing you just said made any sense."

"I actually never cared for any of her movies." Matt nodded, rolling his eyes at Mello's comment. "Did not care for Juno one lick."

"Teenage pregnancy a bit too close to home? Knock up a bunch of girls back in the day?"

"Oh tons." The redhead joked, "That's the whole reason I had to leave the UK, mate."

"Ahh, now it all makes sense," the blond's smile grew as he picked off several zombies with the sniper rifle.

"So..." the redhead started, his fingers playing across the controller, "I got invited to go paint balling next week, would that be something your majesty would be in to?"

"Balling?"

Matt turned to give him an incredulous look, "Uh…with paint?" His face flared up a bit. Bad, _bad_ images.

"I'm kidding, sheesh," he threw a grin at Matt, "Do I get to shoot your friends?"

"Hell, I encourage it." The redhead smiled, turning back to the game.

"Alright, count me in. I've got good aim, and it's a pity I can't use it on moving targets nearly enough."

"Kinky," Matt said before thinking, shooting a few zombies, making their heads explode all over the screen.

**xxx**

It was noon and his shirt was already sticking to his chest. Mello groaned to himself, pulling the fabric away from his skin and resting his head against the fence at his back. Matt was usually late, but Lord it was hotter than it should be today and all this waiting in the sun bullshit was really starting to annoy him.

"He'll be here soon, no worries," one of the gamer's friends grinned before taking a rather large gulp of water. What was his name, Steve?

"You heard from him?" the other one asked Steve. "I tried calling him earlier, but just got voicemail."

"Nah, but he said he'd be late. Somethin' about a loofa or some shit, I dunno. I didn't pay attention," Steve laughed, clapping Mello on the shoulder, "You know anything 'bout a loofa, Mello?"

"Nothing at all," he managed to smile, "Can't imagine why he'd need something like that."

"You know, I'm pretty sure he's not actually getting a loofa, Steve. I think he was messing you with, bro," Matsuda grinned, shifting his paintball gear on his shoulder.

Steve's eyes narrowed slightly, eyebrow quirking up, "I know that." He rolled his eyes, taking a few steps past the smaller man, "Scott's right about you, you know. Boy ain't right."

"Excuse me? What's that suppo-"

Mello blew the bangs out of his eyes, checking the time on his phone again. He'd been here an hour listening to Matt's friends prattle on about _nothing_ …and Matt _was_ usually late, but not this late.

"Alright, buddy, calm the fuck down," Steve picked up his bag, hoisting it over his shoulder. "So, it's hot as balls, and I love Matt but I can't wait this long. Our slot's gonna be gone soon, anyway, so I say we start, 'kay?" The other men nodded, picking up their bags and heading for the entrance. "What about you, Mello? You still in?"

Matt's stupid voicemail message echoed distantly from his phone. Again. "Actually, I think I'll pass for now. Not to say I don't wanna shoot all of you, but the heat just drained the life out of me. Gotta work later."

"Ah, say no more. I know I'm dying to get a few shots in on Matsuda, personally," Mello smiled a little at that, watching Steve saunter into the front gate. "Rain check?"

"Definitely. Bye," he waved briefly, walking over to his bike. He dialed Matt's number again, holding the device to his ear and waiting for the inevitable message.

Ring.

Ring.

' _All your message are belong to Matt! You know what to do-'_

"Hey…Matt, it's Mello. Again," he sighed, leaning gently against his motorcycle, "so it's almost 12:30. Since you weren't here, the other guys went ahead to play. I'm gonna head home, in case you show up and wonder where I am. Kinda wondering where you are, actually. Hope you didn't sleep in and forget to wake up. Uh, well, gimme a call later or something. Hope you're good, bye."

God, that sounded pathetic, didn't it? Mello inwardly cursed himself as he put on his helmet, the engine roaring to life under him. Matt was fine. He was just being an idiot and sleeping or forgot something somewhere and had to go track it down. It was fine. Everything was fine. He kept repeating that to himself, praying for it to be true and willing himself to just be overreacting and…

Mello found himself at the door of his apartment, helmet in hand, staring at the small, shiny numbers just under the peephole. He was overreacting, clearly. Why else would he have come back _here_. The blond took a step inside, locking the door and walking into the kitchen. He was just being paranoid, seriously, nothing was wrong. It was probably the heat. He just needed something to drink and he'd be fine. Matt'd be fine.

Taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator, Mello swiped a bar of chocolate off the counter and headed to the living room, ignoring the bundle of blankets on the couch. Even after he'd cleaned up since his birthday, he hadn't moved the sheets. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't and didn't want to dwell on the idea as soon as it presented itself in his mind.

He snapped a piece of chocolate off, letting it melt over his tongue. He took a deep breath, trying to savor the sweet, and found that he couldn't.

"Fuck," Mello mumbled against the chocolate at his lips. "This is so fucking stupid, just stop worrying. He's fine. He was just late. He's always late, always careless, always talks too much and…"

' _If I ever...just stop showing up one day, and not answering my phone, make sure to look for me, okay?'_

The color drained from Mello's face, remembering how scared Matt had been. Fuck.

In a moment, he was slamming the door shut behind him, running down the hallway, his chocolate left forgotten on the table.

**xxx**

It'd been hours. Mello's body ached, his skin stung from the little rain droplets that had started to fall, and his heart sunk with the realization that he didn't know where else to look. He'd been everywhere several times. It was getting late, the few rays of the sun still visible through the clouds sinking below the horizon. As the blond pulled into his parking lot, he felt a cold sweat start to break out over his skin.

Fuck. Fuck, where the hell could he be? Mello got off his bike, pulling his helmet from his head and reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. His thumb flew over the keys, checking for any new messages, missed calls, anything.

Nothing. Fuck. Dialing Matt's number again, Mello held the phone to his ear, stalking toward the back of his apartment building. The drizzle that had started earlier had turned into a full downpour, but Mello ignored it, pushing soaked bangs away from his forehead.

"Matt, hey, it's me," he willed his voice to be even, "Where are you? Just...just let me know so I can stop looking for you, okay? Just...I'll-"

His heart must have stopped, he must be dead, or having a nightmare, because this was all wrong.

"Ma...Matt."

Drenched, cold, and shivering, the redhead was bundled up in a hoodie and over sized leather jacket. His knees were pulled close to his chest, head down under the hood leaning against his knees, hands shoved in the pockets. Hearing his name, the boy looked up, eyes wide and scared. They were red and puffy. He had been crying; he hoped the rain would hide just how hard he had let his body be racked by the tears. His hand shifted in the jacket, something silver half slid out of it, silver and metal.

"Who the fuck is it..!" Matt howled, pushing himself up off the ground. He was ready to bolt, to get the hell out of there. How did they find him? No one else knew where Mello lived, right?

"Matt, it's me!" Mello nearly yelled, putting his hands up, still gripping his phone tightly. He was suddenly aware of how cold he was, the rain soaking through his thin shirt and dripping icy trails down his back. But seeing the gun was what made him shiver. "It's okay, I swear, it's just me..."

Matt's hand dropped to his side, the gun touching his thigh before he quickly hid it in his jacket. His eyes were wild, a little doubtful before he took a few steps forward, seeing that it was in fact Mello.

"Oh thank God…Mel..." Matt all but collapsed again, leaning against the wall for support. His body hurt, he'd be surprised if his wrist and leg weren't broken. The weight he was currently putting on it hurt like a bitch, and the cold rain helped by numbing his entire body, but it didn't fix the problem. Pushing off the wall, he limped over to the blond, his black eye obvious the closer he got, the blood on his face caked in his hair under the hood.

"Can I please come inside?"

The blond nodded, eyes trained on Matt's jacket pocket, "Yeah...yeah, sure. Come on." Unlocking the back door, Mello held it open, "We'll take the elevator this time, I swear." As the gamer limped past him, Mello looked out into the back parking lot, squinting against the dark before slamming the door shut.

It took a lot just to get to the elevator, and his adrenaline was running thin. He wasn't tired, but after tonight he figured he could sleep for weeks. "I'm sorry to show up like this; I didn't know where else to go." His voice sounded low and horse, and he had to clear his throat a few times before speaking again, "I just…I needed someone I could trust." He felt completely stupid; getting Mello involved with his personal issues was not a good plan. He needed to find a place they couldn't follow him to. He needed time to get his shit together, he needed to call the company and report what happened. They could fix this.

"It's fine, it's fine don't worry." God, he hoped he sounded comforting instead of the frantic mess he knew he was. The key slid into the lock without his fingers shaking too horribly, and as he ushered Matt inside, locking the deadbolt, the chain, and two secondary locks, Mello allowed himself to breathe. "I'm here, and I don't mind, at all, but...Matt," shit, the boy was so shaken up, "what the hell is going on?"

_How did you get a gun?_

"Bad people," Matt stated, falling down on the couch awkwardly. "Bad people who wanted information I wasn't privy to giving them." He tried so hard to hide the piece in his jacket, trying to shed the wet clothes without taking it out. He didn't want to scare the blond. He didn't want him to know that about him. That he had one, he knew how to use it, and had, on a few occasions, been forced to use it in self defense.

Matt's laugh was a hollow, pained sound. "I couldn't give it to them, I _wouldn't_." He stopped talking as he tried harder to get the wet clothes off, grunting loudly as the hoodie got stuck on his head.

Mello walked over, taking a seat next to the other and helping him pull the wet garment over his head. He wanted to ask, he wanted to know so he could rip the vocal cords out of whoever went after Matt. But instead he remained silent, knowing Matt would tell him if he wanted to. If he needed to.

"Matt..."

"I…I'm fine, really." He tried, pushing wet hair out of his eyes. His hand as he noticed after, was bloody, he hadn't realized how hard the one guy had hit him until right now. "Do you have a paper towel? I think my head is bleeding..." His eyes glazed over, staring at nothing in particular. The day had started off so normal. He hadn't expected to end up in this situation. There wasn't anything he was working on that he would label dangerous. But he, evidently, had been further from the truth than he knew, and he'd have words with his boss. It seemed the client they had been working with was actually in a lot more shit than he had led them to believe.

"Uh…Mello?" He started, feeling slightly dizzy. "You won't…um…tell anyone about this, will you?" Fear crossed his features. If his company found out he had told anything at all to anyone…what would they do to them? It would be way worse than what they were going to do to the men that roughed him up. "I don't want you…getting too involved. It's better that way."

"Don't worry, Matt," Mello tried to smile, eyes pained and worried, and his voice never rising above a whisper. He lifted a hand, gingerly lifting Matt's bangs from his forehead, thumb ghosting over the broken skin. "But I'd like to have a word with whoever did this to you."

Matt's voice caught in his throat, closing his eyes to the touch. It felt so good. So natural. It hadn't even crossed his mind to go anywhere other than to Mello. He felt safe with him, and even though he didn't want to get him involved, he believed for some reason that everything would be fine if he was here. His green eyes reopened, clouded by the day's events, the pain in his body still throbbing. "I'd rather you never meet them," he whispered, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I…shot one of them. In the leg, but I still shot one." His voice was so soft that a pin drop could have covered it up. "I seriously thought…" he swallowed, unable to get the words out, tears falling down his cheek. "I thought I was going to die."

The fingers in Matt's hair tensed, blue eyes going icy. "I'm going to make sure this never happens again, do you understand? I never want you to feel like that, and I swear to God, I will end anyone who threatens you, Matt, do you understand me?"

"I…I have to call my boss." Matt murmured, his fingers too numb to find his phone in his pocket. His eyes lingered on the floor before looking up to Mello, searching for something. "How? How could you possibly do that?" It wasn't as if he doubted him, he knew this was something people said in the heat of the moment. But he didn't want Mello involved. He had said too much already. His breath felt labored as he shifted to reach in his pocket, fingers searching for his cell. "I don't…I don't want you mixed up with these people. They're dangerous." Pulling his phone out, he texted something very sloppy, the device shaking in his hands.

"You don't understand. They wanted the information so bad, they would have killed me for it." He locked eyes with the blond, red hair slicked to his face with a mix of water and blood, his glasses gone, eyes a bit unfocused. "There's nothing you could do but get yourself killed."

Mello took Matt's hand, taking the phone and placing it on the coffee table. "Matt, there's a lot you're not telling me, and that's fine. I don't need an explanation, but I want to be very clear about something. You don't know everything about me either, so believe me when I say I will make sure this kind of thing never happens again," his fingers worked into red, damp locks, gently massaging Matt's scalp.

Green eyes slid shut, his body leaning in to the touch. He was exhausted; running for your life tended to make you feel like that. Matt took another deep breath, his eyes opening to half mass. "I'll take your word for it." He muttered, trying to offer a smile. Suddenly a loud crash of thunder sounded outside the apartment scaring Matt half to death. He jumped in to a defensive position, his eyes wild and scared. His hand had reached for the jacket his gun was in before he realized what the sound was and pulled it back. Green eyes searched the apartment, scared an invisible assailant was hiding in the shadows.

Settling back down, he held his head in his hands, hovering near his knees. "Shit…what else can happen.." He muttered under his breath, his heart beating a mile a minute.

Mello's hands were on his shoulders, thumbs rubbing gentle circles over Matt's collar bones. "Just take a breath. Just breathe. Everything is fine now, you're safe. You're safe. I promise."

Matt allowed his body to relax, to simply enjoy Mello's touch. He was being so supportive, so kind. It made him feel deeply guilty for even showing up in the first place. His mouth moved without a sound coming out; the words he meant to say just wouldn't come. His eyes met his phone as it danced over the coffee table, his fingers brushing the cell to bring it to his face. His boss had received the safety phrase, he knew Matt was in a secure location and the company could now do what was needed to cover the whole situation up. Including getting rid of the people who attacked him. The only words his boss left him were, _'Stay where you are, we'll inform you when it's safe to leave.'_

"Mello...would you mind if I stayed here tonight?" he asked, turning to meet the blond's eyes, his own begging for him to say it was okay, to continue to be more understanding than anyone could ask of one person. His body shivered at the contact on his shoulders, the brightness of Mello's eyes. And to think, if he hadn't known how to slip out of handcuffs in the first place, he might never have seen those eyes again. If he hadn't had been able to get away…

He licked his lips softly, staring openly at the blond. He knew he was being greedy, wanting him to touch him more, to rub the pain away. For him to keep saying the comforting words he had been telling him, to hear him threaten the people who harmed him. For him to tell Matt how safe he was with him. Because that's what he made him feel. Safe. He believed every word he said. He wanted to believe. He needed to believe.

"Of course you can," he murmured, Mello's hand gripping Matt's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner. "You can stay as long as you need to, don't worry about it."

Matt's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He took a chance then, placing his hand over the one on his shoulder, his eyes locking with Mello's, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am," he almost smiled, giving Matt's hand a light squeeze before standing and walking to the bathroom. "You can take my bed, I'll sleep on the couch," Mello reappeared with a box of band-aids and tossed them on the coffee table, walking toward the kitchen.

"A...actually..." Matt's fingers quivered, his hand reaching for the band-aids. How would he say this delicately. "I don't…want to be alone..." His voice seemed smaller than he had meant it to. He knew he was pushing it, he knew he was using the situation for his benefit.

"Do you have a change of clothes?" The redhead glanced at his own dirt and blood encrusted clothes, "I don't think I can sleep in this."

Mello fumbled with the glass in his hand, filling it shakily with water, "Yeah, I have something you can borrow. We're probably about the same size, it should...fine, be...fine." His voice grew quiet as he looked at Matt, shoulders slumped and face pained. "Let me get something for you," he held out the glass to the redhead, eyes locked on Matt's trembling hands reaching forward.

Fingers brushed over the cool glass, making sure they wrapped firmly around it before removing it from Mello's grasp. Lifting the glass to his mouth, he took a greedy drink, almost draining the entire contents. "Anything would be fine…" he mumbled, shifting the glass to the coffee table in front of him.

Nodding to himself, Mello turned away, padding quickly to his bedroom. The wood floor was cold against his feet as he found himself still, staring at his shadow cast across his bed. Even as a shadow, he looked so slight and weak and...

Fuck, he needed to calm down. He could keep Matt safe, he _needed_ to. This whole thing didn't make any sense. Mello took a small step forward, desperately trying to push the image of Matt with a gun from his mind, but it held on with a vengeance. God, how could he protect him. How was he even capable to taking care of another human being when he could barely handle himself on a good day.

The fear that had been in Matt's eyes would not stop flashing in Mello's mind.

"Goddamnit," he muttered, fingers somehow finding the handle on his dresser, pulling a shirt and a pair of cotton pants from the drawer. He was stronger than this. He had to be. For Matt. Anything that he felt was minor compared to what Matt must be feeling. "Just suck it up. Just fucking suck it up."

Matt waited on the couch as Mello left the room. He felt jumpier when he was by himself, his head turning every so often to cover all the exits of the apartment. He knew the people from tonight wouldn't have been able to follow him, he knew his boss was going to take care of it, but he couldn't shake the fear. Rubbing his hands together, he looked out the window of the apartment. Shadow's casting from objects outside gave him the same jittery feeling they had when he was a child. Monsters around every corner and no one to save you but yourself. It sucked growing up, every adult telling you monsters weren't real. They were wrong, of course. The monsters of the real world were much scarier than the vampires and werewolves of his childhood nightmares.

Pushing some hair out of his eyes, he paced around the apartment checking and double checking the locks. He attempted several times to will his body to stop shaking, but nothing could erase the feelings snaking through his body. The disgust, the power of fear that grasped at his heart and soul.

He could still feel the gun going off in his hand. He could still feel the man's hand on his neck, feeling of his body dropping away as life had slipped out of his eyes. Anger turning to fear in that one sick second of realization, when the man felt the metal pierce a vital organ. When he felt the life slipping out of his body. Matt had seen it up close; he felt it, smelt it, tasted death in the air.

He had lied to Mello. He hadn't just shot someone in the leg, no, tonight he had taken another person's life.

He had become one of the monsters in order to survive. He was afraid of himself, what he was capable of, perhaps a little more than the men who had attacked him. He had beat a man to a bloody pulp for touching Mello, and now? Now he had shot a man point blank in the heart to save his own skin.

Matt's face hit his palms as he fell to his knees, a loud sob wracking his entire body.

**xxx**


	22. Took a Sip of Something Poison

**xxx**

The material slipped from Mello's hand as he saw Matt hit the floor, the coloring draining from his face when he heard the redhead, heart skipping a beat as he rushed to the other's side. Matt was shaking in his arms, against his chest, tears soaking through Mello's already drenched shirt, fingers gripping the cloth like it was his only anchor to this world. The blond couldn't tell if he was shaking, and his arms only pulled the redhead closer, a hand pressing to the back of Matt's head, tangling in wet locks.

"I…I'm sorry..." Matt sobbed, his nails digging hard in to Mello's shirt. "I'm so…so…sorry..."

"No," Mello breathed, head falling to rest on Matt's, the smell of rain, sweat, and blood thick in his hair, "don't apologize."

"Was it wrong..." Matt's voice so low he might have not said anything at all, "Could I have done it differently?"

He couldn't tell if he was crying. He couldn't tell if the wet streaks on his cheeks were from Matt's hair or the tears he'd been holding back for months. "You did exactly what you had to do, Matt."

"But it's my own fault…" The redhead reached a hand up to wipe his own eyes, trying so hard to stop crying. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the look in the man's eyes. The fear.

The knowledge that he was dead.

Matt shivered, "Oh God..." He pushed his knuckles against his eyes, the image refusing to go away. "Oh God…I'm a murder..."

"You..." the air couldn't fill Mello's lungs. He looked down at Matt, fear wracking him, shaking his voice, his hands. "What?"

Matt pushed away from the blond, standing quickly and heading the opposite direction. He couldn't say it again, he couldn't say it out loud. He murdered a man, in self defense of course, but God doesn't really play favorites like that. He knew that before he pulled the trigger. He knew that before he reached for the gun. He knew that before realized he would do anything, _anything_ , to stay alive. Retreating toward the window, Matt shook his head over and over, his hands pulling at his hair.

"I had to!" he shouted into the silence of the room. "He had me pinned to the ground! He had his hands…a-around my neck..." Matt gestured, repeating the motion to thin air. "He was squeezing…I couldn't breathe. I was lucky enough to get out of the bindings…I was almost out…and he found me. He caught me! He knocked me over the head with his gun and…" Matt's tears crashed down his cheeks, another loud sob filling the air. "FUCK! I couldn't do ANYTHING! I could feel death breathing down my shoulder…and…and I reached out…I touched it. My fingers, I felt the gun and I grabbed it!" His eyes were wild, searching nothing in the darkness, feeling the man's cold dead stare on him as he spoke. "I…I didn't know what else to do. So…I pulled the trigger the moment I felt it press against him. I watched him die…he was in my face…his blood…" Matt's whole body began to shake again. Feeling bile rising up his throat, he ran to the bathroom and threw up loudly. His shoulders buckled. He realized there wasn't anything else he could have done.

It was him or Matt.

There was a hand on his back, rubbing soft, slow circles over his shoulder blades. A sad sigh, the shuffling of feet, and then a gentle weight at his side. Mello's voice was tender, matching the soothing touch at Matt's back, "Get it out. You did exactly what you needed to do, Matt. If you hadn't...I...you're here, and you're safe."

Matt's eyebrows furrowed, confusion written all over his face as he met the blonds eyes. "You…you aren't...?" He didn't know what he expected, be he certainly didn't expect Mello to treat him the same. "I killed someone," he said out loud again, the pain just as fresh as the first time he admitted it. "Don't…you think…I don't know…I'm fucked." His head hung back over the toilet again, coughing hard. "I don't want…bloody hell, I don't know what I want." He cried, his tears dropping into the water. "I don't want you to go away," he barely whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere," the hand moved to the back of Matt's neck, smoothing over the skin. "I don't know why you think I would. I just want you to...to be safe, okay?" His voice was strained, teeth nearly biting through his bottom lip, "You have to be safe, Matt. I couldn't...if you weren't, I..."

"But how can you say that? Aren't you uncomfortable with the fact that I…" Green eyes closed, his forehead leaning against the seat. "Maybe this is all a bad dream…and tomorrow…I'll wake up?" Another tear slid down his cheek, his neck hot where Mello's hand was. "I don't understand how you can be…" his eyes opened, staring straight at the blond, "so…you. Nothing phases you…not even this." His heart hurt so much, his body felt so heavy. Between the beating he had taken, the running, and the emotional stress from it all, he was surprised he could manage any coherent thoughts. "I knew I could trust you Mello…but I thought…I didn't think..."

"Shh, it's okay," Mello massaged his finger tips into Matt's muscles, willing the tension away from the tissue. "Where are you hurt? How does your stomach feel?"

"I-it's fine," Matt mumbled, lifting his wrist to the blond. "They got me pretty bad in the leg and…my wrist and right side…"

Gingerly taking his hand, Mello smoothed his thumbs over the soft, purpling flesh. "They managed to bruise you, but it doesn't feel broken. Probably strained it. And you can walk…so…" he felt Matt's eyes on him, raising his gaze slowly to meet green.

"Yeah," the redhead replied softly, shaking his head and pulling his hand away quickly. He let out a hard cough, pushing off the toilet. "I think…I can change now. Then we can try to talk about this." He muttered, his eyes downcast, staring at Mello's feet.

The blond looked up at Matt, nodding to himself after a moment and standing. "Let me...I'll get your clothes," he mumbled, slipping past Matt and scooping the forgotten garments off the floor. "They should be fine," Mello sought Matt's eyes as he handed over the clothes, "they might be a little musty, but...yeah, I dunno. I'll um...I'll be right outside, okay?"

"Yeah," Matt agreed as he took the clothes. He didn't even bother to close the door as he stripped off his soiled clothing, putting on the clean ones. What was the point? It wasn't like he was embarrassed; he had much more on his mind.

After a quick rinse of his hair, mouth, and face, Matt walked back into the living room quietly.

Mello exhaled deeply from his place on the couch, elbows resting on his knees and a hand gripping golden locks. His other hand gently held the crucifix at his neck, fingers numbly passing over each bead on the rosary.

It didn't surprise Matt at all. After what he had told him, this was more the reaction he was expecting.

The gamer sat down quietly on the other side of the couch. "...Are you going to call the cops?"

The sound that left the blond was nearly a laugh. "No, I'm not gonna call the cops," Mello turned to face Matt, fingers slipping out of his hair as he sat up and tucked the rosary back under his shirt.

"Are you sure? I wouldn't blame you."

"I'd never do that to you. Not after what you've just been through. It was self defense, anyway."

Matt's fingers ran through his hair slowly, trying to dry the locks. "Are you serious?" He was so confused. Had it been anyone else, he was sure they'd turn him in. But then again, there was something about Mello in the first place that lead him here instead of anywhere else. Deep inside, he knew Mello would accept him. No matter how he accepted himself, as long as Mello could forgive him, maybe he would be able to forgive himself in the future. A deep sigh left his lips, his hands still trembling.

The migraine Matt knew he was getting thumped painfully in the back of his skull. Reaching carefully toward his discarded jacket on the table, he pulled his glasses from the opposite pocket the silver object hid. Sliding them on, he winced as the frame touched the bridge of his nose, but relished in the clarity of his vision. "That should help…" He muttered under his breath.

"Mello," he started, looking at him from the corner of his eye, "you're too good to be true." He allowed the tiniest of smiles to quirk the side of his lips, though it died instantly. His hand slid over the fabric of the sofa, fingers brushing over the blond's, his hand relishing the warmth. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," Mello whispered, gripping Matt's hand in his own.

Matt shifted his body so that he could lean his cheek on Mello's shoulder, "You're the only person I can really trust."

"That can't be true."

"Sadly, it is. I don't trust a lot of people…they don't give me reason to." Matt refused to close his eyes, scared the image of the dying man may have permanently scarred the inside of his eyelids. The grip on Mello's hand tightened, his cheeks turning a pale red as he allowed himself a moment to enjoy the closeness of the situation. The smell of Mello's soap, the softness of his hair against his face, his hand pressed against his palm.

"I think you need better friends," the faintest hint of a laugh echoed in Mello's voice, eyes gazing at the top of Matt's head.

"No. I've got you, I'm good."

The flush burned Mello's cheeks. "You feeling any better?"

"Hey Mel?" Matt began, pausing in his statement as he moved so his face was nuzzled closer to Mello's neck. He was pushing it, God he knew he was pushing it. But he was alive; he had almost died tonight, and he was alive right now. His lips brushed Mello's jugular briefly, feeling the other man's pulse and making sure to not stay against his skin too long. He wouldn't be able to play it off as an accident if Mello caught him. "I don't want to close my eyes." He whispered close to the other's skin, "If I sleep, I'm going to just relive it. I know it..."

The blond swallowed thickly, his eyes sliding shut as Matt's breath brushed his neck, "We can turn on the TV or something. You really should sleep though."

He wasn't caught, but he knew he couldn't stop himself. If the blond wasn't pulling away from their closeness, he wasn't going to give up this opportunity. He wanted to feel alive, to make sure he hadn't died and this was some weird afterlife limbo. He wanted to make sure he wasn't in a dream, that there was something he could hold onto that was still untainted by the monsters of the world. Even he was contaminated by his actions, and it wasn't right to bring Mello down to his level…but he needed an anchor.

Maybe, Mello would forgive this as well.

Matt felt his lips against Mello's skin again, bolder this time, staying longer, making it obvious that it was an advance verses a mere accidental brush. His hand traveling from Mello's, up his wrist, his fingers brushing lightly against his skin.

Mello shivered despite himself, a long breath passing between his lips. "Matt..."

Matt took that as a sign to press on. It was the dance all over again: the obvious way that Mello had acted, the kissing back, the closeness. He had to feel somewhat the same Matt did, and he wouldn't even allow himself to think Mello was only letting him to do this out of pity or sympathy for his trauma tonight. Perhaps if the rave hadn't happened, maybe he would believe that. But not now. Not this. Not the way he said his name, so full of something underlining and lustful. It was beautiful, a single word, just one word. The power it held, it sent jolts throughout his entire body. Tired muscles rejuvenated, dormant emotions overpowering the current fear and pain. Matt had needed that reaction, he latched onto it, feeling his body coming back to life from one simple response from the blond.

His lips pressed harder, his teeth grazing the skin, needing to taste the flesh under his lips. He needed to feel Mello, all that built up want and lust. It was almost overflowing with a primal desire, over-loading his system and ejecting the previous thoughts from his mind. If only for a while, he wanted to lose himself in Mello.

His fingers found the blond's shoulder pushing him against the softness of the sofa, working his lips over the reddening skin of his neck. His left hand working its way over the blond's chest, feeling the fabric under his fingers.

The heartbeat under Matt's hand grew quicker, louder with each touch of the redhead's lips. Mello's breathing had all but stopped, his head tilted, mouth falling open in a quiet sigh. Because this was Matt. It was Matt who was pressing kisses and bites to his skin, marking it as his own, feeling his heart leaping under his tongue. The thought drew a soft sound from the back of Mello's throat, his hand gripping Matt's wrist and pulling away slightly. He stared, blue meeting green, searching for something in those eyes. The skin against his palm was hot, Matt's lips flushed and wet, and Mello needed to look away because this was bad. He couldn't do this to Matt. He couldn't take advantage of his pain and fear and anguish and just...no. He couldn't.

His hand was at Matt's knee, fingers gripping the soft cotton and begging for the warm skin underneath. He closed his eyes, avoiding the confusion on Matt's face. He was strong. He didn't need this. "Matt...I..." he started, crystal blue eyes glancing at the floor, his hand tensing against Matt's knee. "...I..."

The wrist in his grip was so warm, the skin hidden just beneath the fabric teasing him, and each gentle puff of breath washing over his face was driving him mad. In a moment of weakness, Mello allowed himself to look.

And Mello moved.

Matt's eyes widened, caught off guard by the lips pressing against his. All he had been able to do was wonder what in the world was going through the blond's mind, afraid he was going to run again. All doubts erased the moment he felt those soft lips against his. Green eyes slid shut, his free hand sliding behind the blond, fingers finding golden locks as he pulled him closer. His heart pounded heavily against his chest as he opened his mouth enough to lick at Mello's lips. Leaning against the other man, he pulled his hand free from his grasp, finger's finding the edge of the other's shirt, and pushing underneath to graze against warm skin.

The sound from the back of Mello's throat sounded more animal than human, his fingers searing the skin on Matt's arm as the blond pressed forward. The hand at the gamer's knee slid over the fabric, up his thigh. It started out tentative, Mello's thumb brushing over inner thigh just lightly enough for Matt to feel it, teasing the skin. Matt's hand on his chest made his breath hitch, body shifting into the touch, almost gently, as if he were hesitant to overstep any bounds that they weren't already tearing down.

A gasp left the gamer's lips, hushed by the skin he was pressed against. His teeth dug softly in to the blond's neck, his hand on Mello's chest pressing him harder back against the couch. The redhead shifted, leaning the other onto his back flat against the sofa, hovering over him.

Matt's mind went into a haze; he wanted to forget everything but what he was feeling at that moment. The gamer brushed hair out of Mello's eyes, green meeting blue before he crushed his lips against the other's.

Hands were on Matt's hips, nails digging into the skin and pulling the other down against him. Mello arched up, teeth grazing over the redhead's bottom lip, a hand moving to press at Matt's lower back.

Everywhere Mello touched felt like electricity, his entire body felt like it was melting away with each brush of his fingers. Matt found himself moaning at the nails on his back, only to be forced to bite his bottom lip when the blond arched. It was all too much. It was going in fast forward and he couldn't grasp anything but the person in front of him.

His lips kissed down the blond's neck, hands finding the bottom of his shirt, pushing it upward as he moved down. His tongue found skin before teeth and lips, nipping and exploring the other's midsection with reckless abandon.

Mello's eyes shut with a low groan, his hands weaving further into Matt's hair with each caress placed on his abdomen. He was losing himself, neck craning back against the cushions, mouth falling open when Matt's teeth bit down harder.

"Is this okay?" Matt asked suddenly, stopping his ministrations to gaze half lidded toward the blond. Green eyes hazed with a mix of lust and hesitation. His nails touching pale skin scratched as they dug in, biting his bottom lip.

Mello felt his chest tighten at the sound of Matt's voice, gliding like sickeningly sweet molasses over his tongue. He found himself nodding, eyes lidded and pupils blown, as he stared at Matt. He knew how he must look, his composure completely gone and any walls he'd put up crumbling at Matt's feet, and Mello both adored and cursed the expression clouding the redhead's eyes. It looked like fear flavored with something much more carnal and the blond couldn't help wanting another taste.

Pressing back against Matt's lips, Mello propped himself on his elbow, a hand gliding down the gamer's neck, chest, hip. His nails scratched just above the waistband hanging from Matt's hips, teasing the skin gently before gripping Matt's shirt and pulling him down harshly to nip at his lip.

An audible gulp echoed through the living room, Matt's breath hitched at Mello's musings. His brows furrowed slightly as he tried once more to pull an answer from the haze around him. "Mel…" he started, clenching his teeth as he pulled away just a bit. It was too hot on the couch, it was too much overwhelming him at once.

"Really," he almost whimpered, his fingers lacing around Mello's pulling them away, "are you going to run away again?" He found himself saying before he could stop. His heart skipped a beat, his stomach feeling like it was full of lead. Had he said that out loud? This wasn't the time, and that wasn't the thing he really needed to say.

The blond before him looked every bit the fantasy he had imagined. Shirt askew, hair tousled. Matt's eyes glanced at Mello's abused lips, moist and bruised from his earlier assault. His eyes shut quickly, taking a deep breath to try to contain himself. Everything in his body was screaming for release, and all he wanted to do was tear his best friend apart piece by piece like an animal.

Wetting his own lips, he reopened his eyes, meeting blue with green. "Is this what you want? Because this is the only chance I'm giving you to get away from me." His eyes narrowed as his hand dropped to the front of Mello's pants, gripping the contents tightly. "I'm serious." His voice low and dangerous, dripping with a feral tone he wasn't previously privy to.

This night was all about learning new things about one's self.

A soft sound that could have been a chuckle passed between Mello's lips, his eyes darkening a shade. "It's really adorable that you think you're the one in control here."

Matt's eyes widened in a confusing manner. "Uh…I'm on top aren't I?"

The crystal blue was almost completely gone. "Hm...perhaps," Mello eased into a sitting position, lips ghosting over Matt's.

Matt's eyes slid shut, savoring the feeling of Mello's lips against his. It was only a slight touch, barely anything at all, but that was so delicious in itself. A tiny whimper slid between his lips, his body losing what little control he had left.

His fingers smoothed over the crumpled material against Matt's chest, thin fingers brushing over the fabric just enough to send shivers down the redhead's spine. "You still want to take it, right?"

"Take what..?"

"My bed."

"You …you're serious?"

"I _did_ offer it to you, Matt."

"Well..." The redhead ducked his head, hair falling and covering his face, hiding it from the blond. It wasn't like him to feel shy; it wasn't like him to take a backseat in these situations. He was a go get 'em type of man. He saw what he wanted and he snatched it. However, this had been one of those nights when he was no longer sure of himself. In a brief flash, his entire life had changed.

Glancing through his bangs, the redhead, worried and vulnerable for the first time in God knows how long, smiled at the blond gently.

"Yeah, I want to."

The other's eyes softened for a moment, moving impossibly closer to Matt and placing a chaste kiss at the corner of his lips. "I hope you mean that, Matt," Mello's voice, low and smooth, sounded in his ear.

Mello heard the timbre in his words, pushing any thoughts of self loathing from his mind and going after exactly what he wanted for once in his life. He'd known what he needed and now that he saw the hunger in Matt's eyes...

"Get up, now."

The gamer felt sluggish, like his entire body was too heavy to move at a normal pace. He painfully peeled himself away from the blond and stood, swaying on his heels. "...Now?"

"Right now," he spoke softly, rising from the couch with the grace of a cat, eyes trained on Matt's. Mello's mouth twisted into a smile, a hand rising to brush over the gamer's reddening cheek, "Unless you're scared..."

His cheeks flared, the heat in his chest building hotter at the touch. He narrowed his eyes, making sure to meet the blond's when he spoke. "I'm not scared."

The smile morphed into a smirk. "Good," he took a step toward his room, head tilted to the side as he watched Matt, "that would be bothersome."

After the night he had, Matt felt it important to note how he was feeling. He didn't want to confuse any real emotions with trauma or shock. He wanted to make sure this was real. Taking a moment to take one long, deep breath, he thought about it.

He felt awkward, check. He felt aroused, check. He felt flustered, check. He felt excited, check. And last but not least, he felt a little scared.

All of these things swirling around inside his head paled in comparison to the force driving his legs as he walked in the same direction Mello had gone. Clearly none of these feelings had anything to do with the previous acts of the night, not to mention all of the build up that had been going on for months between the two of them. It would take a complete moron to not understand what exactly was going on right now.

But that's how he felt. Like a complete moron. He'd never had sex with a man before, hell, he'd never even _kissed_ a man before Mello. But the one thing on his mind at this precise moment was doing far more than basic sex with the man standing in front of him. What if he did it wrong? What if he wasn't any good at it? What if…what if…what if…

Matt could feel himself cooling down, that was a bad sign. Was he scaring himself? Was he so nervous that he was going to chicken out? Again, he thought about what happened earlier and he knew he couldn't. Life was too short; if he wanted this as much as he knew he did, he needed to go for it.

Matt's footsteps stopped as he shut the door to the bedroom behind him, his eyes scanning the scene before him. His fingers trembled slightly as he locked the door behind him, his paranoia taking over as a force of habit. He cleared his throat in an attempt to speak normally, fearing his voice might sound erratic. "How…?" he started, his back pressed firmly against the heavy wooden door. "Should...we...?"

Mello turned slowly, closing the distance between them and taking the front of Matt's shirt delicately in his fist. Tugging the redhead forward, he rested his lips against the side of Matt's neck, teeth grazing the skin as he opened his mouth. "The first thing you're going to do is breathe. You're going to stop thinking so hard, stop muddling up that pretty head of yours with stupid thoughts and just breathe. Got it?"

"You think I'm pretty?" Matt managed to get out, he was shocked it didn't sound more like a squeak the way Mello was nipping at his neck.

"What did I say about thinking?" the blond tutted in his ear, teeth slipping over Matt's earlobe.

The redhead shivered all the way down to his toes. "Ah…yeah, sorry about that..."

"Good boy."

The hand at Matt's chest tugged him forward harshly, Mello's mouth meeting the gamer's with a low groan. It was much too fast, and horrifically slow, and Mello's chest ached with each clumsy shuffle of feet as he walked Matt to the foot of his bed. The hands at his hips, wrapping around him, fingers digging into his back had him gasping for air between hurried kisses, and he forced any guilt from his mind as he shoved Matt backwards onto his bed. Because Matt needed this. Because they both needed this, and Mello needed deeper and more painfully than he needed air.

The flush on Matt's cheeks burned his ears and was creeping down his neck, and Mello couldn't help the sly grin tugging at his lips. Green eyes looked black in the darkness of the room and only darkened when Mello's hands fell to the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, tossing it behind him. He nudged Matt's knees apart with his own, taking a deep breath before whispering, "You breathing, Matty?"

"No…I seem to have forgotten how to breathe." Matt's accent slipped out as he watched the blond, eyes darting over his exposed skin to memorize it. A gulp sounded loudly through the dark room as he pushed himself up in to a sitting position, his legs being knocked apart catching him off guard. Being pushed down had already knocked him out of his thoughts, however that one simple act caused his heart to nearly stop all together.

Rushing to mimic the other, he lifted his shirt half way before getting stuck, part of his shirt hitching on his glasses. He was both mortified and amused at the same time. Was he totally incapable of being sexy?

"And now I appear to be stuck."

"Stop tangling yourself or I'll rip it in half," Mello muttered, hands intervening in Matt's struggle to free himself, "and I like that shirt so I'd rather not ruin it." The blond pulled the fabric over Matt's head, dropping the garment to the side. He paused for a moment, watching the redhead blink into the darkness before he pressed his knee between Matt's thighs, a hand raising to straighten the glasses perched on Matt's nose.

"I like it, too," Matt muttered, his eyes fully adjusting to the light. Red hair tucked behind his ears as Mello fixed his glasses, and Matt was aware that something witty had been on the tip of his tongue, lost forever the moment he felt the friction between his legs. His eyes widened, mouth open in a tiny 'O'. It was now or never. He wanted to have some semblance of power in what happened tonight; he didn't want to just be dominated. That wasn't who he was. He needed to swallow his fear and take charge to a certain extent.

His hands lifted on their own accord, fingers draping over pale skin, nails digging softly over Mello's sides. His fingers drifted until they found their destination, dragging back upward before grabbing tightly. Hands on Mello's hips lifted, sitting the blond on his lap. The moment the other was in position, Matt attacked his chest; licking, nipping, biting. It was different from anything he had ever experienced in the past. The feel of his skin wasn't as soft as a girl's, his scent was a mix of mint, chocolate, and an undeniable manly musk. His frame was heavier and leaner, more angles than curves, but the way he fit against his body was too perfect to not belong right where he was.

Mello's back arched, shoulders slumping forward as his hands clutched at Matt's arms. A slow sigh escaped his lips, feeling himself shifting his hips forward and down, giving in to his growing lack of self control. Matt's tongue brushed over a scar jaggedly marring his ribcage and Mello pretended the desperate sound leaving his lips wasn't his.

The redhead's breath was hot against his chest, and Mello allowed a smile when Matt's voice echoed feebly in his throat, hips trying to meet the blond's.

Matt's teeth grazed the blond's skin a bit too hard, it was all Matt could do to keep himself from thrusting harshly through his pants. The pressure growing with every grind, every bit of friction, was too much to handle. The pain throbbed with every pump of his heart, the blood flowing through his veins was now an enemy to his consciousness. His body, in short, was betraying him.

With a low growl, he looped his arms around Mello's midsection and lifted him once again. Standing slightly, with a twist, he tossed the other man on to the bed. He couldn't take it much longer. Kneeling over the bed, the redhead took a hold of other's pants, his fingers unbuttoning and zipping with speed and persistence, grabbing each pant leg and yanking them off. The now useless fabric tossed to the side as he took in the view in front of him.

The blond smirked up at Matt, lips parted slightly as he propped himself up on his elbows. He tilted his head and ran the bottom of his foot over Matt's calf, watching green eyes drift down past his waist. "They're boxer-briefs. They don't bite. I'm sure you know that."

"I pictured something entirely different." He joked softly, a nervous smile on his lips. Be it boxers like him, briefs, boxer-briefs, hell even a speedo, no amount of fantasies could hold a candle to the real deal. His cheeks were a flame, his ears burning with embarrassment. His first reaction was to cover himself up, his arousal clear as day against the thin line of fabric holding it back. However he deleted that response immediately. Why hide it. That would defeat the entire purpose of pulling his pants off in the first place.

Mello hummed in the back of his throat, sliding a hand down Matt's chest and tucking his fingers under the waistband of his pants. Leaning up, he caught Matt in a kiss, pushing down the fabric at his hips, nails scratching lightly over the gamer's thigh.

Matt pushed greedily into Mello's lips, his tongue tracing along one of his canines. It felt a bit clumsy as he stepped out of the borrowed pajama bottoms, trying not to pull too far away from Mello's musings. His knee hit the soft fabric of the bed, the mattress giving under his weight. A strong hand on one of Mello's shoulders pushed him back against the sheets, Matt never leaving his lips untouched.

He felt more than heard himself moan, his heartbeat drumming too loudly in his ears to hear anything else. Mello tried to remember every touch of Matt's skin, the way his hands wandered hungrily and with a shyness than made the blond want to scream. The hand at his hip prodded at the elastic of his waistband, too timid to push the material down outright, but so eager to reach every inch of flesh it could. Mello nearly laughed. Nearly.

His hand pressed at Matt's lower back, bringing their hips together in a slow, torturous moment before slipping underneath the fabric, the pads of his fingers kneading against the skin.

Matt flexed the muscles in his backside where Mello's hand was caressing. Through the haze of lust, the pain of his arousal, and the sheer mood of the moment, he still managed to be completely ridiculous.

"Pretty firm right? I work out." Cue a cheeky grin.

"You're horrible," Mello growled, pressing Matt's pelvis hard against his own, grinding up into the thin fabric separating them.

The redhead gasped audibly, his finger nails digging hard in to pale skin. "For fuck sake…" he hissed, "was just a bloody joke." Green eyes clenched shut as he bucked his hips against Mello's. Retaliation was a double edged sword; his entire body was hot with want. The only problem was he wasn't entirely sure what the next move was.

"These...in the...way," Mello managed through his teeth, gripping the elastic and pushing it over Matt's hipbone and dragging his nails over his thigh before sliding up his inner thigh.

Cold air hit him fully before stars flashed across his vision, the remaining fabric attached to the blond pressing against bare skin. It was too much all at once, the sensation taking over his entire being. Matt pressed himself against the blond, rocking harshly as he kicked the fabric off his legs and away from the bed.

Mello's nails were leaving trails of fire in their wake, his lips against his skin burning hot as magma. He was getting overwhelmed, his head felt light and dizzy as he tried to breathe. The redhead pulled away from the blond, as much as he didn't want to, but there was something to be done. Turn about was fair play, after all. His fingers latched under the waistband and pulled the offending fabric up then down. Past his thighs and over his knees, down his ankles and gone forever.

A triumphant smile graced the gamer's lips; this was a crowning achievement! He had pushed through his fear and taken the upper hand over-

His mind shut down. Green eyes locked on a stark naked Mello, covered in sweat and full of need, his beautiful blond locks splayed against the black sheets. He watched as his chest rose and fell, blue eyes peering right through him.

Matt felt himself before he knew what he was doing. He had no idea what he was doing actually; this was all new to him. But he knew what he would want someone else to do to him. After all, they were both men, right? So why wouldn't this be the best move? Timidly at first, he kissed the most tender spot he could find along Mello's thigh, grazing his teeth along the soft flesh, his nails scratching past his lips to touch delectably at the base of his arousal. Wrapping his fingers around the length, he squeezed very softly, his tongue dipping along the tip, tracing a circle.

A choked sob left Mello's throat, his eyes clenching shut and his breaths coming in uneven rasps. This was horribly wrong, because Matt was too shy and timid and perfect and Mello's thoughts were crumbling in his mind faster than he was able to think them. Because Matt was perfect.

Fingers were in Matt's hair, nails scratching his scalp. The hand wasn't pressing down, or insisting, but everything about Mello was begging, despite the quiet words that told Matt not to, that he didn't have to, to stop doing that because he couldn't fucking think with Matt's tongue-

The blond arched back, toes curling against the sheets as Matt took him into his mouth, unable to think anything other than hot and wet and-

"...T-teeth...Matt, te-teeth..."

This was the first time he'd ever done such a thing, and the redhead knew he wasn't going to be perfect at it. He hummed in the back of his throat to attempt an apology without actually stopping, his lips curving in to a smirk. Too much teeth? Alright, he could work with that. He pulled the pressure of his teeth back, but not entirely gone, raking against sensitive flesh as he took him in deeper.

"F-fuck..." he felt his legs shuddering against Matt's shoulders, gripping red locks tight in his hand. "Please...please _please_ just..." the fire spreading throughout Mello's body was enough to drive him mad without Matt dragging his tongue (that fucking _wonderful_ tongue) up his length, and it took everything in him not to choke the poor redheaded bastard. "Matt, I'm...s-stop..."

"Are you sure you want me to stop?" Matt purred, licking a circle around the top. It was delightful to see how his musings made Mello fall apart, and he felt powerful for once in his life. Every lick, every nip, when he added more suction, it all destroyed the blond in a wonderful way. He wanted more of those sounds, he wanted to break the blond in half, put him back together and do it all over again.

Mello nodded, a shaky _yes_ seeping from his lips before he pulled Matt's mouth away. He panted heavily, watching Matt's tongue dart out to lick at his wet, swollen lips. _Perfect._

Still gripping the ginger locks, Mello pulled Matt up to him, their mouths meeting hurriedly. He was being horribly greedy, he knew, begging for and taking so much from the other, but when he felt Matt's hand in his hair, rough calluses from hours of computer work and video games whispering over his hip, he gave up all hope of salvation and self preservation.

Mello pressed up into the other, holding tight to Matt's shoulder as he rolled the gamer onto his back. Straddling the redhead, Mello leaned over him to place a gentle kiss on his lips, his rosary tickling Matt's chest as he shifted against his lap.

It all felt so surreal, it was far more intense than any other time Matt could remember. He had to congratulate his imagination, as it seemed his dreams were coming true when Mello switched places. Even the soft touch of his rosary was straight out of one of his midnight sock parties. His head pressed back hard against the soft mattress, the grinding and building pressure in his neither regions were even more painful now that it was skin meeting skin.

"Mel…God, I want you so bad," Matt whined under his breath, embarrassed to the core by the tone of his voice. Attempting to gain points back in his favor, his fingers dug in to the blonds hips, pressing his arousal hard against Mello's flesh. "How do we..?"

"Shhh," Mello purred, biting at Matt's earlobe as his hand wrapped around the redhead's length. "Anyone ever told you that you talk too much?"

" _Yes_.." Matt hissed as he felt the warmth of the hand envelop him, his green eyes sliding shut. "But…Mello, I-" he couldn't formulate what he wanted to say. Mello's diligent fingers were working him with such experience and gentleness, something he hadn't calculated. He expected the blond to be rough and fast, not painfully slow and kind.

His thumb brushed over the tip, applying just enough pressure to pull a little whimper from Matt. He watched Matt's face and felt his stomach lurch with each pant and hushed moan that spilled from his lips, each movement of his hips, trying to thrust up into Mello's hand. He smirked, dipping his head and relishing in the strangled sound that left Matt's mouth when his tongue flicked over the skin.

"Mel..." he groaned, trying to contain the urge to just pound himself in to his hand until he released. He thought of anything he could to get the wonderful feeling of his hot-wet-tongue-on-him out of his mind.

Slip n' slides on a hot summer day.  
Baseball games featuring his favorite player.  
Eating pizza while watching Doctor Who.

Dear God, he was seriously fucked up. All of the things he could muster up only made him more aroused. Something was very wrong with him. Trying again, he ignored the nails playing softly down the base of his length, the moist feeling of Mello's mouth taking him in. He swallowed loudly.

Working in the office.  
Erika's annoying voice.  
Matsuda stapling paperwork.

Ah, there we go. Matt opened his eyes, his hand shifted to Mello's blond locks, pulling his inviting mouth away from him. "You don't fucking get it," Matt growled, his mindset back where it should be, "I want to fuck you so hard right now. I wanna make you scream my name. Do you get it now? So stop sucking me off and explain to me how this is supposed to GO!" His green eyes wide and livid, staring down blue before he pressed his lips hard against the others.

Mello pulled back, eyes narrowed slightly. "So impatient, Matty. And here I was thinking you liked foreplay," he leaned to the side, fumbling through the drawer in his bedside table. "Silly me. You're a pro, right?" Mello hissed, grinding his hips against Matt's, bringing a loud groan from the gamer. "You don't need the beginner levels or the tutorial. Just wanna get to the main story line, beat the final boss," teeth grazed sharply over Matt's neck, the blond sucking the skin over his collarbone into his mouth and biting. "I'm the final boss, so shut up and let me take you."

"Oh God," Matt muttered, his entire being just overloaded with every sense he had. How was one person just so perfect? The worlds left his swollen lips before he could stop them, his addled brain not fully aware it had been said out loud.

"I love you."

The words sent a shiver down Mello's spine, making him bite down harder. He needed to think, but the lack of blood in his brain made it almost impossible to decipher anything other than Matt laying naked between his legs.

Mello kissed him, hard and slow, dragging his teeth over the other's tongue, nipping at his lips and catching each little moan in his mouth. He pulled back slowly, eyes lidded and heart beating faster than he thought possible. Matt stared up at him, something that was trying to be a coy grin quirking his lips and failing to look anything other than completely desperate. Mello let out a sigh, raising himself up on his knees.

"Remember what I told you about breathing? That was your tutorial. That's all you're getting, Matty," Mello's eyes closed, brow furrowing slightly as he rocked back against his hand. "Can you remember to breathe?"

Matt would have agreed to anything Mello said at that point, not fully aware of his surroundings. The spikes of pleasure running through his body with every motion, every terrible rock of the other's body, it was so good. Mello's hand gripped him, slick and cold, fingers rubbing over the sensitive skin.

"Yeah, I can remember."

Mello shifted forward, a hand gripping the headboard as his other continued to stroke Matt. He paused, hips moving back, sinking down slowly-

"A-ah...don't m-move..." he whispered, his rosary brushing over Matt's chest as his knuckles grew white on the headboard, lowering himself on shaking legs.

The redhead bit his bottom lip hard enough that he could taste blood, his fingers digging in to the sheets as he sucked in a loud breath. It was tight, incredibly so, and like no other sensation he had ever felt before. His entire body became one big lighting rod of sensation, it was like he was going to explode. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to think of something other than the burning heat surrounding him, pressing him closer to the edge than ever before. Baseball, video games, anything. He had to hold on, he couldn't just finish right at the beginning. The promise of something bigger and greater was right there, and if he stopped now he'd always regret it.

He found the one thing he knew would keep him focused, his green eyes reopening. Lifting his hand slowly, he brushed his fingers over Mello's cheek, pressing blond locks from his brow, slick with sweat. Yeah, he knew exactly what would keep him grounded. "Tell me," he whispered, his voice already losing its timber, "when it's okay."

Matt breathed, and thought of all the crazy adventures they'd had together leading up to this point. He thought of Mello, and it kept him grounded.

Even though it was an intrusion, something he had to completely reshape himself around, Mello felt a deep groan growing in his chest. He tried to keep his breathing even, gripping the headboard with both hands and experimentally lifting himself. The sound that ripped from Matt's throat was enough to do him in right at that moment and it only grew louder as he lowered himself again, body quaking with the smallest movement.

The redhead took that as a sign that Mello was ready to move. Not that coherent thoughts were flowing perfectly between synapses, and he very thing keeping him grounded was also the thing making him lose control. He felt his hands grip the blond's hips, helping him lift before dragging him back down onto him a bit harder than he meant to. The pleasure that followed was too much for Matt, his voice loud and vocal. He bit back whatever else he could, a few swear words still managing to slip out.

He repeated the action again, and again, before snaking his hand away from Mello's hip and grabbing his length. Stroking it in time with his own thrusts.

A ragged gasp tore from Mello's throat, one of his hands fumbling from the headboard and falling to Matt's chest, nails scraping over the slick skin. His eyes closed tight, a string of jumbled and whispered words forming on his flushed lips. He pressed down harder, body shaking with exertion.

"M-Mail..."

A low growl seeped between Matt's clenched teeth, his nails digging harder in to Mello's hips as he met the blond's movements. Upon hearing his first name, the hand on Mello's length tightened, unable to handle that name on his lips.

"Shit, you don't play fair," he grumbled, trying very hard not to release before the blond. He was rocking back and forth over the edge, teetering dangerously close. He wanted them to reach their destination together, but the scene on top of him was almost too much to bear.

"Never have," Mello managed to choke out, a pained smirk playing on his face, "n-never intend to." The hand on Matt's chest slid up to the other man's shoulder, gripping the skin and pulling him upright, their chests meeting with a dull slap of skin on skin. Mello was shuddering almost violently, his teeth abusing his bottom lip to the point where Matt could faintly taste blood when Mello brought him into a desperate kiss.

Matt's senses were overloaded to the brink. The kiss was the final straw, his hand on Mello stroking in a desperate attempt to bring him to the same place. He dropped his other hand from Mello's hip, pushing himself up more to give more power as he drove in deeper.

The redhead kissed the blond hard one last time before he found himself blinded by pleasure, his entire body shivering with a powerful burst of energy as he gave a few more short thrusts. He was lost in a sea of feeling, his teeth biting down on Mello's shoulder, trying to stifle the embarrassing sounds coming from his mouth.

The teeth, the hand wrapped so _so_ tightly around him, and the sensation of being completely filled overtook Mello, his head falling forward, mouth open and panting against Matt's forehead as he found his release. He allowed himself to drown in the tingling darkness engulfing every part of him, shivering as Matt's sweat soaked arms wrapped around him, fingers pressing possessively against his back.

Recovering enough to think, Matt's lips curved as he met the blond's forehead with his. Green met blue for a brief second before he pressed his lips to his.

Mello's body gave out slowly, molding against Matt's chest and pressing him back against the mattress, lips tracing a tender trail over his chin and down his neck. The hands on him were warm and the fingers dancing over his skin, reading his body like braille, made his heavy eyes close.

**xxx**


	23. Eight Days a Week

**xxx**

Sunlight poured in to the room from a partially open blind, the lone stream of light finding its way directly onto Matt's face. Being the vampire he was, he could feel the light searing his skin, causing him to pull a green eye open very slowly. The first thing he noticed was the light, of course. The second was something pinning the left side of his body to the mattress.

Unfocused eyes strained to see what was next to him. Blond hair.

The previous night's memories flooded back into his mind as he closed his eyes again. He shifted so that the blond could be closer to him under the covers before blocking the light with his free hand. A gentle smile played on his lips for a second before he relaxed his features, drifting back to sleep.

"You snore, you know," the head nuzzled against his neck mumbled after he felt Matt's chest rise and fall evenly with sleep. Glancing at the redhead, Mello untangled himself from the other's arms, sliding to the edge of his bed. He stood slowly, watching Matt as he scooped up his discarded pants from the floor and slipped them on. "And that should really bother me," he shook his head, padding to the door and slipping out of the room unnoticed.

Matt's mind shifted in and out of a rather realistic dream. It involved Dean and Sam Winchester, a bucket of salt, an angry Bobby telling Castiel to stop staring at Dean and get the Holy water, and Mello possessed by Meg. By the time they had their devil's trap drawn on the floor, Matt could feel himself tossing in the bed. His fingers reached out for skin and warmth, his half dazed state blending dream and reality together.

"Don't worry Mel, we'll get that bitch out of you…s'long as Dean stops making goo-goo eyes at Castiel." When his hand found no body next to him, he felt around a bit more, waking completely out of his slumber to an empty bed.

Eyebrows furrowed, green eyes snapping open. His hand went to the bedside table to snatch his glasses _. 'Uh_ ' was all he could say; he had thought everything was…good. That they'd wake up and snuggle and shit. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he hadn't expected Mello to just…leave.

Was he about to have to do his very own walk of shame?

Standing, he disentangled himself from the sheets, snatching his Iron Man boxers from the floor and slipping them on. He sighed loudly, looking around the room for something else to put on. He felt really naked at the moment.

Matt peaked out of the bedroom. The only thing he could find was a very tight black tank top, and his shoulders were broader than the blond's. He felt uncomfortable regardless of his attire, worried he had done something wrong that he couldn't remember.

"Mel..?"

A scraping sound echoed from down the hallway, but no word from the blond.

The gamer summoned every inch of courage he could muster, half limping down the hallway to peak around the corner. His side and leg were throbbing; he'd need to remember to take an aspirin after he sorted this mess out.

"Mello?" his voice low as he turned to lean against the door frame. "Did I miss the memo? I assumed the rooster needed to crow before we got out of bed." He cocked a half smile, trying hard not to show just how nervous he really was.

Mello turned from his spot in the kitchen, raising a slender eyebrow as he snapped off a piece of chocolate from the bar in his hand. "How do you like your eggs, Matty?"

A warmth filled his chest where a blackness of rejection had been roosting. His lips curved in to a bright smile as he crossed the kitchen, slowly he pulled himself onto the counter top, his legs dangling. "I like my eggs in toast, actually. Eggs in a basket please."

"That I can do," Mello smirked around the sweet in his mouth, picking up a piece of bread from the counter. "I haven't had it in ages, actually. Used to be my favorite when I was little," he twisted the rim of a cup into the bread, cutting a circle from the middle and holding it out to Matt.

Matt took the piece happily, nodding. "Me too. Some days it was one of the only reasons I would even get up in the morning." He popped the bread in his mouth before looking around. After his last overnight adventure at the blond's house, he'd bolted as soon as the first ray of sun seeped into the living room. It was the first time he had seen Mello's real apartment in the daylight.

All things considered, the apartment was rather plain, but had a definite less-is-more vibe that screamed Mello. The walls were crisp white, dotted with glossy black picture frames that held a vast array of pen and ink sketches. The couch was black leather, a zebra print throw draped over an easy chair in the corner. But the bookshelves were what made the biggest impression on Matt. At least seven shelves were spaced throughout the room, each completely filled with volumes; some leather bound, some missing their binding, some pristine.

Mello made a small noise in the back of his throat, drawing Matt's attention back to the kitchen. The blond picked up an egg absently, cracking it delicately into the center of the toast in the skillet, blue eyes rising to meet green with a coy smile.

"Mel, are you secretly a librarian?"

"What?" he furrowed his brow, eyes sweeping his living room. "Ah. Ah, yes, those."

"Do you tie your hair up and wear fake glasses when I'm not around?" The redhead grinned sheepishly, "I'd like to be around for that, actually."

Mello turned his attention back to his skillet, unsuccessfully hiding a grin, "You've seen me with my hair up."

"Ah, but not with glasses on," Matt tilted his head, watching the expression on the blond's face. "It'd be brilliant, you a librarian."

"And why is that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" A tiny smile played on his features, "it's just about any guy's fantasy to make out with a sexy librarian."Matt watched carefully, not wanting to miss Mello's reaction.

The slightest smile quirked Mello's lips as he snapped off another piece of chocolate. "Too bad I'm not a librarian or you'd be in luck."

It was odd, the way Mello was acting, Matt had assumed things would have changed. How? He wasn't sure, but not this. Not Mello acting, well, exactly the same. He sighed to himself, slipping off the counter.

"I read on my Nook," he shrugged as he ran a hand through his messy locks. Ah yes, bed head; that look was in now. Thank you, Kevin Federline.

Mello watched the ginger out of the corner of his eye, grabbing a plate off the counter, "It's Mihael, by the way."

"What? What's Mihael? Did I even just say that right?" Matt looked confused; he wasn't even sure what language Mello had just used.

Placing the toast on the plate, the blond leaned against the counter, holding out the plate to Matt. "My name, jackass."

"Your name is..? Wait, does that mean like Michael or something? I'm not saying it right! Say it again!" The redhead took a few steps closer, almost right in his face. "Say it again, so I can remember."

"Mihael. It's Mihael," Mello let a little sigh pass between his lips before he forced the plate into Matt's hands. "But you are under no circumstances allowed to call me that, got it?"

"I can't?" He looked even more confused as he took his toast, "Why can't I?"

"Because you..." he started, eyes softening at Matt's frown. "I don't have any good memories of that name, okay? But I wanted you to know."

The gamer's eyes drifted down to the toast held on his plate. He knew a lot about names and bad memories being attached. He was the king of that subject. He nodded, looking back up and offering him a smile. "Alright, I won't." Turning to head toward the dinning room table, he had one last trick up his sleeve.

"Can I use it next time we have sex?" he asked, grinning like a madman as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

The color drained from Mello's face before it flared slightly, "Christ, why do you say shit like that."

"For that reaction." Matt twisted in the chair, one arm over the back. In that sharp movement, the pain hit him like a train; twisting back around he held his side and tried to breathe. He had tried to block the previous night's events out of his mind by ignoring the pain last night, but his injuries were still apparent.

"Oh fuck, that hurt," he muttered when he finally caught his breath. "Maybe my ribs are bruised after all…"

"They're probably fractured, actually. See," Mello pulled a chair next to the gamer, lifting the shirt and ghosting his fingers over the side if Matt's torso where a deep purple bruise marred the pale flesh, "right here. Might want to get that checked."

"Che, I don't trust doctors." Matt winced as Mello's fingers moved over the purple area.

"Well, considering you're not dead, I doubt your lung got punctured, so that's good," he deadpanned, settling back in his chair. "Eat up while you still can," Mello snapped off another piece of chocolate and reached for the book at the edge of the table.

"Cruel," Matt whined, cutting in to his food with his fork.

"No, honest," he mused against the sweet, opening the book but keeping his eyes on the other.

The redhead quietly ate his food, his eyes drifting between the appearance of the apartment, and the blond sitting across from him. Every so often, Matt would shift his sitting position trying to get comfortable. Now that he was aware of the pain, it was pretty hard to ignore.

"So..." he started, trying to figure out how to cover everything that had happened the night before gracefully.

"I've got vicodin if you need it."

A frown etched itself on Matt's lips, "I would appreciate some."

Crystal blue eyes blinked slowly as Mello sat his book down, standing and heading into the kitchen, "Coming right up."

Matt watched the blond as he stood, something seeming off to him. He squinted, looking closer. His mouth opened in a silent 'o' as his face flushed. "Uh…sorry," he muttered. Had he really grabbed onto Mello that _hard_? He was practically covered in bruises.

The blond looked back at the other, eyes following Matt's gaze to his torso. "Don't be," Mello opened a cabinet, pulling a orange bottle down and bringing it back to the table. "I'm certainly not complaining, so there's no need to apologize."

A loud thump sounded through the apartment as Matt allowed his head to meet the table. It hurt for a second, but then the cool wood felt good on his burning face. "I'm going to just…stay here for the rest of the day. At the table, face down. Don't mind me."

"Why?" Mello slid the bottle across the table to Matt with the faintest quirk of his lips. "Because, like I said, I'm not complaining."

"Oh God," he groaned under his folded arms, his ears matching the color of his hair.

"Embarrassed?"

"Slightly," his voice muffled as he reached for the bottle, popping the top off and grabbing a pill. He made sure to face the other way as he dropped the pill in his mouth and drank some water. "So, on a less humiliating note, I think we should most likely talk about a few things."

"Probably," Mello reclined against the chair, fingers falling absently to the rosary around his neck. "I can...hm, I can see why you're popular with the girls, Matt." His eyes held the glimmer of a laugh as he continued, "But I actually don't think that's the thing we should really be talking about."

"Ha ha…" Matt grumbled as he hid his face, turning to look out the nearby window. "My manhood isn't the topic of discussion? Well jeez, it normally is in polite society."

"You were sitting outside of my apartment building with a loaded gun."

Matt's face paled instantly, ah, yes _, that_. "Yeah…"

"I'm not going to pry, but is there anything I should know?" Mello picked a crumb off of Matt's plate and placed it in his mouth.

Knowing Mello couldn't see his face, Matt winced. He wanted to tell him the truth, but…it would just put him in danger. Instead, he gathered his courage and smiled, turning to face him. "Naw, it's okay. I've got control of the situation now."

He stared unblinking at the redhead for a moment before crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm going to pretend that I believe you for a moment and not pry, but know that I'm here if you need anything. And if you are by chance at my door again in the same state, I'm getting a proper explanation, okay? Remember that."

"Thanks Mel, I can deal with that. If it ever happens again, full explanation. But for now…just…thanks for not…you know." Matt moved to stand up, putting more weight on one leg than the other. "Anything else?" He asked as he walked toward the sink to put his plate in it.

"Are you staying tonight?"

The redhead paused, leaning back against the counter to steady himself. "If you want me too, yeah, I'd like to."

"You know, unless that was just..."

"Just what?" Matt tilted his head, lifting his eyebrow.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Matt."

The redhead rubbed the back of his neck, taking a moment to think before responding. "I'm not really sure what you're implying." His eyes locked with Mello's, "I don't just have sex to have sex." Pushing off of the counter he walked toward the blond, squatting down in front of him with a wince.

Both hands found Mello's knees as he looked up, "You really can't…tell? I thought it was obvious." Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, giving himself an internal pep talk.

"Nothing with you is obvious, and it just pisses me off," Mello sighed, crouching down in front of Matt. "You're one of the few people I can't read and it drives me crazy. So yes, tell me. I need to hear it, because as much as I get you, I can't read you. I have a tendency to read too much into things, and I over-think everything when it comes to you."

"Well, I have been practicing being a wall-flower my entire life." The redhead frowned, "I don't want to sound like I'm pulling lines from a chick flick," he started, looking off to the side, "but, you know…" His head bobbed back and forth for a moment, thinking of the right words. "I…" Matt stopped, his eyes darting back to the blond in front of him. One last attempt at dodging, "Are you sure we can't postpone this conversation? We could go makeout instead?" He smirked wide, hoping that would get him out of it.

"That really depends on where you want this to go. And stop trying to run, we're having the talk right now. I think we at least...owe that to each other," Mello's eyes dropped to a spot on the floor, fingers playing absently with a loose thread on his pants.

"Run? Me?" Matt's smile twitching at the corners, his lips straining. "Why would I run? Because we're talking about feelings…and... " he paused; he couldn't make jokes right now, it would cheapen the conversation. Mello was right, this was serious, they both felt something for each other and they both needed to admit it. Matt ran a hand through his hair, green eyes burning a hole through a spot on the wall adjacent to them.

"I have feelings for you."

"The murderous kind or something else?"

"What do you think, bastard?"

Mello smiled then, an honest smile complete with teeth and darkening his blush just a shade. "Well, maybe I like you. Maybe I like you being around, slumming at my apartment, making dorky references everywhere. I should probably get that checked, but here we are."

"I'm glad you said that because I've been holding on to a Scott Pilgrim reference for like…ever." Matt cleared his throat, "Ramona Flowers, I'm in lesbians with you."

"Christ, Matt," Mello laughed, hitting the redhead in the arm. "You are probably the biggest ball of badly timed movie quotes I'll ever come across."

"Can't say I'm not original? Oh, wait, you can." Matt rubbed his arm, "Does that make me a walking copy right infringement?"

A tiny laugh slipped between Mello's lips. "You talk too much."

**xxx**

He wasn't sure if the urge happened sometime during the third episode of the second season of _Sherlock_ or when he went to look for ice cream in the freezer. But it was there, the urge was rearing its ugly head with no sign of going away. Peeking his head around the corner he frowned. Mello had clearly stated it was his hour of alone time. But…the urge pounded at his body like Iron Man beating some random evil agent.

Taking a deep breath he padded into the living room. They had only done it once and he wasn't even sure it was okay to even ask to do it again. But his body was betraying him, his fingers flexing at his sides. Green eyes scanned the living room, finding Mello reclined on the couch. Zoning in, he made his way over quietly.

He stood at the edge of the couch like a scolded child, his hands in his pockets as he watched the blond.

Blue eyes flicked upward from the book in his hands, meeting green with a soft sigh. "Can I help you?"

"Nope, not at all. Nope. Just, uh, looking for something to read." Matt flashed his teeth as he bolted toward the shelves with the grace of a moose.

Mello made a sound in the back of his throat, watching Matt dart across the room and run his finger along the spine of several books. "Pick anything you want."

The gamer mumbled something along the lines of, 'I'd rather be picking...' but the rest sounded way more grumbled as he reached for _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_.

Rocking from the balls of his feet to his heels, he flipped through the book before putting it back and picking up another. His chest felt tight, and he knew the blond was watching him. His cheeks felt hotter than they should have; now was not a good time to feel self conscious!

"You're thinking too loud, what's bothering you?" Mello closed his book, setting it on the coffee table and staring at Matt, his arm draped lazily over the back of the couch.

"Um, you're still in you-time, so I don't want to bother you."

"I was kidding about the whole allotted-time-for-me bullshit, you know."

Green eyes watched the blond curiously. Was he just saying that because the gamer was in the living room looking fidgety? Putting the book down, he wandered over and sat on the edge of the couch next to Mello.

"I…uh…have a question."

A slender blond eyebrow rose. "You can't steal any of my organs. I'm not really into that."

"You don't ask to steal organs."

"The answer is still no. They're mine, I've grown fond of them, and I'd prefer to never part with them."

Matt mumbled incoherently before turning three shades of red and coughing into his hand.

"What? What, were you seriously going to steal my kidney or something?" Mello nearly laughed, shifting closer to the redhead. "What is it? You're all...plum colored."

"Plum colored? I didn't know people could be that color, I think you're mistaken." He laughed nervously when his hand brushed against Mello's leg, jerking it away like it was on fire.

"Uh, and no, that wasn't...quite what I had in mind."

"Out with it, Matty."

The redhead shivered, that tone just wasn't helping the situation. Even his toes felt heated, his entire body super charged with a brimming arousal. It sucked being a man sometimes.

"You know…I'm really new at this, and frankly, I don't know how to ask this or go about it." His hands moved as he talked, his accent slipping as he spoke. "I…er, what I mean to say is, me and you…"

A flush heated Mello's cheeks as Matt mumbled, the end of his sentence dying on his lips. He felt his mouth falling open in a small 'o', eyes dropping to Matt's hands fidgeting against the couch. "Ah."

"Yeah," Matt's eyes darted around looking at objects on the floor as his hands found the fabric of the couch, clutching it. "How does one…um, initiate?" His face brightened even more, if possible, at the insinuation.

"It's not any different…"

"I…I would like to..." His words faltered as he tried to formulate the question.

"Would you um...like to call it something else for now?"

"Poptarts? As used in the following sentence: would you like to toast the poptart? Can I lick the frosting off the poptart? Would you like to consume the strawberry jam from the poptart?"

"Jesus Christ, shut up. Please just...please, never _ever_ say that again," Mello covered his face with his hands. He looked up at the redhead, pausing to formulate his thoughts, "How about without the addition of verbs or adjectives or...any sort of grammar. Just...poptarts?"

The redhead looked up in a thoughtful manner, "Like…Mel do you feel like poptart time?"

A hand darted up to rub the bridge of Mello's nose. "God, that's awful. But," he looked at Matt, teeth scraping over his bottom lip lightly, "Yeah."

Nodding, the redhead folded his fingers, resting his elbows on his thighs. "I am very much asking if you want to poptart."

"Please, just stop talking," Mello muttered, placing a chaste kiss on Matt's lips.

Matt's entire body felt hyper sensitive, his stomach doing a somersault. His eyes slipped shut for a split second before he reopened them, unsure of his next move. His fingers hesitantly brushed blond bangs out of Mello's eyes, tips lingering over the blond's cheek.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?"

"Go for it, Matty," the blond smiled, blue eyes watching Matt carefully.

He gulped loudly, his Adam's apple bobbling slightly. It wasn't like he hadn't kissed people before, but Mello was a guy, and the only times they had kissed, Mello had initiated it. Breathing through his nose he leaned his body closer to the blond, Mello's body heat only warming him more.

Fingers slipped behind Mello's ear, palming his cheek as he tilted the blond's face. His lips were soft against the others, it wasn't a powerful kiss. His first real time kissing the blond on his own was a gentle, tender thing, if not a bit timid. He could feel his heart hammering away at his chest, his glasses feeling in the way as he went in for another, tilting his head a different angle.

This time he applied more pressure, a bit more force driving it, parting his lips.

Mello's hand tentatively reached out, fingers falling softly to rest on Matt's knee. He could feel his face burning as the redhead tilted his head, body shifting forward, their knees bumping. Mello let a sigh pass between his lips, feeling Matt's tongue brush his bottom lip hesitantly.

Experimenting, the gamer nipped at the blond's bottom lip, wanting to hear if Mello would make any sort of sound. Even the little sigh that escaped sent a dangerous shiver down his spine. It wasn't taking much to get him going. Having already been halfway lit, his fire was burning bright.

Pushing back, the redhead pinned the blond to the corner of the couch, half hovering over him.

Thin fingers found their way to the front of Matt's shirt, tangling in the soft fabric and pulling the other down on top of the blond. Mello felt a moan catch in the back of his throat, teeth grazing Matt's bottom lip before he sucked the skin gently. The blond pulled back enough to speak, lips brushing the redhead's as he did. "We've been here before, hm?"

"I seem to recall you being on top last time." Matt muttered, his lips drifting down to uncharted territory. He left little bites and kisses all over Mello's jaw line and neck, his hand finding its way under the blond's shirt.

"Barely," Mello breathed, eyes slipping shut. "But I meant you getting overzealous on the couch. N-not that I have a problem with that..."

"Oh yeah..." Matt stopped what he was doing, pausing in thought. "Maybe I like couch poptarts?" He grinned, darting his tongue out to trace Mello's jaw, trailing to his ear. He made a low sound in the blond's ear before licking the shell, sucking on the lobe.

"You always look so good just lounging out here, it's too tempting."

"Then stop being tempted and do something about it," Mello chuckled softly, a sharp whine leaving his lips as Matt bit his neck. "You don't need to ask."

"I'm not clear on the do's and don'ts yet. Am I allowed to do this?" His hand slid up Mello's chest, thumb brushing over one of his nipples.

A heady _yes_ slipped between Mello's lips, his back arching off the couch.

"How about this?" Matt's voice was thick with want as his free hand slid down between Mello's pajama bottoms, nails scratching over his thigh.

"Yeah," he murmured, fingers weaving into Matt's hair, tickling the fine strands at the nape of his neck.

Matt's fingers drifted over Mello's inner thigh, dragging his nails over the soft flesh, wanting to draw another sweet noise from the blond.

"Hey Mel…I didn't really do anything last time, can I..?" Licking his lips he slid down the blond, kissing his exposed navel.

A breathy chuckle found its way out of Mello's throat. "W-what are you talking about, you did plenty..."

"No…I, uh, was sorta there and you were…you know, moving around like you were on a…uh, a pogo stick?" Matt's face contorted in to a weird expression before kissing back down to the waist band of Mello's pants. "That…sounded less sexy than it did in my head."

"Please never say anything like that again," he covered his face with his hands, words muffled against the skin. "Jesus, did you say pogo stick? Really?"

Matt laughed, hiding his face under Mello's shirt. "Honestly, I'm no good at this. I feel so buggered already, it's not my fault I swear…I'm just so nervous I'll cock it up."

"Don't say cock and pogo stick so close together."

Red hair moved as Matt shook his head, "God, I don't know about being in the mood anymore, Mel."

"Relax." Thin fingers wove into ginger locks delicately, thumbs brushing over Matt's temples. "Any better?"

Matt could feel his ears warming, his teeth brushing over his bottom lip. "I could use more encouragement..."

Peeling his shirt away from the gamer's head, Mello propped himself up on an elbow, fingers trailing over Matt's jaw and pulling him closer. "Then come up here and let me encourage you."

**xxx**

He felt like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, minus the boxer shorts, plus one very small towel. The redhead had worked all day on his slide, and he had finally perfected it. He could hear the blond walking into the house from his hiding place in the bathroom. A flirty smile spread across his lips as he slid out of the bathroom, his pose coming out perfect, if he did say so himself.

"Hey Mello, wanna join me in the bathtub? Little soap, little bubble, a lotta us soup?" He waggled his eyebrows, looking up from the ground.

Sunglasses lowered as a very feminine laugh filled Matt's ears, "Oh my. Nice body, kiddo."

Matt's eyes moved up the person in front of him: black pumps, legs that went on forever, short black dress, rather nice breasts.

Claudia.

Matt screamed like he just saw the biggest roach in the world on the floor, jumping to cover his bare chest with his hands.

"The hell are you doing here?" he screeched, backing up behind the counter.

The brunette smiled, licking her lips seductively. "Don't hide what God gave you, I was enjoying that view."

"Keep it in your pants, Laudie," Mello appeared, tossing his keys on the coffee table and casting a sly grin at the gamer.

Matt howled from behind the counter, kneeling down so that only the top of his head was showing. "Why is she here? No seriously, you ruined my entrance."

Claudia laughed, taking a sip from the water bottle in her hand, "I enjoyed the entrance, very 80's." Tilting her head so that her high pony tail flipped a bit, she waggled her brows at Mello. "Your boyfriend's the one trying to seduce me. Boy, is it working."

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes, glancing at Matt hiding in the kitchen. "She'll be leaving soon, don't worry."

"I am? I thought I was spending the night." Being the devious woman she was, Claudia slipped behind the counter. "Don't you want to show us that cute slide again, Matty?"

Matt shook his head fast and hard, jumping away from the girl and running off to the bathroom. "Make her leave, Mello!"

With a sigh, the blond leaned against the counter, "Now look what you've done. Going and making everything awkward and oversexed."

"Who? Little ole me?" Claudia giggled under her breath, offering a little apology. "Sorry I ruined his gift for you," frowning she took a sip of her drink. "Looked like he worked hard on it."

"He'll do it again, give it fifteen minutes."

"You sure?" She tapped her heel on the tile floor before taking another sip and walking toward the couch.

A very grumpy redhead stalked past the blond toward the refrigerator, fully clothed. Reaching in, he made a noise in the back of his throat before pulling out a Code Red and shutting the door.

"Again, why is she here?" Sneering briefly, he nodded at the brunette on the couch. "Hello Claudia."

"Hello Matt." She offered back, crossing her legs.

"She had a shoot nearby and I ran into her on my way home." The little pout Matt sported really was adorable, even if he was glaring daggers at the woman perched gracefully on the couch.

"Shoot?" Matt's expression changed to that of confusion, lip curling.

"Well, I do have a job besides being beautiful and hanging around Mello," she chided, playing with her pony tail as she spoke.

"You're a photographer?"

"No, model."

Matt's expression turned sour, his lips drawing into a line and his eyebrows narrowing. "You were dating a model?" His glare turned to the blond now.

"We weren't technically dating the entire time..."

"You were _fucking_ a model?"

"You know, I'm sitting right here boys."

"Is it hard to believe that she's a model? Honestly? Why do you sound so surprised?" Mello cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Matt left that one alone, choosing instead to stalk over to the couch and flop down. His hands shoving into the pockets of his hoodie as he glared at the television.

After a few minutes of silence between them all, Matt spoke up.

"Just so you don't get any ideas about getting between us, me and Mello are in lesbians."

" _Matt!_ "

Claudia's eyebrows rose delicately. She chuckled against the rim of her bottle, "I was in lesbians once."

"Like, lesbian or…lesbians?" Matt's eyes shifted to focus on her, ignoring the tone of Mello's voice. "Cause that sounds hot."

She stopped to think for a second, swirling the water, "Well, I suppose it really could be plural..."

"Claudia, don't enable him!" Mello nearly yelped from his perch near the television.

"I'm not enabling anyone. If anything, I enabled you, so let the poor boy dream."

"Did you take pictures?" Matt's eyebrows rose, a lazy smile drifting over his lips. "I had a dream I was a lesbian once. It rocked."

"MAIL!"

"What? Don't get jealous, I had a dream we were having sex _with_ lesbians once."

The brunette's mouth split in a wicked grin, looking from Matt to Mello, "I like him! Can we keep him?"

"Wha-No! Christ..."

"No?"

"No...no, yes...I mean...fuck, no we can-"

"So the ménage à trois is back on?"

The color drained from Mello's face, a hand darting to the bridge of his nose, "For fuck's sake..."

"Would you be bringing another lesbian with you?"

"MATT, seriously?"

"For you sweetheart, I'll bring two."

"Are you really offering me a lesbian sandwich? Am I hearing this right? I must have an orgy in my ear, because I am seriously hearing this."

"Matt, baby, come here so I can punch you," Mello growled, face flushing horribly.

"But…but Mello, lesbians!"

"He does have a valid point, Mello." Claudia nodded solemnly before taking another sip of her drink.

The blond stared between the two of them, twin smiles shining back at him. "I need to go someplace where the world makes sense, excuse me." He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head as he left the room.

The brunette crossed her legs, folding her hands over her knees as she made eye contact with Matt, all joking aside, her tone serious the moment the blond left the room. "So what are your intentions with my Mello, exactly? She asked, raising one perfectly manicured brow.

Green eyes watched the woman's movements, question marks clearly written on his features. "Intentions?" His voice full of confusion laced with a hint of humor. Who asked that kind of thing now-a-days? "Are you his father or something? Because I have to say, sir, that you look really good in a skirt and pumps."

Claudia rolled her eyes briefly, "You know exactly what I mean, kiddo. Answer the question." Something in her tone sounded dangerous, as if she had already planned on where to hide the body if his answer was the incorrect one.

"I'm…dating him? I think? We haven't really put a label on it, but I'd like to think that's what it is." The redhead took a larger breath than he meant to, now worried it had sounded like a sigh, he frowned. "Uh, I mean, I like him." There you go, Matt, the truth shall set you free. Or so he hoped.

Claudia, however, did not sound impressed with his truth, "Are you saying you're gay now? Because I wasn't aware there was a switch you could simply flip." Her eyes cold, her nails digging ever so gently into her panty hose. It was a strange thing for Matt to even think about. Even now as he looked at the brunette across from him, he knew she was attractive. Her full lips, her straight long hair, and God, those legs should be illegal. Every time he spent time with Mello's ex he had to remind himself to keep his eyes from wandering down her chest. A mental eye check, if you will, because girls just didn't appreciate that at all. So the question seemed odd and loaded to him.

"No? I never said I was gay, I don't think I'm gay." Apparently, the words coming out of his mouth were offensive in some manner, if the way Claudia's shoulders bristled was any indication.

"No? Then why are you fucking a guy?"

It was Matt's turn to raise his eyebrows, pursing his lips, "I'm in a relationship with Mello, not fuckinga guy." He answered quickly, to the point, because really Mello wasn't just some guy to him. "It isn't like I go around checking out every guy on the street now. I still think women are hot, but I don't want them, I'm with Mello." He felt as if his answer sounded a bit flat, "I have feelings for him, just him. Even if he were a girl, I don't think I'd feel any more or less than I do right now." Feeling more satisfied with his answer, he smiled.

"Good answer." The woman across from him mirrored his expression, "I just needed to check. You passed the test, so bravo. But," she leaned forward slightly, head cocking to the side, "you break his heart, I break your legs."

**xxx**

He left a note for the redhead. Of course he did, he was too nice to wake the gamer up before he left. A pout pushed his bottom lip out more as he read the note for the fifth time; Mello wouldn't be home for the rest of the day. He still had leave off work and had played through all of his games he brought with him. Matt rolled his eyes as he leaned against the counter, eyes glancing around the kitchen. He could clean up? Watch TV? Find something to do, hell, he could go spend a couple hours on Tumblr, that website was a black hole for time. If he jumped on, it would be time for Mello to come home in no time. His lips curved downward. No, that sounded boring, too. The redhead grumbled to himself as he half limped toward the blond's bedroom. Maybe he'd go back to sleep? Was it pathetic to just sleep until Mello came home?

Answer?

Yes.

A loud frustrated sound filled the empty apartment as he stalked toward one of the bookcases. Maybe he'd read? Thumbing through some of Mello's library, he plucked _Slaughterhouse-Five_ from the shelf and walked to the couch. Depositing himself onto the soft fabric, he attempted to read. It wasn't that Matt didn't like to read, it was just...

"Boring," Matt muttered out loud, putting the book on the coffee table. For a few minutes the redhead simply stared blankly at the ceiling, allowing his mind to wander carelessly. His thoughts bounced around, from the latest season of Supernatural he'd marathoned (he knew Ruby was no good), to how much he should express his feelings without sounding like a girl or way too sensitive. But eventually his mind found a happy ground: Mello. His fingers folding gently over a pillow on the couch, he smiled. Somewhere deep in Matt's mind, he was still worried about sharing too much. About losing what masculinity he had, about turning into someone he wasn't. He would never blame Mello for that, it wasn't Mello changing him, it was Matt changing himself. But, as he thought more about it, thinking about something and expressing it out loud were two different things. As much as he cared about Mello, he could keep the really mushy stuff to himself and just share the normal things.

After all, he was still a guy, and he wasn't gay.

He checked himself again; loving a man doesn't make you gay, right? He still thought women were sexy, still very attracted to them. But on the other hand, as much as he didn't think other men were hot, he thought Mello was the single sexiest thing on the planet.

His cheeks darkened five shades of red as his mind recalled the night before, closing his eyes he scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands. No, not gay, maybe Mello-sexual? He knew the blond would laugh at him if he ever said that to him, so he decided to keep his newly coined phrase to himself. His conversation with Claudia still haunted him briefly. Was it really so straight forward with people? Why couldn't people love who they love, and not worry too much about labeling?

His eyes reopened, focusing on a dirt spot on the ceiling. Was he in love with Mello? He was sure the answer to that was yes, but how much did he really know about him? Pushing off the couch, the redhead glanced around the room; this was his real apartment, right? He had a lot of stuff, but as Matt noticed, not a lot of personal things. This struck him as odd as he stood up and walked around the room to examine a few objects. Had the blond traveled? Picked these things up along his journey? Or did he have friends who sent them to him? What about his family? Mello had only briefly ever mentioned his family, but then  
again, Matt hadn't been so much of a Chatty Cathy himself on the subject. A sigh left his lips as he put a figure back on the shelf.  
Where were all the photos? Most people had at least one or two photos around, even if it wasn't something significant.

Moving toward a desk, Matt ran his fingers over the wood before pulling open a draw. His eyes scanned the contents before closing it and repeating the action with all of them. A few office supplies, a note pad that had never been used, and a pack of bubble gum, cola flavored. Matt tilted his head as he walked down the hallway, actually taking the area's decoration into consideration. Unknown art littered his walls. The little sketches looked like they were drawn by someone he knew, perhaps an old friend? It seemed to be the only real, personal thing Mello had in here, but if you hadn't looked close enough, they'd just look like random pieces of art. Matt walked closer to one, a beautiful charcoal drawing of a landscape. It looked as if the person had been sitting on the bottom of a hill looking up, on the top there stood a giant tree, squinting and leaning closer, Matt noticed a shadowed figure sitting on a tire swing. The details were amazing, for someone to draw such a breath taking scene with charcoal, they had to be extremely talented.

Green eyes hovered over the paper, it was yellowing under the frame, meaning it was old. In the corner he could see a little signature. "Linda?" the name rolled off his tongue slowly. Who was Linda? Had she been Mello's first love? Maybe a relative? How many close friends did the blond have that Matt had never met? A pang in his heart stopped him from looking at the picture anymore. Twisting away from the artwork, he frowned; he really didn't know much about Mello. Hell, only recently did he find out Mello was a nickname, that his real name was Mihael. This thought sent another sharp pain through his chest, his stomach feeling full of rocks.

Fingers found their way through red locks as he carried on. What else would he find if he really looked? Heading toward the one place that should hold nothing but personal items, Matt stopped at the doorway of Mello's bedroom. His fingertips curled around the edge of the frame, eyes drifting over the scene, taking in all of the space he had been occupying with Mello recently. His feet carried him forward, walking toward the closed closet, opening the door, and turning the light on. His hands pushed through Mello's clothes, some of his outfits just being beyond ridiculous. When did the blond find the time or an occasion to wear some of this stuff? Leather, feathers, black; did he have anything with color? Matt even found a pair of cowboy boots, and since when did his friend wear cowboy boots? Shaking his head he put them back, pushing through the clothes more. A smile drifted over his features as he found the vest he had bought for Mello, it was placed with care on a plastic coat hanger. It made him feel slightly guilty to be betraying the blond's trust like this, snooping through his stuff. What kind of person was he anyway? Since when was Matt a real spy?

Sighing and about to talk himself out of the entire investigation, he reached for the light, but stopped. On the top shelf of the closet was a rather large box. His eyebrows narrowed; should he look? If this were Resident Evil, that box could be the only thing standing between staying alive and death; it could hold valuable information about Umbrella corp. He cleared his mind, this wasn't a game, there weren't zombies hiding behind the next door, and Mello wasn't an evil corporation hiding terrible secrets. Rubbing the back of his neck, he growled, "He isn't hiding anything." He tried to convince himself, Mello wasn't like him. Now, Matt was hiding things. Big things. Maybe that was the reasoning behind his paranoia? He couldn't help himself though, almost like an itch he needed to scratch. Having one more internal debate with himself, he realized Mello could be home at any time. Pushing himself forward, he stood on his tip-toes and brushed his fingers over the old wood. The box was heavier than he thought it would be, and in his mind he imagined Mello's arms flexing as he stretched and pulled the box down. His cheeks grew pink at the thought, trying to push it out of his head. Stop lusting over Fred, Daphne, we need to get this back to the Mystery Machine.

Plopping the box down on the bed, Matt folded his legs along the mattress, wincing as he put a bit too much weight on his hurt leg. This could change everything. His mouth felt dry, but after a moment of hesitation he lifted the lid. The dust from inside the box made him sneeze loudly, and he tried to rub his face to stop his eyes from itching. What he found inside wasn't what he expected, not that he really expected too much. It wasn't like Mello was a spy and he was about to find a hit-list or something. He chuckled internally at that image, looking into the box. Inside he found photos, his hand reaching in and pulling out an old looking bear. He turned the rough creature around in his hands a few times, his eyes softening. This must have been a box of things from Mello's childhood. He felt like a complete asshole now. He was more than invading his personal space, he was invading his past.

When the blond came home later that night, Matt smiled and gave him a long hug. He wasn't about to expose what he had done, but he was going to try to make it up to him that night. He had seen something he didn't mean to see; before closing the box, his eyes had caught a glimpse of a photo. There was a beautiful, long haired woman holding a small girl in her arms, next to her was a tall gruff man, someone who appeared to be a working man, and in front of him could have been only one person. Matt's eyes had teared up as he slammed the lid on tight.

He had seen a small Mello, happy and care free, his little arms wrapped around the very teddy bear Matt had found in the box. All Matt could do now was hold Mello as he squirmed and laughed.

"You must have really missed me." A warmth came from his tone, a warmth that surrounded and filled Matt to the very core. Forcing a bright smile on his face, his laughter mixed with the blond's.

"I was really bored," he offered. "Welcome home."

**xxx**

Mello pushed the front door of the bar open, smiling over his shoulder at the obscenities drifting out the door behind him. "You'll live for the night! Just don't burn the place down!" he called at Jose, who was glaring at the blond from behind the bar. "See you tomorrow!"

"If I don't torch this mother-" the door swung shut, drowning out the last bit of his rant, and Mello sighed deeply, turning to face the parking lot.

He'd get home early, surprise that idiot who was probably still trying to find the diary he 'knew' Mello must have hidden in his sea of books, and...

"Matt?"

"Hey Mel." The gamer had been waiting by the entrance, a black bomber jacket keeping him from freezing to death. He felt the curve of his lips before the smile registered in his mind, his hand moving to rest on the small of Mello's back before he could think. It had all been reflex, guiding the blond protectively toward the car. Once he reached the door, he opened it for him.

"Thought I'd, yanno…pick you up."

"And oh-so kindly escort me to your automobile? What a gentleman," the blond smirked, facing Matt and leaning back against the door frame of the car. "What warrants such behavior, Mister Jeevas, because all this schmoozing is sure to make me blush."

Matt rolled his eyes softly, bending a bit to lean closer to the blond, one hand on the frame of his baby. As he invaded the other's space, a slick smirk slipped over his features. "Maybe I just missed you, I mean, we haven't exactly been apart much recently."

Mello's teeth flashed briefly between his lips. "You're right, we haven't. But I have a job, and..." he closed his eyes with a quick, soft sigh. "Stop looking at me like that, Matty."

"Like what?" His eyebrow quirked as his features shifted in a mischievous manner, his free hand moving from his side to tuck a blond strand behind Mello's ear gently.

"Get in the car, Matt," the blond turned into the touch before settling back in the seat.

Matt pouted before blowing his bangs out of his eyes, "Ffff fine." With a slight skip in his step he rounded the car and slipped into the driver's seat. After he started the ignition, he laid his arm across the back of Mello's chair. "So I was thinking we have two options," he paused, "we can either go grab dinner, or…" the redhead shifted his fingers from behind the blond, brushing over the shell of his ear briefly, "we can go to your place."

"I believe the latter is a given," Mello allowed his eyes to slip shut for a moment, relaxing in his seat and shooting a look at the gamer, "But I am hungry. If your rich-ass is paying, I'm very hungry."

"My rich-ass would be more than happy to pay for you." His fingers danced lightly through blond locks, "But doesn't that kinda mean I'm paying for sex? Are you a hooker now, Mel? Cause…honestly, that's hot. But I'm your only John, no me gusta sharing."

Mello's hand shot out and shoved Matt hard in the shoulder. "Don't be a dick. You were doing so well too, being a nice…" the blond paused, color dusting his cheeks, "…date."

Matt's face contorted quickly, "Date? Date, good sir? Did I hear the D word from thine lips? I am ever so stricken to hear such language." He chuckled under his breath as he left the parking lot, "Aw, I'm sorry Mel. I was just joshing you, what would you like to do?"

"I thought you'd have some sort of plan since you picked me up," he rested his forearm on the window sill.

"I already gave you the choices, it's kinda like one of those choose-your-own-adventure books. Just don't flip to page twenty and quickly decide you didn't want that page, I don't condone that."

"Where are you taking me for dinner?" Mello smiled, turning back to Matt. He finally noticed the fur at the collar of the redhead's jacket and shook his head, eyes drifting to the loose tie around his neck. "Anywhere fancy? Or...cold, perhaps?"

"Believe it or not, I have a nice get-up on under this." Matt shrugged his shoulder attempting to remove his jacket. "I just…get cold easily." He laughed before taking a turn off the highway, "How about Palomino? I have reservations."

"At Palomino? Really," Mello laughed, watching Matt openly now. "No, you didn't plan anything at all, did you? What would you have said if I just wanted to go home, hm?"

"I would have wasted a perfectly good Benjamin to make sure we got a good table since they were booked solid tonight. Ah, but I'm sure you would have enjoyed the suit I'm wearing under this anyway." Snorting he got the jacket off, a suit jacket underneath.

"And I'm under dressed. Thanks for the heads up."

The redhead nodded to the back seat.

"What? What did you do?" he hesitantly looked in the backseat of the car.

Laying across the back seat was a very nicely pressed suit, still in its bag. "I couldn't let my date be under dressed, mate."

Blue eyes narrowed slightly at the redhead. "Going all out on this, aren't we?"

"You deserve something nice."

A flush stained Mello's cheeks briefly, his eyebrows furrowing under his bangs. "Do I? What are you...?"

The serious tone Matt held for that moment disappeared as he grinned openly. "Duh, of course you do. It's about time I schmoozed you like the classy lady you are." He snorted loudly before offering a cheery smile. "I think a class act like you should get something expensive off the wine list. Hell yeah, going ball'a tonight."

Mello's mouth opened slightly, before he shoved Matt hard, the car swerving briefly.

**xxx**

Matt pulled the seat adjacent to his out for the blond before taking his own, a goofy smile plastered on his face. He had paid extra to get this table, it was perfect. Placing the napkin over his lap he grabbed the menu and made a quizzical face.

"Yanno, I've never been here before. What's good?"

Blue eyes peered over the top of his menu before looking back down, "The bruschetta is really good. Even if you're not a fan of tomatoes, you will be. And the artichoke crab dip."

"Yeah? I'm not really in to tomatoes, but if you say it's good we can get it."

The waiter came and left, wine and appetizers both delivered in a timely fashion. Matt's green eyes narrowed as he stared down the bruschetta. "I'm not sure about this..." After another moment of psyching himself up, he took the plunge.

His eyes widened, "I want to have sex with this. Jesus, this is bloody brilliant."

"It's pretty acidic, so I would refrain from shoving your junk into it, but yeah, it's good," Mello smirked, chin propped in the palm of his hand. He glanced around the restaurant before straightening and tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear, fingers trailing back to fiddle with his small ponytail. "You've really never been here?"

"I don't often do fance." Matt chimed between large bites, "I grew up in this kind of life, never really appealed to me." A shrug lifted before he took his wine and drank a generous amount. "But, you know, I wanted to do something with you…and..." His eyes cast down to the table cloth before glancing off to the side, his cheeks dusted.

"I want to do nice things for you."

The smile on Mello's lips grew, "That's sweet, Matty. I'm certainly not going to complain if you shower me in lovely things. Did I mention I enjoy fancy, imported chocolate?" he tiled his head to the side, the smile shifting into something almost sinister, "because I enjoy fancy, imported chocolate."

Matt laughed, both arms looping over the back of his chair as he leaned back. "I'll put that on my list of things to buy you and surprise you with when you aren't expecting it." His head tilted back, glancing around the room like a small child would. A low whistle leaving his lips.

"I wonder what kind of tips a bloke could pull from a joint like this."

"Depends on the night, but sometimes you can make about 300 or so. It's not bad, really," the blond murmured, taking a sip of his wine.

An eyebrow lifted in question, "What?"

"I used to work here."

"Get out of town, really? Classy resume, man, classy." Matt shook his head, his bangs falling over his glasses. "Were you a sexy little waiter in tight black pants or were you the mysterious bar keep with the tortured look that drove all the women crazy?"

Bright blue eyes narrowed into something dangerous. "Want to run that by me again, Matt?"

"It was a joke." Matt frowned, "Stereotypical parts to play in a restaurant..?"

Mello sighed with a little laugh, "Whatever. I started as a waiter, but got into bartending. And Rod came in and offered me a job, so..."

"You really downgraded though." The frown stayed etched on his features.

"Not in pay," Mello shrugged. "In tips, probably. Haven't been here in a while."

The waitress came to the table, gracefully setting their plates in front of them with a big smile. "If there's anything else I can get you, feel free to ask."

"Thank you," Mello smiled, picking up his fork and nodding to Matt's plate. "I want to try that at some point."

"You can try it now if you want." Matt pushed his plate a little closer to the blond.

Shifting in his seat, Mello leaned over the table slightly, opening his mouth with a wicked smirk. "Come on, then."

A smile flashed across his features as Matt twirled the pasta, "Oh you just like me putting things in your mouth." A dark chuckle lifted from his lips as he offered the fork to the blond.

The blond closed his mouth around the fork as a slight brunette girl bounded up to the table, tucking her notepad in the pocket of her apron with a grin. "Mello?"

Turning to look at the girl, Mello's eyes widened for a moment, briefly struggling to swallow the pasta. "Hey, Rochelle," he smiled, standing as she opened her arms to give him a hug. "How are you? It's been a while."

"Oh God, it has! It's been forever and a year and here you are, again! I'm fine, working everyday practically. Jared and I are still battling our evil landlord, but-"

Matt's mouth hung open as some random woman barged head first in to their bubble. Noticing his hand was still frozen in the air where the blond had taken the bite, he pulled it down, putting it awkwardly in his lap. His eyes cast to his food, who was this girl? Someone Mello worked with? Why was she still talking? Did Mello encourage her to talk more?

The redhead frowned, looking at his watch, it had definitively been ten minutes. She had been talking for…for ten minutes straight. Not only that, but the blond had also been talking. The worst part wasn't that they were ignoring him, it was that they had actively been trying to involve him.

His face had become a permanent red color, this entire situation beyond embarrassing.

"So this is a date, right?"

The gamer had been mid-drink, almost choking on his expensive wine.

The girl beamed at him for a moment before turning back to Mello, "You know, I always wondered why you never went out with any of us. At first I thought you were being professional, but now I can see why." Her grin flashed toward Matt again, head cocking to the side, "So how long have you two been an item? You're just so adorable together, and you're blushing! That's so sweet!"

Matt mouthed the words, 'oh God' before putting his face in his hands. It wasn't like he was embarrassed, right? Mello didn't embarrass him, it was just, being with a guy was so new to him. He had been really proud of himself going out to a very public place together, but just having it pointed out so bluntly was…

When he finally managed to get a word in edge wise, he realized just how thick his accent sounded. "I'd really rather you not pry too much."

"Oh and he's just so _British_ , isn't he?" Rochelle's eyes shot back to Mello, who had managed to slip into his chair. He shrugged a shoulder, casting a weary glance at the man across the table from him.

"Ah, well, I don't want to ruin your date, so I'll get back to work, but it was great seeing you, Mello. And it was very nice to meet you, Matt. Hope to see you boys around again! We miss you, Mel!" she leaned down for another hug before disappearing back into the kitchen.

The blond absently licked at his lip, lowering his voice, "Sorry about that. She's um...I guess 'talkative' isn't exactly the right word for what she is."

"Mhm…" Matt ran a hand through his hair before taking another swig of his wine.

"So you _are_ embarrassed. Mail Jeevas, shy? That's something that I thought I'd never see," Mello smirked, taking a bite of his pasta.

"I am not." Matt frowned, "Okay, maybe a little. But…I'm new to this…cut me some slack."

"New to having a sexy date or your sexy date being a guy?" the blond mouthed around his glass.

Matt shifted uncomfortably, "Um…the second one?"

"We can leave if you want."

"No, I want to be here with you." The gamer's fingers flex a few times before he puts his hand over the blond's. "I'm…I'm just getting use to it, that's all."

The blush that crept onto Mello's cheeks made his eyes look bluer than they should have. "Don't worry about it. Now eat, your food's getting cold."

Matt did as he was told, taking a few bites of his meal before he spoke again. "While we're on the subject…" his voice seemed low, almost timid. "What was with you Han Solo'ing me?"

The blond raised an eyebrow, head tilting to the side slightly. "What? I'm...wait, what?" he took another bite of his pasta, confused eyes trained on the gamer.

Matt's cheeks flared even more as his eyes cast down to his steak, "You...uh, never answered me the other night."

"Did I not..." Mello set his fork down, "I'm sorry, I don't follow. What didn't I answer you ab-"

_Click._

"Oh… _oh_ …"

Matt's frowned harder as he pushed his asparagus around his plate. "Yeah, oh."

Matt looked dejected and Mello felt his heart sink the longer he watched. But it was his fault. He half didn't believe he'd heard it in the first place and...

"Matt, I...I just..."

Green eyes glanced up for a moment before returning to the steak left abandoned on his plate. Mello sighed softly, before taking a deep breath.

"Part of me thought you didn't actually say it and I was just projecting everything onto you because, really, the fact that _any_ of that happened at all just..." he muttered, face flushing as he watched his plate. "But you did, obviously, and I...I'm bad at this. With these types of things, I'm awful. I try to not be so...I mean to say...that I do."

"You don't have to say it." Matt bit back, schooling his face once he realized how bitter it had sounded. "I mean, if you don't mean it, please don't."

"But I do. I mean...shit, Matt, I've been a mess for over a year about this but just coming out and saying that I'm in lo-" He stopped dead, cheeks flaring, biting the inside of his bottom lip.

The redhead stared openly at Mello, his mouth half open in surprise. "Did you just say for over a year..?"

"No. No, I didn't," Mello raised his fork before setting it back down with a little sigh. "I did, didn't I? Fuck..."

Matt lit up, sitting straight up in his seat, grinning like a bobcat. "Why didn't you tell me? Bloody hell, I've been done in for a while, we could have.. I mean, it could have started earlier!" Leaning forward he slipped his hand over Mello's, teeth bright as he smiled.

"Can you say it? Please?"

"Matt…I…"

"Please?"

"Maybe I...you know...love you."

Lips stretched hard as Matt ducked his head, his cheeks burning brighter and hotter than he knew they could. "I think we ought to pay the bill and go home, Mel."

The blond tried to will the color to drain from his cheeks. "But what about dessert? They've got a great chocolate…thing," he watched Matt's fingers glide over the back of his hand, delicate against the skin.

"I have a better idea for dessert."

"Matt..."

Digging in to his back pocket, the redhead pulled his wallet free before waving down a waiter. "We're finished here, if you're quick coming back with our leftovers you'll get a bigger tip." He handed the waiter the black card, a smirk quirking his lips, "Something just came up, and we're in a bit of a hurry."

The waiter nodded with a smile, quickly walking away with the plates, leaving Mello to gawk at Matt.

"What?" His smile stayed put as he moved his napkin off his lap, reaching in his pocket for his keys.

"Why do you have a black card?"

"That wasn't the reaction I expected." Matt's head tilted slightly, "My dad insisted I have it."

"Huh...alright, wow, that's...Matt, I knew you had money but _really_?" Mello paused as the waiter returned with two boxes and the check.

Matt pulled a hundred bill from his billfold and slipped it to the waiter as he put his card back. He scribbled a signature at the bottom of the bill, lazily closing the little leather booklet when he finished. "What? I don't get what the big deal is, it's just a card." Shrugging the redhead stood, taking both of their leftovers.

"Why didn't you ever tip me like that?" Mello's eyes narrowed at the redhead, pushing his chair back in and falling into step next to Matt.

"I…don't really tip like that normally?" He frowned, eyes finding the ground for a moment. "I also…wanted to be your friend, I don't want to buy friends like my father does."

"Well, you certainly didn't buy me," the smile on his lips grew as he tucked his hands into his pockets, "but you're welcome to butter me up now."

Matt's laugh filled the night air as he opened the door for the blond. "What? Like buy you clothes and junk? I suppose I could do that, s'not that big of a deal." He smiled, leading the blond to his car, twisting he walked backwards.

"Say Mel, can you tell me again?"

"To butter me up, or that I love you?" Mello spoke softly, eyes betraying the blush creeping over his face.

"I'd have to say the latter." The gamer purred as he swept the blond in to his arms, pressing a deep kiss against his chilled lips.

"One more time?"

The blond's lips curved into a smirk against Matt's, a hand resting against his lower back. "Butter me up."

"You got it, butter-cup." Matt opened the door for Mello, digging his nails in to his side for a second. "I know a few things about butter."

A slender brow raised, Mello's mouth opening for a moment before he snapped it shut with a shake of his head. "Nevermind, I don't want to know what that means."

"All I can tell you is that it involves a butter knife." Matt wiggled his eyebrows before getting in to the car.

"Just get me home, Jeevas."

**xxx**

Maybe it was because Matt smiled too openly around him, teeth flashing in a grin, eyes bright and eager. Everything was an adventure, everyday sure to bring another epic quest. Mello knew he couldn't keep up, heart and mind too cynical, but Matt would grip his hand and in that moment anything was possible.

Matt approached everything with wonder, snarky comments aside. The blond found himself amazed at the brilliance that radiated from the other, the genius peeking out in their hushed words at three in the morning, over political jabs at breakfast. And as soon as Mello found himself surprised, he realized he'd known all along. Then Matt would grin, and he'd forget to breathe.

He'd ask, curious and embarrassed, deft fingers memorizing every sharp angle and curve, burning against Mello's skin. His eyes would flare up, lips twisting into a smile when Mello couldn't hold back, voice echoing in the back of his throat.

Matt was a fast learner. And his eyes were brightest in the dark.

His breaths were ragged, heavy against the skin pressed to his mouth. He tried to block out how desperate he sounded, little embarrassing whimpers escaping into the thick air. Instead, he focused on his heartbeat rattling against his ribcage and pounding in his ears. It was too loud, too fast, and Matt could probably hear it and feel every beat, but Mello didn't care.

It wasn't like the first time, or the second, the third. Matt wasn't asking questions, wasn't laughing nervously. There were no fumbling fingers or mumbled apologies.

Mello was half convinced Matt had set him on fire.

Matt's lips pressed to the crook of his neck, teeth scrapping down over his collarbone, and Mello was consumed with the overwhelming feeling of being completely _taken_. The thought scared him, hands gripping the redhead's biceps tight with a hitched breath. He needed to be in control, needed to be the one to take charge, to feel the cool metal grip in his hand. He couldn't be weak or they would devour him, rip him apart and ruin everything he was and held dear…

Blue eyes opened, staring at the man above him, all flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and breathy moans. And he was safe, because this was Matt. This was the stupid boy who showed up unannounced with pizza, who fell into bushes, and who danced like a college girl. He laughed and joked and loved with a ferocity that made Mello furious and weak in the knees. So when Matt's lips pressed to his throat, his jaw, his mouth, Mello pulled him closer, arms wrapping around his back, nails dragging over the skin, and let himself be devoured.

**xxx**


	24. Somebody That I Used To Know

**xxx**

Lady Gaga blared over his stereo system as the gamer drove along the highway, his fingers tapping the steering wheel while he sang along to one of his secret pleasures. He was on his way back to Mello's apartment from work; now that his misadventure from two weeks ago had run its course, he had to resume normal life. Normal life meaning get his ginger ass back to the office and get to work. After his first day back all he wanted to do was to fall back into bed with Mello and  
pretend the world wasn't such a messed up place, his throbbing ribs still a consent reminder of how cruel and dirty reality really was. It was no wonder Matt hid himself in the disillusion of video games. But Mello, he was a reason for him to come back, to live life in reality.

He could deal with that. A reality with just him and Mello.

His cheeks flared slightly. It wasn't that he kept forgetting how much he cared about Mello, it was just…when he remembered it embarrassed him a bit. The fact was Mello had changed in the last few days, growing more assertive and open about his feelings. Matt liked it a lot, of course. He had enjoyed every aspect of the blond, but now he was seeing sides of him he hadn't even imagined before.

A bright smile played over his lips, his voice cracking at parts of the song he couldn't really hit. It wasn't until the next song was about to play that he noticed lights tailing him. His eyes narrowed; it wasn't unusual, was it? Just an average Joe heading home like him, right? After what happened to him two weeks ago, Matt wasn't going to take any chances. He couldn't afford another dangerous encounter, and Lord knew if he would survive it this time. In an attempt to shake them, he took a sharp turn onto the nearest off ramp, exiting the freeway. Panic began to set in as the car followed, accelerating to match Matt's pace. "Oh crap," he mumbled, turning his music off. Matt's fingers reached toward the dashboard, popping the glove compartment. Silver glistened in the passing streetlights. It wasn't like him to keep a gun, it really wasn't. But after what happened to him, he felt it would be a necessary part of his life. To stay alive one has to change their ways. He hoped he wouldn't need it but…just in case, he slipped the gun under his waist band.

Suddenly he heard it, a loud wail. Blue and red lights filled his vision as his eyes widened under his glasses. It was a police car? Panic dulled slightly before a fresh batch of dread gripped him hard. Had he forgotten to change a headlight? Maybe it was something small, maybe it had nothing to do with what happened. They couldn't have known about…no, no way, that was taken care of. He took a deep breath, quickly putting his gun back in the glove compartment and closing it before pulling over. Cops weren't there to hurt you, they were around to serve and protect, and they were a much better option than whatever thug was out there looking to wipe him from the face of the Earth.

The wait as the officer walked toward his car felt like hours. It was always the waiting, wasn't it? To find out what it was you did, to let you simmer in your own fear. It was a power law enforcement had over any other job occupation, and Matt idly wondered if they knew that and milked it as he watched the officer's lazy stroll.

The police officer tapped on the window, and Matt rolled it down, handing him his license and registration. The redhead offered a smile as the cop looked it over with his flash light.

"Did I do something wrong, officer?" he heard himself asking. It all felt like an out of body experience.

A little downward twitch of the man's lips was all Matt got as a warning before he felt a jolt of pain searing throughout his entire body. His last thought before passing out was more of a question:

'Why'd you taze me, bro?'

**xxx**

Matt woke up in a white room, his eyes trying desperately to refocus. Reaching up, he touched his forehead, looking at his hand he saw red. Blood. The officer must have had trouble getting him from his car to the police car. An image of a blacked out Matt being drug over pavement by the police man caused him to frown.

Great, add being abused by the law to the long list of experiences he never thought he'd have.

The door creaking open jerked him out of his thoughts. A tall blond man walked in, then a dark haired man, then, to his surprise, a white haired teenager.

Well, okay, he probably wasn't actually a teenager because even though this country could be completely upside down sometimes, they'd never have a high school student strutting around as a cop. But he certainly looked the part, complete with that ridiculous puff of hair covering his head.

"Mail Matthew Jeevas," the young man spoke, carefully placing a file on the table in front of Matt, the beige material reflecting the light too perfectly into his eyes. "Born February 1, 1989. Twenty-three years of age, no living relatives; adopted at age six by Mr. and Mrs. Carl Jeevas of upper Manhattan, New York. Graduated from high school at the age of fifteen, and holds various degrees including electrical engineering and computer science from MIT. Had a warrant for arrest in 2006 for hacking into the Pentagon's mainframe, but charges were dropped within a week of the warrant being issued. Currently employed by the Yotsuba Corporation." The boy's eyes looked black in the harsh lighting as he stepped up to the table, taking the seat across from Matt. "There are a few things I've missed, but I assume you get the general idea. You did live it, after all, Mail."

Green eyes widened to the point of being comical. Did someone write his biography without asking him? Was his life a teen fiction novel because how else would this kid know that much about him? He frowned as his eyes scanned the folder on the table. It was, in fact, all true, all there laid out before him. His entire life story, well except for…

"You forgot the part where I visited France and took some cooking classes," his snark apparent as he willed himself to keep calm. Matt took a small breath and allowed a smile to shape his expression, shrugging gently as he leaned back against the chair.

"Okay, so you read my novel. So what? I don't sign autographs, kid."

"I'm not interested in anything regarding your penmanship," the faintest glimmer of a smirk stained the boy's lips, "which, by the way, has changed every six months since you graduated from high school to leave no concrete paper trail. I can only assume that you switch which hand you write with to create such a contrast between each style to make it harder to follow, but based on the past year and a half when your penmanship ceased to change, I would say that you were born left-handed which is further proven by the nervous tick you've developed in situations of great distress. Picking at the peeling skin around the edges of your fingernails, to be precise, which originated from your addiction to nicotine."

"What are you, Sherlock Holmes?" Matt gaped, one eyebrow rising ever so slightly. "Just what am I doing here? I doubt you brought me here to talk about my college years."

It put him on edge, the look in the kid's eyes. It seemed blank and expressionless, cold and calculating. Those were the type of people you had to be wary of. His heart was pounding hard at his ribs, his fingers twitching against his jeans. He was nervous. All these things, he had tried very hard to bury them. It wasn't like he had anything to hide, but it was better to not be on the grid, to stay off the radar.

Now this? Who was this guy?

"First of all, I believe formalities are in order," he nodded to the two men behind him. "This is Agent Rester and Agent Gevanni, respectively. I am Agent River, and my task force has found information leading us to believe that your life is in danger, Mr. Jeevas."

"Sorry kid, but your information is flawed. I'm not sure what you heard through your grape vine, but why would I be in any danger?" His fingers dug in to his jeans, he had to keep cool. Keep calm. They couldn't really know what happened, right? If they found out he had killed a man, even in self defense, well hell, he'd go to jail wouldn't he?

"At the moment, yes, but in approximately one hour and twenty-seven minutes there is going to be a meeting to place a hit on your head."

Matt's face went slack, all the color draining from his features. "Excuse me? What was that you said?"

His fingers tightened on his knees, his knuckles almost white before he let go. That was too obvious, he couldn't let them see how scared he was. He couldn't let them know how much he wanted to scream out, to hide in a cave somewhere and pretend this entire situation never happened. No, he had to be brave. His company would keep him safe, they had assured him they had people on the situation. As long as Matt kept doing what he was suppose to do they'd-

"The illegal activity that the Yotsuba Corporation has been hiding for about ten years has started to come to light, and the government plans to take down the company, arresting its board of directors on multiple accounts of fraud, embezzlement, and murder, just to name a few."

Thoughts interrupted were the least of his concerns, his eyes widening with fear.

"What does that have to do with me?" He laughed softly, "I'm just an office worker, I file paper work, type up documents, log investment funds."

Of course that wasn't true, and he had a feeling Agent River knew the exact truth. But he was safe, right? Why in the world would his company want him dead? He was the one keeping them safe; without him, they'd be nothing.

"Mr. Jeevas, you have never been a cubical jockey, nor will you ever live to be one if you don't listen to me very carefully. Yotsuba hired you because you're the best and they needed someone to cover their tracks as they took out their competition and they needed to keep their files hidden and unhackable. That's why you are the only hacker for the entire company: if anything were to happen, you are the only evidence the company has of illegal activity, and if the time arises they would take you out in order to protect the board," he stared unblinking at Matt, head tilted to the side slightly. "They have connections everywhere, and they were able to get a lead that we intend to take the entire company down. They're going to take you out."

Matt paled visibly, his hands starting to shake. Watching Agent River talk, he knew it was true. His eyes might have been blank and emotionless, but Matt could feel the honesty as if it was a tangible thing. This was a lot to take in; this was too much to think about. He knew his job was dangerous, but he never thought they'd turn on him. With the amount of blackmail he had on them? If they weren't able to kill him, he'd be able to take the entire company down with one flashdrive.

Matt took his glasses off, carefully cleaning them on his shirt, trying very hard to resist the urge to run out the door and book a flight to the middle of nowhere and disappear.

"Can I make a phone call?" he asked quietly. He needed to warn Mello. If they were going to come after him, they would come after those closest to him. Suddenly panic arose, not for his own safety but for Mello's. "I really need to make a phone call!"

"You won't need to call Mello."

That one sentence, that one thing, put his stomach on the floor. His entire body ran cold, his eyes locked on the kid in front of him. Anger surged through him hot and thick, he felt his voice rise before he could check himself.

"How the fuck do you know about him?" He felt his fingers tense in to a fist, ready to give this guy one good shiner before he was put down. The way he had said Mello's name, the unnaturally _natural_ way it had just oozed off his lips, it sent shivers down his spine. Something wasn't right here. All his senses told him to calm down, but his heart wouldn't allow it.

Agent River straightened his sleeves absently. "Calm down, Mr. Jeevas, Mello isn't in any danger yet."

"I want you to explain to me," he started, eyes burning with an indescribable feeling, "nice and slow, why you even know that name."

"Agent Linder," he spoke into the communicator near his neck, "please bring in Mello's file."

For the second time that night, Matt's body went completely ridged. Had he just said…Agent Linder? No, no way.

The universe had played some sad, sick jokes on him in the past, but this would take the cake. His face communicated the pain he felt internally as the door creaked open, a blond woman stepping inside, tailored suit shifting against her silently as she handed the file to the young man.

"Mail, you've met Halle."

Green eyes focused on the blond, this couldn't be happening, could it? Halle…was a cop? The wheels in his mind began to turn again as his eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowing, anger taking hold of him.

"You played me," he started, "You detestable bitch, you used me? You were working for them? Oh ho, makes so much sense now." His laugh filled the room, the pain in his heart tightening as he allowed the irony to ring true. "Of all the women in the world. Hello Halle, come back to stab me in the heart again? Or are you here on official business? That would be to stab me in the chest instead, right? Face forward, no lies this time, just a good ole stabbing party? Sounds fun."

"Matt, please calm down. I never intended to hurt you like that..." she spoke quietly, her eyes keeping his glare steadily.

"Really, Mail, no need for such vulgar language. Besides, Halle was sent on my orders," he rifled delicately through the file in his hands. "And you really shouldn't be worried about her."

"Seriously? That's the story you're going with? My boss made me?" Matt rolled his eyes at her tone, "Please spare me the lies, I don't want to speak to you."

Matt pushed himself out of his chair, hand gripping the paperwork on the table as he walked toward the door.

"The whole lot of you are nutters, I ought to walk out of here right now. I could sue you for a cornucopia of things at this point,

extortion? Prostitution? Undercover won't cover what she did, that's bollocks."

Agent River sighed deeply, rolling his eyes as he toyed with his hair. "Are you sure you really know the person you're currently sleeping with as well as you think you do?"

"I'm sorry, what did you just say to me?" The tone of his voice dripped acid as he turned on Agent River, his eyes narrowed to slits as he stalked closer to him, head tilting. "Repeat the question, I don't think I heard you correctly, Agent."

"Mihael Keehl, born December 13, 1988, from Likhoslavl, Russia."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis, all ability to process logic and reason flew out the door. He had only recently been told Mello's real name, he was under the impression no one else knew it, or it was some sort of secret. All anger seeped out of him as he sat down. This was serious, something was very wrong here.

"...Why?" he asked softly, his face contorted with pain. "Why are you telling me this? Why is he involved? Is it my fault? Is it because…because we…?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Mail," he placed the file on the table, taking out several documents and lining them up in front of the other. "He's been involved with this much longer than you have, and it's quite the coincidence that you two have...what is it, 'hooked up', as it were." Dark eyes watched Matt stare at the papers, reading everything and comprehending nothing. "Mello is going to be hired to kill you."

Matt laughed.

"Mello? Hired to kill me? Mello doesn't kill people, I'm sorry to inform you but Mello's a bartender. He won't even have sex in the kitchen because it'll mess up his cooking utensils. The idea that he could, that he would…you've got your wires crossed somewhere." He laughed again, to his dismay it sounded hollow and terrified. His eyes moistened as the laughter petered off. His eyes following the words on the papers, his mind clicking things together faster than a normal person.

A tear threatened to slide down his cheek as he lifted the file in his hand, looking inside. "No. This is made up. You had to have fabricated this to get me to cooperate..."

It all came together like a Professor Layton puzzle.

"Unfortunately, it's not. Mello has been a gun for hire since he was fifteen, when a Mr. Dwhite Gordon, alias Rod Ross, took him into his branch of a crime syndicate. He has been the best assassin in the family since he was eighteen after the former hitman of choice turned to handling financial matters involving the family," Agent River pulled several pictures from the file, sliding them toward Matt. "This is him at sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, and this last one was taken six months ago."

A trembling hand rose to cover his eyes, shaking his head slightly as he wove his hand to dismiss the Agent. "No."

"I know this must be a lot to take in, but-"

"Matt, we're going to help you, okay? That's why we brought you in here. We're going to protect you..." Halle's voice was soft, her hands clasped nervously in front of her. "We're really just trying to help you."

"Protect me..?" Matt's voice wavered as he moved his hand from his face, his eyes cold and numb. "I don't want protection, I don't need help. What I need is to leave." The gamer stood, his left hand moving from his side as he slammed down the file he was holding. "I'll be leaving. Either you arrest me, shoot me, or let me go."

"You can leave. But I think you should see something before you go."

"If it's a home video of you playing with your Barbie dolls, I'll pass."

"It's of Mello. So you know what he's capable of."

"Are you telling me you have him on video?"

"Yes. Just one."

"Show me."

Agent Gevanni crossed to a small stand with a television, wheeling the stand closer to the table and pressing a small button below the screen.

Matt sat back down, eyes watching the screen as it flickered to life. He noticed the quality; it must have been security footage.

A man sat bound to the chair in the center of the room, his chin resting against his chest, and he would have seemed unconscious if it weren't for the foot he tapped incessantly. The shaggy head of dark hair lifted at a loud creak echoing across the room, the drowsy expression on his face showing the faintest hint of a smirk. He sat up fully in the chair then, bloodied face visible under the harsh fluorescents above.

"We meet again, huh? Scared I was gonna rough you up or something?" he tugged half-heartedly at his restraints, hazy eyes on the other person who had entered the room and lingered out of the camera's view. "Doesn't seem like you."

A cold laugh sounded, bouncing off the concrete walls. "Right," the other man took several steps forward, tucking a hand in his pocket, "because you know me so well. Isn't that right?"

"I did once," the man replied, voice carrying the edge of something poisonous. "Knew you inside and out. Such a fun little project you were, Mello. So damn young."

"I didn't know any better, now did I?" Mello hissed, standing in front of the man and running the toe of his boot over his restrained shin. "But I do now. I know what kind of fucker you are now, don't I, Angelo?"

"You did then, too," the man purred. He looked up at the blond, head tilting to the side before it snapped back, face contorting in a scream as Mello's boot rammed into his shin. Mello took a step back, watching the man pant and try to regain his bearings. Angelo sat straighter, leg twisting awkwardly, eying Mello's hand dipping into his jacket pocket and retrieving something  
silver. "Put that away, Mello. You don't want to end up like her, hm? Like your precious little Lin-"

"Don't you DARE say her name!" the blond yelled, catching Angelo in the face with his pistol. "Don't even think it!"

Angelo's face took on a red sheen, a trickle of pixelated blood creeping down his cheek. "You and that pretty redhead sure like to ruin my face."

Mello froze, the other man chuckling in victory. "Oh ho, looks like I hit another nerve, Mello. Linda and that bastard who bashed my face in tonight. I'll find out exactly who he is, you know I will. Your little lover boy won't make it 'til the end of the week!"

Mello's boot met Angelo's chest, kicking his chair backwards and cracking his head against the cement floor.

"You fucking BITCH!" the man screamed, writhing against his restraints. He continued to yell, his words becoming more disjointed as the concussion took hold of his brain.

"Are you done?" Mello called over his screams, pressing a foot hard against his chest.

"YOU FUC-"

 ** _Bang_**.

The room was deathly silent. Matt had stopped breathing for at least the last minute, his breath coming back in ragged puffs. His throat hurt, it was rough and scratchy; he needed a smoke. God, had he never needed a smoke more in his life than right now.

That man. That was the man Matt had beat up on Mello's birthday. It made sense now, what Mello meant when he said he took care of it. He swallowed thickly. Everything fit. It fit too well for it to be a lie. The documents, the video, everything he already knew about the blond.

Everything he didn't know and everything he had seen in the last year or so came crashing back together to fit as one large puzzle, all the pieces falling perfectly in to place.

Mello was a killer.

No wonder he didn't freak out when Matt showed up with a gun. No wonder he told him he would take care of it.

Matt closed his eyes and leaned his head on his hands, slumped over in the chair. It was all true. Mello killed people. He killed them without any remorse. It had ripped Matt apart, the idea that he had taken a man's life, it had killed a piece of him. But Mello, this was his job.

How did he find the strength to smile? Was that a lie? Was everything about the blond a lie?

He had to find out.

Matt didn't speak. He stood up, and headed for the door.

**xxx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really wanted to throw out there that we changed the years to line up with our real-world time line. So...instead of Mello being born in 1989 (like in the manga), he's in 1988. Same with Matt in 1989 instead of 1990. I know it's an AU and we can change anything, but we thought we should throw it out there in case anyone was confused.


	25. Rumor Has It

**xxx  
**

It had all happened in such a blur that Matt had lost track of time. Half an hour slipped away since he had confidently busted through the front door. He had it all planned out; he'd confront the blond and demand the truth. But his plan backfired. Mello hadn't been home when Matt arrived, leaving him too much time to himself to think. He had been teetering on the edge of something for a long time and Mello had been the final straw.

Now surrounded by empty beer bottles, Matt sat alone on the bed they had shared, his entire world shattered. He was a dead man walking, his heart feeling as raw as his throat, the excess of alcohol and nicotine taking its toll on his already beaten and bruised body.

Matt jolted as he heard the front door creak open followed by the familiar clunk of Mello's helmet landing on the table near the door. There was quiet for a few moments before Mello's voice drifted into the bedroom from the living room. "Matt? You home?" The footsteps echoed down the short hallway before the blond appeared in the doorway, rifling through a plastic bag in his hand. "I figured you were going to be late, so I thought I'd pick up some dinner."

Blue eyes glanced up from the takeout carton he'd fished out of the bag, widening at Matt's haggard appearance. "Matt...what...?" Something metal in the other's hand caught his attention. "What happened?"

Matt looked up from his perch, a flash of silver cradled between his hands, he absently wondered when it was he picked up the gun, but it didn't matter now. His eyes felt heavy. He had tunnel vision, everything feeling very surreal.

He felt himself smile. It was an ugly, forced thing, a look that did not fit on his features. The lift of his lips never reached his eyes, his expression emotionally drained. He felt as empty as the bottles at his feet; he was numb to everything in that moment.

"Mel, could you sit down. We need to have a talk."

He took a step forward, trying to meet Matt's eyes as he did. "Sure. Sure, we can talk just...Matt, what's going on?" There had to be at least seven bottles at the redhead's feet, and the longer Mello watched, inching forward with careful steps, the more he saw bloodshot green eyes, flushed cheeks, and a now dry trickle of blood coming from a rather formidable bruise at his forehead. "Matt, you're scaring me..."

"That's not something I'd expect you to say." Matt muttered, his hand rising from the gun to gesture for Mello to sit down at his desk, "Have a seat." Taking a breath to try and clear the web of thoughts currently spinning in his mind, he started, "I haven't been honest with you, about myself." His eyes met the blond's, his eyebrows furrowed, "And to be fair, neither have you."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Mello's hand reached back, grasping at the chair and pulling it away from his desk, sitting down awkwardly in front of Matt. He was careful to keep his distance even though everything about Matt was screaming for comfort. But...something was wrong. Something was _really_ wrong.

"I'm sure," was all he offered in response, his mind working in overdrive. "The truth is always harder than the lies we tell ourselves, isn't it?" The gun felt heavy in his hand as his lips moved again, words flowing out in a jumbled mess.

"I was three when my parents died in a car accident." He paused as he allowed Mello time to process, "I lived in an orphanage in England, I was adopted when I was six. My mother was radiant; she was everything beautiful and graceful about the world. She was perfection in human form, and I loved her more than I've ever been able to love another woman." Matt frowned, his eyes feeling more and more heavy.

"My father was…he was okay, I mean, when mom was around everything was better. But when I was twelve my mom…she got chondrosarcoma at the base of her skull. It slowly killed her, and we watched as every day my mom slipped farther and farther away from us." Matt's teeth clenched for a moment before he started again.

"Once she passed, my dad, he drove himself further into his work. He pushed me away. I was a painful reminder of who we once were, what he lost. So he threw money at me to keep me pacified as he climbed the political ladder." A cold laugh filled the dark room, "I never told you my parent's names, did I? My father's name is Carl Jeevas," The redhead frowned, pushing bangs out of his eyes as he glanced away from the shocked blond. "Yeah, I know that look. Everyone knows who the Secretary of Defense is." He rolled his eyes, it wasn't like he was impressed with who his father was, but everyone else in the world seemed to have a different opinion.

Mello pressed against the hard back of the chair, what little color in his cheeks draining as the words sunk in. "I had no idea. I...I didn't realize and...your _father_...just..."

"That's normally the reaction I get, not that I've told many people." Matt's finger traced the side of the gun, his eyes burning a hole in the carpet. "Something you need to know about me, something I've kept under lock and key, is very important to the rest of this story. And honestly, there is no easy way to say this, you know, without sounding full of myself." The redhead cocked his head to the side and tapped his temple with the barrel of the gun. "I'm a certified genius, got the paperwork and everything to prove it. I'm a technophile, a computer prodigy; I believe the term most commonly used is hacker elite."

The corner of the blond's lips quirked slightly, despite himself. "I knew you weren't just some cubical jockey..."

"That's the other half of the story, the more recent one." There was a slight second where an emotion flickered in Matt's eyes, but it was stamped out almost as quickly as it had come. It was gratifying to know Mello saw more in him, past his persona, but it meant nothing now. Nothing mattered but getting the rest of his story out.

"At the tender age of seventeen, I hacked the pentagon's computer system to fuck with my father. I graduated from MIT a little after that and decided to travel the globe. It was all one big cry for attention to my dad of course, but in his true Jeevas style, he threw money at the problem and covered it up." The gamer's eyes closed for half a second before continuing, "I needed something bigger, something more destructive, something I could control."

Looking right through Mello, his voice hollow, he smiled the iciest smile ever to grace his lips. "So I let myself hit the radar of one of the companies I knew my father hated. I joined the Yotsuba Corporation, and for the last couple of years I've been their one and only protection. I've been their hacker, and by God I've been doing a great bloody job if you ask me."

Mello's fingers flexed against his thigh. "Yotsuba," he murmured, eyes darting around the room briefly before settling on Matt, voice dropping an octave. "You work for Yotsuba?"

"Yes, I do." Green eyes met blue, his voice serious and calm. "I not only work for them, but I'm the sole reason they're number one in the game."

"Okay," the blond watched the way Matt's eyes remained steady despite the alcohol in his system. How foreign the gun looked in his hands, built for meticulous computer work, not violence. Not like...

"That's impressive. You're impressive. And drunk, so we should get you some food and go to bed. It's getting late..."

"I'm not done. Actually, I've not even started." Matt laughed, the hollow sound flooding the room and sending a chill down the blond's spine. "I wanted the truth out there, let it be known. Let the record state I told it all."

Pushing off the bed he did a sweep with the gun, waving it over the bottles around him. "It's funny you know? The way my mind works, impressive isn't even touching it. Everyone in the world thinks in slow motion, and my mind never shuts off. I dream of code, I figure out complex algorithms for fun, I play video games to shut myself out of the real world. Do you know why? Because people are stupid, dull, and boring. Oh, not to mention they always, _always_ let you down. People are predictable and painful to care about, because honestly, they're all just cattle walking to slaughter."

Walking closer to the blond, he frowned, obviously pained. "I thought you were different. You held my interest, you stood on my level, you kept me sane." He stopped a foot away from him, his hand shaking, "You wouldn't hurt me. Not like them. You wouldn't lie to me." Kneeling down, he sneered, "but then, I was lying to myself, wasn't I Mel?"

"I wouldn't hurt you, Matt. I'd never hurt you, you know that," Mello's hand gripped the seat of his chair, knuckles turning white. "I know how you feel..."

"Do you?" A flash of anger was all the warning Mello got before Matt's voice boomed almost in his face. "BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE FORGETTING TO TELL ME SOMETHING!"

Blue eyes widened, Mello's voice dropping, trying to regain some of the calm the room suddenly lost. "Matt, what's going on?"

"Playing stupid? Still don't get it?" The redhead shot one look of disgust at Mello before pushing off the ground, arms thrown in the air. "Jesus CHRIST!" His voice boomed again before he turned sharply on his heel, storming back toward the blond, gun waving at him. "I KNOW, Mello. I bloody well KNOW!"

"Tell me. Tell me exactly what you _think_ you know," Mello's gaze was steady.

"That I've been cozying up with a murderer. A gun for hire, a sodding mafia lapdog." Matt shook his head, "I thought I had issues, at least the blood ain't on my hands. But you? You take the cake, Mel, you take it outside and shoot it full of lead."

His mouth opened slightly before shutting with a sharp snap of teeth on teeth. After a moment, Mello's shoulders eased, eyes slipping shut with a deep sigh. "Matt..."

"Not denying it? No grand excuse to explain yourself?" The gamer's lip curled in a sneer, "Too late for that, mate. I've seen the video of you offing the bloke I beat up on your birthday. Now, I've always aligned myself more toward the good side of chaotic good, but this time, the ends do not justify the means." His finger twitched against the safety for a moment, daring Mello to do anything out of line. "I want it now. The truth I deserve."

Blue eyes were cold as they opened, teeth clamped behind a sneer. "Who told you?"

"Does that bloody well matter?" The rage in his voice drew the tone up an octave.

"Yes. It does," Mello eased out of his chair, face visibly flushing.

"I believe what matters most here is the bullet you put between his eyes, and your chosen profession." The redhead leveled his eyes with the blond, lip curled harder.

"Who said it was chosen?" he hissed, taking a step forward. "What on Earth gives you any right to judge me when you've been covering up your company's dirty work for years? Who's to say you don't have more blood on your hands than I do?"

"Me?" The laughter that followed was dark and humorless, "Excuse me, but I don't think you have much room to judge me. You, sir, are a fucking hired hitman. I don't pull the trigger, I have no blood on my hands. You, you bathe in it!" He matched Mello's step forward, snarling in his personal space. "I'm not the monster that killed my parents."

The color instantly drained from the blond's face, hands forming into shaky fists at his sides. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he whispered, advancing on Matt. "You have no _fucking idea_."

"I'm not classified as the best for no barking reason, Mello!" Matt refused to back down, now mere inches from the other. Anger radiated off of the two of them, thick enough to permeate the air.

"After my little trip into the twilight zone with Agent River, I took it a step further. I went home and I used every trick in the book I know and I found something seriously disturbing about you. You see, you don't have a paper trail in America, but damn do you have a past in Russia." He almost spat out the words that followed, his eyes burning with a deep painful sense of dread.

"I know you killed your father in cold blood, that your mother's death was still in question. No one knows what happened to her, but you, you were a wanted criminal. What kind of person kills the people who brought them into the world? What type of heartless killing machine can do that?"

Mello lunged forward, throwing Matt back against the wall, forearm pressed against his throat. His breath came in heavy pants, his other hand reaching down for the gun gripped in Matt's hand. "How dare you talk about her, about what you don't understand," he growled, eyes narrowing as he pressed the redhead harder into the wall. "I don't give a shit what you found or what that fucking little cotton swab told you."

Rage roared through Matt, a burst of adrenaline flowing through his veins as he focused his weight against the blond. His knee found purchase against Mello's stomach before his fist connected with his jaw.

"I don't give a flying fuck what he said, Mello. I saw it with my own eyes! A man who has no qualms with killing his family, that's the person I'm with. That's the person who's been lying to me all along. The man who's been sent to kill me!" He charged, hitting Mello around the midsection, the two of them hitting the ground hard, a mass tangle of limbs and ferocity.

"He told me I was the only thing between Yotsuba and a total take down of their company. They called a hit on my head. And you! You've known all along, so stop fucking lying to me! This was all a joke to you." Matt's eyes narrowed as he fought with the blond, the gun between the two of them.

"I saw her! I saw her in your picture in the closet, your family, I can't believe I fell for it all. I always fall for it, but this…Jesus Christ!"

"What?" Mello managed to get out, dodging a second punch to his chin. " _What_ am I supposed to do?"

"KILL ME!" Matt growled as he crawled away, the gun back in his hand as he pushed himself away from the blond. A sharp painful sob ripped its way out of Matt's body, his eyes wild. "Don't you _dare_ act like you don't know! At least give me the dignity of the truth!"

"You want the truth?" he spat back, scrambling back to his feet, staggering slightly, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth, spearing blood from a split lip. "My father was a horrible drunk, worked too long and too fucking hard and used my mother as an outlet for his anger. I loved her and I watched the light drain from her every day! Do you know what that does to someone? When you're small and helpless and you can't even protect your _mother_?"

The blond took a step back turning to the wall and resting an arm against the cool surface for balance. "And it was too much one day. And...and she was...I..." his breath came faster, louder. "I found a pan in the kitchen, and I threw it. And he...he went down. He didn't get back up. She didn't get back up, either and..."

Mello's shoulders shook, the blond collapsing in on himself before he turned on the redhead, eyes red.

Matt's eyes searched for a moment. For one clear, blessed moment, he forgot everything that had happened that day, all of the new information blank. All he could see was how much Mello was in pain, and how much he wanted to stop it. He knew exactly how that felt. They had both slowly and painfully lost the one woman in both of their lives that mattered the most.

But this wasn't a movie and the moment passed quickly. A fresh, hot surge of pain bubbled to the surface, manifesting itself into twisted, awful laughter. Matt was broken; nothing was going to fix the pain he felt. The betrayal was too fresh, the hopelessness was burning and ever present. His tipping point had been found, he fell over the edge and couldn't escape the darkness he found at the bottom.

Standing up, he wobbled on his feet, his smile becoming destructive. "It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore. I don't want to live in this world anymore, I see that now. I'm already a dead man walking, you were the last good thing in my life, and even you were a lie."

"I'm not _lying_!" Mello yelled, tackling Matt back onto his bed, pinning his legs with his knees. "I'm not going to kill you! I don't know where you got that idea, but I would _NEVER_ hurt you!"

The gamer snorted right in Mello's face, his eyes staring emotionlessly at the ceiling. "Just kill me, it's okay. I was going to do it before you got home anyway, but I chickened out."

Mello's eyes softened, shutting tightly as his head dropped. "Matt don't you dare..." His eyes opened, lashes wet and eyes bloodshot, "Don't you fucking _dare_ talk like that."

"I'm so tired, Mel." His eyes filled with tears before they streaked down the sides of his face, "Did you know Halle was an agent sent to spy on me? Just one more kick in the nuts to send me over the edge, I suppose. My sanity was pretty frayed as it was, I was living on borrowed time anyway." He closed his eyes as he laughed, a few fresh tears drifting down his cheeks.

"I don't want this anymore. I'm just…I'm so tired. I'm tired of everyone being so God damn stupid, I'm tired of being so alone. I wanted so bad for us to work, the one person in the world who made sense." A sharp sob racked his body, "Oh God, just do it already. I can't do it anymore, not this time. I've had enough."

His breath was shaky, watching the broken man crumbling under him. His voice caught in his throat, and he finally managed to get out a sound that wasn't a desperate whimper. "Matt, I-I swear to God I would never..." he tried to meet the redhead's eyes, but Matt wouldn't let him. Mello felt himself slipping, grasping for the other who did nothing but pull away and lock himself in a prison of his own making.

"What would make you feel safe? What would make you believe me?" he whispered, eyes wide and frantic. "I'd do anything to keep you safe, Matt." Mello's eyes caught sight of the gun clutched feebly in Matt's hand, and he reached out, wrapping his hand over the other's.

"I'd keep you safe, even if it's from me," Mello brought the hand up with his own, pressing the barrel of the gun under his chin, eyes watery.

That snapped the redhead back to reality, his eyes narrowing. "What..?"

Mello gingerly eased Matt's finger over the trigger. "I wouldn't blame you," his hand tensed against the sheets. "I don't know how else to make you believe me."

His eyes clouded over with a mixture of emotions as a war began to rage inside of him, an internal conflict brewing. A fight between rationality and emotions choked him, his throat clenching, breath hitching. Why would someone who had killed so many people, whose job was to take the lives of others, throw down his life for him?

It hurt, it felt like a fresh, new wound being opened across his chest. This was all too much for him, and he was wallowing in his own self doubt. Caught between giving up and letting the weight and gravity of the situation pull him down further into himself, or giving in to the small spark of hope that was starting to surface from Mello's actions.

Could he allow himself to believe what Mello said was true? The fact was that Mello had lied, but it could be argued that Matt had done the same.

His mind worked in overdrive, the world slowing down to a painful crawl as he worked this out. Why would the contract killer who was hired to kill him, offer to kill himself in order for Matt to believe him? The only logical reasoning had to be that he did love him, and he…

"You had no idea." He said out loud, finishing his own thought where Mello could hear. "They haven't told you yet, you didn't know about killing me."

"S-stop saying that! I told you I had no idea what you're talking about..."

A second passed before Matt's eyes cleared, his expression melting to that of painful hope. "Would you do it?"

Mello gripped Matt's hand tightly, pressing the gun harder to his flesh. "Do you really think that low of me?"

"I don't know what to think. I don't want to, but I'm not sure anymore. Not after all of this, not after that wanker showed me the video." Matt bit his bottom lip, the gun pressed firmly against Mello. He could feel his resolve melting away as each second ticked by. Matt wanted so desperately, so wholly, to believe Mello was still that unshakeable anchor of sanity for him. He knew things would never be the same, not now. But maybe…

"I love you." Matt bit out, another sob attempting to choke him, "I love you so much it hurts. That if…if I lost you, I can't do it. Not anymore, not after everything. I know how this sounds, I know who you are now, but I still want you."

"You've got me," Mello murmured, blue eyes meeting green. The gun pressed against his wind pipe made his breaths ragged, the cool metal turning warm against his skin. His hand shook over Matt's, keeping the weapon in place, determined to gain the other's trust. "I swear I don't know anything. And even if I did, I'd never let anyone hurt you."

The redhead lowered both of their hands, thumb pressing the safety before putting the gun down on the bed. "I believe you."

The blond's hand hesitantly brushed behind Matt's ear, weaving into ginger locks. "They've taken everything from me, I won't let anyone take you away..."

A fresh wave of tears trailed down his cheeks, confusion and pain written all over his features. "I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all control, Mello.." His tired eyes slipped shut allowing himself to lean into the touch. He wanted so bad, so _so_ bad, to just stay like that. He could deal with the truth later; he felt heavy right now. The burden of today's events hit him hard as he tried to open his eyes again, failing under the weight of the exhaustion.

"Please don't leave without me, Mel." His voice sounded ragged, "I don't want to die, but if I have to, don't make me go alone." It sounded ridiculous, he wasn't even sure what he was saying anymore, sleep trying hard to take him.

Mello's forehead pressed to Matt's, soft breaths washing over his face. "We're in this together," he raised his head, lips brushing the redhead's temple.

"Promise me, promise me Mihael."

His eyes shut with a heavy sigh, a shiver running up his spine. "I promise, Mail."

**xxx**


	26. Wide Awake

**xxx**

Mello had been standing at the door for ten minutes, knuckles hovering over the wood. It was just Matt, just his gamer, laying alone in his bed, possibly asleep, but he probably hadn't even closed his eyes. He frowned to himself. If Matt had been awake all night, it was Mello's fault. He brought Matt into something horrible and...

He needed to grow a pair. Mello formed a fist, a deep sigh leaving him before he knocked quietly on the door. "Matt?" he called softly, slumping against the frame, knuckles still poised to knock again. "Matt, are you awake? I, uh, made breakfast, if you're hungry..."

It had been a nightmare of a night, drifting in and out of sleep, waking at every single creak or random sound of the night. Matt's eyes itched with a redness induced from lack of sleep, his mouth dry and lips in dire need of water. Fear etched his form as he frowned at the voice coming from the other side of the door.

His nails dug into the palm of his hand as he pushed himself off the bed. Matt was still conflicted. He was torn between running far away to hide in a cave, or staying here and believing the words Mello said last night.

With a small huff, he opened the door and offered a troubled smile. "I could use food."

The blond stared at Matt for a moment before dropping his eyes and taking a step back. "That's good. I made quite a bit, actually...seeing as you didn't...eat last night. I thought you might be hungry," he offered quietly, taking a step toward the living room.

A hand reached out, fingers curling around the soft skin of Mello's wrist.

"We're going to be okay." Matt's voice was gente; it was almost as if he was trying to convince himself more than Mello.

He offered a small smile, relishing the warmth of Matt's hand against his skin. "It's nice to hear you say that."

It was strained for a moment, the smile on his lips, but after letting go of Mello it grew a tiny bit stronger. "So, first up on the agenda is breakfast, then we talk about how to keep my bacon out of the frying pan."

"Did you really just say that?" Mello chuckled, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a plate. "You're a little awful. You know that, right?"

"I am shocked at your implication." The redhead took a seat at the table, his back to the wall. "Could you pour me a glass of OJ while you're up?"

"Sure," Mello set the plate down before opening the refrigerator and pulling out a carton. "How did you sleep?"

"I'm a vampire, Mel, I don't sleep."

Blue eyes narrowed at the gamer. "Matt, I'm serious."

"As am I, it's a serious plight that I've been burdened with. I also can never eat garlic bread and stare at myself and primp in mirrored surfaces."

Mello snorted, setting down the plate and glass in front of Matt. "Right, how foolish of me to notice this just now."

"Don't you feel silly for wearing crosses around me now?" Matt plucked a piece of toast off his plate and took a small bite.

"A little. They don't really seem to be keeping you away, though. Maybe they're busted." he propped his head on his hand, tracing his finger over the wood grain.

"It takes faith to keep me at bay, I think." And with that small jab, Matt's stomach sunk. How could Mello actually have faith when his job was to murder people? His features paled as he felt the bile in his throat. Quickly he took a large drink of his OJ, attempting to wash down any and all emotions threatening to surface.

Mello's jaw tightened, purposely keeping his eyes trained on the table.

He felt the words leave before he could stop them, something like word vomit. "I guess you aren't as religious as you lead on, huh?"

Mello's fingers flexed against the wood. "I guess I deserve that."

"What else?" He asked, his eyes narrowed a fraction, "What else was a lie?"

"That's not a lie, Matt."

The gamer huffed loudly, "Oh yeah, I bet. Excuse me sir? May I cap your ass quickly? Why? Well, I have Sunday Mass, you see, God wouldn't like me being late." He rolled his eyes, stuffing a piece of bacon in his mouth.

"Again, I deserve that," he murmured, eyes rising to look at Matt across the table. "I said it wasn't a lie, I never said I wasn't going to Hell."

"You..." His lips drew in a scowl before he threw his fork back down, clattering on the table. "This is beyond hypocritical! I've met a lot of blokes who do bad things and claim they believe in…fuck, _any_ religion, but…to willingly _damn_ yourself in the eyes of the God you worship? What makes a man do that?"

"I was already damned, Matt. Already going there whether or not I...my profession has nothing to do with it."

"Wow, religion just keeps getting better and better." Taking a deep breath he waved his hand at the blond. "Rest assured, blondie, you aren't damned to shit. I hate to break your little self loathing bubble, but there is no God. Religion is just a bunch of people clinging to a belief that there is something more out there. But you know what? There's stuff out there, but none of it is a guy sitting on a golden throne wearing a dress! It's space, it's dark matter, it's dying stars and super novas."

A weak, sad chuckle echoed in the back of Mello's throat. "Well, there you go," he sighed, closing his eyes. "So ask me. Ask me anything."

Matt's hands slammed against the table with such force his glass almost fell over. "GET MAD! I just insulted your GOD! Get mad at me! You want me to ask something? Why is it when you should be angry with me, when I say something out of line, hell, even when I punch you, you BARELY show anything? I want to know why you handle me with kiddy gloves! I know I'm on death's door right now, I know I'm truly fucked. So take off the gloves, Mello. Treat me like a person!"

"Oh, shut up," Mello sat back in his chair, eyes narrowed. "I'm trying to be civil and not fly off the handle because shit, _really_ Matt? You've got every right to be crying like a little bitch and running for the hills, or to yell and scream and beat the shit out of me, but, instead, you're eating bacon that I COOKED FOR YOU," he pushed his chair out, standing and heading for the kitchen. "I'm giving you a chance to act like a fucking little prick and you're mad that I'm not _mad_ at you?"

"Pretty much, yes." The redhead frowned as he watched the blond cross the room. Something had shifted in Mello's personality and all Matt could think was 'Ah, this is the real him.'

"I don't want fake. I don't want kiddy gloves. I want to know who you actually _are_."

"I am _exactly_ who you've seen this whole time, Matt. I didn't think I had to be an asshole with you, but apparently that's what you want. You want that, baby? You want to meet the Mello that works in a shitty bar and breaks up bar fights, gets shot, and _kills_ people for a living?" Mello's hand gripped the countertop, knuckles going white.

Matt fixed him with a pointed look, his head tilting. "Yes. Because if I don't see that side of you, I don't know you. It's a lie if you only show someone parts of you."

"It's not a _lie_!" his voice rose, echoing against the polished kitchen. "Just because I chose to omit some of my less than perfect mood swings doesn't mean I'm hiding shit from you. Maybe, if you took a damn second to think about this whole thing, you'd realize that maybe I wanted you to like me!"

"If I didn't like all of you, it wouldn't be worth it!"

"Fuck you, Matt," Mello spat, turning back to the kitchen and ripping open the refrigerator.

Matt snarled, knocking the chair over as he jumped out of his seat. He stalked into the kitchen in a few quick strides, slamming the refrigerator shut. "No! Fuck you!"

"Are you really just a glutton for punishment? You want to piss me off _that_ much?!" He shoved Matt back against the refrigerator, several small magnets clattering to the ground. "Do you realize what I do for a living, Mail?"

A wicked smirk stretched the corners of his lips, his eyes daring Mello to do something. "I'm not in the dark anymore, Mel. I know exactly what you do, and I'm saying I don't give a shit. What? Changed your mind? Going to kill me now?"

Matt's back hit the refrigerator hard, his head slamming back against the brushed metal with a loud thunk. "Is that what you want?" Mello hissed, hands clamping over Matt's biceps, nails digging into the skin. "You want me to splatter your fucking brilliant brain all over my kitchen? Would that satisfy you, to know that you've been fucking a monster?" His breath raked over Matt's face, their noses almost touching, "Because you know I am. You've seen what I did."

A few things bounced around in Matt's addled brain, the fact that Mello had called him brilliant hadn't escaped him, for one. The second was that even at Mello's heightened anger, he didn't feel afraid of him. In fact, he felt inappropriately aroused at the situation. He should lie and tell Mello he didn't think he was a monster for what he had done, he should comfort him and tell him he understood. But he does neither, because they'd be lies, and he'd be a terrible hypocrite if he chose now to lie to him.

Instead Matt schooled his face and darted his eyes to the side, his lips turning downward at the corners. "That isn't what I meant and you know it. I want to feel like this is real, Mello. If you never get mad, never show who you are to me, how do I know any of it is real? Bloody hell, Mel, just yesterday I thought you were on the up and up, and now your ledger is so red it's dripping."

The redhead took a breath, his eyes drifting slowly to the man pinning him against the cold metal. "I just need us to be honest. I need us to be who we are, I can't lie anymore. My hands are painted in the blood of a man I didn't even know, I can barely get up out of bed without wanting to vomit. The weight of his life is now on me, mate, and the idea that you've been doing this for…fuck, who _knows_ how long? The weight has to be unbearable." They locked eyes, Matt's hand moving upward to brush the pads of his fingers against Mello's cheek.

"We've got to be honest now."

Mello's grip softened, fingers gentle against the redhead's arms. "Even...even now you're still..." he started, eyes glancing away. "What happened that night is still...?"

"Of course." Green eyes darkened at the memory, "I'll never forget, it'll stay with me forever. It isn't every day I kill a man, Mello. It isn't in me to do that, I'm strictly hands off, I'm the one in the shadows, I don't do hands on." He swallowed, his voice a bit rough, "I'm…not you."

He took a step away, hands shaking as they fell away from the other. "That's me. Hands on. Hands dirty, dripping." Mello finally looked at Matt, shoulders slumping slightly under the weight of his words and his stare.

Matt aborted the motion, realizing his hand had been moving on its own. Instead of placing his fingers over Mello's shoulder to comfort him, he held his place against the metal. The lifted hand curled in to a fist before he slammed it back against the refrigerator. "If you hate it so much, why do it? Why do you help these thugs? I can't wrap my mind around why..?"

"Necessity? Not wanting to end up dead in the middle of the ocean," he twisted the material of his pant leg in his pale fingers, a little sigh leaving his lips with a halfhearted shrug. "Because I'm a coward, maybe. Maybe that whole you're-in-it-for-life thing where they kill you if you try to live a normal life."

The gamer huffed out a laugh before pushing off the fridge, walking right in to Mello's space he jammed a finger in his face. "That's full of bollocks and you know it. I can smell the bullshit from a mile away, if you don't want me privy to the real answer fine." He turned on his heel and walked back toward the table, "At least have the dignity to lie better."

"Matt, I-"

The phone on the counter top between them buzzed to life, the jarring sound of plastic vibrating against granite cutting off the rest of Mello's sentence. He stared at the small device, feeling Matt's eyes on him.

"Bloody good timing that one has." Matt chimed with a humorless laugh, "I wonder who that could be?" The ginger tipped his OJ back, taking a long drink before plunking it back down on the table loudly. "Well, Sweeney Todd, gonna answer it?"

His eyes narrowed at the other before lifting the phone from the counter, glancing at the caller ID.

Unknown.

Mello allowed his eyes to meet Matt's as he flipped the phone open, holding it to his ear. "Hello?" The blond held his stare from across the counter, eyes unblinking as he listened to the other end. He paled ever so slightly, "If it's an old friend, I'd be more than happy to make it." A pause. "I'd send it Flat Rate. Ciao." Mello snapped the phone shut, slamming it on the counter.

The redhead rolled his eyes as he popped a piece of bacon in to his mouth, he watched the blond deflate from across the room as he chewed slowly. "And boom goes the dynamite."

"That was to set up a meeting..." he said more to himself than the man across the room.

"A meeting to talk about how to gank me I assume? The very one Agent Puff-and-Stuff told me about?"

"I'm not going to do it, Matt."

"Oh, but you have to." Matt leaned back on the chair, waving his hand as he clarified. "Not kill me, but go to the meeting. We have to know how they want it done, right?"

"That's what I meant," he mused, tapping his fingers against the counter top. "It's on Tuesday."

"That only gives us two days to think of a suitable way to kill me without killing me, if they ask you that is. What with you being the Dennis Rader of your little merry men. I mean, aren't you their top guy?"

"Is that really what you think of me?"

"I saw the video, Mel. Let's not start this again."

"You saw a personal vendetta come to fruition, Matt, that's about it," Mello pushed away from the counter, going to the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water. "And this is to set up terms. This is to see what they want..."

"If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims like a duck, it's a good chance the bloke is a duck." Green eyes watched the blond as he crossed the room, his fingers tapping the wood in a slight nervous habit. "I'll tell you what they want, they want me on a silver platter all wrapped nicely in a bow." He let out a soft breath before tapping closer to his glass, thinking about another drink.

"I'm guessing I still need to go to work on Monday, ey?"

"Yes," he took a sip from the bottle, "you need to pretend like you know absolutely nothing and that everything is fine."

"Jolly good idea, I'll waltz in and have a mini party at my desk. Maybe I'll steal all the Twinkies from the break room; sounds like something I'd do." No humor could be found in his voice, the ending of his sentence breaking off as his voice hitched. "I don't…know if I can do that, Mel." His tapping fingers stopped as he brought them to his knees, gripping the fabric he found there. "I'm scared. I'm not afraid to admit I'm scared to death over here."

He crossed the room in a few steps, pulling out a chair and sitting in front of Matt. "I meant it when I said I'd make sure nothing happened to you. I couldn't..." Mello looked down at his hands, at Matt's hands abusing his knee, "I couldn't live with myself if I did. And don't make some comment about how I shouldn't be able to anyway since...everything, but I mean it. This is..." he looked back up, Matt's eyes questioning and accusatory and forgiving all at once, "real."

Conflicting emotions waged war across the gamer's face, witty and barbed retorts on the edge of his tongue waiting to be spat back at the blond. He found himself unable to say any of them, his eyes searching for lies in Mello's words, searching those blue eyes for ill intent. He couldn't find any, all he saw was the honesty he was offering and it tightened the hold on his heart. His chest felt heavy as he lifted one of his hands from his knee, wrapping his fingers around Mello's.

"Okay." He offered, lowering his defenses, letting himself wall up all the anger and betrayal he still felt. "Okay, let's…figure this out. Together. I can be strong, but that doesn't mean I'm going to like it."

**xxx**


	27. Hung Up

**xxx**

Being fine, in Matt's experience, didn't always entail actually being 'fine'.

For him, it probably had a lot to do with his tendency to think too much, reanalyzing a situation from absolutely every angle, before he determined the best outcome for himself. But this was something he was entirely unprepared for. Nothing about this seemed to point in a long-and-happy-life sort of direction.

That isn't to say he couldn't fake it. He faked his way through most of his social interaction because people, as a rule, are generally more interested in themselves than they are in other people. Matt could smile and nod, laugh when appropriate, and even contribute to a conversation he did not care a lick for if absolutely necessary. He could make the average person believe he was okay, completely fine despite whatever inner turmoil was raging inside of him.

Then there was Mello. Mello who was anything but average, who could see how each piece fit together from just a glance, who was too damn perceptive for his own good. After their talk in the kitchen, Matt had tried to project some level of normalcy, and the moment he saw Mello's eyes darken, the blond quietly excusing himself to take a shower, Matt knew that he _knew._ He probably didn't know exactly how hard Matt was resisting the urge to throw all of his stuff into a bag and bolt, but Mello was very much aware that not all was right in the world of Matt.

And, really, _nothing_ should be right. The idea of leaving, of saving his own skin, should have been the most prominent thing on his mind instead of everything being perfectly divided between running and staying with Mello. At the moment, the Mello side was winning.

He began to wonder if his Pottermore placement in Slytherin had been entirely accurate.

Mello kept his distance the remainder of the day, attentive the moment Matt spoke or needed anything, but was otherwise curled up his chair reading. Matt didn't mention that Mello never turned a page.

That night, he lay alone in the bed they had been sharing, the blond having volunteered to sleep on the couch. Matt protested half heartedly, but conceded when Mello refused to listen. He looked hurt, blue eyes almost unwilling to meet green when Matt said goodnight. They stood awkwardly in the doorway, each riffling through too many thoughts, when Matt reached out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Mello's ear. The blond looked at him then and Matt got the closest thing to a smile that he could before Mello turned away and padded back into the living room. It struck Matt then, lamely, that it wasn't hurt that had altered Mello's behavior during the day. It was shame.

He still hadn't closed his eyes when the clock on the bedside table flashed 3:02. Rising slowly, Matt wandered to the door, fingers flipping the lock and pulling it open. The air outside the room cooled his skin as he walked to the end of the hallway, reaching into the pocket of one of his hanging jackets for a cigarette. He placed the stick between his lips, fumbling for his lighter when he noticed yellow hair spilling over the armrest on the couch. Moving closer, Matt looked down at the blond, curled uncomfortably against the cushions, mouth open slightly and brow furrowed. Matt felt a smile tugging at his lips. He bent down, smoothing a thumb over Mello's forehead before pressing his lips to the skin. Continuing to the patio door, he looked over his shoulder to make sure he didn't wake the other as he slid the glass panel open.

Matt relished the smoke hitting the back of his throat, leaning heavily against the metal railing. He flicked some ash from the tip, turning with a start when he heard the door slide open behind him. Mello stepped out onto the patio, pressing the back of his hand to his eyes with a little yawn. His pants hung low on his hips, pale chest shining bright in the darkness, and Matt forgot for a moment that someone so vulnerable could shoot a man in the head.

"Hey Mel."

"Why are you awake?" he mumbled, resting his arms next to Matt's, their bare shoulders brushing briefly.

"Couldn't sleep," he took a long drag, letting the smoke curl lazily from his lips. "Hashtag 'vampire problems'."

Mello made an agreeing sound in the back of his throat, picking at a bit of skin on his thumb. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'd say another cigarette, but I shouldn't be chain smoking so early."

"Probably not," Mello agreed quietly. An ambulance raced by on the street below, echoing loudly between the buildings. He watched Matt take another drag as the siren grew fainter. "I'll…I'll leave you to it then…"

Matt's hand closed over Mello's as he turned to go, "Please stay."

They stood quietly, hand in hand, long after Matt's cigarette burned out.

**xxx**

The entirety of Sunday consisted of Matt catching up on Doctor Who, microwavable burritos in bed, and an almost unhealthy amount of cuddling. The next thing he knew, it was Monday morning. And apparently Monday morning meant that the sun was particularly eager to send searing beams of pain directly into his retinas.

He groped for his glasses and phone on the nightstand, fingers brushing paper. Grabbing the paper and sitting up, he reached out for his glasses, adjusting them on his nose. The paper was folded, his name written delicately on one side in Mello's handwriting.

This was either going to end really well or really badly.

Matt opened the note, eyes dropping to the same script.

_Hopefully it isn't a decade before you wake up, but I thought you could use the rest._

_When you do, there's something I want to show you. If you're up for it, punch the coordinates below into your GPS and meet me there. If not, I'll be home before midnight._

_M_

**xxx**

Slipping into his normal Monday morning routine was easier than he thought it would be, what with the company wanting him deader than a doornail and whatnot. Matt had his coffee from the same old break room, he had stolen a goofy looking pastry from Matsuda's desk, the newspaper from Erika's station, and headed to his cubicle. He had mail sitting in his inbox, projects piling up that his boss wanted him to work on. It was as if nothing had changed, like it was all a bad dream his mind had made up over the weekend. Stuffing the Japanese donut _thing_ in his mouth, Matt pushed off the side of his cube, his chair sliding to the opening. He peered down the hallway, eyebrow rising as he swallowed.

They really weren't going to do anything? A breath he had been holding released before he knew it, his heart settling down. Looked like those sons of bitches we're going to let the mafia handle all their dirty work after all. In a way, it was a little bit underwhelming. Finishing off his coffee, he shook the cup and tossed it into the waste bin.

"Better get to work then." Matt found himself saying to no one as he pulled over to his computer. Plugging in his headset to his iPhone, he pumped up his techno jams and got to work.

Little did the company know that Matt had all of his previous work backed up on his hard drive. All of the cases he had worked on, the people he had blackmailed, all the things the company wanted him dead for? Hidden right under their noses. By acting normal and letting Matt roam his own domain, they had given him full access to everything he needed to take them down. Of course, that was if he survived. Cracking his knuckles, Matt began uploading everything to his favorite Domo-kun flash drive, deleting the unnecessary things. Once in awhile he'd spin in his chair and pretend he was playing the drums; he had to keep the illusion everything was normal, right? He balled up paper and tossed it into the waste bin like a basketball, knocking it off the side of his cube a few times. Leaning back, he placed his feet up on the side of his desk and bounced his head back and forth as he sorted the files, Deadmau5 whomping in the background.

"Suppose I should do some actual work to cover for this..." he muttered to himself as he popped his inbox open and started replying to them one by one.

It took exactly two hours to finish all his work and sort through the database. It took two hours to have everything he'd ever need to bring down the company. Two hours of getting paid to do exactly what he was on the hit list for. A grin spread across his lips as he stretched back in his chair, fingers dancing through his hair, mussing it up. Matt reached over toward the tower as he yawned, his fingers flicking the flash drive out and slipping it into his pocket. It would be damn impossible to tell the real meaning behind Matt's actions if one of the security guards were to watch the reel. Feeling proud of himself, he decided on a victory lap as he stood up and stretched.

It was strange, he thought he'd be a lot more afraid to come to work today. He had to give himself an internal pep talk just to get up and get dressed that morning. But as he walked through the hallways of his estranged workspace, he felt nothing but calm. Perhaps even cocky? His confidence radiated off of him as he pushed himself on top of Matsuda's desk, crossing one leg over the other.

"Sup, Matsuda?" He smiled, fingers plucking some random anime figure off of the other's desk. He had to give Matsuda credit though: he didn't even bat an eyelash at Matt's ridiculous behavior.

"Matt, I see you decided to come in to work. Good on you, now if you don't mind could you scoot? Since you didn't answer your phone for our planning meeting on Saturday, my workload is a bit, how do you say… uh, boisterous?" His lip curved downward into an over exaggerated frown. For a moment, just a moment, Matt felt guilty for leaving Matsuda to cover for him. If it wasn't for the situation at hand he'd promise to make it up to him, but he couldn't lie. He wasn't even sure he'd be around next week. The thought hurt. It hurt because his friend had no clue what was going on. Would he be upset when he saw the news?

Matt's fingers curled over the flash drive in his palm, knuckles whitening. No, there wouldn't be any news story about the poor ginger kid who wound up dead after sleeping with his best friend.

"Um, sorry buddy, I was really busy with personal stuff." His eyes softened as he forced himself to offer Matsuda a smile, "I'll give you my Battlestar Galactica box set if you forgive me?"

Matsuda spun around in his chair, brown eyes staring imploringly at the ginger. "You love that box set, Matt…" The frown etched on his features deepened, "Are you in some kind of trouble?" With a huff he pushed himself away from his computer and toward Matt. "If you're in trouble Matt, you can tell me. We're friends, I can help you. Is it money? I can spot you if you need it."

The sincerity in his tone struck the gamer right in his chest; his nails dug painfully into his jeans as he faked a dazzling smile and waved the other off. "Pfft, I'm fine. I've just had a personal problem, that's all. Family jazz, I promise mate." The lie felt heavy on his tongue, but Matsuda instantly calmed down, nodding.

"I get it."

Reaching over, Matt pulled open Matsuda's desk and rummaged through it, laughing in a cheeky manner. "I came over to see if you had any candy, I'm dying over there and I need sugar like Lindsay Lohan needs rehab."

Matsuda rolled his eyes, turning his back to reach in another part of his desk, "You and your off the wall references need to get off my desk and go back to work."

Matt offered a laugh as Matsuda shuffled through his stuff, "Shut it, you love my jokes." His hand shifted against the top part of the drawer, the flash drive sticking there instantly. The tape he had placed on it would be a good enough adhesive, and Matsuda's desk was the perfect hiding place if anything were to happen to him. They'd never in a million years suspect Matsuda, and if they DID find the flash drive for some reason, they'd dismiss it as something of his. What with his cubicle looking like it had fallen straight out of an otaku's wet dream. Pulling his hand out, he pushed the drawer closed with a false pout, crossing his arms.

"Feed meeee!" He wailed quietly, offering up large puppy eyes.

Matsuda produced a candy bar pretty much out of thin air, turning around and handing it to his friend. "You know, you really owe me."

Matt waggled his eyebrows as he snatched the sweet delight and jumped off his desk, as he began to saunter off back to his desk he turned his head, taking a bite.

"You have no idea, buddy." With a wave, he was back on track to his normal Monday routine, all the evidence was destroyed, and the most unexpected person in the world guarded the flash drive that would destroy the very company he worked for. Matt was pretty proud of himself, he was going to reward himself by playing Halo 3 for the rest of his work day.

**xxx**

A low tapping sounded from the steering wheel as Matt drummed along to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, his eyes concentrated on the the GPS currently dishing out directions from his dashboard. _Californication_ played over his speakers as he drove down South I-5, a clear direction in his sights. Green eyes focusing in an out on the road ahead of him, his fingers dipping low into his jeans to pull out a lone cigarette. As he lit the stick, he found himself frowning at his phone. Though he was using the GPS to show him the correct way to go, he still felt a pull in his gut that suggested it was the wrong direction. As the mix switched to _Dani California,_ Matt tapped ash off of his cigarette in the tray. He had been driving for a good two hours, Google Maps said he was almost there, and that little knowledge just made his stomach curl again.

Was this really the best way to go? Running was something he was very good at, but what were the odds he could dodge the entire shit storm coming after him all at once? Sure, he'd seen himself out of some messes in the past, but this had to be the biggest pile of horse shit he'd ever found himself in. His eyes glanced from the road to the lone backpack he had packed earlier in that morning, holding all of the essential items he would need. Turning his attention back to the road, he thought absently about the note sitting heavily in his pocket. Mello had so much trust in him, and yet, his eyes watched as the highway signs flew past him as he drove down the road, he was breaking that trust. Work had twisted his views slightly, he had almost thrown away his entire plan. The entire situation was just a man on a tightrope, swaying back and forth as he attempted to plot the safest course of action.

Another drag from his cigarette had him blowing a steady stream of smoke out of his open window. The road was long, but that never bothered him much. Matt loved the open road, he loved good music, a good smoke, and nothing else but a stretch of highway ahead of him. Some of his best thinking came from the open road. California was good for that, a lot of open space, a lot of time to think.

By the time the music switched to _Under the Bridge_ , Matt was singing along with the lyrics, drowning out all of his thoughts. His GPS announced he was at his destination as he pulled to the side of the road and turned his car off.

"I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day, take me to the place I love. Take me all the way." He breathed as he leaned against his steering wheel, smoke filling the car as he puffed out another wave of toxic. Leaning back in his chair he pushed his feet up onto the dashboard, work shoes shining against the sun. Shifting his cigarette to the other side of his mouth he leaned to the right and snatched his black 3DS from under his suit jacket on the other seat and got comfortable. Popping it open, he turned the Nintendo handheld on and began to play Animal Crossing.

"Alright." Matt said to the open air, no one for miles, in front of him lay the border to Mexico, not too far from there was TJ.

"Alright, Jeevas. You've got options, you sad sack. Which one do you want to take?" His fingers moved back and forth across the screen as he pulled weeds, talked to cute little animals and watered some plants. As his cigarette disappeared, he replaced it with a fresh one and turned his stereo up. R.E.M blared from the speakers as he made coffee for his town folks and quietly smoked, the sun bearing down on his car. He could feel the beams sizzling his pale skin, but he couldn't find the strength to turn away from the cruel sun. His green eyes drifted from the cute little pixels long enough to frown at his stereo as _Everybody Hurts_ flipped on. He instantly changed it to _Losing My Religion_.

"I'm not that bad off, mate."

The irony in the lyrics wasn't lost on Matt, his fingers slowing down, his little pixel character standing still on the 3D screen. That was how life was, wasn't it? You play the game, move the character, make your choices, or they stand there.

No direction.

_My options are limited, my hands seem pretty tied. So I can either die in a blaze of glory trusting someone I actually love, Jesus H Christ help me, or die alone on the run breaking said person's trust and possibly heart, whilst making a bedfellow out of my favorite Christmas sock._

Pausing _,_ Matt took another drag of his cigarette _. Yeah, limited._

Matt finished his cigarette slowly, holding the stick between his fingers, absently staring at the small amount of flame left in the paper. With a sigh Matt closed the DS and placed it on the passenger seat, popping his car door open, his hair blowing in the harsh wind of the day as he stepped out. Racking a palm over his face he moved to slam the door before taking a few steps toward the road he was parked to the side of.

"This whole thing isn't fair." He muttered to himself, making a rather annoyed face as his lip curled to the side. "BLOODY HELL IT AIN'T FAIR!" He screamed to no one and everyone at the same time, reaching down toward the red dirt, fingers finding a nice sized rock and throwing it as far across the stretch of desert as he could. He huffed for a moment and bent down, grabbing a few more rocks, and threw them too. He imagined them as all of his issues, one by one, throwing them away, further and further from him.

"MY LIFE WASN'T SO MESSED UP WHEN I WAS BLENDING IN! WHY DID I DO IT? WHY DID I DEVIATE FROM THE PLAN! I.. I should have been _happy_ , life is about the mundane. Why wasn't I happy with it? Why.. why couldn't I just," He howled, grabbing his hair and tugging slightly, "FUCK! Why is he so..? Why is he so PERFECT! Everything I've ever wanted, everything I.. God, ever needed..." He screamed as he tossed more rocks, finding himself actually laughing. "I'm so stupid." He felt a few tears stream down his cheeks as he laughed, dirty hands balling into fists as he rubbed at his face. "I'm such a moron."

Matt backed up, bumping slightly into his car, he leaned back against it, eyes staring upward into the open sky. After a while the laughter died down, it left behind an eerie quiet as he pushed himself back into his car. He sat for awhile, alone with his thoughts as he simply leaned his chin against the steering wheel.

"How the hell did it end up like this, Jeevas? Shit, you went to private school. You're a glorified genius." As Matt looked down at his crotch his lips twisted downward, "I blame you." His lips curved as the laughter threatened to bubble up. "Now now, don't go blaming your cock, you know who the culprit is." His fist hit his chest softly before a small chuckle left his throat, "Mexico? Man. Really?"

When Matt thought of escaping, running from anything and everything, his mind had supplied what years of TV and movies had implanted in his psyche: Mexico.

However as he sat in his busted up baby, he quickly came to the realization that movies and television knew nothing of reality. It was all a painted facade. Mexico was just another scapegoat fantasy. Hollywood knew nothing of the real dangers of running. How to disappear completely, how to wipe your slate bare, and as Matt sat there, cigarette perched on his lips, he realized, neither did he.

Staying off the map? Getting off the grid? Yes, he could do it.

Disappearing? Dying, in a matter of speaking? This was not his forte, and Mexico was nothing but a sandy death trap.

"Okay. You know which option we have to take, kiddo. No more running, not alone. It just ain't that type of rope and pony show anymore." He heard himself sigh as he readjusted his seat, reaching for his phone he punched in the current location and the GPS address Mello had left him that morning. He had somewhere to be, and he needed the fastest way to get there.

He'd go see what Mello had to say.

**xxx**

It'd been easier to find Mello than he'd thought.

The crowds that had been littering the beach all day were moving up to the boardwalk, voices loud and jovial with talk of sun burnt skin and dinner plans. And through the thinning throng, Matt caught a glimpse of blond hair, shining almost orange in the setting sun. Mello sat on the sand, knees pulled up to his chest watching the sky turn from yellow to orange to red. Matt couldn't tell if he looked out of place or if he'd been made for the sand.

Mello looked up when Matt hovered awkwardly at his side, work shoes clutched in his hand. A smile spread across his face, "I was almost afraid you wouldn't make it."

"Almost didn't," He cocked a half smile and sat down next to him, "I had this hot date in Mexico this morning, had to take side roads to get back." He offered a small laugh before plopping his shoes down, "So, the beach huh?"

Mello's toes dug into the sand, a thin eyebrow rising under his bangs. "I feel the need to revisit that Mexico comment. How hot, exactly, was your date?"

"Oh man, she's this little blond gem. She runs my town when I'm not around, I had to see her about building me a lighthouse." Matt's eyes rolled as he flicked some sand in Mello's direction, "You know me with blond firecrackers."

"I'm going to assume you're talking about Animal Crossing again. It's hard to keep up with all your weird little townspeople," he chuckled under his breath, sitting up and crossing his legs, a knee brushing Matt's.

"Yeah well, you should have started playing when I picked my copy up all those months ago. I'm still upset you haven't." He paused, his fingers lightly lying atop Mello's knee, his eyes looking out toward the rushing waves. "I get you didn't have much time, it's okay. I forgive you."

"How was work?" Mello smiled, eyes lingering on the hand at his knee. "I figured it might be a little stressful. Thus the sunset."

"The usual. You said play it cool and I played Jack Frost." Matt's nails drug along the fabric of Mello's knee, making a small pattern. "Mm, I do love when the sun decides to get the hell off my skin and set."

"You're such a good vampire." The blond watched Matt for a moment before knocking their shoulders gently. "It's nice though. I haven't been here in a while. Haven't needed to."

"How should I take that? Good or bad?"

"Both I guess," he turned back to the sunset. "This was where I spent a lot of time when I came to the US. Saw my first California sunset here, actually. It's stupid and nostalgic, but whenever I need to clear my head, I come here." Blue eyes met green in the dimming light, "I actually used to crash at one of the houses further up the beach until I got kicked out. Skinny little Russian runaways aren't exactly welcome squatting in multimillion dollar houses."

"Aww...that's both upsetting and adorable, I feel all conflicted." The redhead wrapped his arm around Mello's shoulder, fingers digging slightly into his shoulder, tipping him toward the other. "I wish I could have met this vulnerable little blondie." Eyebrows wagged as he gave Mello his best lecherous smile. "All blond and cute. Grrrr."

"What, am I not cute enough for you now?" Mello shoved Matt away, a smile on his lips, "Is that what you're trying to say?" He reached forward a tucked a strand of hair behind Matt's ear, "But...are you okay? Besides not finding me nearly cute enough as I was in my prepubescent years, which I would like to point out is a little fucked up."

"Aren't we all a little fucked up?" Matt joked, catching his hand and placing a small kiss to two of his fingers. "I had some black guy thinking time. I know what my options are, I know what I want. It's.. pretty clear now." Matt's lips curved softly as he laced his fingers with Mello's, "That hot date in Mexico gave me some clarity. I can't say I won't blow up and get angry, I won't say I'm okay one hundred percent, but I will say, we're actually okay." He paused, "And I mean it this time. This conversation? We won't be having it again."

"I can respect that, and I'm glad." The blond shifted closer, lips ghosting over Matt's neck, "But you're seriously making me jealous with all this talk of your little Mexican adventure. Did it take a few TJ hookers to set you back down my path?" He chuckled against his skin, "Or was it just a lot of Animal Crossing?"

"Sad to report back that it was all those Animal Crossing hookers, you know how those animals go crazy for bells." He paused, a shiver running under his shirt from the pressure against his skin, "It's good to be mayor." He let out a small laugh under his breath before turning his face to steal a small kiss from Mello's lips.

"Oh, Mister Jeevas, you're sure to make me blush," a hand slid over Matt's knee, Mello's lips trailing over his jaw. "I missed this. You. All this shit is my fault and..." his forehead dropped to Matt's shoulder, "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here."

"I did too." Matt answered, leaning his chin back more to allow Mello access to his neck. "Let's not talk about the shit storm right now, okay?" Green eyes opened slowly to meet blue, his fingers dancing across Mello's cheek, a soft drag of nails. "Let's just enjoy this. It's...been a while."

Mello quirked an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth tugging upward. "In all actuality, it's been a grand total of like...four days." The smile grew as Mello's hand moved up the redhead's thigh, "You reached your limit?"

"About three days ago." Matt nodded honestly, "I'm a starving man, Mel."

"Do we need to head home?"

"Not really sure we'll make it."

"Then we better hurry," Mello stood up with a grin, picking up his shoes and holding out a hand for Matt. "Where did you park?"

The redhead took the hand offered to him, scrambling to his feet, "The lot across the street." He wrapped an arm around Mello's waist, leading them across the sand.

Once they reached the sidewalk, Mello disentangled himself from Matt, earning himself a pout. "Let me put on my damn boots. I am not getting tetanus from running across the street barefoot."

"What about hepatitis? That's a fun one," Matt quickly slipped his shoes on.

"Yeah. How about no?" Mello straightened, tucking his hands in his pockets and watching Matt with a little smile. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?"

"You're staring."

"Maybe I like what I see," Matt took a step forward, resting his forehead against Mello's. "Maybe I missed you."

"I've been here." Mello's breath was warm against his face, his fingers brushing over his hips.

"Yeah, but I haven't," Matt whispered, moving forward for a kiss. They took it slow, lips chaste and lingering, memorizing every delicate touch. Matt's hand tangled in Mello's hair, feeling the other shift, tongue sliding against his.

When they broke apart, Mello was laughing between deep breaths, "Sunsets get you hot?"

"You get me hot," his hands slipped into Mello's back pockets.

"You're so gay," the blond chuckled, pushing Matt away softly and walking toward the parking lot.

Matt stared for a moment before trotting up next to Mello, grabbing his hand as they ran across the street. "You're prettier when you're quiet."

"And you're prettiest when you suck my dick, so where does that leave us, Matty?" Mello quirked an eyebrow, a smirk spreading over his lips.

"When the hell did you get so cocky, Mel?" Matt walked him up against his car, voice hushed against Mello's ear. "I'm a bit abashed to say that I rather like it."

"Let's go home then. I'll meet you there," Mello placed a soft kiss against Matt's lips, letting out a quiet moan when the gamer pressed him against the car, lips still locked. Hands were at his hips, touching, gripping, kneading. When Mello felt cold fingers against his lower back, pawing at his skin, he heard the feral sound catch in his throat and did nothing to stop it or Matt's wandering hands. Even as they reached for the door handle. Even as they switched positions and the redhead lowered himself into the driver's seat, hands dropping to the button of Mello's jeans and popping it open, tugging at the zipper.

"Matt…let's go home."

"Nah, I'm good," green eyes met blue as Matt slid Mello's boxers further down his hips, a hand wrapping around his growing erection.

"I'm serious, t-there are kids around," Mello could hear his voice losing any conviction it may have had, words growing breathy with each little jerk of Matt's wrist. "Skinny little Russian kids with skewed moral compasses."

"Then be quiet or you'll give them ideas." Matt offered a coy grin before he lowered his head, taking Mello's cock in his mouth.

Mello's knuckles were white against the top of the door, his mouth falling open with a long sigh. "Not fair. Not fucking fair."

Matt hummed around him, shooting a quick look at the blond when he felt a hand weaving into his hair. He let Mello slip from his mouth, a hand working him as he licked from base to tip.

Mello fell apart slowly. Between the heat of his mouth and the careful strokes of his hands, Matt knew exactly how to get to him. Each touch was carefully placed, a permanent fixture in Matt's mind, a map of exactly how to unravel Mello. He had it down to a science, and had perfected it as an art. The moment he felt the hand pressing against his head, begging, _pleading_ , Matt pulled back, licking at the corner of his mouth. He tucked Mello carefully back into his boxers, fingers lingering against the now slick skin.

The blond leaned heavily against the door, face flushed. Something between a laugh and a sigh passed his lips. "Fuck you."

"Then get in the back," Matt quipped, reclining in his seat.

He stared for a moment, eyes narrowed at the redhead. Mello moved forward, ducking his head and climbing on top of Matt, his left knee against the center console and his right pressed between the gamer's thighs. He sat back on his heel, back against the steering wheel, and raised his hands to the loose tie around Matt's neck. "You always look so good in a suit," Mello tugged Matt forward, steady fingers untying the material and dropping to the buttons of his shirt, "such a good spy."

"I'd say you were more trouble than you're worth, but I'd probably be lying," the gamer mused, lips latching onto the blond's neck and sucking hard. He felt himself shiver each time Mello's cold fingers brushed over his chest, slowly untucking his dress shirt from his slacks. The knee pressed forward and the friction gave way to a muffled groan against Mello's collarbone. Reaching out, he managed to grip the door handle, pulling it shut.

Mello heard himself hiss when Matt bit his neck, relishing the sting when Matt's tongue worked over the darkening skin. His actions became clumsier with each hitched breath, the haze in his mind growing as the temperature in the car rose. Matt's hands were firm and deliberate against his hips, fingers pushing down his jeans as far as they would go, and Mello nearly laughed at the low growl echoing in Matt's throat. "I thought you said to get in the back."

"Here….s'fine," Matt slurred, a flush on his cheeks.

Leaning forward, Mello caught the redhead's lips in a kiss, fingers reaching between them to unbutton Matt's pants. He pulled down the zipper, licking against Matt's tongue as his hand rubbed the gamer through his boxers. He felt hands smooth down his lower back, sliding beneath the elastic band.

"God, you have an amazing ass," Matt whispered against Mello's lips, breath heavy. He let out a whine as the blond pulled away with a little laugh. "Where're you going?"

"Far, far away. Come get me." Mello purposely ground his knee against Matt's crotch as he climbed into the backseat, shifting to sit against the cool leather and pulling his shirt over his head. Matt was openly watching him, licking at his swollen lips, spots of his glasses starting to fog up. He smiled at the gamer, leaning forward to unlace his shoes. By the time he'd kicked off his boots, Matt was kneeling in the driver's seat and shrugging his shirt from his shoulders. He tossed the crumpled fabric into the passenger's side, eyes still resting heavily on Mello. The blond smirked, hands falling to the waist of his jeans and skirting over the top of the material. He sat back against the seat, his back already sticking to the leather, and slid the jeans down his thighs, past his knees, Matt's eyes burning him with their intensity. "You just going to sit there and jack off?"

"Don't tempt me."

"I thought _I_ might be more tempting than that," Mello met Matt's eyes evenly, hooking his thumbs under the elastic band riding low on his hips. "But you like 'em young, right, Matty?"

Green eyes drifted down the blond's chest, intently watching Mello inch his boxers down. He was rising from his perch, slowly climbing between the seats, a hand reaching out to run over Mello's thigh. "Please take them off."

"Or what?" his fingers trailed down Matt's chest to the waist of his underwear, pulling the band away from his skin and letting it go with a _snap_. "You gonna make me?"

"Jesus, Mello..." Matt's breath caught in his throat when the blond tugged his boxers down, a hand gripping him, stroking carefully.

"Is that a yes?" Mello pressed a hand to the material covering himself, fingers gliding over it in time with each touch that made Matt's knees shake. "Are you going to punish me for my insolence?"

Matt felt the words slip into mind, coaxing to life any carnality that lay dormant. He felt himself grow hotter, palms sweaty against the leather seat, glasses fogging up with each breath he took. And all the while, Mello just watched. He watched the redhead crumble, ice blue eyes looking sadistic as he stroked Matt, lips curving into a smirk.

Matt's hips bucked forward. And he slipped, falling gracelessly into the backseat with a low groan. Everything hurt, and for the first time since he purchased his baby, he regretted getting the Camaro. He could fix her up, make her mint, but he could never make the godforsaken backseat bigger.

To make matters worse, he was still painfully hard.

He shifted against the leather, peeling his face away from the material and feeling Mello shaking under him. When he attempted to pull away, the haze of arousal pierced with the thought of _shit I broke my boyfriend_ , a hand wrapped around his wrist, keeping him in place. Mello's breathy laugh was in his ear, lips ghosting over his neck. "I can't take you anywhere, Matt."

"At least I know how to make an entrance, right?" Matt sat up straighter, leaning into the touch when Mello adjusted his glasses, fingers trailing down the redhead's neck.

"Something like that," he hummed, pressing his lips to Matt's. Fingers carded through Mello's hair, moving over his skin and raising goose bumps everywhere they touched. He laid back against the seat, pulling Matt on top of him and grinding up when their hips met clumsily. Mello arched his back when he felt Matt's teeth against his shoulder, slick skin sticking to the leather under him. Matt was moving again, lips and teeth and hands wandering, dancing over flushed skin. Thumbs slipped under the elastic riding low on his hips, peeling the fabric away and down his thighs. Mello's breath hitched at the friction building between them, watching Matt's glasses fog in the growing darkness of the car. He reached forward and removed the frames perched atop Matt's nose. Folding them carefully, he tucked them under the passenger seat, moaning when Matt's tongue flicked over a nipple.

Matt pressed a kiss just below the blond's ear, voice low, "Turn over." He sat back enough to see Mello's eyes darken a shade, pupils dilated. Matt watched him rise, tongue dragging slowly over his bottom lip, kicking off his boxers. An arm wrapped around Matt's neck, pulling him into a hard kiss as Mello clasped him through his boxers. He could feel his self control waning. With each caress he felt closer to the edge, the need building in him, blinding him from everything except the man in front of him. Mello pulled back, smile still firmly in place and turned on his knees, molding his back against the gamer. Matt nearly lost it when Mello's ass pressed back against his hips.

Nearly.

Matt's lips ghosted over the back of Mello's neck, loving the way Mello shuddered as he pressed a finger inside of him. He watched hot puffs of breath fog the window, Mello's forehead resting against the glass, arms propped against the door to gain some sort of leverage in the tiny backseat. Mello's groan vibrated against the redhead's chest when he added another finger.

"Matt…"

"Hmm?" he bit softly at Mello's shoulder.

"H-hurry up. Someone's going to come and-"

Matt chuckled against Mello's spine. "I certainly hope someone's gonna come."

"Not funny," a shiver erupted over Mello's skin when Matt licked between his shoulder blades. He shifted back, a quiet sound caught in his throat when Matt removed his slick fingers and pulled away. There was fumbling, material sliding down skin, and the distinct sound of a wrapper being torn open. "Leave it to you to have everything in the car."

"Always be prepared," the concentration was evident in Matt's voice.

"Do you require assista-" the words died on Mello's tongue as he felt Matt pressing against him, "…ah."

Matt's breath stilled, a hand resting against Mello's hip, finger tips kneading against the flesh. He watched muscles shift under the blond's skin as he pushed forward, slowly slipping inside the other. A shaky groan seeped between his lips, shallow thrusts sinking him deeper.

Mello's head dropped to the window sill, breath catching in his throat when the other experimentally swiveled his hips. A hand walked down his spine, nails scratching softly at the base before smoothing up his side. He felt lips hovering over his skin, little puffs of air hitting him between his shoulder blades.

"You're always so tight," Matt whispered.

"I feel like that shouldn't be a bad thing." His laugh grew breathy when Matt pulled almost all the way out before he plunged forward, the tops of Matt's thighs flush against the backs of his. Mello groaned against his forearm, reaching out with his left arm to find purchase against the seat as Matt drove in harder and deeper. The hand on his hip tightened, thin fingers sure to bruise the pale skin. " _Shit_ ," he ignored the way his voice cracked when Matt dragged his nails down his chest. Mello also ignored the desperate whine he let out when Matt palmed the head of his cock.

Matt was reduced to ragged pants when Mello rocked into each thrust, hearing something that should have been Mello's name sound entirely guttural. Like Klingon. His brain immediately shut down when he felt Mello tense around him, hearing his name moaned amidst a mantra of _there, there, right fucking there, if you stop I'll-_

"Fucking _hell,"_ Mello hissed, mouth falling open as Matt pumped him faster. There were lips resting against the nape of his neck, a hot tongue darting out against the skin, and the blond knew he was done for. "I'm not going to last…"

Mello's back was slick against Matt's forehead, eyes shut tight. "Me neither," he placed a kiss to the other's spine, feeling him quake under him, and completely overwhelmed with the sensation of _this is exactly where I need to be_. When Mello tightened around him, thrusting a few times into Matt's hand before collapsing against the door with a muffled moan, Matt felt himself burning from the inside out. His pace increased, trembling hands against Mello's hips pulling the blond back harder, faster. Matt came with a low grunt, losing himself entirely in the tight heat around him, lips pressing almost desperately to the nape of Mello's neck. "Holy Jesus..."

"Your poor car..."

"She'll live."

Mello's laugh was strained under him, punctuated with harsh breaths. He shifted to his side slightly, reaching up a hand to push Matt's bangs away from his sweaty forehead. "Love you."

Despite his current predicament, pants pooled around his knees and mostly naked in the backseat of his car, Matt felt himself blush at the words, lowering his head to kiss the corner of Mello's mouth. "Love you too."

**xxx**

Mello tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, stalking out of the restaurant. This was ridiculous. The audacity of these people completely astounded him. He'd been dealing with them off and on for several years, but this clearly took the cake. He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket, snapping off a piece as he rounded a corner, skirting along the edge of the alley. He saw Matt's car parked in the corner of the back lot, engine rumbling duly. Striding up to the car, Mello pulled the passenger door open, plopping down into the seat with a heavy sigh. "I hate everyone you work for."

"Ironically, so do I. Wouldn't think so would you? Besides the whole, oh yeah, they want me dead shtick." The redhead had been slumped down in his seat, a baseball cap covering his ginger hair, sunglasses covering his face, the collar popped on his jacket to cover part of his face. "What did they say?" He asked, shifting to turn toward the blond.

"I'm sorry, I think I got in the wrong car," Mello quirked an eyebrow. "I don't remember driving here with the Unabomber."

Green eyes narrowed behind the sunglasses, pulling his hood up from the hoodie under his jacket, he smirked. "But little girl, I have wine coolers and taffy."

Mello smacked Matt hard on the shoulder, "Fucking little prick!"

"Not true!" Matt quipped, rubbing his shoulder with a laugh. "Little is not the word I'd use."

"You are...Christ, you're just awful," Mello shoved the gamer's shoulder before he settled back in his seat. "Well, they definitely want you dead."

"No, really? I thought they just wanted to pop over for a cuppa and watch Doctor Who with me." Matt rolled his eyes, his smile wavering.

"Just drive. I want to get out of here," he leaned against the window, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, sir." Matt replied, pulling the car out of park. "So where exactly am I going?"

"Newport Beach."

"Why are we going there?" Matt's lips twitched downward, that wasn't a place he'd want to be seen in right now. Too many Yotsuba corporate big shots on some sort of management retreat.

"I need to arrange something. I've got a week to make you look like you killed yourself without actually killing you."

"Sounds like a plot to a James Bond movie." The redhead pulled the shades off, putting his glasses back over his eyes. "Die another day? No, tick that, I rather not." He tried to laugh, but he couldn't find the humor anymore.

"That's incredibly morbid, Matt," Mello took another bite of his chocolate, casting a glance at the redhead. "I'll make this work."

"I sure hope so, I'd like to reach thirty so I can bitch about being thirty." Fingers found his pocket where he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up. After he took the time to be considerate and roll down the window, he reached over turning the radio on.

Two cigarettes and four songs later Matt finally spoke again. "How many people, Mel?"

The foil in Mello's fist crunched, his eyes slipping shut as he sat back in his seat. "There are quite a few different things that could mean. Given the current situation, I'm going to assume you're talking about how many..." he bit his bottom lip absently, eyes opening to watch Matt's profile as he drove. "Matt, don't think about that, okay? You don't need to be involved in that, and I'd rather if you didn't think about the number of people I've...let go."

"Let go? This isn't a seasonal job at Barnes and Noble, Mello, these are people's lives." His eyes narrowed at the white line on the road, his cigarette growing smaller at the faster puffs he was taking.

"I want to know. We're in this together now, I need to know. I've been thinking about it, and I feel like it would be better if I heard it from you versus hearsay or something."

"You really don't need to."

"I insist."

Mello stared openly at the gamer for a moment, before turning back to the road. "Are you sure?"

"About as sure as I'll ever be."

"Well I'm not. I lost count two years ago."

Suddenly the car swerved, Matt's hands leaving the wheel and raising dramatically. "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL! Did you just say you lost count?!"

Flinging himself across the seat, Mello grabbed the steering wheel and righted the car. "SHIT, Matt! You're not Carrie Underwood, put your hands back on the wheel!"

"What, are you Jesus too?!" Matt paused, his eyes wide and comical. "That makes sense! You giveth life, and then you taketh it away!"

"That's GOD, you dipshit!"

"Oh, well, excuse me, it's not like I'm Catholic or went to Catholic school or anything…OH WAIT. HOW MANY HAIL MARYS IS THAT MELLO?! To forget how many people you've killed, Jesus, I have no idea how many penance that'd be!"

"It's A LOT, you idiot! I _told_ you you didn't need to know, and you just _had_ to know, didn't you?!" Mello kept a hand on the wheel until Matt took it back in his own, fingers flexing against the leather. "I try not to think about it. Do you think I ENJOY what I do?!"

"Why do you do it then?" Matt growled, trying his best to wrap his mind around the facts presented. His boyfriend, blond, lean, chocolate obsessed, bartending boyfriend, had killed so many people he _lost count_. "Why don't you just stop?"

Matt didn't even pause to allow an answer, he just kept going. "Why would you start in the first place? Did you wake up one day and go 'gee golly I sure feel like killing someone today!' I mean, why would you even start? How are you even good at it! Look at _you_! No, wait, don't look at you, that just makes me think you seduce people to death again. How.. how many people have you _slept_ with before you killed?"

"Just one!" Mello yelled back, the color rising in his face, the words leaving his lips before he realized what he said.

The car jerked to the right hard, causing all contents of the vehicle to shift to one side. The car screeched as the brakes were hit hard, a dust cloud surrounding the car as it sat on the side of the road.

Mello's chest tightened uncomfortably, the air not reaching his lungs even as he nearly gasped for breath. How did he say that, how _could_ he have said that?!

The car door jerked open violently and slammed just as fast, the redhead gone from the car in a blink. He stalked off to the side of the road before hunching down on to this haunches.

Hands fisted in his hair, words clearly being yelled but not fully audible from inside the car.

His hand shook slightly as he gripped the handle, throwing the door open and standing to watch Matt riffle through a sea of internal battles. Shutting the door, Mello stalked toward the redhead, making sure to keep his distance. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Was it him?" Matt asked, his face hidden, "The bloke I beat up? The one you shot? Oh, tell me it wasn't him."

Mello remained silent, eyes bright against the darkness, his hands shoved firmly in his pockets.

The redhead propelled himself upward, two steps before he was right in Mello's face. Anger lacing off of him, swirling around him like a terrible aura. "You tell me it wasn't him. You tell me right now."

The blond bit the inside of his bottom lip, eyes unblinking.

Both Matt's hands gripped Mello's shoulders, shaking him. "GOD MELLO! Really?" He stepped away, head tilted up to the sky as he pressed the heels of his palms to his temples. "So when he…with you and…the wall, he…" His hands were back on Mello. "REALLY?"

"Yes," he spoke quietly, the wind whipping his hair wildly. "And I don't regret it."

Matt shook his head, letting go of the blond and taking a few steps back. His lips twitched upward in a brief smile, one holding no joy.

"Ah…I d-didn't ask that. I didn't need to know that. I said we would be okay, I said we were fine, we are! But this? You keep throwing surprises at me." He glared at his shoes. This was stupid. He knew Mello had dated other people before, he knew he wasn't a virgin or anything. But this? This took the cake. Not only had he been with a man before but he had loved him, and didn't regret it. Even though he had to kill him, he still didn't regret it.

Matt sunk back down, holding one hand over his forehead. He knew Mello was too experienced for his own good, but he hadn't really thought about why. If he could do this to that Angelo guy, who's to say he wasn't next?

He wasn't anything special.

"I will never regret putting a bullet through his head because that bastard deserved it. Because when I met him I was young and stupid and didn't know any better," Mello's voice was cold and even, haunted eyes looking at Matt but focusing on nothing. "And he took advantage of that. Of me. He taught me everything I know, slid a gun into my hand for the first time in my life and told me to pull the trigger. And you know what? I fucking did, and in that moment I was the God I'd been fearing my entire life. Because of him. Because he knew that I'd do anything he asked me to, because he thought I was a weak little boy in love." A bark of laughter broke the momentary silence as Mello tilted his head up to the sky, filling with lazy grey clouds. "How could I love someone like him. Someone who molded me into a killer only to threaten my life and take her-" he stopped, a deep exhale wracking his body. "When...when he killed her, he made me watch, you know. To teach me a lesson, to punish me for feeling something other than selfish pride every time I took someone's life. I tried to kill him. I shot him twice, popped a vein in his head. He was a useless shot after that. Blind in his right eye. But he was always good with numbers, so he stepped down, rearranged his life and…then they wanted me to take his place. And so I did."

The laughter was back, completely devoid of humor. "That's it. That's what I am, and that's why I fucking killed him. Not for what he did to me, but for what he did to her. People like that don't deserve to live."

Matt stood, his eyes focused, trained on the blond. It wasn't at all what he had thought, it was never what he originally thought with Mello. It was never that simple. One of these days he'd figure that out before he blew up.

"Who was she?" He asked in a softer tone, scared not for himself, but how Mello looked at that moment.

Blue eyes refocused on the world and the man in front of him. "My sister."

It didn't take long for Mello to be wrapped up in Matt's arms, his face pressed firmly in the crook of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Mel. I really truly am. I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sorry I didn't hit him harder. I'm sorry I.." Matt's voice hitched, "I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

"Don't apologize to me," Mello uttered, eyes slipping shut. "You have every reason not to trust me, and you still do, so please don't apologize."

"I owe you a million apologies, you've never done anything to make me doubt you." His fingers found blond locks, brushing through them gently.

"You're too forgiving, you know," the lips against Matt's neck formed a small smile, a hand working its way around Matt's torso.

"Only for you. I've destroyed people's lives for less." He paused, clearing his throat. "Um, I meant that by.. you know, not killing them. Blackmail and .. extortion. I'm not really a very nice guy, Mello.. I had no room to even judge you."

"You've killed one guy, and I've gone after 67."

"I want to say I wish you hadn't told me, but I did ask." He winced, closing his eyes.

A soft chuckle passed over the redhead's neck, vibrating up his throat, "Yeah, well. I told you you wouldn't like it."

**xxx**


End file.
